Think #43 03 января 2000

Юмор

Jokes - Humor.

 Jokes (2:5062 / 17.85) RU.ANEKDOT

New Year's Eve. Parents worry about their little Chad, contact 
Good Services and order for a child Santa Claus. All are 
preparing for the meeting. Strike 12 hours, and Santa is not 
all. Another hour passed, second. Dita really wants to sleep, 
but there is no Santa. By morning, finally, comes this 
grandfather (on his feet he was not worth it, due to rapidly

marked by a holiday). He is, therefore, to
child. Sits on a bag of gifts and
says:
- Well, detoch ... uk ... PFA, tell Grandpa
poem! Dite begins to tell something
about the Christmas tree and, as always, on
the middle is stuck - shook Father and guilty looking at it. 
Waking up, Santa looks up and asks: - Che - forgotten it?

- Aha, - babbling babe.
- H-n-y € @ your mother!

Attending a New Year party in kindergarten.
Comes in a sozzled sausage grandfather. Comes time to light the 
Christmas tree. Kids shout: - Christmas tree, light up!

Well, the Christmas tree, a clear pepper, the first time not
lit. Santa Claus seeing such a disorder, by kids, gets up and 
says stuttering voice:

- Ryabyata, wait. I Wait a svisnu and truncated
will beam.
He sticks, then two fingers in his mouth:
- Sh-sh-form ... Blyuyuyueeee!!


Attending the New Year. On the streets is poll about who like 
celebrating the New Year. Commentator captures some of the 
swollen vodka man and asks:

- And how you were going to celebrate today
holiday?
- Went to h.y!
Commentator turned to the camera makes
smile and cheerful voice shouted:
- You see, our dear viewers,
like this anywhere in our city - the laughter, jokes, fun ...


Spyskaetsya Santa Claus on trybe into the house and sees that 
in front of him sleeping on the couch beautiful and totally 
naked Snegyrochka. Santa Claus Cards repy:

- Trahnyt - gifts yspeyu not give, not
trahnyt - in tryby not vylezy.


Lesson in arithmetic. The teacher asks a question Vovochke:
- Picture this, I give you $ 200. You give Masha 50, $ 50 - 
Lena and $ 50 - Natasha. What do you have to be?

- Orgy! ..

Goes to School Preparation for the New Year.
The teacher asks the children board - as
arrange a class for a holiday. Masha gets:
- Bath pigweed, and let us garlands on the walls

  Flashing hang?
- Good suggestion. Thank you, Masha.
Peter gets up:
- And, you can hang different colored beads

  everywhere.
- Well done, Peter!
Vovochka yells from the audience:
- Offered here (waving) tape

  red @ dyachit written!
- Vova, what are you - muzzy!? No way such

  words to say!
- Well, as you wish.
The teacher goes to the director:
- Tovaorisch Director Vovochka now know

  what say?
- Well? ..
- What should be the class of red tape on the wall

  written @ dyachit! (Irritated)
- Well, you do not like advice - written @ dyachte

   blue ribbon!


During lunch Vovochka says Pope:
- Dad, the TV ...
Then Dad interrupted him:
- When I eat, I am deaf and dumb! Shut up, after

  lunch, say.
After dinner, Dad:
- Well, what do you want me to say?
- Pozdnyachoks dad in your soup fly question
  then swam.



           Confessions of a rock singer



  You know what my favorite movie?
"Ivan Vasilievich". And
episode, where Ivan Vasilyevich, sitting in a suit of Ivan the 
Terrible, shares with Martha Vasilyevna subtleties profession 
king: "Behold you say the king, the king. Do you know how hard 
life kings? We work day irregular. "


  And this, mind you, kings! Are themselves - whatever you 
want, then install. A us, idols of today's youth think

easy? Yes we do have to retire at 35
years to send and beer for harm issue. Not for our harm, of 
course, but for around us - the rock idols - the harmfulness

health.

  Everyone thinks that we do not have life, and raspberries. 
Mol, sharobanyatsya guys here and there on towns and villages, 
removing scum as a heap American denezhek and fans on one

night. Envy our romance: the night booze on the train in the 
morning you are met by Mercedes and driven to dine with the 
governor edge, in the evening - a concert before an enthusiastic

public, after dinner in the sauna at the local
bandyukov, then go out into the square in front of
hotel, squinting you look at the crowd
enthusiastic fans, manish finger very nice, and so forth And in 
the morning wake up from a light knock at the door: it

the manager asked not to be convenient
for you, if it is money raspihaet two
suitcases instead of one. Next to the train and
everything is repeated again.

  So, guys, you are very mistaken.
No, that is apparently all quite similar,
but really shifted the emphasis. How would you explain Well, 
suppose you are very fond of halva. And then came that sweet 
moment, When you have the opportunity not! when

you make every day devour this halva. On the first day you 
will, of course, delighted with this hrumkaete halva and 
rejoice life with terrible force. On the second day

eat not so much halva, as before, and life Refreshingly less. On
the third day you are interested in: Is not there any
except halva get a couple of salty
cucumbers. On the fourth day you're trying to
This halva feed the flowers on the window. On the fifth to the 
man that it brings. On the sixth day of putting on a tantrum, 
beating his head against the wall and screaming in a frenzy: 
Remove from me the damn halva. A on the seventh again chew it 
with the expression full of doom in his eyes.


  Roughly the same thing happens with rokpevtsami. First, 
"Well, wow! Stunned You can! ", then" Thank you guys, I moved, 
"then" How much can you yell? Calm down already! Give at least 
one song normally sing, "and at the end of" Oh my God! Again

They squeal like sliced ​​macaque!

  The initial euphoria passes quickly.
All these cries, wails like only the first
Several days after ascend to
"Top." Then pay attention to a completely empty eyes screaming 
at your concerts girls who obviously something

swallowed or obkurilis on stupid to
loathing eyes guys that splashes of 600-900 grams of vodka, 
then it becomes quite disgusting. And when you realize that 
they, in general, do not you admired, but simply a cry-screaming

realize their passion is still unspent
youth, just want somewhere to escape.

  Honestly, the first few months
I tried to captivate room with his songs. By
towards the "top of Mount Olympus," I wrote a fairly
good composition. I can even say,
invested in their soul. But somehow gradually
revealed that the concerts are the most popular wacky trinkets 
from the series' two prihlopa three imbedded, the boom of the 
sample, the mind-tsa, bumtsa the sample, which are usually 
written in the morning with creepy pohmelyugi, in a break 
between appointments pain pills, washed down by a couple of 
bottles of beer. 

  Moreover, this crowd does not need
so I put on stage some sort of action,
conducted the concert and so on. In one town
had unexpectedly give a concert after the horrible drinking. I 
just do not remember what came on the scene and what I did 
there. The next morning found that the hall is just shaking in

ecstasy and delight young people broke
all the chairs. After that I started drinking before
each concert. But it was not so disgusting. Although the 
morning was getting worse and worse. 

  But the worst thing is annoying fans. If you think that the 
bed to Rock singer jumping young Ornella Muti or

at least Claudia Slate anything like that.
By rock singers climb into the bed girl
representing a cross between a hippopotamus with a steam engine 
and the complete absence of not only slate, but the roof. But 
still okay appearance. You should have seen their manners.

I am by nature a very sensitive person and
romantic, despite all my freaks
on stage, and demonically-sexual lyrics
songs. Poe to a few lost when
I say pretty obscene things.

  The first time it was let to remember
in Kostroma. Very nice Volga city.
And at the concert the audience behaved quite decently. Burst 
on the scene only one girl, and even then - I think it was

in his underpants. After the concert, hiding through
service course, catching a taxi and nesus the hotel to relax 
and unwind. I go into the room, and there in my bed lies

kind of creature that at first may have been mistaken for a 
guy. I'm a little, of course, stunned and then said:

- Hey, kid, you're numbers are not confused?

  This is my room.
- What I tell you, fuck, kid? quietly

  claims being. I'm your fan.

  Come with you to sleep. You obkurilsya

  After the concert, or what?
- Ah-ah-ah-ah, you are in this sense - guess

  I. And why do you, pardon me, a black

  eye?
- From Lizka fought - briefly explains

  creature. For the right tournament. Well Th
  second, you're going to undress, or the whole

  night and so will stand?
- You see - I say carefully.
- Light - is a creature.
- You see the world ... - Once I start.
- Yes I know, I know. Today you can not have

  you tonight month - ironically

  says the creature and starts to laugh

  husky bass.
Here I stand:
- Listen, friend, let's make it so,

  so I'll have long sought. I just

  abuse in their own room

  lacked.

  "Girlfriend", oddly enough, does not argue, but
quite quickly gets out of bed.
My God! Her male underpants.
- Che hatched? - Interest exists.

  You try in our city buy cheaply

  decent lingerie. A completely without

  Lingerie excuse me. So you can all pridat
  ki chill. We have "Mersedosov" no.
- And I? I have nothing - I tushus. What

  want that, and walk.
- By the way - of interest exists. - May

  are you a fag? I then give her brother.

  He is a harvester.
- In what sense? I just do not cut in.

  Mechanic?
- You yourself mechanic - offended Su
  society. Harvester said. In the sense that with

  peasant women, and the peasants can.
- Tell the combine hi, - I answered -

  and say that the singer now wants to otdoh
  nut after the concert. As some other

  times.
- Clearly, - sums up the substance, finished

  dressing. Well, you it is.
- Good luck, - happily I say, and there exists
  society disappears behind the door.