+----------------------------+
| ----- JOKES ----- |
+------------------------------+
In the middle of the night, the wife wakes up her husband.
-What's happened? - he asks
Woke up.
-Nothing happened. Only I didn’t
I can understand how you can help
It's okay to sleep with such a little one
salary.
The phone rings deep at night.
The wife takes the turbo.
-Darling, it's me. I'm going home. I'm not
very late?
-No, my love.
-Can I bring 5-6 friends?
-Yes, my love.
-We'll sit and have a drink...
-Of course, beloved.
The man suddenly becomes silent, and then
says:
-Sorry, I must have made a mistake
number.
Visitor:
-What is this? Previously in borscht
there were two pieces of meat, and now
alone?!.
Waiter:
-Sorry, the cook probably forgot
cut it.
Two friends are talking:
“I adore nature,” says one.
The other looked closely at
friend and sarcastically remarked:
-And this is after what she's been with
did you do it?Late in the evening a nun passes
past the tavern. Suddenly from the door you-
a drunk man runs around and knocks her off
legs and starts beating.
A few minutes later the nun
shows signs of life. Man,
after catching my breath:
-You're not that cool, Batman!
-Dad, I can't marry
Constantine! He is an atheist and does not believe
says that hell exists.
-It’s okay, daughter, feel free to marry me.
him. You and your mommy are very
you will soon be able to convince him that he
deeply mistaken.
The wife turns to her husband:
-It's amazing, you've been talking all day-
you're cooking with our neighbor, though
she can't do anything for you
answer.
-This is exactly what I appreciate about her.
-My bluest dream,
the robber explains to his na-
greenhouse, take some kind of bank
and leave fingerprints there
my mother-in-law.
A drunk walks through a cemetery at night,
sways, touches monuments:
Bim-mm bom-mm, bim-m-m bom-mm.
Then he took it and fell into a freshly dug
grave. I lay down and started trying
get out: skryab, skryab - no
it turns out. Well, he’s sitting there, pro-
froliced a little, someone hears
still wandering through the cemetery: bim-mmboom-mm, boom-mm, boom-mm, and in this
he fell into the grave. He’s trying to get out-
fight: scrap, scrap - I don’t get food
The first drunk man says to him:
-Well, man, isn’t it working out?
Skryab-bim-bom-bim-bom-bim...
Two doctors are talking. One very
upset
-Treated a patient for an ulcer, and opened -
It showed it was cancer.
-This is nonsense. I treated a person for a month
century from jaundice, it turned out -
Chinese.
An elderly woman says to the doctor:
-Achieved amazing success
medicine - when I was young,
I had to undress, and now
just show your tongue.
Night. Wife:
-I hear a mouse creaking somewhere!
Husband:
-Why should I now get up and
should I go lubricate it?
Two Odessa residents meet.
-Do you know what nationality it is?
Mao Tse Tung?
-Wow ! Can't be !
-What is a miracle-yudo?
-This is the same yudo, but only by miracle
did not leave for Israel.
Tank:
- “Zaporozhets”, why are you like that?
hunchbacked?
- I’m not asking what it is.
on your forehead.Drunk woman late at night
sitting in the middle of the street in a puddle. To her
a policeman approaches.
-Why are you outside in such cold weather?
are you doing?
-Or maybe I’m a Snow Maiden!
-Why in a puddle?
-Or maybe I’ve melted!
-Is the guy who collects rich-
wants to marry your sister?
-Where ?! Every time mom
starts talking about the wedding, dad
says:
"Poor young man!"
The bullet hit Stirlitz in the forehead, he
fell and, having thought about it,
small: "Explosive."
Drunk husband comes home late
at night, comes into the bedroom and says
to his wife: “Come on, come on, or else I’ll
I can't find the bed in the dark"
Addict with player and headphones
stops a taxi:
-Are you free?
- Yes.
- Shall we dance?
Two drug addicts are riding on a tram.
An old man approaches one of them.
shka and asks to get up. His friend
warns:
- Sit down, you fool, I know this joke:
you will get up now, and she will sit down
in your place.
-Comrade Major,us food in total
“for half a company,” the cook reports.
-Then we’ll have lunch after.
there is just enough attack for everyone.
Psychiatrist to patient:
- Hello, what are you complaining about?
-Yes, I’m getting an impression-
hope that when I speak, I am not
hears...
-I say, hello, what's that?
are you complaining?!
The hairdresser has already cut twice
client interested in:
-You haven’t visited us before?
-No, I lost my hand in the war.
A chemist lived in this room.
-Excuse me, but this is a stain on the ceiling.
the result of one of his experiments?
-No, this is the chemist himself.
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