Micro #14 13 февраля 1999

Юмор

Humor from Fido - Funny compilation of texts.

             Humor from Fido



 Goldfish (with all fingers, a;))


     Once upon a time the old man and an old woman in an old
cabin in holiday village ... Lived in poverty do not have a 
pension, the taxes on land increase. Once the old woman 
grumbled: "Would lead you own a scooter, but drove to

you, grandpa, fishing! And then just
Potato yes "Snickers" - no me
old woman who delights!. "There is nothing for the old
grandfather - sat on the "Vyatka", took the bag
yes fish to the pond is fed to a nearby ...
The first time my grandfather threw into the water kiddle
about twenty - not less ... Then came
kiddle empty tin cans only
ten ... Second time, threw his grandfather with a flourish
in a pond of 400 grams of TNT ... Surfaced
Only submarines foreign
production ... Blew-old spat,
angry yes vederochko lime chloride
launched straight into the center of the reservoir! Here
surfaced goldfish murmured yes,
showing his anger: "Are you mad at all,
old dolt! ". Here is our old man pleaded,
cried: "Help, distribyutorsha-fish!
All the buzz is not my grandmother, old woman - through
I also do not have a MAZ! Like, not climbing into her
throat potato - Give her the whales yes
lobster! ". There really pity the fish,
said: "Well, old man, Wali himself to the world
- Will you, artichoke fricassee! Only
more you bleach not spoil! After all, so
racketeers stuck!. "unfolded,
tail waved so went in depth on
party. Views grandfather - on berezhochke
in the grass dollars a pack left ...
Grandpa ran a obmenku the pier,
exchanged hundreds of dollars instantly yes
run-somersault in the supermarket! That brings
home, he presents - for the products are not old
looks, but again starichonku scolds: "Oh
you old donkey-schizophrenic! Bought any
trash and happy! Come quickly run without
carelessly let me buy a refrigerator "Philips"
our kind of "ZIL" five times already begun to leak! ".
Dedkov ran back to the pier, traded
just a thousand bucks so rushed - bought
fridge so all the way home delivered!
Than before Grandma scolds: "Better you'd
and home is not! I do not want any
refrigerator, and let superavto Toyota! ".
Grandfather gave his neighbor a refrigerator so that again
have the urine obmenku! Namenyal da old woman
Toyota straight to the house himself, personally delivered.
Only once again Granny is not in the spirit: "The old are you
poludurok idiot! FIGS me the coffin on
wheels? Let me instead will build huts
in this place hacienda with a pool! And that
This here is the fish, gold is
will be lived here and all my notions on the
same moment and the moment sang! And do not fulfill
- At night a grenade under your zalimonyu
pillow!. "There was nothing, my grandfather sat in the
Toyota yeah went to the pond for advice.
For a long time he clicked brokershu-fish, crying,
she had sent faxes and bows. It can be seen
pity fish, priperlas says
old man, reproachfully: "What does not
uymeshsya you, old man? Forty thousand "green"
and a little? I somehow thought you were rid of him ...".
The old man answered: "Gold!" My golden you
fry! Hag shook her - all her little!
Wished for you to take a servant ... "Nothing
Fish did not respond, but still threw his grandfather
pack: "All Dzyadok, more money will not be!
You come so use them wisely! "And
disappeared - what was commemorated ... Long
thought the old man, sonevalsya all wandered along
pond and savvy ... And then got into his car and
in the city since pulled, only bus
flashed! How come our grandfather in
city, hired a couple of "cool" for old women
threw out his old passport to hell, and
he had celebrated his new "ksivu. Roamed-house chose stronger 
so bought myself a new grandmother ... So, godochkov under 
thirty about ... And lives his grandfather - in conditions not

blows! Wishing you the same, of course ...

Fuh ... finally finished this funny
from TELENEDELYA. The author is not specified.

-----------------------------------------
DV> I read your inventory -
DV> item 4.1 - Mouse SVGA


         Ugy, slychay pohlesche.
Bygalteriya polychila bazy to acces
pisanyyu. Spystya pary days resort-lo,
rasprobovali, nice ingredient, but as
be quick to get to work? I have no back
thought - go to shefy, pyst makes good -
privezy by 8 meters brain - add.
Causes Chef - Th, says he, for "Statistical"
Brain little y components? I Grew yes, 16 meters
nadot, no less. So I went, through
picked up, brought in and put. A pair of passes
months, I decide to cancel melachevky that the
I had accumulated such flopikov, mice, and
etc. Proshy girls byhgalterii write
of statements that should be. And on a solid
bymage with yglovym dies and krygloy
Print obnaryzhivayu underlay n.3:

 Date Naiminovanie Ed.izmereniya Qty

4/16/1998 brains meter 8

Of course, I'm falling from styla. All the girls in
neponyatkah. I tell them they say tyfta it
nadot remake. And slyshy in response: "How
remake - this bill. "Smotryudeystvitelno brains brought. 
Fortunately the same day firmy had tyzh samyyu - I told them,

What type of pinned - and they with me
innocent eyes show nashy same
Power of Attorney for polychenie ... correctly
8 meters brains. They say, "We're with the client
do not argue. "It turns out I lyapnyl so
boss and told to pay byhgalterii, and for
that the brains of those parameters that the mother myltyahy
votknyt - all united, they must be entered starting as
hear.

      But the attorney I have now twice
rereading. Stay alive.


              Max Shishov
__________________________________________


     I went this morning coffee
buy, hence, the market is
picture. instead of a pointer "Canopies there
Zaporozhye there "potsepili other means to
which reads "110 years of H. I. Makhno." Under
this "transporantom" is Dad synoy
5-6 years. Son asks "Dad and who is
Makhno this? "Well, Dad and Pumpkin cards
says, "Well, how would you say this ... it's
first gulyaypolsky reketir!. "I almost by
asphalt neprotaschilsya;)))

-----------------------------------------

                From scratch


     Up against the wall! All of the wall! Hands on
head! No questions are asked and not
turn around! Now I will reveal
lab, and you - one at the hands of
head, without turning, entering and
sit down to computers. Step left, step
the right are trying ... all
attendant ... So. The first walked ...
Second ... So ... So ... Hands and does not omit
do not turn around. Everything went? Well.
Now the hand can be omitted. Dear
freshmen! You joined the faculty
MMP, and here you will learn to get acquainted with
computer. I will teach. My name is
Alexei Vladimirovich ... Hands free
command not to touch anything! What's your name?
Razberihin? Constructive you
name ... Hands behind your head! To ten
minutes! Father who? Accountant? Strange. A
mother? Programmer? Markedly. All in the mother.
Right hand behind his head. Forever. Will
work with one hand. What? Sign, sign.
At abacus fonts. The result?
And for what, in your opinion, your dad said?
So, go on. My name is Alex
Vladimirovich, and I'll teach you ... What?
Already familiar with the computer? In school? As
name? Dobrokhotova? Pope programmer?
No? And my mother? Too, no? Thank God! And how
you are familiar with computers at school?
Ah, yes, the method Parteigenosse ... Right
Genosse party members wrote a program, and the left
- It performs ... So, to teach you
I will learn. Forget all that
you were in school. I'll start from scratch. Record
free course: "The general device
computer. The computer consists of ...
Razberihin! Why have you turned on the computer?
Want to show what you can do? I
guess. And take away from its drive
floppy disk. The network should include a loginneymom
and passvord and not left trekalkami!
His left hand behind your head, too! Until the end
classes. What Dobrokhotova? Retry? No
No, of trekalki record is not necessary ...
Computer consists of a system unit -
it's this one little box, and it
is ... Razberihin! Why have you removed
cover from the Tower? What do you want, I want to
mates show the contents of
system unit? And what took Toon?
Put in place. Put, I tell you!
Mother say - get Down to six months.
Got it? That's just the same. And it take away. Take and
hide in your pocket. Do not you see
how many pins you have and how much is there?
You know what to fold? Fine. I, too,
I know. Bend and Up Your ... in my pocket, I
said. Screw the lid. Everything.
Continue ... It is the "brain"
computer, called a processor
memory, power supply .... Why did you
break up a deuce to weave? Huh?! Are you
Do not you see that she could barely breathe? With her 33-x
through the nostrils missing? Turn! Hands on
head! My feet were over my head! Uncomfortable?
Nothing, sit. ... The power supply
floppy disks, called
floppy and hard ... Where? Whoa!
Lie! Stand up! Lie! Stand up! Lie!
Stand up! Lie! Where you bore screw? In
Dean? In the fridge to put?
Great! To restore the deleted
details ... Wonderful. Just think, screw
with the serial numbers in 1945
used in the main control stations
Foreign Intelligence ... And you wanted to know
the truth about Stirlitz ... Boy, this screw
I personally was collected in 1987
year at the plant "Processor" of left-of China
and Taiwan. A number of his so, because
it's my birthday. And how do I
possible - you know, when you grow up.
Stand up! Well, well, look at your
behavior ... Sit down, and that, no, no ...
... and hard drives, and something else ... Here
This small TV in front of you
called a display or monitor to it
computer displays information and the flat
panel with buttons - is called
keyboard, with her information is entered into
computer. Greenish buttons on
System Block - Power-on.
Click on this button ... That
Dobrokhotova? Where is anykey?
Shut up! " Dobrokhotova, anykey - it
"Any key", but just not the same
which meant Razberihin. You can
assume that ahykey, here is this big
button that says "Enter".
I want to draw your attention that
computers in our lab form
so-called local computer
network. They are linked. but do not have
no link with the outside world ...
Razberihin ... I said that they did not
have links with the outside world, and you have
climbed to the server at Michigan
University. As you no shame ... I
I understand that the power supply. I ask
Who will pay for it? And, you already
transferred to the desired amount of money Bill
Gates at RAO UES of Russia ...? Clever ...
Get out! ... Next time you come with my mother! In
Down! For a year! While I will not end
this course! Oh, already call ... Guys, all
I did not have time to tell you, read
on training manual, the page with the second
eighteenth ... Everybody stand up! Hands on
head! Go one at a time, no questions
ask and do not look back! Step left
step to the right are trying ... All
attendant ... Hello! RELEX? Good ...
The first lesson? Yes, as usual ...
Physical damage? Consider what is not.
One broken cable connectors and a pair of
twisted ... Server? Hanging
of course ... Yeah, right, as always on
first lesson, kids screw
formatted ... Mouse? No, all the mice in the
place. Going? In the evening do? Well,
thanks ... Heavy is the case - to teach with
scratch ...


                                12.11.1998



                 Alexey

+ Origin: Borovskikh Alexei Vladimirovich,
VSU, MMP (2:5025 / 32.15)

-----------------------------------------

     Someone nibyd watched now, with
views of our age, to the tales and
myltfilmam youth? No? Covetyyu
look! Chemy children ychat! The same
blood trypy, sex, and everything that is not
show, even in American action films
and yzhasah ... Let's start with all the known
fairy tale "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." C
birth heroine under stress
because of the death of his mother. After the wedding
her dad had to endure their machehy,
koldynyu with some bearded
mirror .. And kyda father looks? The same
this betrayal! Mirror of something alive, and
bearded - means myzhskogo sex, but still
goat ... Bestiality on - nashemy. More ...
bednyazhky bused into the woods ... 'Hands, you see,
stepmother did not want to soil ... But again, bummer.
Snow White and there found kryshy `` - seven
gnomes with pickaxes (recall that the storage and
wearing cold oryzhiya presledyetsya on
zakony). Again, stepmother
lover-mirror: jealousy and there
explicit espionage (otherwise otkyda mirror could
yznat about Belosnezhky). Is plastic surgery to change the 
appearance stepmother (a fairy tale: witchcraft) and

napichkivanie apple fatal
poison (article 2nn pynkt 2-poisoning) ...
Lies in the heroine groby and tyt rides
Prince necrophile (Imagine a tryp,
lain in the open with vozdyhe
month or else be the default - this bluer protyhshee, rotting 
meat ... obviously it did not target y only the `kiss`). Then 
again the mystic: tryp alive (zombie) ... From beginning to

met, and then yzh and `love` dryg
dryga! `` I wanted to see so much that
even the names of forgotten to ask ... Hy as
called! Perverts!

     "Forty-crow kashy cooked - you
vslyshaytes only the meaning of the verse!
"Etomy gave, gave etomy and etomy not
gave .. "- BL $ dstvo but chyvstvo pride
still not fully lost ... You are not wood
pybil, water was not wearing ... "Do not give in fact! -
natyroy retribution for providing feasible
help .. y are all the membership cards pozabirat
necessary, and send it to syd kommynistov!

     And another thing: watching yesterday myltfilm as
vegetables from the garden over the goat bullied ...
Using a secret oryzhiya `solar
bunny ', dressing up in chychelo to
zapygivaniya and blackmail poor-goat
pepper sadistic still smell a forced
(Chyt of goat addict did not), plus
slavery and the feeding of swill (for
release of a hostage forced him to eat
weeds, brush and vodoprovodnyyu tryby
mend kalitky, razbityyu
wind-hyliganom). Eksplyatirovali in
general ..

     And then we ydivlyaemsya, So why
on ylitsah were so many thugs, drug
and gopov!

-----------------------------------------
               The people of Fido


  Lyrics courtesy of Y. Grushko