Humor - Questions and answers from the Soviet expert system or Armenian radio.

 Questions and answers of the Soviet expert system or Armenian
radio.


   1034. - Is it possible to paint eggs with a brush?
   - It is possible if the husband is not afraid of tickling.

   1035. - What should a potty be like in a small apartment?
   - The same as usual, only with the handles facing inward.

   1036. - Can a woman get pregnant from dust?
   - Maybe if there is a lot of dust.

   1037. - Can a vegetarian love a woman?
   - Maybe if a woman is neither fish nor fowl.

   1038. - Can a woman, having been married three times, remain
   virgin?
   - Maybe if the first husband is French, the second is Armenian, the third
academician

   1039. - What is purgen used for?
   - This is the national contraceptive.

   1040. - Can a German Shepherd become a Bulldog?
   - Maybe if you chop off her tail and stuff her face.

   1041. - Who is better to be - a fool or bald?
   - Better to be a fool: the bald spot is not so noticeable.

   1042. - What is the similarity between a TV tower and a woman’s leg?
   - The higher you go, the more breathtaking it is.

   1043. - Why do old maids wear black skirts?
   - So as not to expose the film.

   1044. - When will world famine occur?
   - When the Chinese start eating with forks.

   1045. - Will there be a new world war?
   - There will be no war, but there will be such a struggle for peace that there will be no stone left.
no stone will be left unturned.

   1046. - How to protect a boa fromhair loss?
   - We don’t know what a boa is, but we can guess. Recommended
We ask you not to ride a horse, ride a bicycle, and also not to wash
use a hard washcloth.

   1047. - Does a woman have the gift of satisfying a man?
   - Possesses it, but not for nothing.

   1048. - What is a decent woman, and what is a slut?
   - A slut is a lonely woman who is yearning and lo-
lives to sleep alone, but a decent one loves order, today alone, and
tomorrow is another one.

   1049. - What is the difference between a statue and a woman?
   - The statue first falls and then breaks, the woman does the opposite.

   1050. - Why does the rooster sing all his life?
   - Because he has many wives and not a single mother-in-law.

   1051. - Can a dog get a heart attack?
   - Maybe if human conditions are created for her.

   1052. - Is there life on Mars?
   - Not either.

   1053. - What is salary?
   - The same as menstruation: you wait a month, and in three days it ends -
Xia.

   1054. - Where do all diseases come from?
   - All diseases are from nerves, only syphilis is from pleasure.

   1055. - What is criticism from below?
   - If you can't, get off.

   1056. - What is the most valuable thing in human milk?
   - Tara.

   1057. - Can a man possess a hundred women in one night?
   - Maybe if the night is polar.

   1058. - What is a husband?
   - This is the lover’s deputy for the economic part.

   1059. - What is the difference between a husband and a director?
   -The director knows his deputy, but the husband does not.

   1060. - What does the Russian word business mean?
   - We need to steal a box of vodka, pour out the vodka, hand over the bottles, and
drink the money away.

   1061. - What is the easiest thing in the world?
   - Dick - before you have time to think, it’s already getting up.

   1062. - What is the heaviest thing in the world?
   - If your penis doesn’t stand up, you can’t lift it with any jack.

   1063. - What is the fastest thing in the world?
   - Thought.  In one minute you can travel from Yerevan to Paris
and give a dozen sticks to the most beautiful woman.

   1064. - Who were the first people on Earth?
   - It is known that man descended from a monkey, so he came
is willing to admit that the first people were: the Jew Aron Gutan,
zine - Champanidze and Russian - Gavrila.

   1065. - What is the difference between a man's penis and an airplane?
   - The plane rises - it becomes smaller, and the penis rises
getting bigger.

   1066. - Can a male member become a shock worker of the Komtrud?
   - He can’t, because he doesn’t get up for work when he needs to, but
when he wants, he cannot work for eight hours straight, he spits on
its own workplace, in addition has its own private property
interests - he stayed there himself, he didn’t let others in.

   1067. - How is a girl different from a knight?
   - A knight fights to the last drop of blood, and a girl fights until
first.

   1068.- Why is the Armenian expression “to the bushes” written together?
    - Because there’s nothing to do there alonenothing.

   1069. - Is it possible to iron nylon?
   - It’s not possible, but it’s necessary if it’s on a beautiful woman’s leg.

   1070. - Why does a chicken have no breasts?
   - Because the rooster has no hands.

   1071. - What kind of women will be loved under communism - fat ones or
thin?
   - We don’t know for sure, but we assume they are overweight, since they are male
not a dog, doesn't throw himself at bones.

   1072. - What does cross to cross mean?
   - Pop on the nurse.

   1073. - What is the difference between male and female legs?
   - There is no difference in the legs, the difference is between them.

   1074. - Why is it better to die: from syphilis or from dysentery?
   - It's better to die a man than an asshole.

   1075. - Is it possible to sleep with the window open?
   - You can, if you have no one else.

   1076. - Is it true that Tchaikovsky was a homosexual?
   - True, but we love him not only for this.

   1077. - What do girls do in big cities?
   - They solve the problem - how to put on a “mini” skirt on a “maxi” - butt and
pull high boots onto your crooked legs.

   1078. - How does a French woman have an abortion?
   - Ugh!

   1079. - What is a ceremonial woman?
   - This is a woman who gives herself away in the front door.

   1080. - What is a shy woman?
   - This is a woman who gives herself behind the wall.

   1081. - How to have a friend?
   - If you want to have a friend, buy a dog.

   1082. - Is it possible to stop a train with your butt?
   - It’s possible if it’s red.

   1083. - Cankill a person with a 6 volt battery?
   - Maybe if it falls off the cabinet.

   1084. - What is the difference between a woman and a yacht?
   - On a yacht, they first put up the mast, and then raise the sails, and
women are the opposite.

   1085. - What is a fellow soldier?
   - This is a man who can only throw one stick.

   1086. - What is between a woman’s legs?
   - Washing machine - you put the thing in and take out the rag.

   1087. - How many types of unnatural love are there?
   - Man to man, woman to woman, countries of folk de-
mocracy towards the USSR.

   1088. - What is the difference between nuts and husband?
   - They gnaw nuts when there is money, but they gnaw my husband when there is no money.
money.

   1089. - What is “neither this nor that and a bow on the side”?
   - This is a naked man in profile.

   1090. - Are there houses of brothel in the USSR?
   - We don’t have brothels, we have rest houses.

   1091. - Is it possible to rape a woman on the go?
   - You can’t, because it’s easier to run with your skirt up than with it down-
puppy pants.

   1092. - Is it possible to determine nationality if the father is Turkish,
is your mother Jewish?
   - A blackened Jew.

   1093. - Where is a person’s soul?
   - Under the bladder. Once you recover, your soul becomes lighter
curls.

   1094. - Where does a woman have appendicitis?
   - As you enter, turn left.

   1095. - What does a rooster think when he runs after a hen?
   - “If I catch up, I’ll be satisfied, but if I don’t catch up, I’ll warm up.”

   1096. - Achicken?
   - "Am I running too fast?"

   1097. - How should a young wife treat her husband?
   - Like with a dog: feed it, caress it, take it for walks more often.

   1098. - Will there be love under communism?
   - If there is no money, there will be no love.

   1099. - Why when your feet sweat, they smell bad, and your hands
no?
   - Remember where the legs grow from and where the arms grow from.

   1100. - Is it possible to live on one salary?
   - We don’t know, we haven’t tried.

   1101. - What is the best contraceptive?
   - "Spidin."

   1102. - How many great nations are there in the world?
   - Russians, non-Russians and Armenians.

   1103. - What is the cutest thing in the world?
   - Dream.  Put a beautiful woman next to me, but if you want
sleep, you won’t pay any attention to her.

   1104. - What can the most beautiful woman in Paris give?
   - She cannot give more than what she can give.

   1105. - What is super-greed?
   - When a person spoils the air under the blanket and covers himself with
fishing

   1106. - Why is the bug flat?
   - To make it more comfortable to sleep on it.

   1107. - How to get rid of bedbugs?
   - We need to buy lottery tickets and cover the room with them. If
If he wins even one ticket, the bedbugs will die of laughter.

   1108. - How to determine the border, where is Georgia and where is Armenia?
   - We need to put a naked woman at the border: a Georgian will do
in front, and the Armenian in the back.

   1109. - What is softest in the world?- Fist.  Even on a soft pillow they place it under their head.

   1110. - Is it possible to go to the toilet during an atomic explosion?
   - You can, if you find your ass.

   1111. - What is a family quarrel?
   - This is when a woman spreads her legs, and a man spreads his arms.

   1112. - Why aren’t women taken into the army?
   - Because at the command “lie down” they fall on their backs.

   1113. - What is the difference between beer and medicine?
   - The medicine is first prescribed, and then drunk, and beer first
They drink and then they are discharged.

   1114. - What is the difference between a woman and a tree?
   - A tree is first sawed and then felled, a woman - vice versa.

   1115. - What is a reactive husband?
   - This is tu - 104, but never a wife.

   1116. - What should you do when your mother-in-law is attacked by a tiger?
   - He attacked himself, let him defend himself.

   1117. - Why does the male member quickly retire?
   - Because he works in a hot shop, and always at night
shift, and upside down.

   1118. - The USSR has a planned economic system, why not
   planned birth?
   - Because the means of production are in private hands.

   1119. - Is it possible to make Paris a socialist city?
   - It’s possible, but it’s a pity.

   1120. - Is it true that everyone’s eyes sparkle?
   ... Armenian radio refused to answer. Then it connected
Odessa radio: "If everyone's eyes sparkled, then in
Odessa would always have white nights." On this scoreLeningradskoe
the radio said: “No hints please.”

   1121. - What is the difference between a golden woman and a simple one?
   - Gold - with hallmark.

   1122. - What is the difference between the Volga and the priest?
   - Volga is mother, and priest is father.

   1123. - Is it possible to determine the size of a man’s penis by his nose?
   - Can. But if you judge by the donkey, then it is better to judge by the ears.

   1124. - What is “neither this nor that”?
   - This is a small one for three.

   1125. - What is old age?
   - This is when half of the urine is analyzed.

   1126. - What can be removed from a naked woman?
   - Only a naked man.

   1127. - Why is the word “kvass” written together, and “to you” -
   separately?
   - Because “pineapple” is written together, and “we her” is written separately.

   1128. - What is the difference between a woman and a man?
   - A woman can always, but does not always want, and a man is the same
mouth

   1129. - How to kill bedbugs in a room?
   - We need to drive them under the closet, and cut down the legs of the closet.

   1130. - Which is the most beautiful city? How many atomic ones do you need?
bombs to destroy it?
   ... The Armenian radio paused and answered: “Yerevan is beautiful
city, but Tbilisi is better."

   1131. - Where did tap dancing come from?
   - It arose in the family of the worker Sarzhesyan, who had
thirteen children and one chamber pot.

   1132. - What should be done in the event of an atomic explosion?
   - You need to wrap yourself in a sheet and slowly crawl to the cemetery.
   - Why is it slow?
   - So as not tocreate panic.

   1133. - What is the difference between a TV and a chamber pot?
   - There is no difference.  Both there and there are the same thing, but in a pot
better visible.

   1134. - Is it possible to build communism in a single city?
de Yerevan?
   - It’s possible, but it’s better in the separate city of Tbilisi.

   1135. - What happens if you combine cybernetics and mathematics?
   - Cybenematics.

   1136. - Why does a person have a nose?
   - For men, for beauty, and for women, to stick it where not
follows.

   1137. - Why are some men thin and others fat, although
do they eat the same pasta?
   - Because some eat along, and others - across.

   1138. - What is the difference between a woman and glass?
   - If the glass is covered with matte, it turns white, and the woman is red-
nope.

   1139. - Which TV is the best?
   - Female. Firstly, it breaks down once in a lifetime. Secondly, once
per month is in color. Thirdly, any tube is suitable, fourthly
Firstly, it works under any voltage.

   1140. - How to make twins?
   - You need to wrap your penis in carbon paper.

   1141. - What needs to be done so that a woman does not give birth, a gun does not
did it shoot, did the dog bite?
   -Don't let go.

   1142. - Can there be communism in Armenia?
   - No, because it’s just around the corner.

   1143. - What is a hairy man?
   - This is either the first man or the last monkey.

   1144. - What is a hangover?
   - It's the same boozeonly in the morning.

   1145. - What is the name of a woman with a low neckline?
   - Vociferous.

   1146. - What is sexual insufficiency?
   - This is when the penis does not reach the floor by 15 cm.

   1147. - Which is better to have a wife: scary, but faithful, or
beautiful, but...?
   - It’s better to eat cake together than to eat shit alone.

   1148. - Why are Armenians always lucky?
   - Because fortune is afraid to turn its back on them.

   1149. - Is it possible to rape a woman who has crooked legs?
   ...The Armenian radio was silent for a week. The BBC joined in.
After some time the answer came: “The English are gentlemen and
They won’t put a spoke in our wheels.”

   1150. - Why are there no lamb, pork and chickens in stores?
   - All the sheep went to study, all the pigs went out into the world, the chickens
died of laughter.

   1151. - What is the shortest joke?
   - The Jew is a janitor.

   1152. - Is it possible to cross a bear and a cow?
   - It’s not only possible, but also necessary, so that in winter it sucks its paw, and
in the summer it gave milk.

   1153. - What needs to be done to increase productivity in the USSR?
   - We need to stop pouring shit on each other and start taking it out
him to the fields.