E V A N G E L I E O T M I T K O V
The life of the great Mitka Jesus by the nickname Christ and how he
he dragged himself and how his enemies killed him.
Chapter 1
1. At the beginning, everything was a damn thing.
2. And God didn’t give a damn.
3. And God gave a damn to everyone.
Chapter 2.
1. Then the fellow Joseph was hipping, doing carpentry and straining himself.
2. And when the time came, he felt the urge to marry the party girl
Gerle Maria.
3. And my sister was not averse to it.
4. And he took her to his hut, but he himself turned out to be weak.
5. He came to see her several times a day and left with nothing.
6. And Maria lost hope of getting high.
Chapter 3
1. And God saw that Joseph was not going to join either the borscht or the Red Army.
2. And Maria, his wife, dies, asks for fish soup.
3. And He decided to make things nice for Mary.
4. At night he entered her house, but Mary was not sleeping.
5. She noticed someone coming in and said: wouldn’t you go, dude?!
6. The Lord answered her: I am the one you are waiting for.
7. Mary rejoiced and shouted: thank God, she waited,
come here!
8. But the Lord was cool and answered: you rolled your lip, sister.
9. Mary in response: So, Lord! And he hears the voice of an angel:
10. Maria, turn down the wick, it’s smoking.
11. And she turned down the wick, and the Lord came in to her.
12. And in the morning He disappeared, saying: you will be born, little sister,
cool dude and he will be a real guy.
13. But Maria crushed the mass in the cradle and did not hear anything.
14. And soon her offspring was born, and they named him Jesus,
which is in Hebrew Mitya.Chapter 4
1. Jesus walked past the Sea of Galilee and saw two guys
plowing.
2. And he said to them: come with me, you will be real Mitki.
3. And they stopped humping and followed Him.
4. Then they saw more dudes and they were also called to the session.
5. And there were five brothers.
6. And they went through the villages to gore those who had no idea.
7. And they got many.
8. People trudged away from them and followed, catching an unearthly buzz,
waiting for the eternal thrill.
9. For this is what Christ promised them.
Chapter 5
1. And Jesus heard that the devil was running around in the desert.
2. And I decided to overcome him.
3. But He went for forty days without eating and reached the point of death.
4. But the adversary was cunning and planned evil.
5. Strain yourself, he says, turn the stones into munchies, because
you have nothing to eat.
6. Jesus answered him: it is a sin for the true Mitka to strain for the sake of
his belly.
7. Then the enemy approached him a second time and said: Sigani
from the cliff, because it seems like nothing will happen to you.
8. Jesus answers: Look where I am and where the rock is. Pampering
all this.
9. For the third time the devil pushes: admit that your son has to
me, and I will give you the whole world.
10. Jesus to him: why do I need him? I don't have that much space, and
Bummer for me.
11. And the enemy realized that they had completely fucked him.
Chapter 6
1. Coming from the desert, Jesus gathered a session of brothers and dudes.
2. And he taught his sons, saying:
3. Do not strain either in your life or in your thoughts, for only
those who revel in get high.
4.Don't dress pop, because only those who give a damn are happy.
5. Don’t hang out with suckers and bigots, because they are fussy.
6. Don’t neglect drinking, but also know when to stop.
7. Don’t hammer unnecessarily, but for the sake of distraction.
8. Let everything be so perfect for you that your left hand
I didn’t know what the right one was doing.
9. Do not worry about food and shelter, because only without tension
break you off.
10. Don’t ask and it will be given to you; don’t seek and you will find.
And whoever does it, be damned.
Chapter 7
1. So I’m telling you, whoever doesn’t let everything go to the side, he’s in full growth
won't pull back.
2. Someone, coming closer, asked: what should be done so that everything
was it a damn thing?
3. Jesus said: only I can stretch out to my full height, and that’s all
they will be tense.
4. But still, do what is commanded and you will receive.
5. The questioner answers: I already know all this.
6. And Jesus told him: don’t bargain, and everything will break off.
7. But after that the questioner broke down and left.
Chapter 8
1. And it was necessary to move them further, and He led the brothers to the lake.
2. And they looked for a boat, but could not find one.
3. Jesus, seeing this, said: if you are hungry, you will not receive it!
4. The brothers didn’t get it, they asked again.
5. But He was indignant: what word do you not understand?
6. They sighed and answered: there is no boat, how can we move further?
7. Jesus answered them: That’s it!
8. And a boat appeared, the brothers entered it and sailed away.
9. And He walked nearby on the water.
10. They cut through such an atas and asked: howThis?
11. Jesus answered: a very developed surface, so I communicate
without stress.
12. And those who asked understood what kind of scum they were being held in, and decided for themselves
tried, but got discouraged.
13. And they decided among themselves: cool, and we are sons before him.
Chapter 9
1. And he went to another city with his brothers.
2. And when they approached the gate, they saw a chukhu burying
his only son.
3. Jesus saw this and said: Wipe your nose, friend.
4. And he touched the one who had thrown away his skates.
5. The dead man got up and started talking crazy nonsense.
6. And everyone who saw it lost a point and they said
cool, and we are sons in front of him.
7. And when they entered that city, a maiden met Jesus,
who was selling herself.
8. And the suckers ran after her and tried to kill her.
9. And then Jesus said: Who is the most literate here?
10. But everyone was silent and did not answer.
11. Then he turned to the girl: so, let’s hang out, and they left.
12. And the suckers went their separate ways, having sucked.
Chapter 10
1. And Jesus soon said to his brothers: We are setting out for Jerusalem!
2. And they began to communicate.
3. And when they walked along the road, the dudes who met them broke branches and
thrown at my feet.
4. And some took off their clothes and laid them on the road.
5. So they came to Jerusalem and immediately organized a distribution there.
6. The suckers didn’t think it was enough, and they decided to kill those who came.
7. But there was nothing to bother with at first.
8. We decided to organize a rotten bazaar with a sharp turn.
9. But those whowiser, they realized that this is not a topic.
10. And we decided to act.
11. The fools of Jerusalem came to Him and decided to strain Him,
asking:
12. Should I pay the money to Caesar or send it?
13. Jesus answered them: Hold me flush, people, for it is clear
What is Caesar's is Caesar's, and the rest is left to chance.
14. And you trudge through the meager amount and get a thrill from someone else’s stress.
15. Come here, tell the dudes and eat them with shit.
16. And Jesus went away because he did not like suckers.
Chapter 11
1. They all gathered to celebrate Easter in Jerusalem,
stretch out to your full height.
2. And they brought food and fuel to the hut and the last one stuck
Jesus.
3. And He said: take it, eat it!
4. I poured them some wine: take it and drink!
5. For the food is my body, and the booze is my blood!
6. And whoever does not know this is weak.
7. And the brothers came to the table and got excited.
8. Jesus had recently tied the knot and was sitting like glass.
9. And when those who had been pickled began to fall under the table, Jesus said to them:
10. Soon one of you will knock on me.
11. And everyone began to come up to Him and ask: who is the bastard?
you hold it.
12. And everyone asked, except Peter, who was able
preparations
13. And Judas Iscariot came up and said: cardboard fool, not me
is it the one?
14. Jesus to him: so, brother!
15. And out of fear Judas whittled himself.
Chapter 12
1. Jesus saw that the people were not holding back and raised everyone up and led them
sober up in the garden.
2. But when they came to the garden, they all ended up withdrunken screams and while catching
mass, did not notice how Jesus stepped aside.
3. He felt bad and prayed.
4. Fir and burn, let this cup pass away from me.
5. At that time, watchmen were walking through the garden and noticed Jesus screaming.
6. And they killed Him and took Him to court.
7. And the brothers woke up and saw that he was gone, and decided
catch the waste without it.
8. And before the rooster had crowed three times, again
leavened.
Chapter 13
1. Having learned that the suckers had killed Jesus, they approached Judas
and shouted:
2. But it was you, Myron, who killed Jesus!
3. And Judas told them the money he had received, and he threw himself off the cliff
and covered himself.
4. In desperation, the brothers guarding the bound Christ decided
fuck.
5. They went to where they kept Him and asked: for us here alone
bast shoes are woven.
6. But the smartest ones came out to them and fucked them all at once.
7. And it came to those who had sobered up that they were afraid of Jesus.
Chapter 14
1. Pontius was not a loser, but the dude was rotten and major.
2. They brought Jesus to him.
3. Pontius immediately explained: you had a blast, child, so you will
eat.
4. Jesus answered him: do you know, son, that it’s difficult with me?
fight?
5. Here Pontius decided that the speaker had simply gone mad and decided
to break him in anyway.
6. He took Christ to the square where the party was going on and asked the suckers:
Shall we soak it?
7. And the suckers shouted: wet him! urine!
8. And Pontius listened to them.
Chapter 15
1. And the suckers killed Jesus.
2. He hung on the cross andhe felt that he was afraid.
3. And I prayed, ate and fell, Lord, I stick it in!
4. But I realized that there would be no balls, and I glued the skates together.
5. And when the one who was hanging began to stab him, the brothers stole Him and
They dug up nearby.
6. Three days later it turned out that he had recovered and left the coffin.
7. And he appeared to his brothers in radiance, carefree and fermented.
8. After which he ascended to his father, an even cooler dude.
9. And God met him and said: Hello, Mitya. Don't be afraid
no one will hurt you anymore.
10. And the two of us had a divine time, at full height, at once,
carefree and relaxed, sharing the thrill and the cool
in a Christian way.
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