╔════════════════════════ ═══════════════════ ═══════════════════╗ ║ Anecdotes. ║ ╙─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────╜ Sign on the fence: "Beware, evil dog!" Someone wrote: "No teeth" The next day, another note: “But it sucks you to death.” * * * Men are traveling in a train compartment, and three of them tell the political ical jokes. And the fourth (4M) wants to rest, but because market of those three he cannot sleep. And so he decided to teach them a lesson. He went out to the conductor (P) and said: (4M) - In a couple of minutes, bring a seagull into our compartment, please. And also in about five minutes sugar. He returns to the compartment and says to the men: (4M) - Guys, you’re telling jokes here, political stories - call, otherwise you see an outlet at the top, and there sits a capi- Tan of the KGB and will leak everything. Now I’ll tell him that we could get some tea. carried. He turns his head towards the outlet and says: - Comrade captain, would we like some tea? Then the door opens and (P) brings in tea. The guys went nuts ma- lazy. %-() And then (4M) says: - Comrade captain, they forgot to bring sugar. And then the door opens again, and (P) brings sugar. In one word The men have stopped poisoning political jokes. (4M)fell asleep. In the morning he wakes up, and he is alone in the compartment. He to (P), what is it, where are the men? (P) - Yes, they were taken off the train. And your comrade captain decided to stay Apparently, he really liked the joke. * * * A patient is brought into the ward after a complex operation. He wakes up- Xia, sighs with relief, “well, it’s all over” Neighbor on the left: - Don't get your hopes up. I had an operation and they forgot inside scalpel, I had to cut again. Neighbor on the right: - And they left a clamp in my stomach, I also had to cut it. At this time, the surgeon runs into the room. - Guys, has anyone seen my hat? * * * England. London. Expensive, prestigious restaurant. The visitor asks to call the manager. - Sir, I would like you to try my soup... - If the soup is cold, sir... - What does it have to do with the cold? I beg you to try it! - Don't worry, sir, if the soup is under-salted or over-salted... - I repeat to you once again: try my soup! The manager leans over the table, trembling: - Excuse me sir, but there is no spoon here... - Sir, I'm glad that YOU noticed it too! * * * Grandmother writes a letter to her grandson in the zone: “I miss you very much, and there is no one to dig potatoes. Ask for a couple of days, maybethey'll let you go..." The grandson writes the answer: “I asked - it’s useless. Let someone will help. But don't dig too deep, because I have a gun in the garden buried." Grandmother in a new letter: “Some people came and dug up all potatoes, but the gun was not found..." The grandson replies: “Grandma, I helped as much as I could...” * * * Two crooks are sitting in a cell: - Today is May 1st. We, too, are Soviet people, after all! Let's do a demonstration right in the camera. I'll climb on the upper bunks and this will be the platform of the Mausoleum. “Come on,” agreed the second one. - Long live the Russian people! - shouts from the people presenting body of the Mausoleum. - Hurray! - the second one shouts, walking back and forth across the cell. - Long live Russian women! - Hurray! - Long live the Russian police! The second one quickly jumps up and hits the first one in the face. After which continues to walk and shout "Hurray!" -Who punched me in the face? - Who knows? There are a lot of people. * * * Two programmers meet (1) (2) (1) Yesterday my pussy dropped. And what did I not do with him, but he It still weighs as it hangs. (2) But you didn’t test it with three fingers. (1) I tried three and one, but it still doesn’t help. And wife Now he scolds me. She shouts that she told you not to touch him, but II just wanted to add bells and whistles to him. Grandma standing next to her: Yeah, bad luck, bad luck. After all still very young. (1) Yes, I have it, it’s brand new, I haven’t even washed it yet I didn't have to. Grandma 8[-] (1) Well, never mind, I’ll take it to the specialists, maybe they can advise something. Grandma: And you apply ointment to his son, maybe it will help. (1) No grandma, this is not the same thing, you can’t use ointment, otherwise it might become bad, for example, my mother will die. Grandma went crazy: What does mom have to do with it??? The pussy is your own. (1) He’s not the only one in our whole family who’s not grandma. Everyone uses it, so do I. and wife and father and even grandfather sometimes. Grandmother: 888[-] * * * “Swimming is prohibited here,” the policeman says to the woman who who is about to enter the water. - Why didn’t you tell me this when I was undressing? - The point is that undressing is not prohibited here... * * * Recruits are flying to Afghanistan. The foreman tells them what kind of They will be paid $25 for each spirit they catch. The plane is landing. New the backpacks are separated. Half an hour later they return, carrying under their arms Some have two, some have four heads. They are met at the gangway by the foreman, with horror: - Guys, what are you doing!!! This is still Tashkent! * * * A man (M) comes to the doctor (B) and says: M: “Doctor, help me, I haven’t been able to sleep for the 5th day!” Q: "What happened?" M: “Yes, as soon as I close my eyes I dream of rats, playing football!" Q: "Here's some medicine for you - come home and drink it night and everything will pass" M: "Can we do it tomorrow?" Q: "Why?" M: “Yes, today they have the final!” * * * Ryaba the hen laid the largest (for a hen) egg in the world. (P)representatives of the Guinness Book of Records interview her: -What is your greatest wish? - Lay an even bigger egg! (P) They ask the same thing from the rooster, Ryaba’s wife. In response: - Punch the ostrich in the face! * * * After a shipwreck, a man was washed up on a desert island. After a while he wants a woman, he just doesn’t have the strength. He sees a camel walks around the island, a man catches it, brings it to a stone, climbs, just wants to show off - the camel moves away from the stone. After a couple of months of torment, the girl is brought to the island. Well man Accordingly, he sheltered her, fed her, she is terribly grateful to him. - I'll do anything for you. - Girl, honey, be human, hold this damned one. camel! * * * A black man is asked: -How do you like the Russian winter? - Green is okay, but white is really bad :( * * * An international congress of scientists is underway, and everyone is finding out which country were the first to invent something. The Italian stands up: “Here, our Marconi was the first to invent radio.” Russian (R): “Never mind, our Popov was the first radio- The transmitter has been assembled.." The Englishman stands up: “Our James Watt was the first to invent a steam engine.” tire." (R): “Not like that, we have the Cherepanov brothers before your Watt, not so that they invented the steam engine, they already built the railway!” The Frenchman stands up, smiling sarcastically, and says: “And we are the first invented the blowjob." (R) thought so, thought, gets up and says: “Do you remember you, gentlemen, what Tsar Ivan the Terrible wrote in letters to Andrei Kurbsky? "" Yes, I fucked you in my mouth, yes, I fucked you right through I see! "... Which, by the way, testifies to our invention X-ray! " * * * Somehow (H)apkomah is riding on a bus. Standing (or sitting) nearby is (B)a- Bulka. (B) - Milok, close the window, it’s cold outside... (H) - Grandma, I’m crazy, like if I close the window it’s warmer outside will become =;-)
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