Buzz #15 09 июля 1998

Юмор

Jokes - 40 jokes ...

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∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ D-Man 



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   -------------------------------------------------- ------
         Some kool jokes from FidoNet RU.ANEKDOTS

      Compilled, converted 'pre-formatted for 64 chr by

              M.M.A aka UnBELIEVER / SPEED CO. / XTM

     Places may lack the capital letter "H" - sorry!

                      HP - New Russian

          !@#$%' And 3.14 - substitutes the letters in some 
words 

If a bummer to read everything, then at least offset that 
marked in 

                         nachale [!!!]

   -------------------------------------------------- ------ 
Story pilot in hospital after the fight ..... 

- Well, I graduated from flight school, is $ Zaya.
- True to one of two, in the xy $.
- They gave me a plane, Zaya is $.
- Really rusty, xy $ in.
- Take off me, Zaya is $.
- Look, but in my four F-19, $ x in.
- I shot down three, Zaya is $.
- Fourth knocked me in the xy $.
- I bailed out with a parachute, Zaya is $.
- The parachute failed to open, in the xy $.
- I can see the bottom of the haystack, $ Zaya is.
- In the haystack forks, xy $ in.
- At the fork, I did not hit, Zaya is $.
- On the stack, too, in the xy $.
- I found his gun, Zaya is $.
- I can see is the ten men in the xy $.
- I have all killed, Zaya is $.
- Have been ours in the xy $.
- They found me and brought to the hospital, Zaya is $.
- Put on the operating table, in the xy $.
- The doctor said I will live, Zaya is $.
- True two hours, the X-Y-$-B-O-O-oh-oh-oh-oh .......
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
------------> Decided Vasily Petka beer to drink. Kypili and 
fish-and nety. : (Tyt Petka says that he saw a fish y Fyrmanova 
syshitsya on the balcony. Decided, therefore, take it out ... 
Climbed up, removed - vdryg Fyrmanov goes: 

- What is it you guys are doing tyt?
- Why, girlyandy to hang on November 7 ...
- So in fact too early!
- And I mean early. Cnimay Petya!
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
------------> 

  Diary of a partisan.
Monday. We have taken a small house of forester.
Tuesday. The Germans occupied the hut forester.
Environment. We have taken a small house of forester.
Thursday. The Germans occupied the hut forester.
Friday. We have taken a small house of forester.
Saturday. Came a forester and all povygonyal out of the woods.
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
------------> (II) yatachok approaches (B) Inni-the-Pooh, and 
sees that (B) something is eating: 

(R) Winnie, Winnie, and what you eat?
(B), Honey!
(R) Winnie, and why he stinks?
(B) I eat it a second time ...
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
------------> Lieutenant Rzhevskii invites young cornet fishing.

"Yes, I do not know how the lieutenant, and fish to catch 
something. "Yes there is something to be able to? Pour drink 
yes. -------------------------------------------------- 
------------------ In the boudoir of his lyubovniitsy 
Lieutenant Rzhevskii unbuttoned his jacket and threw 
sapogi.Damu wince: -Fi, the lieutenant, but have you ever 
change your socks? -Very rarely, and then the vodka!

-------------------------------------------------- 
------------- Enters somehow D'Artagnan in the tavern, and 
there Ilya of Murom  mean drinks sisopsky drink (pivo!) - 
drums, well, D'Artagnan  begins to make fun of him, they say 
you're a pig Russian,  Muromets not stand him as a glove and 
put on  muzzle face - hlobys. D'Artagnan pulls out his sword,

 takes a piece of chalk and draws on his chest Muromtsa cross.
 that neponyal:

  - What is it? "

  - This is the place where I'll run you through a minute of 
his sword! 

  Murom - Alyosha Popovich:

  - Lesha! Bring me my mace ... and sprinkling it with chalk!
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> !!!!!!!


Rides the bus. Full of Pinocchio. All of a sudden bump, bus 
bounces, then cry out of the car: - Hey, took me, not you 
taking firewood! -----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ 
------------------- -------------> !


Pooh and Piglet float a boat, Piglet asleep and Pooh rows.
Tired of his case and as he knocks Piglet's oar in the face.
Piglet jumps up: "Huh?" What? Where? "
And Pooh said to him: "Well, a pig, I can not sleep?" Well, 
then bury " -----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ 
------------------- ------------->  Animals found on opyshke 
BAAALSHOY Cannot.  Only gathered dynyt, crow flies (in)

 B - Shybis, People, cops: 0
 Animals run away, cannot yronili ...
 Wait, wait ... No cops.
 Exposure opyshky - and cannot no: ((
 Watching a crow on the firs tyda-flies here.
 -Hey crow, you cannot see
 in - ...
 -Hey VORONAAAA, you cannot see
 in - ...
 -Hey VORONAAAAAAAA, you cannot see
 in -% (videla. .. nevidela ... knocks me with sticks, I get
nemogy!
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> Vinnie pyh on the ball flies to dyply - and then 
the bees starting his sting, he starts screaming Pyatachky:

 - Piglet shoot!
 - Vinnie, Vinnie, I do not mogy!
 - Shoot, otherwise they will eat me!
 - Vinnie, I do not mogy!
 - Shoot, you stinking pig!
Piglet - Bah, Vinny - plop.
Piglet will be useful:
 - Vinny, Vinny, you yevo%?
 - XY @ in?! Yes I 3.14zdets!
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> There are a mere two vacuum. One complains about 
the other: - I've got one problem: I come home - his wife shies 
away from me, said I really stink ... Second:

- Do you accept softwood bath, and the smell disappears.
They met the next day.
First:
 [A little boastfully] - Well? What I smell?
Second:
 [Sniffing] - Hmm ... You know, the impression that someone
under the tree nakakal ...
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
------------->  Vasily Ivanovich (VI) and Petya (II) NADI "were 
carried out on May Day holidays, come home, go to the VI on the 
couch, and fell to the P floor.

 P wakes in the night, feels that xy "into him on the floor
sleep well, and throws off the VI from the couch to the floor, 
and he gets a sofa, WI course of drunk does not even wake up.

 Early in the morning n wake up the cry:
VI: "Petka Petka," Turn on the lights, I get off the couch I 
can not! " -----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ 
------------------- -------------> 

    War. In the trenches sit two drugs: the misty eyes, detached
form. One could hardly lifts and looks out of the trench, then 
back sinks to the bottom and looking somewhere at one point 
tells his brother-soldier:


-Hey, there goes an enemy tank, so you roll the grenade, and 
then me such a bummer ... 

Second, so-and-hell-raisers as he says:

-I myself oblom.Ty first tank noticed you and throw grenades ...

Then the tank drove up to the trench, stops, opens
hatch of the tank protrudes an enemy soldier and frostbitten 
voice says: 

-Boys! Throw faster grenade, and then a bummer farther
go! ..
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> !!



    600-th Mears with lads catching up at a traffic light 
Cossack. From ZAZ comes out angry guy, gets a bazooka, aim, 
platoon, kaaaaak sharahnet .....



    Chaps lying on the roadside with oborvanymi hands - feet.

One another: - We are a sho. A count up what he does ... lohami
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
------------->  VE> Pope (P) and son-brake (C) arrive at a 
resort.  VE> (P) leads him to the sea and features:

 VE> Look, son, is the sea ..
 VE> (C) - Where?
 VE> (P) - Well, here is (sums up closer to the surf) - is the 
sea!  VE> (C) - Where?

 VE> Papa to the water plant on the belt and taking in the palm 
of the water says:  VE> (P) - Well, here is the sea!

 VE> (C) - Where?
 VE> Dad takes him by the scruff and plunges his head into the 
water ... 

     (C) - Daddy, what was it?

     (R) - Sea

     (C) - WHERE?

There is another option:

   Young Point (R) wrote in an echo - Where are the rules?

   Moderator (M) post them in the echo - Here.

   (R) - Where?

   (M) sends him netmeylom - Here!

   (R) - Where?

   (M) collects all the rules, policies and Fakie, and sends 
the Director nepakovannym soap - Here!


   (II) some how to disassemble a night this bunch - Moderator, 
what was it?? 

   (M) - Rules!

   (P) - WHERE?
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> !!!!! REALLY KOOL !!!!!


 Came a man in South Africa (a long time yet). Decided to go to 
the theater. Come the cashier:


- Give, OWL, a ticket!
- You that, for the first time in South Africa?
- Yes, but how do you know?
- Yes on hand, we only take tickets negros and whites at the 
reception.  A man to the administrator:

- Give, OWL, a ticket in the stalls!
- You that, for the first time in South Africa?
- Well, how did you know?
- Yes, the stalls have some negros take tickets, and whites in 
beletazhe in boxes.  Took the man in beletazh. Sat watching a 
spectacle. He wanted piss. Tolerate much urine there. He said 
to the attendant: - Where's your restroom?

- You that, for the first time in South Africa?
- Yes, but how do you know?
- Yes, the toilet, we just piss negros go, and white ssut 
directly to the ground, because there is some negros.  Well, a 
man stood up, began to piss in the stalls. Suddenly his voice 
from the stalls: - Are you the first time in South Africa? - 
Yes, but how do you know? - Duc why are you only on one all the 
time ssysh? You splashed, sprayed! :))) 
-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> !


Kai met some two men, a conversation:
(1) - Hey, you have the same pig is!
(2) - Well.
(1) - I've got a pig. So come on pig breeding.
(2) - How do I know that a wild boar "erim wants to do?
(1) - You're utretsa you look on his tail, if pricked, then 
wants. 

      Then immediately take me room.

  Morning (2) comes into the barn to the boar, watching the 
tail erect. A guy without thinking twice plants of wild boar in 
the sidecar, clothes his helmet on and on ...


  The next day the same thing.

  Third day. Output. Drizzle of rain. (2) peasant too lazy to 
get up look at the wild boar, and he asks to look for his wife. 
That went:  (2) - Well, like the tail of it?

 (R) - insignificant as it has a tail, but your pig in a 
wheelchair and a helmet ...

-----------------------/ \ / \ / \ / \ ------------------- 
-------------> 

              Continued in the next section ...