°∙·ONE AND ONLY JOKE MAGAZINE·∙°
(The work of fellow Argon, with a little help from CYBORG.)
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NUMBER 2
Well, fellow ZX users, hello. Here's another one
text with jokes.
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ANNOUNCEMENTS and JOKES and other JOKES:
┌─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┐
│ News from orbit. The Molniya-131 satellite finally zipped up. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Flowers from "Roksolana" will decorate any deceased person! │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The environmental situation in Kyiv has improved significantly. Kiss-│
│ heavy rains washed away allradioactive dust. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ If you want your eyes to darken, buy our │
│glasses! │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ To keep the pig fresh for a long time, leave it alive. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ A highly qualified master repairs any equipment for free.│
│ I take the repaired one for myself. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ We are giving away freely racketeered currency! │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ I treat by applying pressure to higher organs. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The Institute of National Economy announces enrollment for graduate courses-│
│ whose diploma is in the specialty "Trade in Stolen Property". │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ It has been proven that the dog Mumu, which Gerasim drowned, belonged to- │
│ stings to the bull-bul-bul-terrier breed. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The communications department requires leasing and marketing specialists│
│ to participate in gluing stamps.│
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Buy at least something from us! If you don't buy it, we don't care │
│ we'll drop it off at your apartment. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Today there was a strike of cotton growers in Ukraine. Not yet │
│ it is clear how cotton growers came to Ukraine. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ My mother-in-law’s favorite dog has disappeared - black, angry, eating for three, │
│ bites, remembers everything. If anyone knows the location, please │
│ be silent. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Only in our food processor! A mixer that can be used to whip-│
│ cream without leaving the tree! │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The editorial office of SG is opening courses in parapsychology and black magic. │
│ Persons who successfully complete the course of study will have their diploma confiscated │
│ higher education. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The Russian Commodity and Raw Materials Exchange regrets to announce │
│ the sudden death of Russian commodity raw materials. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Our diplomat was urgentlyrecalled from London after │
│ at his first reception he asked the English queen: “Du │
│ speak English? │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Have you started your own business? Stuntmen from the company "Zashibis" go together -│
│ then take you to the tax office. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ If your meat button comes off, don’t despair, but │
│ come to us. We will sew on a button, and you give us the meat.│
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ After the friendly match, Karpov and Kasparov went to the nearby │
│ the closest cave and made several new moves there. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ I sew, knit, wash, cook well, raise children, do │
│ cleaning, going grocery shopping... N-a-d-o-e-l-o!!! Call from 8.00.│
│ Call Masha. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The world's first autopilot school opened in Kyiv. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ I’ll take a woman with caring skills for an apartment... Forever and without│
│ scandals. │├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ It has been proven that mammoths did not once die out, but turned into │
│ white cranes... │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ For the information of dog knights. The Battle of the Ice will take place on Wednesday. │
│ Attendance is required. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Are you thinking about where to invest your money? Stick them in your │
│ "Dzintars" - it will make you irresistible. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Academician Zakusyuk, defrosting his refrigerator in search of │
│ bottles of vodka, I discovered a mammoth tusk in the ice. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Only here you can kill an environmentally friendly worm-│
│ ka! We issue shovels on Monday from 14.00 for those over 18 years of age. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ If you are a young independent state, a small enterprise │
│ "Maniac" offers you his assistance in registering with the UN. For│
│ for an additional fee we present a package of documentation for the pro- │
│ waging a civil war. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ After the governmentdid to the people, it must │
│ marries him. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ A new joint Ukrainian-French company is waiting for its clients │
│ a company producing condoms with a digital lock and │
│ automatic siren in case of theft. French side │
│ takes over the production, ours - the use. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Are you tormented by rising prices, crime and unemployment? If you │
│ if you want to instantly forget these minor squabbles, buy it at the veterinarian- │
│ mad dog in the hospital. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Gentlemen! Wash your hands before eating and suits after eating! │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ At the Priboi restaurant you will be offered the dessert “Fleet Pasta” │
│ ski". The dish is served in caps. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Trading house "Solomon Broker and Sons" offers for sale │
│ a dozen sons. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Urgently need a current account and an office to create a small business │
│ family. │├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ The White Winch slingers cooperative announces additional │
│ linen set of boys specializing in standing under load." │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ If you live in an environmental disaster zone, do not despair │
│ worry. Just try the dusty air before you breathe │
│ sosom "Buran". │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Joint Stock Company "Yellow House" offers for sale the most │
│ long share. Its beginning is on the stock exchange, although the end is still being printed │
│ in the printing house. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Joint Stock Company "Atas" announces the expansion of the charter │
│ capital, since all attempts to increase it are to no avail │
│ brought. │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ A competition is being announced to fill the vacant photo position │
│ Delhi in the journal "Questions of Philosophy". │
├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Mari Pulp and Paper Mill has started mass production │
│ release of a new product - birch sap with pulp. │├─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┤
│ Urmas Ott is planning a show with the participation of Michael Jackson. Osta-│
│ the only thing that’s new is that both of them barely speak Russian. │
└─────────────────────────────── ───────────────────────────────┘
Well, if you liked it, call me and wait for new issues of magazines
"JOKES".
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And now BIG HELLO'sy:╔═══════════════ ═════════════════════════╗
┌───────┐ ╔═══════════╣ Diamond(4139792),*ANDY NIK*,Alex,LOGO, ║
│╔═════╗│ ║ B I G ║ CYBORG,A.N.V,STRYKER,ALFA soft,CHIP, ║
│║Argon║│ ║ TO: ║ LORD WINTER,EVIL MAN,STS,369-SIFT, ║
│╚═════╝│ ║ HELLO ║ Burn Acid, OLDMAN, Dr. Longman, MicroWord. ║
└───────┘ ╚═══════════╩══════════════ ══════════════════════════╝
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──────────────────────────────── ────────────────────────────────
Date: 02.26.96 MDM 401-9029;9:00/23:00
Time: 03:00 am to 03:44 am (c) Copyright by Argon
ZXNet 095:1356017..4019029 Only for All Users ZXNet.
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║ Attention! At the moment I am already registered!║
║ on LIME-3 (MicroWord). So Call....... ║
║ My address: ZXNet 095:1356017..4019029 (16-22h). ║.
║ ARGON SOFT (c) ║ Aleksandr ║ ARGON SOFT (c) ║
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