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| ------- HUMOR -------- |#
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They butt heads on a village street
two goats. A baby stands nearby and
loudly encourages the little one
goat Passerby says:
-Well done! You're always on the side
little ones?
“Of course,” the kid answered. “By the way.”
a bigger goat has more meat
reads.
Artistic homemade performances
severity of psychiatric pain
prostrate. During the concert on stage
one of the artists runs and shouts
nods:
-Red, yellow, green, blue...
-Who was it? - asked the speaker
one of the spectators singing after
speeches.
-Color music!
Young Vova congratulated his parents
Happy New Year to you.
-What are you doing, son? Today is still
May 30!
-And they left me for the second year.
One day Seryozha came up on the street
to two ladies and asked:
- Do you need earrings?
-Needed. Which ones?
-One is me, and the other is Seryozha too.
guy - wow!
Company commanderaddresses
foreman:
- Foreman, we have one hundred and forty in our company
man, is it really impossible to change
kill all the cockroaches?
In a restaurant, a visitor asks
says the waiter:
Tell me, do you have wild duck on your menu?
-No, but for you we can...
tease the home.
-Colleagues will be in our store
students from
Institute, said the director of the
to the sellers
Students came. Sellers taught
them with all their cunning and cleverness
sew:
-Why are you in shopping now?
do they teach in institutes?
-And we are not from trade, but from legal-
wild!
Girl leaving the hospital
after the operation, the doctor asks:
-Tell me, and we’ll see the place
cut?
-It depends entirely on
your clothes.
The secretary-typist came to
appointment with a doctor. He asks:
-Open your mouth, say “ah.”
-Small or big?
Nurse pushing a stroller
with a patient on hospital measles
Doru. He says plaintively:
-Maybe it’s better to go to the intensive care unit-
mation?
-Notself-medicate -
she answers angrily.
-The doctor ordered to be taken to the morgue.
Famous professor speaking
medicine:
-In Russia, medical workers-
kov very narrow specialization.
An enema, for example, is given in two
doctor
-Why two?
-One knows how, the other knows
where!
Doctor to nurse:
-Please, take a thermometer,
go to the second ward and
look at which of the patients is under
mouse with my ballpoint pen.
Doctor, why did you say to
Did I take my tongue out?
-I said I didn’t take it out, but stuck it out.
-I did this a long time ago, and you
don't even look at it!
-It’s more convenient for me to introduce people in silence-
with your medical history.
-Lyubov Pavlovna, did you hear
Yulenka's husband was cut out yesterday
tonsils?
-Poor girl, she's just like that
wanted to have children...
New edition about healthy and taste-
no food.
First recipe: "Boil slowly
gate..."
English lord in an hour
returns from hunting:- For ammunition, sir? - interest-
there is a servant.
-Yes, and for new dogs too -
he answers irritably.
Grandmaster has nothing to do in
train compartment played chess with
fellow traveler and to his amazement
lost.
-You could have checkmated me
even two moves earlier, if only
“We moved with the rook,” he said.
-What, can the rook be moved? -
the fellow traveler was surprised.
Grandmother to granddaughter:
-Remember: in the life of every woman
there is only one big one, really
true love.
-Grandma, who was your real-
real love?
-Sailors...
Judge to plaintiff:
-You were called a rhinoceros for a year
ago, why are you only now
are you going to court?
-Because just yesterday I saw-
rhinoceros affairs on TV.
Wife to husband:
We need to buy curtains for the bathroom
room. Opposite the hostel, there
there are young guys in the window.
-Why do you need curtains? They you
they will see it once and buy themselves curtains
yourself.
Judge:
-So, you shot at the watchman from
pistol withmuffler?
-Yes, I didn’t want to wake up the good one.
person...
-How many people will it take?
to replace one electrolam-
kidney?
-Depends on who.
-Well, let's say, auto mechanics.
-Six. One hits a stalemate
ron a light bulb with a hammer, and five
running for spare parts.
-You get off at the next stop-
new?
-No.
-Then let's change.
-What do you have?
Hospital. The patient lies in the
duh, covered in bandages and plaster. Nearby
a policeman, a military man and a doctor are standing
Policeman: Well, I don’t understand how he
test pilot, 10 years in service
consumers flies, the reaction is hundred-
percent, and in such an accident
mouth...
Patient (delirious): - My car,
my SU-27!
Military: - This is nonsense, I’ve been Vasya for a long time
I know, I got drunk and fell asleep. Woke up -
KamAZ is ahead. Well, pedal up
floor, steering wheel towards you.
Patient (delirious, pitiful): - And he
bastard, it doesn't take off!
Doctor: - But then I don’t understand at all -
I wonder how he stayed alive?
Policeman: - The examination showed
that at the last moment he managed
pull the handbrake...
Patient (excitedly): - My catapults -yes, my catapult!
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