Smehodrom - 9600 baud.

        
                
                
                
                
                                          
             AND EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING.             
                                          
Alexey Sherautin (C) 199Z     
------------------------------------------
    
 Chapter One                
     in which Winnie the Pooh sets    
       yourself two more phone lines      
                    
   Vinny looked up from the keyboard for a moment.
nature to wipe his sweaty brow with his paw.
Today he was extremely lucky.            
   A few days ago for a can of
honey with two wires and a light bulb on
                    
cover, which the Rabbit blindly mistook for
high-speed modem, he knocked it out
pick with a crowbar in the junction box between
international telephone network "SAVA-interna-
tional". The rabbit was locked up at fifteen
days, but now all calls for calls are for
hillock, to the neighboring Forest, they came to Oak,
To the bees, which is why they were very angry and promised
next year we will raise prices for honey
three times.                                    
   Winnie the Pooh quickly rang at two o'clock
middle Forests, where under the name Piglet and Pa-
role "ZHELUDD" leaked a hefty toy. 
   After that he started calling everyone
BBS (that is, Brevno Board System) is pre-
affairs of his native Les.                       
   Now the hot modem is in production
company "Kanga and KSЗSRU Communication
Industries" gradually cooled down, poured with water
milk from a kettle that has cooled down for three days.   
   Suddenly Vinnie was called from behind.  
                                          
 “Christopher Robin has arrived,” thought Vin.
neither, going out to Norton. According to some reasons
he didn't want to share with him the leaked
from a distant overseas Forest with a toy, and
Moreover, Christopher Robin often reminded
Vinny about the sawdust in his head, which is bear-
The woman was a little angry.                      
“Hello, Vinny!” said Christopher Robin. 
“That means something,” said Vinny.
Poohthoughtfully, getting out of the depths of the di-
pektopuu DOWNLOAD somewhere higher.     
“The rabbit has already been released,” said Robin.   
- What did he do? - asked Vinny
stuffy. Christopher Robin didn't answer.      
- Well, Vinnie, did you leak the eighth Space Quest? -
asked Christopher Robin hopefully.       
- If I haven’t downloaded it, it means I didn’t
leaked,” said Winnie the Pooh evasively. “By mo-
him, so...                               
“Okay,” said Christopher Robin, nohy-
daring. “It’s time for me to go home.”  To the women... to the ba-
                                          
bushka.  As soon as you salt it, dial... Just don’t
I know when you will see me now - bye
You can harness this philosopher...               
“Which philosopher?” he suddenly perked up.
Xia Vinnie.                                 
- Yes, this donkey, Eeyore... Who else?
The car doesn't work, what else can you do... 
   Vinnie looked out the window. Next to his shi-
fancy Mercedes, trimmed for beauty
plush outside, there was a modest Ford Chris-
Topher Robin, which was harnessed to
face of Eeyore. The famous philosopher was boring
as always, I looked at the number plates in bewilderment.
ra in Pooh's car: "MI-1992-OT", and thought,
probably about something heartbreakingly spectacular. 
- A brilliant philosopher... The greatest pro-
grammarian of our time... And harness it to the cha-
the unwanted car, - Winnie the Pooh is indignant
grabbed the keyboard to bring it downon Christopher Robin's head, but he warned
carefully disappeared behind the door. Out the window would-
                                          
you can see how Christopher Robin approached
to his Ford, kicked him in the front ear,
swore, then went up to Eeyore and did
same thing.                              
   “Barbarian,” thought Winnie the Pooh. “I think
yes."                                     
   He drank some water from the kettle and
melt poured onto the furiously smoking lid
modem The water hissed, and Winnie the Pooh
Gunno jumped back so as not to get burned by the steam.
He scratched his head and decided to fry it on
modem scrambled eggs.                           
   The phone attached to one rang.
eleventh telephone line. Vinny picked up -
and listened cautiously - the bees started
a new fashion for joking about the poor bear cub:
At first it was quiet on the phone, and then loud
There was an eerie buzzing sound.                   
    This time Winnie was called by the Rabbit.     
- Vinnie, is your line free?! - admiringly -
he screamed puppyishly, burring as always. “No.”
                                          
expected... Tell me, Vinnie, modem, which one are you
I'm wondering if it's Hayes compatible?        
“Of course,” said Vinny, rummaging through the closet in
looking for a non-empty jar of honey.              
- Why can’t Tegminate understand him?
wants?                                    
- WhichTerminate?” Vin feigned surprise.
no. - I don’t know this at all... Maybe
is it under Lexand?                            
“No, no, no, no,” Cro yelled quickly.
lik.- whatever you like, just not under Lexand!   
- ...or under SM1200?                      
- Under SM? - The rabbit thought. - I don’t know...
You need nroberutb. And tell me, Vinny, do you have
there isn't any of this left...what's it called?
Telix-type telecommunications package,
so that he...                               
   “Damned intellectual,” thought Vinnie,
without listening to the Rabbit. He scooped it up comfortably
paw in a jar of honey and immediately sent
him in his mouth, and therefore could not be distracted by
                                          
noctopohue things. When the honey ran out, Vinny
Pooh threw the can and shouted into the phone:     
- Yes, yes, there is, I have everything, then I’ll-
I mean, don’t occupy the line, big-eared one,” he threw
handset.                                   
   Out of respect for the intellectuals, the last
the word of the dialogue was said after
as Rabbit hung up.                
   SAVA called, which dealt with
that, together with Tigra, she stretched through the Forest
threads and ropes that they with her company
nahbohom passed off as telephone lines. Te-
Lefon in the Forest worked well without them.   
“Tell me, Mr. Pooh,” said SAVA di-
formally.- You want to set yourself
more additional lines at preferential ratesprices?                                   
“Give up that tone, SAVA,” said Vinny.
I bark two lines, it’s been three months since I stated
I sent you...                              
“Sorry, Pooh,” said SAVA. “I chewed up the tiger.”
                                          
all wires from the mail server, and mail
didn't come for a long time...               
   “Wires,” thought Pooh angrily. “Socks
knit from such wires."                
- ... in total you will have forty-six lines,
continued SAVA.- For installation during
within four days you must pay
contribution of twenty-six Forest Marks,
after which...                             
   Vinny didn't listen any further and hung up
on the floor littered with cigarette butts and bees
tami. When the receiver soon heard co-
soft beeps, he calmly laid down on the fish
chug the phone and returned to the hot
modem, on which scrambled eggs were bubbling.     
   Vinny spat on his paws for courage and
I typed the coveted command "telix".          
                                          
 (To Ve KoNtiNuED...)           
                                          
                                          
                                          
                                          
............... JOKES .................
                                          
One "new Russian" explains to another
on the phone as the background monitor screen in
crimson color:                  
- ...Now press "OK"!                   
- Pressed. Listen, they're offering to reboot...
squirm. Agree?                      
- Not right away. What kind of authority are you then?
               * * *                  
Two programmers are talking:   
- What is it?            
- Very sociable and friendly,   
you can’t even say that you’re a programmer!         
 * * *                  
If the excessive enthusiasm of your re-
playing computer games makes you feel
anxiety, try to involve him in
more serious and healthy activities: car-
there, blame it on the girls.                      
               * * *                  
At the classes of CIA agents.                  
- Remember, you are going to Russia, therefore,
when the computer asks youdial by
role, enter the word "Password"...          
               * * *                  
Two friends meet.  One asks
other:                                
- I see you are connected to the Internet?     
- How did you know?                           
- By the eyes.                              
- Have you become smarter?                            
- No, redder...                         
               * * *                  
A man (M.) caught a goldfish (R.).     
R. - Make a wish, I will fulfill it.           
M. - I want peace in the whole world!             
R.- No, it’s difficult...                    
M. - Well then let Windows95 work normally
bot!                             
R. - Listen, what about world peace?
               * * *                  
                                          
The new Russian version of Command.com offers
Abort, Retry, Ignore will be named
don't care, don't care, don't care.           
               * * *                  
The programmer (P.) and henporpam- meet
mist (N.).P. - Yesterday I fell asleep right on the keyboard.          
N.- It can’t be! And how did you feel about it?
Klava?                                    
P. - No way! And now I have the whole face
in squares.                            
               * * *                  
The Quaker (K.) is sitting, "Quake" is racing.  Suitable
dit programmer (P.).                     
P. - You’re a stupid gamer, you should learn what language,
I would read books on “C”, “Pascal”!       
K.- Why?                              
P.- Well, I would write something, the experience has transformed
rel, I earned money.                     
K.- Why?                              
P.- With this money I would buy legal software,
                                          
hired people and created a company. They would all
wrote, and they sent you money for free - mo-
you can do nothing but sit and play
army!          
K.- WHAT AM I DOING?!!                      
 * * *                  
Question to Armenian radio:                
- Why do computers take so long to think?     
Answer: - They would load you like that!               
               * * *                  
- Hello!  Technical department?!  There's something wrong with the program!
The mouse cursor does not move!              
- Yes, what does the program have to do with it, it’s with hardware
problem. Your mouse has died.             
- With what other iron!!! She's plastic
Owl!!!                                  
 * * *                  
- Hello! Technical department?! I'm typing the password - ah
They won't let me in!                       
- So, you need to type correctly.        
- I'm typing correctly! Five stars!    
               * * *                  
- Hello! Technical department?! I have a conflict
vaniya!                                    
- A... Oh... A?!                           
- I go on the Internet - and there’s still a connection
time is interrupted!                        
               * * *                  
The magazine receives a letter with the following content:
Zhania: "HELP! Help me, please, I
the other day I connected to the Internet and went there
and now I can’t get out. Help!"          
               * * *                  
I graduated from college, got a job, and
on the second daytalking to the boss
department (N.):                              
N.- Are you a strong programmer?               
Me - Well, how can I say...                    
N. - Well, strong?                           
Me - In general, yes!                          
N. - Then start dragging the computer
Yuters!                                   
 * * *                  
                                          
The Internet guy came to the polls. He was given from
election ballot. He turned it for a long time
in his hands, and then went back to the table. 
- So I don’t understand - where should I click?       
               * * *                  
A kettle arrives at a computer store,
approaches the seller and asks:         
- Do you have adapters for the Internet?    
- ???????????????                     
- Are there rugs for frogs?                  
               * * *                  
The Japanese company has released a new version of the game
"TAMAGOTCHI". The game is running
Windows95 and is called "TAMAGLUCHI".       
               * * *                  
Conversation:                                 
- Russian radio appeared on FM, frequency
about 100 MHz.                            
- Is it possible to overclock to 166?               
               * * *                  
Office.                                  
                                          
Table.                                     
There is a computer on the table.                     
There is a chair in front of the table.                      
A jacket hangs on a chair.                    
Two people come up.                            
- Where is Vasya?                             
- Well, in the morning I went on the Internet, and before
he's still not there...                        
               * * *                  
   
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
                                          
................ PHRASES ...................
                                          
Loneliness is when there is E-mail, and
Sma sends only the mailing server!    
               * * *                  
A computer scientist is not a profession or an image
life is a path of development, and a dead-end one at that.
               * * *        
You can't spoil your mother with caches. (computer)    
 * * *                  
The old glitch is better than the new two!             
               * * *                  
The device will work better if you
turn it on.                             
 * * *                  
Take care of your keyboard - organcommunication with
outside world.                            
               * * *                  
No matter how good everything is, a man always
I want to change my partner, and the internet guy...
                                          
provider...                             
 * * *                  
The less you spend on the Internet, the healthier you will be
children!                                     
 * * *                  
Tell me your IP and I will tell you who you are.     
 * * *                  
Have you noticed how fast Windows works?
Me neither...                             
               * * *                  
There is no sadder story in the world than
news about jammed RESET!              
 * * *                  
Internet - there is no better place for a man!         
* * *                  
Oh again, and again, and many, many times!
(c) Windows Install Utility.              
 * * *                  
How do viruses differ from Windows95? Yes vi-
Russians don't freeze!                         
 * * *                  
                                          
There is no need to humanize computers, they are
they don’t like passion!                  
 * * *                  
New Russian-language search engine: "Ivan
Susanin."                                 
 * * *                  
Tell me, uncle, it’s not RAR, is it?           
               * * *                  
I play DOOM by correspondence.                
 * * *                  
Sex with a woman is very different from
sex withcomputer.                      
 * * *                  
I'll buy a device for rewinding CD-ROMs! 
               * * *                  
                                          
+---------------------------------------+
|Sai-|materials were used in the selection
|com: www.anekdot.ru |
|       www.pccenter.ru/game |
|       www.games.pet.ru/humor |
|Thanks: Bondarenko Dmitry, computer- |
|         new group "BID Studio" |
+---------------------------------------+
                                          
                                   __END__