╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ In the hospital, (B)patient and (D)doctor: (D) -I have two news for you, good and bad, which one first? (B) -Well, let's have a bad one :( (D) -Tomorrow both your legs will be amputated (B) -And a good one? (D) -I found a buyer for your sneakers * * * A (D)doctor examines a (B)patient: D - So... Okay... Hm-mm-mm... Great, in two weeks Oleg Filimonich will examine... B - Who is this? d - Yes, so... Our pathologist... * * * He's driving a Mercedes, he sees his grandfather standing next to his Constipation and his who is waving. well, it stops: -What is it, father? - Well, son, the battery is dead, I should be pulled, eh? -Come on, father, grab it. As soon as you start, your headlights will flash... -Yeah, now, son, now... Well, grandfather got hooked, and off we went. And then past the luminary on the new B-he flies by. HP: - It’s a mess... - and the gas is to the floor. And the traffic cop is standing at the post, that means he’s catching... He looks at the radar - 220, 230, 230 8-( ) guy flies to the boss: -Listen, Vasya, you won’t believe it. Standing, I look -BMW rushes, Mer- cedes-600th, and behind the Asshole the headlights are flashing - GIVE WAY!!! * * * A Georgian man is sitting in a restaurant with a girl. A man approaches them and asks permission to invite his lady to dance. -No: I sing it, I feed it, I will dance with it... * * * The patient asks his wife: - What are you doing? - I’m writing a letter to the children, informing them that you are already recovering. By the way - Ty, which is better to write: “funeral” or “burial”? * * * A soldier on duty in a part of the strategic missile forces I dozed off with my head on the remote control. A major soldier comes in instantly wakes up and cheerfully reports: - Comrade Major, no incidents occurred during my duty. it's gone! - How did it not happen? Where the fuck is America?! Two outfits out queue!!! * * * Mom to son: - what did dad say? - skip the swear words? - yes. - he remained silent. * * * A boy approaches a group of students: Guys! Would you like to tell a joke about the Moderator RU.ANEKDOT? A one student takes out a notepad and penciland asks: “Listen, bro, what’s your crazy address?” * * * One sysop to another: -Fill me with installing Windows via modem. No sooner said than done. Second: -At my end the axle shaft installation comes out. - So, the protocol has error correction. * * * Inscription on the hacker's grave: CONNECT 1971 - NO CARRIER 1996 * * * On a bus, a guy squeezes into a seat and says to the person sitting next to the old man: - Well, you ass, move over! - How do you know my old party nickname? * * * A quartet of professional musicians came to the restaurant to celebrate successful concert. And there is their own ensemble playing. In about 10 minutes one one of those who came can’t stand it and goes to the stage: - Guys, do you play to order? - Of course, commander. What wishes? - Here's fifty dollars - play dominoes. * * * Two brave Cossacks went to Japan... They came, it means, from an expensive hey, we sat down in some restaurant to eat. And the local mafia is on them looks askance. Then this mafia comes up to them and says to one, they say, let's go out.We left. This one, who stayed, thinks that's it, They'll kill him right now, I'll be left here alone, and then they'll kill me... The one who left enters: - (wiping the saber) What a fool, huh? With bare heels on a checker rushes! * * * The (C)commander comes to the unit and asks the (S)tarshina: Did anything happen while I was away? (C) No, nothing. (K) What, nothing at all? (C) Well, only the shovel was broken. (K) Why did you break it? (C) Our dog was buried. (K) Why did the dog die? (C) I ate too much of fried horse meat. (K) Where did she find so much fried horse meat? (C) The officers set fire to the stable. (K) Why are they doing this? (C) But because they got drunk like pigs. (K) Why did you get drunk? (C) Because someone stole the regimental banner. * * * The programmer was drafted into the army. Serve at the border. He is standing at his post. Suddenly - steps. - Password!!! ...silence - Password!!!! ...silence The programmer takes the machine gun off his shoulder... short burst... - User Anonymous Access Denied * * * Late evening in an elegant Moscow apartment. The hostess serves coffee for guests. Cognac, liqueurs, soft light, muffled voices: - Still, the positions of postmodernism are strong... - But do you remember, at the earlyBarta... - But you compare with the late Bart... Suddenly, somewhere nearby, noisy breathing is heard: - Yes! Doggystyle! That's what I love most! Ooo! Stronger! Ah-ah-ah! Deeper, more, more! Woohoo! Oh, what a thrill! Oh, I'm about to cum! Ooo! The hostess blushes. The owner apologizes, goes out into the hallway, I chew, close the door behind me, press a button on the wall: - Damn!! Pi%doboly!! Fuck you in the entrance, so at least you can’t use the intercom resist! * * * Exams are underway at the Faculty of Zoology. The teacher pulls out pocket the bird's leg and shows it to the student. (P) - Guess whose leg? (C) - I don’t know. (P) - I give you a bad rating. The student grabs his record book and runs out the door. (P) - Wait! What's your last name? The student sticks his leg out from behind the door: - Guess. * * * The (m) snake sat on the nine on his belly to the rut in the middle of the field. Around no souls, you won’t get the car out. Sits, swears. Here to him walks (h)ukcha: (H) I know how to get your car out (M) ??? (H) Put a bubble, I’ll tell you. The guy gave him a bubble (H) [filling a bubble of vodka in one face] ... however, the tractor necessary * * * A knight, a vampire, a warlock, a mage and a dragon were imprisoned.We've been sitting there for a week, I'm hungry, I can't bear it! Well, the wise dragon suggests: “Let's eat the one who Least of all magic! Vampire: Hyyyy! I have 12 types of magic. Magician: And I have 11 types. Warlock: I have 8. Dragon: I have 6. Knight: As soon as I hit you all, you’ll immediately start wanting to eat! * * * Two magicians are standing and talking: 1st: Listen! How much does a two-handed sword and good armor cost now? infantry? 2nd: Uuuu! Very expensive! There are about 10 gold chests. 1st: Then look at the wealth that is coming to us.
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