Parody - Computer novel based on the game "Star Legacy -2" (continued).

   

    * КОМПЬЮТЕРНАЯ НОВЕЛЛА *    
                                
________________________________
                                
(Окончание. Начало              
        смотрите в "ПИОНЕРе" N2)
                                
                                
**************************1996**
                                
                                
рикинувшись  невинным  дурач-
ком,  я  как  можно  любезнее
спросил капитана артангов:   
   - Что все это значит?        
   - Это  означает, что ты почти
труп,  - с  усмешкой  проговорил
капитан, - Но ведь мы - артанги,
довольно    таки    справедливыеjudges.  And that's why we sleep-
let's take a look at your cargo, and
Then we'll take care of you.           
   I pulled back the barrel of the gravimet with my hand
from under your nose, but artang
immediately poked the trunk at me
gravimetal in the ear and gurgled
something in your own language.  to me
for some reason I felt uneasy: this
the grinning face of the captain
na, stern giggling artangs and
gravimetal barrel, pleasantly cold
who gave me my right ear. I pay attention
looked around carefully.  One against
do five in such a situation
can't do anything.  Well I will
speak your teeth, maybe something...
it will work out somehow.            
   Having gathered my thoughts, I began
your speech:                      
   - You are violating all accepted
previously VS CSCHKtruce conditions!
I'm just a free trader
transporting weapons... In general,
flew to himself, didn’t bother anyone - and
oops! There's no way I'm suffering from you
guys. And here you are...         
   - Be silent! - the captain squealed
tan. - I’m in charge here! Don't try
talk to me with my teeth - not like that
I saw it! Now you will quickly open
compartment door and I'll look at yours
cargo...                         
   - And the last thing, - calmly
I said. “What about the gravimet?”
Remember?..                      
   Captain in a moralizing tone
said:                         
   - NOTBELIEVE EVERY WORD!!!   
   And, turning to the three artan-
the din crowding around the gateway,
ordered:                       
   - BREAK THE DOOR!             
   And then I saw this scene,
which I could envy
any.  Demonstration of the power of artan-
gov... Three artangs with gravimetals
rushed to storm
cargo compartment door.   They
tried to drop her off with their shoulders,
and foreheads, and kicks - but all this
came to nothing.  My
the guard, sticking out his tongue, furiously
cheered for my homies who
unsuccessfully stormed their heads
compartment door and, it seems, completely
forgot about me... I did
awkward movement, and artang
looked at me sternly.  I
smiled and began to look at him
homies, helping him senseless
but contemplate this comedy.  Yes,
these artangs, despite their
strength, complete schizos.  None of
didn't even look at them
sign above the door: "OPEN
ON YOURSELF!".                      
   In ten minutes artangi
exhausted.  One of them, pouring
Then he squealed to the captain:   
   - The door doesn’t open!..    
   The captain waved him off
like from an annoying fly. Attention
Having carefully examined the door, he noticed
sign.  After gawking at her, heturned to me and said:      
   - Well, what kind of picture is this?   
   - Did you like it? - I asked.  
   - As I understand it, this is some kind of
inscription   Apparently this is something
important,” said the captain.     
 - Important? Why?            
   - Hangs above the door...        
   Damn!  This captain already has me
got it!  His logic is primitive!
This is already a passed stage for me.
   “Listen, buddy,” he said.
I, - I'm sorry that you don't have everything
at home...                         
   - No, I have everything at home,
just some kind of drawing
unusual, so um... In general,
suspicious, - said the captain
tan.  - So what's written there?
is it written...              
   - So you don’t know how to read-
eat?! - I was pleasantly surprised. 
   - I'm not a polyglot!             
   - What kind of genius is this?        
   “In short,” he said in a sharp tone.
hall captain and dashingly snatched
ray pistol from the holster.
I spun it on my finger, but
I made a little mistake, and the gun
jumping off his fat finger,
flew into the back corner of the cabin. Face
the captain has an unnaturally elongated
elk, but he pulled himself together and
politely finished his thought:    
   - So what does it say there?      
   I had nothing to lose, and I
said:                         
   - It says that the door
usually open to themselves.       
   - Did you hear? - asked the captain
artangs. - Everyone understoodguys?  
   “In principle, yes,” they said.
three artangs in chorus.  - But here in
than the question: how to open the door
knock out?                         
   Captain with an unseeing gaze
looked at me, and I carefully
studied him.  Mentally estimating
distance to the nearest artang
with gravimet, I'm all for myself
decided.  So, I'll take the gravity gun from
my escort, who is something
Feels unwell. Next...
Hm... Oh well! I will be under-
swear improvise on the spot
course of action.   Apparently I
expressed his thoughts out loud, so
how the captain perked up and
told me:                     
   - No improvisation, here I am
chief!                        
   Turning to the artangs, he
He simply nodded his head towards the door.
Well, we need to act. Now
or never...                  
   Hitting my escort with his heel
by turnip, I couldn’t stay on my feet
and fell. But I obviously don't care
stuck... But it was only
the beginning!.. I began to lift-
when my
guard, heating me with a gravimetal
between the eyes.  No, it's scary
gravimet thing!  One time for me
had to see him in
action...                     
   Then I, being generally fat-
goy, visited some lousy
planet for the purpose of replenishment
provisions.  Having rolled into some
it's a lousy bar, I sat down on
kind of lousychair and steel
sip a strong drink from
some lousy dirty
licked glass.  I was sitting
drank and dangled his leg merrily. foot
some lousy brat with
this lousy planet.  However
I soon got bored with this activity,
I threw the brat's leg out together
with the brat out the window.  But... I
I completely forgot then that I
was on the 119th floor!!!Well
okay, maybe that brat
you'll be lucky and he'll get off easy
frightened... Who knows...         
   I took my mind off sad thoughts
and began to look around the bar in search of
something so interesting. And
I saw that at the bar counter there was some
then the pilot argued furiously with the drunk
artang.   A small
brawl, which resulted in
Artang received a slap on the forehead.
Artang, naturally, got angry,
and used the gravity gun, hitting
poor pilot with a butt in the eye
and quickly slipped away.  At the pilot's
great swollen eye, and all of it
they took pity and watered the artang with mud
zyu.  I quickly cleaned this one out
bar and ran away so as not to listen
further condolences to
pilot-with-a-lantern and while these
the guys didn't notice that there was drinking
the bar is also out of food,
thanks to me...                
   Then I was very lucky, and
I have thanked fate more than once for
what I managed to do with impunity
get off that planet...Consciousness returned to me
slowly.   Artang-escort everyone
also pressed me with his carcass,
and his colleagues tried to open
door to the compartment. I touched my eye.
My
eye, here... Indeed,
a terrible weapon - a gravimet.     
   Somehow getting out from under
carcasses of unprofitable artang, I
first thing I did was pick him up off the floor
gravimet.  Heavy thing... I
pointed the gravimet at the artangs,
who were swarming at the door in
compartment and with a cold grin
he casually threw it at them:         
   - Hey, you!                    
   Work near the doors is stalled
rushed.  Like in slow motion
rutke film artanga wrapping-
came towards me, reloading as they went
Gravity throwers.   I don't even remember
Did I even pull the trigger?
hook, but nevertheless rang out
cotton, and a couple of artangs literally
but it was smeared on the walls even without
that dirty cabin. Recovered
the guard got one too
a little fiery gift -
a stream of fire in the snout, and on the wall
the spot became bigger.    Here
the following law was in force: WHO
KILLED, THEY LOSE.Another one
with a wild cry the artang rushed at
me, but my reaction is me
never let you down - several
precise blows to the stomach, a kick to
knee and final blow in
the screaming mouth of the artang was providedthis very artang is full
rest for two hours. Captain
he dug his face with his hands and squealed:        
   - No, no, no! I'm nothing
I didn't!                       
   I lowered the gravity gun and looked around
battlefield.  Yes... They got it all dirty
cabin... Well, oh well, what can I say?
so supernatural... I
looked at the captain and said: 
   - Listen, guy. Once upon a time you
told me that I would kick you out
gravimeta. Yes?                  
   - Yes... - the captain squeaked,
covering himself with his hands.              
   - But-but-but!  Don't hold your fingers
like a fan!  - I barked. - So here it is
what I wanted to express by saying
this pun - YOU WERE RIGHT,
KEP!                            
   The gravity gun barked again, and
the captain joined his
friends, and the last artang, le-
pressing on the floor, went to
endless journey through
space through the gateway, and even then with
with my help, since I
he was in no mood to move
condition.                      
   I looked at myself in the mirror
and was horrified - the broken face
mia, torn jacket, torn
trousers and a bent ram's horn
gravity gun in hands.  However, I
alive, and that's not bad at all.
But I could use a shower
accept, otherwise it’s all dirty,
like he was rummaging through a trash heap. Throwing it away
gravimet, I rushed headlong into
shower andI washed myself in a couple of minutes,
after lying in the water for two hours.      
   Dressed in new clothes, I
important I went to Artangovskaya
lifeboat  Once upon a time at the training grounds I
met them, so
the design was familiar to me. But
exam on their control I
successfully failed, but not
hit his face in the dirt and beat him up
him.   Let's see what I have
now it will work. Yes, this is the start
engines, that's... so... Well, in
in general, everything is clear.  I'm more comfortable
sat down in the pilot's seat, barely
placed himself there and produced
quite a normal start,
to mine.  Although my instructor, I
I think I would say this: "TODAY
BETTER, BUT STILL TWO". Carefully
looking at the forward view screen,
I looked with my eyes "ARTANGA
HUMILIATED"to run on
him a couple of missiles. Yeah, here he is
a huge giant, the one I
and it is necessary. Taking aim at a ship
Artang, I missed the button
"FIRE".   Where is she?!  Yeah,
found it.  Pressing it hard, I
fired a salvo of all missiles at
Artang ship, and began to wait.
The missiles reached their target - on
faceted sides of the Artangov style
Explosions were heard from the ship.   I
rejoiced, joyfully looking at
falling to pieces "ARTANGHUMILIATED". So for you, brutes, so
to you!!!                          
   But I stopped short when I saw
that they're rolling onto my fragile little boat
two powerful missiles with
deadly charge. Nothing
Having managed to take action, I grabbed onto
chair and...                     
   I didn't know whether I was alive or not.
The arms are intact, the legs seem to be intact too.
The head is not shaking, but swollen
eye, memory from artang, hurts.
I opened my eyes and saw that
I'm falling somewhere.  Just in time for
the planet that once
was under my ship.
The boat entered dense layers
atmosphere, it became a bit hot.  Not
wondering what I was doing, I
mechanically put on the parachute, opened
door and jumped.   Pulled for
ring, and the canopy of the parachute opened
l.s.  My God, where have I ended up! I
I looked down and couldn't
understand where I am. Some boxes
houses, antediluvian TV towers,
which only in the most ancient archi-
you will meet you, and even then rarely...
archives?!   I realized where I was.
Apparently the artangs intercepted me
in hypertransition, violated some
this condition of time and space
stavva, and I ended up here, and they on
the next world... Different for now
philosophical thoughts entered my mind
head, I landed on the roof
some five-story building and...
                                
                                
BRIEFEPILOGUE:                 
                                
                                
it goes without saying that in due time
I am not destined to have my own galaxy
was to return since this
was impossible to do with
with the help of the most primitive local
technology, and I stayed to live here...
And in general, I am notDIZZYto
look for money on a supercomputer,
I live so well here... 
                                
                                
              * * *             
                                
                                
Afterword:                    
                                
                                
of course, it was only
friendly parody of the novel
for the game "STAR LEGACY".
Well, and about one more thing. Recently in
ourRussian appeared in the city
version of the game "ELItE"("ELItE(R)").
Honestly, play this
the game is not very interesting. It's not
secret that every pilot has
I have my favorite route
their favorite roads between
stars.   Well, what's going on here?  you
start the game from a station near
planets LAVO (cool, huh?). Well
now fly and do business
together with "fat cats",
"rodents"or "small
lizards"because "this
planet stupid side"and its
residents "fatal fools".  Yes
what, dear readers, do you
decide if you need one
"ELItE" or not.  Well then
let me take my leave and
say goodbye until the next article.© 1996 ОКАТОВ ДМИТРИЙ     
                                
           © тг "АТЭК"