╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Once I fraternized with a guy in a bar. Well, he also suggests: -Let's do business: we'll sit you in front of the console with the colored people. buttons, I will call you and tell you which button is on now You have to reap, but the money is cut in half! OK? -OK! Well, their business went well, the peasant got dressed up, got a wife and children, business, made repairs, bought a car. Everything just gets darker and darker every day. Well, his wife asks: -What happened? -Well, look: I press the buttons, and the money is cut in half! :( * * * A drunken husband comes (more precisely, crawls) home at about 3 o'clock nights. And he hears - in the kitchen the cuckoo clock is cuckooing 3 times. Well, duh my husband bellows, now I’ll crow 9 more times so that my wife will think that It's still only 12 o'clock. I cuckooed 9 times and went to bed. The next day the wife says to her husband: - For some reason, our cuckoo began to behave strangely. Yesterday at At 3 am she crowed 12 times and... vomited all over the kitchen. * * * Walks down the street (P)apehb with a (D)girl whoadmires... (D) - Oh, how smart you are! (D) - Oh, you’re just a genius! (D) - Well, you’re like Einstein!!! This guy can't stand it... (P) - No, I’m normal. You're just a STUPID! :-E~~~~~ (D) - 8-( ) * * * A man is walking through the cemetery, eating a bun, not bothering anyone... Suddenly a hand reaches out from the bushes and a sepulchral voice: - Yes-ayy.... Yes-ayy... - Pi-pi-pie?... - Give me a piece of paper! * * * ...The Vietnam War, the trenches of the American and Vietnamese armies They were so close that they could talk to each other. (V) Vietnamese: - Amepukaha, do you want a cigarette? (A) American: “I want it,” he leans out of the trench and is removed. (B): - Amepukaha, do you want whiskey? (A): - I want! - sticks out of the trench, he is removed. ... a lull, then: (A): - Vietnamese, do you want some rice? ... the silence is broken by the shouts of the Vietnamese “I want!” and the crackle of the automatic chelic weapons... (A): - Where, where, s#$i, are you going!? - the roar of machine gun fire, dead Vietnamese are falling left and right... * * * Do you have red currants? No, black. Why white? Because it's green... * * * Two hippies talking: (2) How do you feel about war? (1) I hate it. All my life I dreamed of burning the Pacific with napalm, on the about two kilometers... * * * I give you the floor to cut off. * * * The soldier's only clothing is boots and a belt. * * * We perform in the evening at dawn. * * * The connection should be both back and forth. * * * Car dealership salesman to the new Russian: - Which car do you want - for four or for six? - Well, you, damn it, are crazy! For one! * * * A journalist asks a new Russian: - Why don’t the chickens peck at your money? - They don’t respect you, bastards! * * * New Russian for my son: - Why is that teacher giving all the bad marks?! Cool, isn't it?! - Her husband, dad, just like you, sells cars... - Then it's a competitive struggle! * * * In a bar: a man approaches the bartender and says: - Let's bet $300 that I'm in the right place right now bottle and won’t spill a single drop. Well, naturally, the bartender agrees to argue. Then the man gets it his hose, takes aim: looks at the bottle, then at the dick, bottle - dick, bottle - dick... Cleaning everything around - fed up on the floor, on chairs, on the bar counter, on the bartender himself, in a bottle didn't hit any. B (smirking and wiping urine from his face): - Well, you’re a fucking man, go- not $300. The man calmly gives $300 to the bartender and says: - You see there are men playing billiards, so I’m with them I just bet $500 that I would piss your entire bar and you, and you won't do anything to me. * * * Piglet and Winnie the Pooh are walking through the forest Suddenly Vinny turns around and punches Piglet in the face P: - Why Vinny? Q: - You go and be silent and you think all sorts of crap about me. * * * My wife went to the resort. A few days later her husband sends her telegram: “Where are the forks?” She telegraphs him in response: "Sleep at home." And so on several times. Upon arriving home, her husband says to her: - Damn, why didn’t you tell me where the forks are? She leads him to the bed and removes the sheet - the forks are under sheets. * * * The truck driver ordered a steak at a roadside cafe, but three the rocker was taken away They ate his meat. The driver, as if nothing had happened, He chatted with the waitress and left the cafe. “It’s immediately obvious,” said one of the rockers, “this guy is not knows how to stand up for himself. “Yes,” the waitress agreed, “he doesn’t know how to drive either.” Not I managed to drive away when I crushed someone’s three motorcycles. * * * At the court hearing, the lawyer defends the defendant go: - Your Honor, dear people's assessors, please attention to the accused. Look at her sweet face, at her ma- luscious breasts, attractive hips with their roundness, overall on her figure. How can a person with such external data, commit a crime? I think not. I'm done. - (Representative of the prosecution (prosecutor)) I have no questions, I finished too. - (Judge) I also finished, but that’s not relevant. * * * Once some men in the pref gathered to cut themselves at one of their houses. Well, that's it as expected, beer, a column of smoke, the windows are open... Morning. The same the little lady of the guy who played with him says: - Damn! Well, it's smoky! Are you stunned? This smoke is literally everywhere, it already stinks of themour entire apartment! -Don’t worry, dear, this apartment is no longer ours. * * * Once they asked a narc to guard a cage with turtles and They told me not to open the doors. They came after a while and they see: the drug addict is sitting with a vacant look, the cage is open and not a single Noah turtle. - Oh, you goat, what have you done, we told you not to open the door opened! - Guys, what are you doing, in nature, I just wanted to look with one eye - Well, I opened the door a crack, and they burst out!.. * * * War. Two narcs are sitting in a trench: a hazy, detached look view One barely gets up and looks out of the trench, then again sinks to the bottom and looking somewhere at one point says to his to a fellow soldier: -Listen, there’s an enemy tank driving there, so you throw a grenade, otherwise I’ll get... what a bummer... The second, the same scumbag, answers him: -It’s a bummer for me. You were the first to notice the tank, so you throw a grenade... Here the tank drives up to the trench, stops, the hatch opens, tank, an enemy soldier leans out and says in a frostbitten voice rith: -Guys! Throw the grenade quickly, otherwise it’s such a bummer to go further!.. * * * A man in a ctapehbkx Zhiguli drives into the butt of a jeep. Sad he gets out ofFive healthy men get out of the jeep. - Well, man, I got it... Come on, grandmas! - I have no money. - Ha! Then we'll beat you now! - So, five against one is not fair! The men looked at each other - but it really wasn’t fair. Sent advice talked, come back - In short, man. We agreed here - Vovan and Kolyan are for you there will be. * * * Two men meet: 1: - What time is it? 2: - Five minutes... 1: - Which one? 2: - I don’t know, I don’t have a small arrow! * * * Petka and VI are crawling through the desert, thirsty. Looking at the dune The thermos is buried halfway. I run there, unscrew the lid and sprinkle themselves with powder from a thermos. And then falls out for- squeak: Invite. Just add water :) * * * They say to Stirlitz: - The ruble is behind you, Stirlitz. Stirlitz slowly turns his head back and asks: - Where? * * * A student in the cafeteria buys food: - 4 sausages, please. An envious whisper runs through the dining room. - And 16 forks. * * * Students eat dumplings,the last one remains. Everything is polite friend They offer it to a friend. Suddenly the light flashes and at the same time a sound is heard scream: the dumpling on the plate is covered with a hand and 5 vi- loc.
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