Body #07 25 июня 1997

Юмор

Let's laugh - The results of the competition answer the questions. Competition for the funniest anecdote, case of life. 25 jokes from the publisher.

                      LET laugh

(C) BAZOFT MDM 270-95-12

Well, that's OVER CONTEST ANSWERS TO Puzzles and was declared
WINNER - GIVER, who for some reason not call to our office
And does not require NOVYA straight from the tin.
So I begin a series of vulgar jokes to make it
FUN. OPS! NEW CONTEST FOR THE MOST FUNNY / CAN SEND /
Jokes, life event, Funny STATEMENTS, ETC ETC.
SO SEND YOUR TEXT OR CALL THE EDITOR. PRIZE AS
Usually does not take long.
Well, now 25 JOKES FROM THE EDITOR ...

            * * * * *
Myzhik comes into the public tyalet, and there is some else be 
the default pissyara and y it X $ th yzlom tied. The first 
asks: "You Th, myzhik about $ yel? "And that:" No, just 
yesterday I e $ atsya want to, but the bastard did not get up, 
and now he wants to piss and I do not emy Ladies! "

            * * * * *
Three rats are sitting, talk, who is steeper:
First: - I've zhru krysinyi poison and I do poheru!
Second: - I zhru broken glass and I do poheru!
Third: - Yes, guys, something you're tough for me to go,

          that whether a cat you $ bu ...
            * * * * *
I bought a computer guy in January, exactly the first of 
February night This computer was stolen. Well, the man reads a 
lost insurance then the guarantee, then the firm goes 
complains. Seller: - What did you expect?

- Meaning?
- Look here at the side of the fine print:

  This version expires on February, 1, 1997.
            * * * * *
Latest invention of one of the Kiev Institute:
Solar-powered flashlight ....
            * * * * *
Bought a computer programmers.
On the first day pozapuskali all programs.
On the second day formatnuli all screws.
On the third day pozapuskali all that is possible and 
otformatnuli all that you can.

And then came the hacker and here is started ...
            * * * * *
Man sitting in the kitchen with wild-hangover, and before him 
on the table runs a small little yellow chick and Squeaks: 
"PI-PI-PI 'yes "PI-PI-PI '. A man listened and listened, bored 
him, and took and turned bird's head. Here comes the wife to 
the kitchen and sees the case: - Ah, the parasite that done?!

Man:
- A Th he's "Boo-Boo-Boo" yes "Boo-Boo-Boo"
            * * * * *
Conversation in the trenches:
- Sorry, you're on the next attack, do not go out?
- No, I'm after one.
            * * * * *
- So why are you late, my dear?
- I was not late. I work here kryglosytochno

  and not expensive.
            * * * * *
A fisherman sits on beregy. Odny ydochky scored in reky and 
drygyyu in kysty. Suitable second:

- Slyshay, So why are you ydochky in kysty scored?
- It's my secret. Come on. The river is big.
- Slyshay, ny tell, I'll pour a glass.
- Okay, pour.
He drank and he answers:
- I mean, I do not know what today is caught in the river, but 
on the ety, 

  you y me has finally arrived fifth.
            * * * * *
Sits as a Dragon on the mountain.
One head the other says:
- Look, I'll tell you until the third head sleeps
- Well, - answers the first.
- So, you know the third head-to-mouth takes!
- Oh yeah .... Well if only in the ass do not you $ bali!
            * * * * *
Arrived in the provincial town of telepathy. Well, pasted 
posters on throughout the city, that supposedly, at 7 pm will 
be the performance. Naturally, the beginning was going to the 
city, sit, then wait. Runs 10 minutes, 20 minutes, no one. The 
crowd starts to make noise, pier, where the psychic, Share or 
money back. Goes to stage entertainers, and says:

- Now before you speak izvestnyi telepath, winner
Republican out there, and all-union competitions ...
Leaves. Comes on stage naked guy with a hefty $ x cm:
- Hush ... Warning: ... Pa-o-al. Two-a. Three-and-u. 
Futures-yre. Five-at. -.. (Taking x $ th nachinet its cool ...) 
TELEPAT STARTED!             * * * * *

Suitable Georgian k chebureks Seller and says:
- Sluschyay with Cam chabureki?
- Hmmm ..
- Sluschyay, what do you molchisch with Cam chabureki?
- From Cam to Cam, BEZ anyone.
            * * * * *
Peasant asked:
- You Th so sad?
- Ta-a .. Wife in which he has! So zadolbala that would have 
killed, honest word! ..

- Oh yeah, "killed" .. Well this is criminal! But there is a 
method, one hundred percent guarantee - well, nobody knows! 
Fuck her seven times on the day - will die in ten days ... A 
week later meet this guy - evil-o-oh, exhausted, barely 
standing on his feet. Ask:

- Well, how are your wife?
- Nothing .. This was gay. Running around the apartment, songs
singing .. And does not know in fact that after three days will 
die!             * * * * *

A guy calls a brothel, whore wants to order a
home delivery.
- You choose me so, you know, so do not be alarmed
but then I disabled ..
- In what sense - disabled?
- I have no hands ..
- And what do you hug you? Feet?
- No, you, my feet and some do not ..
-? And though this somehow .. do you have?
- And what am I dialed?
            * * * * *
- Ale, a sauna?
- No, it Balode!
            * * * * *
There are two myzhika:
- Yesterday, brother-in-law came from America itself, cigarette 
ygoschal - Marlborough said.

- Hy, and how is it?
- A so-so. While kyrish this beautiful, as it is, filter - bad, 
but then how to apply.

            * * * * *
RULEZ - is well forgotten suxx!!!
            * * * * *
3nachit, obkyrenny in nikakyyu narkoman podpolzaet to telefony,
cnimaet trybky and nabiraet 999-99-99. And cidit clyshaet.
From trybki:
- Allo, allo.
Addict:
- Allo, IT'S 999-99-99.
From trybki:
- Nay.
Addict (veshaya trybky):
- Ox $ Et mozhno.
            * * * * *
Conversation of two new Russian:
- I bought a Pentium 120 hertz!
- What is 120 hertz?
- ???... the fan speed! :
            * * * * *
Osen 1917, one Shout most otvetstvennyh postov designate
internatsionalny epipazh in sostave: pyssky, yzbek and evrey.
It yields the strogy order type vodky DO NOT drink, play cards, 
DO NOT and bezobraziya DO NOT hyliganit.

Hy, hence, they are normally on stoyat posty, delat nefiga. One 
Shout says: - Hy Th, pebya, mozhe hot in kartishki sygraem?

- Hy, Duc come!
Play means. In the excitement voshli. A tyt as zlo glavkom:
- Hy Th, myzhiki, appears to kartishki pezhemsya?
- No net!
- Hy behold you skazhem, pyssky?
- Tak tochno!
- Pravoslavny?
- Tak tochno!
- Hy both swear by the Gospel, that is in the cards DO NOT 
played. (Nehotya) - Hy klyanys.

- Tak, you yzbek?
- Well!
- Mysylmanin?
- Yeah.
- Hy-ka swear on korane, that is in the cards DO NOT played.
(C bolshoy neohotoy) - Klyanys.
- And you evrey?
- Hy, yes.
- Hy-ka Swear topoy, that is in the cards DO NOT played.
- Hy, I sho you sprashivaetsya, bydy swear. Tot DO NOT played 
etot DO NOT play, but I chto himself with soboy played, chto 
whether ?....             * * * * *

The old man checks the lottery tickets. The old woman asked:
- Well, I won something?
- X $ J!
- Money Do not take!
            * * * * *
Argue two (1 and 2):
(1) - will be properly prezervuar!
(2) - No Reserves!
Fits three (3)
(1) and (2):
- How?
(3) - Sorry guys, I am in these matters is not impotent ...
            * * * * *
At the plant - the lecture about the dangers of meat. The 
lecturer said that meat is bad absorbed by the body and causes 
premature aging. Creek from the audience:

- From meat feet are freezing!
Lecturer:
-?? This is something new in science ..
- And how! If bedtime meat to eat, sleep x $ d rises,
lifts up the blanket and the feet are freezing!
            * * * * *
A man tells a dream:
- I'm floating on a ship. Ship large, white, smoke pipes. 
Suddenly leak! I plug it, caulk, caulk, caulk, wake up -

half a blanket in the ass!
            * * * * *
The wife asks her husband:
- And what you give me a birthday present?
- And I'll be raped.
-? And if I do not damsya?
- Come and go like a fool without a gift!

                    TO BE CONTINUED ...

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ 
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ 
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- 
+-+-+-+-+-+-+                           WARNING!

 ACCEPTED Bespaltnoe PRIVATE ADVERTISEMENTS AND PROMOTIONS FOR 
NEWSPAPERS 

       Both in the format 'ZX-WORD', TAK and orally by telephone
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ 
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ 
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- 
+-+-+-+-+-+-+