News from Ukraine: SMASH HACKERS BAND overview

News From Ukraine: Still Enough Haxxors In Smash!

By Raver

We've got fresh news from the world famous group, SMASH HACKERS BAND. Kewl name, isn't it? I wish I had one in mind when i was founding my group... though I would replace HACKERS with HAXXORZ since it sounds more leet. But enough with the cheap remarks, these chaps well deserve a place in our top-notch magazine! So, here we go with their current member status:

Grunge - gfx art, text writer, organizer    grunge_smash@mail.ru
Thrash - coder, hacker                      thrash_smash@mail.ru
Sashulya - hardware repair, swapper           fido: 2:4600/140.5
Desalex - (also active in X-Project) hacker                 none

As you see, they've got two brand name haxxors. And it's called ZX DIVISION. WTF? I thought hackers where these people from Cult of The Dead Cow or Lopht and they're having like a CITIBANK DIVISION or MICROSOFT DIVISION depending on what are they hacking... Mebbe these blokes are hacking zx.ru. Oh well! Sorry, I can't escape stupid comments when talking about haxxors. After all I am a haXXor as well (hi! we are a new group on scene from Ogre city and I am Raversoft/Phantasy Hackers Group).

Anyway, besides ZX DIVISION full of haxxors, spiderz and rats, they've got an AMIGA DIVISION. Who's in there?

Grunge - gfx artist, organizer              grunge_smash@mail.ru
AmiGator - swapper, text writter                AmiGator@mail.ru
AVL - coder, hacker                    AVL@ccssu.ccssu.crimea.ua
SCF - coder                                          SCF@mail.ru
DJ RUSH - musician                             rush@bios.iuf.net

Kewl!!! At least one haxxor in there!! Man I start to love this group, can I join? I can haxxor my mum's pantry, so should I get in to the MUMS DIVISION or maybe the PANTRY DIVISION or just plain HAXXORZ DIVISION?
Anyway, that's not all! Some people have left the ranks of this amazing force. Let's see who...

Mighty left scene for trading. Sevik left for Amiga. 
Hawk moved to Saint-Petersberg and left scene. 
Cooper left for music creation on Amiga.

MIGHTY LEFT THE SCENE!! I can't believe it! Are you talking about THAT Mighty, about MIGHTY HAXXOR/SMASH HAXXOR BAND/AMAZING HAXXOR MAKING? Holy shit! What are we gonna do now? My worst nightmare came true... It's all lost, it's all too late... Mighty Hacker is not with us anymore. He left for...? Trading! Should it be a new platform? Maybe it's this new console from Nintendo I heard rumours about? Hopefully so, cuz old haxxors never die! And Sevik, bloody asshole, moving to amiga but not AMIGA DIVISION! Stupid you! AMIGA DIVISION sounds much more proud than just amiga. Plain, small, stupid amiga.

Amiga.

Prudish bitch!

AMIGA DIVISION!

A.D. RuLEZ!!

Anyways, not only did he leave, but also Cooper left. That's not a big loss, since we can see he was a musician and not a haxxor. Still, this bastard chose that bitch again instead of mighty AMIGA DIVISION! And you call them sceners! They have no clue about the scene, sceners never do this, sceners do like that (see page 808 in the ALMIGHTY SCENE BIBLE). Break AMIGA DIVISION HAXXORS RULE and you will be deported for your deadly sin, out of the scene forever! LamerZ.

Well, at least I can understand Hawk. If I was moving to Saint-Petersburg aka Piter, I would leave the scene too. Imagine, every year, in peaceful august, zillionz of sceners rush into your house, break the glass, empty your refrigerator, steal your computers, fuck your parents and repeat this process for a week or so. And when they finally leave saying with a fat smile "Bi bi fellow scener, thanks for your hospitality, see ya next year for the party" all you have left is a huge amount of empty bottles. It could be a bit stressful and even regular sex won't help there. Oh no, then I better choose prudish bitch!

Choose death before death chooses you!

Or, choose the scene which is much more exciting than life. But hey, we've got something to write about there, don't we? And not about these stinky demoparties but NEWS HOT HOT ETC and the subject is (let me remind you and myself):

SMASH HAXERS BAND!

Yes! That's it.

Now we working on the Зrd issue of RU(S)H diskmag. Also we 
planning to release near 10 classic adventure games for 
TR-DOS. They are last products for Speccy from such great 
firms like Level9, etc. In may we have released ThrashGiFT 
on Amiga. It works on any Amiga with 1 mb of RAM.

Aha, so they're also walking the slippery way of journalism. Let's unite bros! We are the scene, we are the children, we fuck the scene, we fuck the children! Btw dudes, you're from this speccywise really strong country Ukraine (nukes! nukes! phear!), so you should know what Rst#7 is currently up to? As far as I can remember, he was the most famous kid fucker back then, in golden times.

Oh no! Once again, excuse me, but singing always creates little confusion in my little head, so I got carried away again. No, this article ain't about pedophiles or drugs!

DRUX!!!

Music is a drug. Gimme some drugZ! If you ask me, I would rather have drugs and not apedophile. Drummer Travis smokes 4 stix! So do I. You know, this summer was really shitty in Europe. Out of 50 seeds I got from Emma (thanks honey!) only 1 (one!) grew! It's a real pity, I have no stix to smoke now. Hope my bros from KT will help me out, or maybe Relict - nooo! Relict is crazy bezerk! I nearly got my throat cut because of him in Saint-Petersburg. He asked the wrong person where to buy ganja - so the mighty gypsy king got some shit made out of razor(1911)blades and looked as dangerous as the 31337 haxxorz!! RIGHT! Haxxorz! Thank gOd, we are back to the rOOtz and that happened naturally! It's a sign!

So, SMASH HACKERS BAND. Once again please, because it's already out of my mind.

Now we working on the Зrd issue of RU(S)H diskmag. Also we 
planning to release near 10 classic adventure games for 
TR-DOS. They are last products for Speccy from such great 
firms like Level9, etc. In may we have released ThrashGiFT 
on Amiga. It works on any Amiga with 1 mb of RAM.

Ah, yeah. As we commented on journalism, pedophiles and drugz already, we got adventure games and prudish bitch with 1mb of RAM left. That's good, that's good, adventure games are for haxxors! They evolve your mind, especially gems from Level9. No, honestly, I used to play a lot of adventuregames in my childhood, that's why I'm so smart. I strongly recommend you to check out the new game "Quest For VRONJI" which was released a while ago by Rekeysoft. It's a good example of what a top adventure should look like! It's like Level16 or sommit, a bit better than yours, so there! :P

And, finally, the bitch! Imagine, she's only got 1mb! What program would you load into her memory each time you turn her on? Ofcourse! Fucking program, bloody fucking program, fucking bloody program! Lai pisaas!

We are looking for a new members (especially for Speccy and 
Amiga musicians)! Contact us at inv@bios.iuf.net or fido: 
2:4600/140.30

Yes! So you see they need more haxxors! Err, musicians. Why did they let that damn Cooper go? Shit happens... Support 'em, imho they more than deserve it and you'll be able to proudly wear the name of SMASH HACKERS BAND!

Eureka! I just remembered something Grunge didn't write about! He joined the mighty team of SCENET writing NEWZ in ENGLISH!!!! Not only that, in a veeeeeeeeery shitty english, keep up the good work and for our dear reader here's the url: http://scenet.de

Support FRU(S)H Speccy and Amiga diskmag with your 
articles, news, etc Send your stuff at 
grunge_smash@mail.ru or fido: 2:4600/140.30

And this too. I'll be your good example - hey guys, here's some news - RAWW ARSE HAXXORS and PHANTASTIC HAXXORS released HAXXORZ zine named SUBLIMINAL HAXTACY! Bringing you the best of the best in haxxoring and intelligent journalism, we are here to stay. And we wont go away as long as there is LAST HAXXOR STANDING. Who? Me ofcuz!!