Skimer #02 30 сентября 2000

Самиздат

Crazy life! - Standartenfiihrer CC von Stirlitz.

     CCCRRRAAAZZZYYY LLLIIIFFFEEE ...

          CCRRAAZZYY LLIIFFEE ..

               CRAZY LIFE.


  Welcome! For Claudia ZZ and I'm going
ease small anecdotes. Once a reservation that they know the 
darkness, and therefore do not attempt to plug this very 
bottomless barrel. 


      Standartenfiihrer CC von Stirlitz



  Stirlitz out of the water and lay on the shingle -
Sveta was offended and left.


  Mueller was driving at a speed of 160mil
hour, and next ran Stirlitz and all of its
views showed that just walking.


  Stirlitz overnight stoked fireplace - in the morning
Fireplace drowned.


  Stirlitz stoked the stove all night - by morning
All newspapers were full of reports of brutal
murder of the employee by the Gestapo.


  -Stirlitz where you are so well learned
drive a car - asked Mueller.

  -In DOSAF. - He replied, and thought: "Is not
I blurted out something extra?


  Stirlitz saw in the hollow of two green eyes.

  "Owl!" - I thought Stirlitz.

  "Sam you're an owl!" - Think Mueller.


  Stirlitz saw someone sitting on a tree.

  "Woodpecker!" - I thought Stirlitz.

  "Sam you're a woodpecker!" - I thought Bormann.


  Stirlitz remembered how he loved to go for
mushrooms in a forest outside Moscow and decided to go. Looked 
here, looked there - no. 

  "We see not the season." - Thought and Stirlitz
sat down in a snowdrift.


  Shtitlits shot at close range - the emphasis fell.


  Stirlitz shot at point blank range, the emphasis fell
supine, Vznich not stir.


  Stirlitz struggled with melancholy. Tosca was younger, but 
Stirlitz knew more tricks. 


  Stirlitz went out. Rouge was also
razvedchetsey, but Polish.


  Shtirlitsa beat colic, and from all sides
settle Saniki and Voviki.


  Stirlitz got up early in the morning. Pozaranku was
razvedchetsey too, but Romanian.


  Stirlitz sat vraskoryachku - raskoryachka
squeaked and traveled.


  Stirlitz fled to pripryzhku - in Pripryzhke
gave a fresh beer.


  Stirlitz walked into Razvalka in "Razvalka" his
waiting to be connected.


  Gestapo beat Stirlitz Stirlitz struggled
as I could, but could a tough guy.


  Stirlitz all day running through Berlin in search of 
appearances, but cigarettes are "Java" sold only in Moscow.



  Gestapo blocked the Stirlitz all outputs
but he went through the entrance.


  Stirlitz walked vechermemu Berlin and raised his eyes - they 
were the eyes of Professor Pleischner.



  Professor Pleischner dumped 34 times
out of the window, the poison did not act! ..


  Stirlitz received notice that if he
will not pay for the light - he confiscated the transmitter.


  Stirlitz walked through the woods and hit a branch.

  Schley would you home, girl, war, after all.


  Stirlitz left the bar and saw the whores.

  "Whore." - I thought Stirlitz.

  "Stirlitz." - We thought whores.


  Associated Stirlitz lay on the back of the car and his whole 
appearance showed that just admiring the scenery.



  Stirlitz approached the house and in the second window
floor saw a 33 iron, two pairs of boots and
teddy bear.

  "The turnout failed." - Got Stirlitz.


  Stirlitz left the bar and fell face into
dirt. Kopelyan voice-over:

  -Stirlitz knew exactly after 15 minutes
he gets up and continue to serve his homeland. This
entered into a multi-year habit.


  "SHTIRLITS, you are a fool!" - Above this radiogram two weeks 
bellow all the Gestapo. Stirlitz only realized that he was given

another Hero of the Soviet Union.


  Secret meeting in Hitler's bunker.
Stirlitz comes with a tray of oranges,
reveals a safe, rake documents pulls out from under the nose 
Hitler's secret card, put a tray of oranges and leaves. After a 
while, Hitler was interested in: 

  -Who is it?

  -This is a Soviet spy, Stirlitz.

  -Why you do not will arrest?

  -All the same apertures - say that would bring oranges.


  Mueller comes to the office and sees Shtirlitsa about his 
safe. 

  -Stirlitz and what are you doing here?

  -Waiting for a taxi.

  Mueller nodded and walked out. A few minutes
later, he thought: "And what in my taxi
office? "rushes back and sees that
Shtirlitsa not. "Probably left." - Think
Muller.


  Stirlitz bursts into the office Muller
reveals sverhsekreny safe, picks up the documents and asked for 
Müller: 

  -And you have no chance paperclips?

  Kopelyan voice-over: "Stirlitz knew
that it is best to remember the past
word. Now if someone asks, why come Stirlitz - he will answer: 
a paper clip. " 


  Stirlitz entered the room and saw Mueller
him lying dead on the floor.

  -Pritravilsya poor man ... - Said Stirlitz
stroking the handle of an ax sticking out of the back
chief.


  Stirlitz walked along the corridor by the Gestapo, as
I suddenly felt the deadly lead. He
stepped to one side and a pig with a whistle and
grunts passed by.


  Stirlitz running jumps. He made a sharp
jerk zaugol and roll swept past.


  Stirlitz laid foot-zanogu on sleduyushy day, leg-Zanogu 
arrested by the Gestapo. 


  -Stirlitz - Mueller said - you could not
would give birth to?

  -What?

  -No difference, most importantly to give birth, I want to
listen to the language in which you'll cry.


  -Stirlitz you are Russian! - Mueller said, -
your documents smell of vodka!

  -Hmm. Have you seen how Kaltenbruner puts printing documents?


  -Stirlitz you a Jew?

  No, you, I'm Russian.


  -Stirlitz, and the color of my panties?

  And white, with red polka dots.

  -So you got caught! Knew about it only
Russian radio operator.

  Button-fly, Mueller, or to
dinner about this will know all the Gestapo.


  -So you got caught, Stirlitz - exclaimed Mueller - your 
prints are found in me on the buttocks ...


  -I remember ... Yesterday, I helped Hotlofu
carry you in a drunken dryzg across the road ...


  Stirlitz walked to the Reichstag in Budenovka.

  -Stirlitz, you at least have kept secrecy - Mueller said.

  "Really!" - I thought Stirlitz and donned dark glasses.


  Stirlitz went to Berlin in the evening and did not
could understand what gives it the Soviet
scout? Tolley willed opinion, toli
Star hero, toli parachute behind him ...


  Stirlitz opened the door - the light came on,
closed - the lights went out, opened - the light
ignited, shut - the lights went out, opened -
light came on and closed - the lights went out. "Refrigerator." 
- Guessed Stirlitz. 


                   ***


  For sim pokames all. As they say -
Wait for the next series ...


                       With best wishes

                       Z-Zero SYSTEMS inc.