Humor - Jokes about Stirlitz.

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          Jokes about Stirlitz.



 1. Stirlitz walked through a dense forest and
    suddenly he saw that from the hollow at him
    eyes look.
    Woodpecker - thought Stirlitz.
    “You’re a woodpecker yourself,” thought Muller.

 2. Stirlitz caught the dog. Ben gave it to drink
    zine and let him go.
    The dog ran 50 meters and fell.
    “Probably ran out of gas,” I thought.
    Stirlitz.

 3. Stirlitz bent over a map of the USSR.
    He felt an indomitable urge to return to his homeland.

 4. Stirlitz walked through the streets of Berlin and
    suddenly looked up.
    These were the eyes of Professor Pleischner.

 5. Stirlitz got up early. Early in the morning
    was a Romanian intelligence officer.

 6. Stirlitz lay down on the pebbles. Pebbles screamed -
    whined and ran away.

 7. There was a blast from the window. Stirlitz closed the window -
    the muzzle disappeared.

 8. Stirlitz entered the room. A candle was burning
    but did not give light. Stirlitz extinguished
    Sveta immediately gave me a candle.

 9. Stirlitz shot at point blank range. The emphasis has fallen
    supine. The assailant jumped up and rushed
    ran away. Utek began to defend himself.

 10. Stirlitz was jumping, where he
    Müller and Bormann were waiting.

 11. Stirlitz shot Muller in the head.
    The bullet ricocheted and hit the wall.
    “Armored,” thought Stirlitz.

 12.Müller received a denunciation against Stirlitz.  B
    it said: "On the night of the first
    May Stirlitz left Berlin for the month
    gen. There in the forest, in a remote clearinghe
    drank a bottle of vodka.  Made a fire
    and took out a balalaika.  Then he began to play
    heaven on the balalaika, dance in a squat
    and sing ditties. After midnight he
    returned to his apartment, locked
    bottle and balalaika in the safe and lay down
    sleep." The next day Stirlitz
    opens the safe - and there, instead of a ball,
    likes and bottles there is a note:
    "Stirlitz, have a conscience - not alone
    you are suffering from nostalgia."

 13. Stirlitz walked through the streets of Berlin. On
    corner he saw brightly painted women
    shchin.
     - B... - thought Stirlitz,
     - Stirlitz - you would have thought...

 14.At midnight we drove up to Stirlitz’s house
    two cars with SS officers.  Two
    walked up to the door and knocked.
    The rest cordoned off the back door and windows.
     - Stirlitz, open up! -
    Stirlitz walked to the door and quietly said
    carried:
     - No one is home. -
     - Who is speaking? -
     - Berlin Radio speaking. Berlin-
    15:00 local time.
    The SS men got into their cars and drove off.
    Voiceover:
     - That's how an experienced Soviet intelligence officer-
    Chick led the SS officers by the nose.

 15.From the window of his office, Stirlitz saw
    dealt with a group of people who were going down
    from a snowy mountain using wooden
    runners and sticks.
     “Skiers,” Stirlitz realized.

 16.Müller is standing in line at the cafeteria,
    Bormann, Himler and other employees.
    Having shoved everyone to the buffet counter,
    walksStirlitz. Takes lunch and sits down
    at the end table.
    The queue sees off with a stunned look
    with his gaze.
    Voiceover:
     - They didn’t know that the Heroes of the Soviet
    of the Union are served out of turn -

 17. Stirlitz went to the safe and opened it
    and with difficulty pulled out Mueller's note.
    Müller swore loudly and waved his hand
    kami.

 18. Stirlitz received another radiogram
    and now standing up he read the code. Included
    Muller.
    - Oh, Stirlitz, let me read it too.
    He unfolds the piece of paper and sees
    line.
     "Stirlitz, you are a goat."
    Muller did not know that the center was reporting
    whether that Stirlitz was awarded the title Ge
    swarm of the Soviet Union.

 19. Stirlitz shot blindly.  Blind
    fell.

 20. Stirlitz was walking down the street and suddenly he
    a brick fell.
    “Those are the times,” thought Stirlitz.
    “Here are those two,” thought Muller and bro-
    second strength.

 21. Stirlitz fell out of a 12th floor window and
    It was only by miracle that he managed to catch on
    behind the cornice of the 9th floor.
    The next day the miracle swelled and
    it hurt a lot.

 22. Stirlitz knew for sure. Surely too
    knew Stirlitz.

 23. Stirlitz was hit in the head by a bullet. "One-
    jerky!" - he thought with his brain wide open
    Stirlitz.

 24. Stirlitz wakes up in the morning, tied up
    arms and legs, and fever begins
    It’s hard to remember what happened to him
    it happened.
    After much thought, he decides: “Yes-
    whethermen in black will enter the cell -
    that means I’m in the Gestapo and I’m Stir-
    persons If people in green come in -
    That means I’m in the NKVD and I’m Isaev.”
    Two men in gray come in, lift them up and...
    They push him along the corridors. Bound br-
    repents and shouts: “For what?! - You just-
    ra got drunk like a pig at the reception and
    committed a pogrom. And also People's Art
    tist, citizen Tikhonov!

 25. Stirlitz entered the restaurant and tried -
    shaft remove the jacket.  Frau Kitel is not
    filmed.