City #14 06 июня 1999

Самиздат

Beech - The Adventures of Shtiplitsa and one another in ppiklyucheniya Bopmana.

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                        BEECH
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  Shtirlitsa adventures and other adventures Bormann


                    continued


                   CHAPTER TWO


  In the district center (as it was called Stirlitz and
Mueller) Puerto Dubinos Stirlitz quickly found a travel agency. 
Luxurious office with a naked woman on the poster, under which 
approximately snored the owner institution, attracted all its 
emptiness and cool.


  Stirlitz straightened just vymenenny six
cans of stewed black jacket, opened the door and wanted to
blow his nose, but his nose was dry as a barrel
breadcrumbs. Stirlitz swore and went inside.

  - Hey, boss! - He called, at the same time freeing up a table 
of the institution of stale where small items. 

  - I hear you, Comrade Stirlitz - host, unshaven and puffy 
eyes from fat otkudato climbed from under the table and dyhnul 
face Russian intelligence fume smell of yesterday's cologne 
"Victory." 

  - Look, - said Stirlitz gate person - I like you
ticket to a resort in the States to ensure that so quickly, but
I, you know, in a rage like to fight their feet ...

  - Understood, Comrade Stirlitz, said the host travel agency, 
pulling from his pocket a pencil stub Designer 2M. 

  He found an empty table in the ticket and asked:

  - You now or later?

  - Today, - categorically said Stirlitz. - I know
I'm your sweat. From you and then fork of corned beef is not
dozhdeshsya.

  - Then, today, said the owner, writing a ticket:

 "Name-comrade Stirlitz.

  Surname-I do not know, probably, too, Comrade Stirlitz.

  Place of origin Puerto Dubinos.

  Destination Washington, DS

  Baggage-much cans of stew. "


  When referring to the stew of the owner of tourist
Agencies twitched and he spat on his bast.

  - Well, - said Stirlitz, pulling his ticket.

  - Hey, hey, Comrade Stirlitz and money?

  - I'm here right now, I will give you the money - in this 
host travel agency never doubted. 

  Wiping a half hour later bleeding nose, he thought:

  "Nothing, still the same crash every day."


  - Listen, Stirlitz Would you like to have fun?
- Before Stirlitz was a lady in a mini-skirt, easily
playing with something long and rubber.

  - Good, - said Stirlitz very gallantly and took
her waist.

  - Do you or do I have? - Asked the lady, pulling
of dribbling, smelling tushenkoj kiss.

  - First, let me, then you, and then
somewhere else - Stirlitz, despite the fact that
he had no time, always found time for charming the ladies.

  - The park will not, - said the lady, pointing
two rows of dazzling teeth gleaming.

  - I too will not, - said Stirlitz, gently and with
slight crackle felling her to the bench.

  The lady gave him a slap in the face, smeared on the forehead 
with a purple lipstick with yellow stripes, to escape. 

  Stirlitz wiped off the lipstick and frowned. So badly to
Russian azvedchiku has no attitude.

  "There are tricks felt that thick pig
- That's just what - or a Borman pastor? "- Thought Stirlitz.

  Plucked a flower from the flower beds, he stuck it in his 
buttonhole its already slightly rumpled suit.


  Prior to the flight left for forty minutes.

  Airport Stirlitz found at once. Once inside, he
went to the charming black woman in the aviation
form and distance showed a ticket.

  - Oh, it's you, Comrade Stirlitz! - Softly cried Negro 
somehow very familiar voice. 

  - Yes, it's me - said Stirlitz, very pleased.

  - Let your ticket to Washington, - said the black woman.

  Stirlitz could not learn the English agent, as
After joking with the gas chamber he could not wash the black 
spots on his forehead and nose. I had to paint it black shoe 
polish, and the English Agent glad that Stirlitz not recognize 
him. 

  - Please come in to land - said the English agent, raising 
the skin of a tiger and a showing dilapidated airplane with a 
lot of potholes on the case. 

  - What is it? - Russian intelligence officer was unpleasantly 
surprised. 

  - This aircraft company Duos Kretinos and Sons,
but what is it?

  - What is an airplane nerd, what kind of tub?

  - Come on you, Comrade Stirlitz Mumu flog -
someone said from behind the curtain.

  Stirlitz somehow calmed down and went to the aircraft.

  Everyone thought that the plane he liked to
Actually Stirlitz thought that there is nothing to show off, 
just the ticket for free. 

  Inside it was quiet and dark and smelled of toilets. Stirlitz
sat in the first place came across and wanted to doze off,
but the place hiccupped and said:

  - My dear, you do for me sat!

  - Really? - Stirlitz felt at his back and found a frail old 
man in a tracksuit. He pulled it out from under him, sat in a 
chair next to and fastened seat belt, so as not dropped.


  - That's right, young man, - said the old man, straightening 
the knot in a braided legs. 

  - Yes, - said Stirlitz, and spat on the floor: - infectious!

  - It is you who have in mind? - Asked the old man alive.

  - Borman, I mean - said Stirlitz and sullenly stared at the 
old man. 

  - Heh! - He said, and then all the way, never said a word.

  Airplane Company Duos Kretinos & Sons fell worthless. Flying 
a hundred kilometers, the pilot drunk, and uvstvoval itself 
bad. The plane was rocking and bad smell in the cabin. Stirlitz 
nervous. He knew that of drunk drivers can expect any paskostey

cleaner than that of Bormann. Finally, after some
flight time below shows the Statue of Liberty, shrouded in the 
evening haze. 


                     *


  Comrade Khrushchev was sitting in an armchair, his feet on
lying on the table, the newspaper "Soviet Russia". Before him 
lay opened the telegram, which read:  "We inform you that a 
certain comrade Isaev left 

  yesterday from Brazil in an unknown direction to us. "

  - Butterfingers! - Khrushchev threw a shoe on
wall.

  Shoes grunted and ceased to exist.

  - Goats! - Second bonitok hit the wall and
fell near the first.

  - Everyone will set! - And the first sock fell near
the second shoe.

  Khrushchev angrily slid off the bed and took
full glass of vodka.


              to be continued ...