Aspect #09 21 мая 1998

Юмор

Humor - Army marasmus (Part 1).

 Subject army now quite topical.
Most readers mashih very young,
and are potent protectors
motherland. "Few people want to volunteer
fall into the ranks of the "Red Banner" and
"Famous" ... But every coin has
downside, and except for any trouble in the Army case, the set 
all sorts of "jokes". In the brave commanders Gray matter of 
years of service, apparently, is gradually disappearing 
somewhere, and they case, did not realize what they say. 
Sometimes they ta-hich Pearl outstanding! Many of these

phrases have become winged, and received
the name of "military idiocy." Offer
You familiarize yourself with our collection of these
masterpieces. :)



              Part One.

 1. Orderly should spin like a bee
at the wheel.
 2. Orderly to stand and serve
time signals.
 3. Orderly should not go beyond the radius of the square of 
its tables.  4. Orderly! Why are you in the hallway

boots dangle?
 5. Orderly! You've got so much paper,
what's in my head does not fit!
 6. Patrol car is sent forward
Distance visual memory.
 7. I will report the unit of the diesel engine.
 8. Report the presence of people! Who is not everything
to punish.
 9. Suppose I climb the stairs to the
company, so I - otherworldly object.
 10. We go at night, perfect conditions, the moon
light, the sun ...
 11. The only clothes the soldier - it boots and a belt!
 12. If you'll wander - Pushcha missile.
 13. If you'll behave this way, we'll make do mock training 
corps in full size.  14. If you do not like these fees, we

arrange you more than others.
 15. If you get lost in the wilderness, write SOS in the snow, 
and you will find the plane ..  16. If the volunteers will not, 
I'll have to call them.  17. If tomorrow does not 
podstrizhetes, I will Today I will punish!

 18. If a fire-bomb strikes the roof, do not lose my head, and 
sunte her in a barrel and pour the sand.

 19. If you get drunk - do not expect no mercy! A
if you sober up - your happiness!
 20. If war starts, I with you already
will not.
 21. If you have any comments,
suggestions made by now, but you
always so: molchok now, but as a general
come, and shall issue all in the forehead, like a knife
in the back ...
 22. If the aircraft was denied all the engines, the flight 
path the aircraft passes through the surface of planet Earth.

 23. If a person sings, he is either drunk or
moron.
 24. If your left ear itches, what I did
'll scratch your right hand? I scratched
Right ...
 25. Do you have a tank carb? Yes, if
steal a car!
 26. Are no further speakers, so you have to resort to force.
 27. The woman in the army - the subject of special and
disclosure can not be!
 28. Brutally hack to death is on your nose!
 29. Live like pigs in the den.
 30. Fence for two days down, so up to now
been well worth it.
 31. Tomorrow we have sessions on the EP. Form
Clothes - without weapons.
 32. Tomorrow to be on faculty at exactly
7.30, even if your death is something threatening.
 33. Engage in personal self-discipline,
otherwise, tomorrow I'll do it.
 34. Tackle protection vigilance!
 35. Close your mouth, panties are showing!
 36. Close the language companion cadet!
 37. Make a real and get to be human!
 38. Classes you are held from time to
case epidemiologically.
 39. Burn to his hand on my leg, or other
very imprescriptible place.
 40. Write down on your mustache!
 41. We go to the barracks, undressed and his coat
leave based on the street.
 42. I go into a locker, where salt wake up, it means the 
fighters at night, drinking tea.  43. I go, I once in a locker,

I look - there are shoes to his knees in
dirt. Well, I think those slippers at me
Tomorrow will outfit!
 44. Why did you hand in your pocket stuffed? This
stupidity!
 45. For their diligent work commander
blessed you.
 46. You're not in prison here for two years
ottrubil - and free.
 47. Here you'll find there.
 48. Here, as in war: killing the commander,
took a machine gun from another.
 49. It put a barrier or a sensible major.
 50. The Earth rotates on its axis, this
allows us to measure time.
 51. The Earth has a convex surface in
this case.
 52. In winter, it is night, the guard is replaced twice a day.
 53. The sine in time of war can
up to four.
 54. And they gave us the order to destroy the gang
political workers.
 55. Even before Lenin were smart people.
 56. And to Suvorov, and afterwards in Russia
were followers of his case.
 57. And we go into the perpendicular direction ...
 58. And do not build themselves from what you have
really.
 59. And then the punishment would be gratuitous!
 60. And hit a cadet on the back Sinica
swab, ie, sexual organ.
 61. The man drowned forever.
 62. And I'm right, it is perhaps
say.
 63. We're going with a friend, happened at a mine
field, it is ahead, I'm back.
 64. Go quickly to remove the snow and then melt away.
 65. Go ahead and Blanch in cold water.
 66. Go and do your personal hygiene.
 67. From your soldier as a shell of shit.
 68. Or do you immediately stop smoking,
or one of two things.
 69. Keep in mind! Another violation, and
you will not be able to pull my end!
 70. There have been cases of suicide, but
we have before we reach another.
 71. Welded to the bottom of the unit opening.
 72. Each fold on a soldier's blanket
this is a loophole for spies of world imperialism!
 73. Each student must be either encouraged or punished.
 74. How do you build! Run one by one.
 75. As they say, go, Alex, and sawing,
and yet sometimes tongue probe.
 76. How do you train people to staff
shooting, even if the hair is not checked?
 77. How to moisten dressing if there is no water? A
Think of it!
 78. How then do nothing, and no
was.
 79. How is a headache? This is also a
bone, it can not hurt!
 80. Which to me extraneous matter?
 81. When two strange men, one of them is always wrong.
 82. When you turn right, I cried with joy because you kept 
pace ..  83. When you get captured, you will

long beat, and you and say nothing
can not because you are so persistent,
you just do not know.
 84. When a cadet cause, it must
stand up and blush.
 85. When authorities arrived, the commander
Squadron foaming at the mouth (with or without foam
it depends on how it relates to
his official duties), is worn on the
airfield.
 86. When done in my life so much useless, as I, then I'll
criticize!
 87. When we have in the dining room will be normal human eggs?
 88. When I say nothing, you have nothing
Do not write, but just listen.
 89. Wheel - it is the wheel, and nothing
its cool!
 90. The command "Alla" is performed at a run.
 91. The command "Set aside" is also satisfied
similarly.
 92. The command "equals" must be submitted
so that the response received from her
was running from corner to corner and beat the cadet not in
eye and eyebrow!
 93. Commander of the group to check carbines
selectively at all.
 94. The battalion commander did not go on foot,
He takes with him a GAZ-66, or political officer.
 95. Dig, like a pig in oranges,
do not know where the edge, and where the end!
 96. Dig a trench from me and before dinner.
 97. Short dashes away from me until the next oak.
 98. Bed tucked by the movement
hands below the waist.
 99. Around the garbage! Vaughn is a whole urn
securities, and none of them does not make decisions!
 100. Who is late - will be strong thanks.
 101. Who's laughing is good, he laughs at
the last time.
 102. Who's there on the left head is not in
foot waves?
 103. Who's walking around with a red nose,
as a cucumber?
 104. Who am I to you: Major Soviet Army or
locomotive horn at the Kazan Station?
 105. Where would you climb their hands?!
 106. Where do you shoot? I have something here for
which I stand
 107. Cadet! You have one ear listening to me and others look 
out the window.  108. Bush - a bunch of plants growing from a 
single point.  109. Left big toe feet.

 110. N fly airplanes, not enough N - K, and
both reactive ...
 111. Face cadet must express sorrow
and thoughtfulness.
 112. Person in the photo must be square.
 113. Trough - is the shortest distance
between two mountains, intended for their
overcome.
 114. People are the service, the flights are flying,
materiel eliminate, and you only distilleries mixture 
pyanstvuete!  115. Interior Ministry is now subject to

Interior.
 116. Mayor does not run as well as in peacetime
Time running major causes laughter, and in
Military - panic.
 117. Pasta - well, you know, the dough with a hole, as the 
artillery gunpowder.  118. Car jumped and crushed a soldier.

 119. The car should be washed with hot water, so
decreases as the sticky atoms.
 120. I am interested in this question yesterday ..
 121. I have seen - and back? Perhaps
you better put a scarecrow?
 122. Billion - a huge sum as
hundred million.
 123. Mines are armored and antitank.
 124. I'm more of these questions are not intelligent
ask, do not forget that I - a military ...
 125. I'm already tired of hearing how you say something!
 126. Do not drink much water, otherwise all the water
will speak on your back in the form of salt.
 127. I can command the regiment, I division. Voice allows.
 128. You can go, but the engine must drown!
 129. My instructions are not eliminated.
 130. Shut up! Or I you'll behave brutally!
 131. Silent when talking to
senior in rank!
 132. Shut up! I'll make you talk!
 133. Shut up, I ask you!
 134. My head - not a brothel.
 135. My name is Major - Rep'ev!
 136. My name is - Oh-ho-ho-nin. Written
through the two letters "ho".
 137. Flies on the ceiling crap! And what is it
leads? By hazing.
 138. We used to have achieved better results.
 139. On the thief and the cap hurts like.
 140. At the bar without me climb.
 141. On the first floor of our department are classes No. 1, 
2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and so on until the 12 th.

 142. Restore order in the face and in bed.
 143. Above you have the whole department is crying!
 144. Above you have the students laughing at jokes.
 145. Must be transparent, as a seed!
 146. It is necessary to rub the floors so that the water
creaked.
 147. We must look not with the eyes and the chin rotated!
 148. Get drunk and crawl around
on all fours!
 150. I recall that the full rebound at 23:00,
therefore, all lie in their beds with
squad.
 151. The wind direction changed by 360
degrees.
 152. Pulled on his bed - spanned friend!
 153. Home - half the battle, the end - the head of everything!
 154. Our task - to make you young and inexperienced female 
students, skilled and know their business female ofitserok. 
I'll do that and all the officers of our department.  155. Our 
country is at the deepest rise.

 156. Our troops are advancing on the enemy ...
 157. Our students do not have dinner without beer
may be, the nobility for some show.
 158. Found a fool! I have for you, your work
will not do that!
 159. Not all at once became gods.
 160. Do not make me their grievances.
 161. Do not eat sandwiches, referring to the plague that must 
be regularly fed.  162. Do not force me to deny your future 
children's father!  163. Not sure what to write in a combat

sheet? Two or three little notes, ribbon, breast tearing, here 
a naked woman and inscription: "Humor".

 164. It is not every fool can learn from the military academy, 
and I finished it.  165. Do not lie on beds, for this is

Lenin's room.
 166. No need to make a fool out of me! I
both served in the Army 15 years!
 167. No need to insult me! I was insulted highly skilled!
 168. No need to scrub the floors every day, but although
Every day should be!
 169. Not to send arms to people, even
if it is loaded.
 170. Do not besmirch notes with my words!
 171. Not complying with safety
involve the death of human victims.
 172. Do not shake the muzzle face!
 173. Do not want to live like people, will live
according to the ordinance!
 174. Some caterpillars may be eaten, but
First they need to shave.
 175. No one in the locker found no soap.
I'd like to see what they brushed their teeth.
 176. At night, as the saying goes, all cats serut.
 177. Well, if one gave the 42-th, and he's
his 43rd, and the other is usually the 43rd and
he was given a 42-second, why would not they change?
 178. Well, your hair grew! Like sheep.
Soon you begin to growl.
 179. Well, how goes, as go! Kakayato cow! A pig, maybe.
 180. Well become the head and jump from
third floor, if you think that after the dress can lozh6itsya 
and relax.  181. Well, reports written, civilized

life want? And who will defend their homeland, I am, or what? 
Yes FIG I need it?!  182. What kind of insecurity you say

when dress codes were khaki?
 183. Has a sharp analytical, highly developed intelligence, 
which was best be used in research.

Common sense is unknown to him.
 184. Dressing and undressing a gas mask.
 185. One kill all birds with one stone!
 186. The windows are cleaned those who slept near them -
they are more likely to use them.
 187. He is smoking, she stands next to smoking, and then the 
children come ...  188. It consists of a ...

 189. It is, of course, is nothing, if nothing
happen. But if it happens, what then?
 190. Late for the service, standing in the tram
as fried nails.
 191. Some work has achieved the same
their results.
 192. The survey will be writing, but verbally.
 193. Landmark: pine with birch tip - a solitary tree in the 
forest.  194. Weapons placed under the third leg,

more precisely, under the second left.
 195. Inspect the hole in the fence, and report
I, with which she hand with this or this?
 196. The main factor for the defeat of the nuclear
explosion is the bacteriological exposure ...
 197. Particularly sensitive documents before reading the burn!
 198. Give the order: "Put a company to dig!"
 199. Unplug immediately! What, you do not see a
who I was talking on the phone!
 200. Opening the locker and found three naked women. Two, I 
tore myself on the spot, and about the third decided that I was 
not a boy! Duty of company, daily, along with the peel hot 
water and report back no later than 12:00! 


          To be continued ...