Humor - recalls from the former Zigzag.

                  Jokes from the former Zigzag
 (broke his wings, broke his self-)
           (I’m years old, I became a Gamser and I walk...)
 (C) Gamser



    A customer enters a grocery store.
    There are only brains on the shelves. The price tags say:
    "Brains of BPI students - 1 kg - 50 rubles. Brains
    BrPI students - 1 kg - 1000 rubles."
    Buyer asks:
    - Are the brains of BrPI students really that much tastier?
    - That's not the point. You just don't know how much you need
      catch BrPI students to get this kilogram.

    On the train, the Azerbaijani offers:
    - Let's get acquainted.
    - Ivan Ivanovich. Moskvich.
    - Oleg Kravchuk. Zaporozhets.
    - Mamed Ogly. Gas-24-10.

    Japanese, Chinese and Chukchi compete in hammering nails
    head.
    The Chinese runs up and hammers the nail in a third.
    The Japanese runs up and hammers the nail in half.
    The Chukchi calmly approaches and drives the nail completely into the board.
    The referee raises the flag and disallows the try.
    Everyone is perplexed, why?
    - I hit the nail on the wrong side...

    - Hello, is this a mental hospital?
    - And what ?
    - Tell me: a person who wakes up at six in the morning
      starts blowing the trumpet and wakes everyone up, normal?
    - Of course not ! What is your address?
    - MilitaryPart. Barracks. Orderly.

    - Well, the pulse is normal.
    - Doctor, take your left hand, your right hand - the prosthesis...

    - Oh, sir, give it to the poor beggar.
    - I'm sorry, but I don't serve on the street.
    - Well, we can come to my office.

    Vovochka comes home.
    - Mom, why does everyone in the yard call me a tadpole?
    - I don’t know, better go get some potatoes. Don't take the bucket.
      Your Panama hat will fit three buckets.

    A Russian, a Chinese and Abram are flying on the plane. Enters the salon
    the pilot says:
    - Guys, it's a disaster. Our wings have fallen off. Here's two for you
    parachute Save yourself as best you can. And he jumped out.
    The Chinese grabbed the parachute:
    - Sorry, brothers. There is no way I can die: cultural
    revolution, communism and generally a lot of things to do...
    With that, he jumped overboard.
    - Perhaps I’ll take the second parachute, and you Abram somehow
    you'll get out.
    - Take it, I’ve already gotten out of it.
    - How ?
    - I slipped my backpack to the Chinese... It’s a pity, they were good
    clothes.

    A crow sits with cheese at the entrance. Three people are coming off shift.
    There is alcohol, but no snacks. We saw a crow.
    - Hey, crow, will you drink?
    - Yes!
    The cheese fell out, and there was a snack with it.
    The next day the same story. There is alcohol, but no snacks.
    The crow is right there.
    - Will you drink crow?
    Silent.
    - Is the crow big or small for you?
    - The big one.
    The cheese fell out and there was a snack with itthat's how it is.
    On the third day the same story. There is alcohol, but no snacks.
    The crow is right there.
    - Will you drink crow?
    Silent.
    - Is the crow big or small for you?
    Silent.
    - Come on guys, why talk to her, she’s drunk!
    - Did you pour it for me?...

    On the alley, one is digging a hole, the other is burying it. Everyone is surprised.
    One passerby asks:
    - What are you doing? One digs, the other buries?
    - I'm not second, I'm third. The second one didn’t come to work today.
      He had to plant trees...

    Traffic cops at the checkpoint stop cars and
    check whether the driver is drunk. Everyone should blow something
    what they give him. Everyone is blowing and only the twelfth is indignant:
    - So this is a condom!
    - You can pass. Apparently he's sober.

    Heat. A peasant who is driving along a dusty road is completely
    exhausted.
    “I don’t remember such a hot summer,” mutters the peasant.
    “Me too,” says the horse.
    - What's happened ?! This is the first time I've heard a horse speak.
    “Me too,” the cart agrees.

    Lecture on ethics. Professor:
    - Young people, if you see what's on a girl's buttock
      thread, you must tell her about this as tactfully as possible.
      For example:
      "Girl, there's a thread on your back."
      The girl will look at her shoulder, then lower and see.
    The student raises her hand:
    - Professor, the zipper on your tie is unfastened.- Honey, we need to buy curtains for the bathroom. Opposite the hostel.
      Young people can see me.
    - Honey, why the extra expenses? They will see you and buy you themselves
    curtains.

    Young specialists came to work at the construction site. Foreman
    tells them:
    - Guys, tomorrow we have a commission. Whatever happens -
      pretend that this is how it should be.
    The next day the construction commission comes. Suddenly one of
    The walls are noisily collapsing. One of the young builders
    says:
    - Look, you! Ten thirty-five - right on schedule!...

    - Give me a box of matches!
    - Don't shout, I'm not deaf. Do you want it with or without a filter?

    A Jew died and went to hell. They brought him to Satan:
    - Will you choose your own punishment or assign it?
    - I’d better choose it myself.
    They gave him a devil and he led the Jew to show all hell.
    We walked and wandered around, the Jew didn’t like anything. They come into
    last room. There are barrels of shit in the room. In them
    men stand and smoke.
    The Jew rejoiced:
    - I like it here! This is how you punish me!
    He climbed into the barrel. They gave him a cigarette. A Jew smokes and rejoices.
    Suddenly the main devil comes in and says:
    - Khan, guys, the smoke break is over, stand up on your hands.

    A little girl came to the store and addressed the seller:
    - Mom told me to buy sour cream.
    - Give me the can. Here, now give me the money.
    - Mom said that the money is incan.

    - Doctor, I have blackouts.
    - And how often do you do this?
    - What often?
    - Well, failures?
    - What the hell are failures?

    Two owners argue about whose dog is smarter:
    - My dog is so smart that when he returns home, he
      presses the call button.
    - But my dog doesn’t have to do this: she has her own keys.
    there is...

    One friend complains to another about her husband:
    - I've completely cooled down. The third month he sleeps separately...
    - Why was she silent! I'll give you the powder, sprinkle it into his dinner.
    - What will help?
    - You will fight back.
    She did just that. Just my husband came home from work, she made pasta
    boiled in a frying pan, sprinkled with powder and on the TV.
    The husband comes into the kitchen... And suddenly - a cry:
    - Wife! Come here quickly! Move as much as you can
      can we wait?
    She's going to the kitchen. He runs and thinks: “Wow! It’s already worked!”
    And there the hungry husband stands at the stove and curses:
    - I lived for forty years, but so that the pasta could still be fried -
      I've never seen it!

    The coach consoles the losing boxer:
    - In the third round you really scared him!
    - What is it?
    - It seemed to him that he killed you.