Think #21 19 августа 1998

Юмор

Jokes - Humor.

            A N E K O R T S



 Father breaks and a mosque. His unmarried daughter
pregnant. Seeing that the blame
very nice, and most importantly, secured a bachelor who lives 
across the street, he goes to the seducer. That immediately 
admitted his guilt and offered indemnity:

- Sir, I can not marry, but if your daughter to be born a girl, 
I will give 50,000, and if the boy - that is willing to pay 
100,000 pounds. - Well, young man. Just let us immediately

agree: if, God forbid, my daughter
false pregnancy, then you try again.

               *


- Daughter, why do not you want to go beyond
your father of the child?
- But, Mom, how can I marry
a man who hardly know?


               *

- Why are you late, my dear?
- I was not late. I work here around the clock. And it is not 
expensive. 


               *

- Darling, you love me? - Asks the girl her boyfriend at the 
moment they make love.

- And what do I do? - Meets the guy.


               *



- Pierre, you promised to marry me!
- You never know what I promised you!


               *
On the street:
- Listen, girl, how old are you?
- Fifteen.
- Wow. And so soon and not give.
- Why do not you ladies? Ladies!


               *

- Who is the father of the child? - Asked the judge.
- Acne - responsible frilly girl.
- A name?
- Well, we're not so close were familiar.


               *


The guy brought the girl to himself. When she
began to undress, he began to suspect:
- And how old are you?
- Thirteen - she admitted.
- Thirteen? - He shouted. - You're crazy
gone? Come dressed quickly, and that I
have not seen you!
- If you're so superstitious - she says -
we have nothing to talk to you.


               *

Rapturously in love with a schoolgirl Mary
languid voice asks the handsome hussar:
- Lieutenant, tell me you love
ever been to the depths of the soul?
- It's like, crustaceans, sir? As well, loved, loved.


               *
- Honey, what do you love me more,
my beautiful body or beautiful face?
- Your sense of humor!

               *

A young man tells the girl:
- Look - a star has fallen! Do you know if this make a wish, it 
is true. - I know, but I do not believe ...

- Why?
- Because you're too timid.


               *

- Today we finally stopping here alone, -
says fellow girl. - I bought three tickets to the movies.
- Why three?
- Your mother, father and brother!


               *

- Girl, you can invite for a cup of coffee?
- You can only promise not to smoke in bed!


               *

- This Czeslaw just squirt!
- Why?
- Imagine: when I said yesterday,
I do not want to see him, he took it and turned off the light.


               *

A Georgian girl treated wine. She became
undress. He protested:
- I - man. You have to dress up and resist.


               *

- Uh-uh, Pierre, you are told that only
tickle belly button with your finger! And it is not
belly!
- But this is not a finger!


               *

Vanya, let's go, like yesterday, bull popasem -
invites the girl.
- Okay, but now I will graze and
fuck you let the bull!


               *

- Sarah, yesterday I dreamed that I embrace you in bed, 
kissing, well, everything else ... - This means that in a dream 
you are more decisive than in reality. 


               *
Jeannette, lying in bed:
- Claude, be kind and lit a cigarette and
tell me.
Claude lights up, pass Henry, Henry -
Jacques, Jacques - Jeanette. Jeanette with a sigh:
- Would know mom, I never gave up
smoking!

               *

Sitting on labochke, a young man turns to his girlfriend:
- I do not understand: either I bored with you, or
I come with you sleepy.


               *

The girl accuses a guy:
- How can you brag that took advantage of my favors?
- I'm not boasting, I repent.


               *
Apartment window a young man found
front of the window girls. Every evening he
turns off the light, hiding behind the curtains and watches as 
she undresses in her apartment.

One morning he got a phone
Call:
- Alo, young man! This call girl from the apartment across the 
street. You, by chance, not zameteli last night where I do my

pantyhose?

               *

The elevator got stuck a guy and a girl. To
throughout all the lights went out.
Goes through several tedious minutes.
- Let's take a closer look - offering last guy.
- What do you mean?
- Yeah as I have and I will give.


               *

The guy says the girl: "I want you!"
Girl: "I'm afraid of you!"
Guy: "But I want you so!"
Girl: "I love you very afraid!"
The guy waved his hand and walked away.
Girl: "Oh-oh-oh, you want me to do so,
I'm afraid of you! "


               *

The young man saw in a clearing rescued a naked girl and took 
her. - I do not frighten it? - He asked gently.

- No.
- And once again not scared?
- No.
He took her again and was going to
leave. The girl says:
- And you could not scare me again?


               *
Texas boy, Sandy wants to be
Peggy fell in love with a girl, and how to start with
a conversation, do not know.
- Painted-ka I'm a horse in green -
he decided. - Peggy will approach and ask
Why am I doing this? And I say: I like you, come on will lie!
And he began to paint a horse in green.
Peggy came over and asked:
- What are you doing?
- Crash horse in green.
- Why? Let's will lie!

               *

On the balcony of the third floor there is a girl.
Passes by a guy. She told him:
- A young man, but I'm afraid of you.
- Why should I be afraid?
- And you got me iznasiluete!
- But how I'll get to you?
- And I'll go down to you.

               *

They are located on the shores of beautiful
lake. A few drinks, and a young teacher lost corrupter. Right 
after that happened, she sobbed, appealed to him:

- As I am now able to look into the eyes
students, knowing that I have twice had sinned?
- Twice? - Asked the lover.
- Of course - the teacher nodded. - Is
you is not gonna do it again?



               *

- Young people - strictly speaking mother
girls. - See that today Linda
went home early.
- Do not worry, ma'am. Personally, I laid her down
to bed at 10 o'clock.


               *

  Two hours of the night. Father falls apart: her daughter is 
still not home. Finally heard her footsteps, and she enters the 
room. - Where are you, bitch, was so then?

- Yes, to dance.
- So it's only two hours.
- Later in the movie.
- Even a half hour. And the rest of the time?
- Then Vasil dragged me into the bushes ...
- In general, it should be about fifteen minutes.
- So I'm not a given!
- Well, you fool. If it had not resisted,
would long ago have been at home!


                  *


  Daughter comes home:
- Dad, I was raped!
- Here are bastards! But at least you came up against?
- And how do - resisted. Hands on the fence.


                  *



  The mother asked her daughter the next morning:
- Why does Jim have brought you home so late?
- We had a long conversation on puti.A that
we'll have disturbed their noise?
- No, dear, the ensuing
silence.


                  *


  The mother asks the daughter:
- Where have you been all night?
- You better ask him to anyone.
- Well?
- With a national hero!
- Who is he?
- Unknown soldier.


                  *