ЧАСТУШКИ
Ending.
x x x
Manya lay with me,
The whole bed shook.
Why did it shake?
Manya pressed herself tight.
x x x
Rosita sleeps and does not sense
That a sailor is spending the night on her.
Soon Rosita will wake
And chase the parasite away.
x x x
They rejuvenated the old man,
Sewed a dog’s cock on him.
When he gets to a tree,
He’ll cock his leg up.
x x x
An old man laid an old woman
Out on a bench.
He plays on her grey cunt
Like on a balalaika.
x x x
Syr Darya, Amu Darya —
A swift current.
A boy fucks a girl
For a sweet pastry.
x x x
Anatoly groped a girl
On Tverskoy Boulevard,
But did not deign to fuck her:
He knew her too little.
x x x
I groped my sweetie by the fence,
Let her go, could not catch her.
With your skirt hitched up it’s easier to run
Than to gallop with your pants down.
x x x
Three old women steamed in the bath,
Banged their asses.
One old woman was older than all —
She flew farther than all!
x x x
You come at me frontways,
I come at you with my chest.
Unbutton your riding breeches —
Show me your tool.
x x x
You, matanya, you, matanya,
Let’s have a tussle:
You grab mine, I’ll grab yours,
Let’s have a grapple.
x x x
“Don’t touch my breast,
Your hand is cold.”
“Well, fuck your mother,
Aren’t you noble!”
x x x
You’re a writer, I’m a writer,
Both of us are writers.
If you don’t want to write a novel,
Go roll to your fucking mother.
x x x
Tell me, tell me, girlfriend,
Your opinion:
“What kind of cocks do you like —
Long ones or short ones?”
x x x
Untalented Ivan
Got a crane hook up his ass.
The crane operator waved his hand
And added: “Fuck you!”
x x x
The tall ambassador
Has a cock two oars long.
How does a cock that long
Fit into his pants?
x x x
Some have this kind of bathhouse,
Mine has no ceiling.
Some have this kind of sweetheart,
Mine has no little topknot!
x x x
Under matanya’s hem
There’s an unshorn ram.
Lift your leg, matanya,
I’ll give the ram some feed.
x x x
On my head
Is a karakul hat.
Why are you standing there, not singing along,
You fucking bow-legged oaf?
x x x
On my sarafan
Are roosters and anchors.
In this sarafan
Seven men fucked me.
x x x
My gut keeps growing —
Two inches a day.
The girls have eaten me alive —
They tease me as a humanoid.
x x x
Grandpa died, and grandma cries:
“Oh, Ivan, my Ivan,
Who will now lay me
Hole-up on the sofa?”
x x x
My sweetie has
A nightingale under her hem.
It whistles and sings,
Won’t let her pee!
x x x
My sweetie’s is two planks’ worth,
Mine is a little roll.
When it rolls under her thighs,
It goes right through to the guts!
x x x
It’s my sweetheart’s birthday,
I don’t know what to give.
If my hymen weren’t broken,
I’d let him break it.
x x x
My sweetheart
Has a cow’s head.
We’ll fuck anyway,
If God gives health.
x x x
My sweetie’s thighs —
Forty-eight desyatins.
Without pants, in just a shirt,
I worked them alone!
x x x
My darling
Has legs like bottles.
Mountain moss between her legs —
A cat sniffed it and died.
x x x
The priest had a mare —
Ninety-seven spots.
When we’d get good and fucked,
We’d all lie there unconscious.
x x x
Our harvest is tall,
But the swamp is boggy.
The girls are big-titted, big-cunted,
Big-clitted, big-assed.
x x x
Oh, you, ah, you on me!
Someone was on me.
My sarafan’s askew,
And a five-kopeck coin in my hand.
x x x
Hee-hee-hee and ha-ha-ha!
I can lie down under a rooster!
And under an elephant, and under a horse
I can lie down, probably,
Because I have
A dimensionless cunt.
x x x
Even if you, Semenovna,
Are all dolled up,
You gave it to me
About four hundred times!
x x x
Gypsies in a noisy crowd
Pushed a locomotive with their asses,
And an hour later they learned
The locomotive had no wheels.
x x x
A gypsy made a gypsy woman a sled,
She sat down on it.
The gypsy got to the gypsy woman through the sled —
She started spinning.
x x x
Whose house is that thatched with straw?
It’s my son-in-law’s.
A cunt hangs on the wall,
I’d sure like to steal it from him.
x x x
Instead of wandering along the path
And trampling the garden bounds,
You’d better put those legs
On my shoulder straps.
x x x
Over a stump, over a fence,
Through the whole acacia,
A man shoved into a woman’s
Ass a bond.
x x x
Over a stump, over a stump,
Over a mallet,
A girl kissed a cock
Right on the very tip.
x x x
Across the field, across the boundary,
A cock shouts to a cunt: “I’ll cut you!”
And the cunt threatens him:
“You won’t cut me, parasite!”
x x x
Across the spring field
I used to go to my girlfriend.
She had a girlfriend —
I planted it in both!
x x x
Across the fast river
They’re hauling sour cabbage —
we’ll slurp it!
Through the dark little forest
They’re hauling girls without pants —
we’ll fuck them!
x x x
Across the river on oxen
They dragged a cock in shackles.
Girls swam in the water
And flung themselves at the balls!
x x x
Across the narrow little bridge
They’re hauling a cock east.
The girls weep and wail:
Where are they floating the equipment?
x x x
Through the tyr-monastery
I went to visit a nun.
I planted it in the nun
Right up to the bones.
x x x
Why are you standing there, girls,
Your lips all red?
People lay down their heads,
And you begrudge your cunts.
x x x
Why don’t you sing, girls?
I’m an old woman, and I sing.
Why don’t you give it up, girls?
I’m an old woman, and I give it.
x x x
Why are you standing there, girls,
Why are you going “hee-haw”?
You probably, like me,
Want a bit of tra-la-la?
x x x
Why are you standing there, girls,
In rubber boots?
Why are you looking at us —
Your mugs hanging open?
x x x
So, girls, why are you standing,
Don’t you want to fuck?
Lift your hems,
Show your little tufts!
x x x
What a fucked-up village —
Nobody marries me.
I’ll put my cunt on a hummock,
Maybe a hare will fuck it!
x x x
What’s that shouting
Far away near Samara —
A steamboat full of whores is sinking
In the Volga, Mother River.
x x x
What quiet weather,
A clear little party.
I got so fucked
My ass turned red!
x x x
The hens aren’t laying,
They’re running under the fence.
They too, just like the girls,
Are all getting abortions.
x x x
A cock was walking along a cock,
Sees a cock on a cock.
Took a cock by a cock
And threw it the fuck out.
x x x
Once I walked through the reeds,
Met a woman naked.
Hello, woman, good day,
Let me feel your cunt.
x x x
Once I walked through the reeds,
I see a woman naked.
“Hello, how do you do?
Let me feel your cunt?”
x x x
I walked through the forest, saw a demon,
Because of the demon — miracles:
A woman rides on a cart,
Her cunt is wider than the wheel!
x x x
I walked through the forest, saw my sweetie
Under a green fir tree.
She was sewing up her hymen
With a thick needle.
x x x
I walked through the forest, saw a miracle:
A sheep sits on an oak.
I come home — funnier:
Father’s cock broke.
x x x
I walked through the forest, saw a miracle:
Men are cooking kulesh.
A pot hangs on a cock,
And firewood burns in a cunt.
x x x
I walked through the forest, saw a miracle:
The miracle was warming itself by a stump.
Before I could look around —
The miracle fucked me.
x x x
I walked along the forest edge,
They threw a little stone at me.
When it hit my cock —
I’ve been groaning for three weeks.
x x x
I walked through the forest, the little forest,
Found a cunt with a little wheel.
The little wheel kept turning,
And I wanted to fuck.
x x x
I walked through the forest, singing a song,
A nightingale sat on my cock.
I wanted to catch it —
But it flew away, motherfucker.
x x x
I walked through the forest, through the strips,
Found a cunt with hair.
There was nowhere to put it —
I started putting it on my cock.
x x x
I walked through the forest, along a clearing,
Found a cunt with a little hair.
Took it, hung it on a twig,
Fucked my fill like a bullock.
x x x
I walked through the forest, along a clearing,
Found a cunt with a little hair,
Thought and thought where to put it,
Decided to put it on my little hat.
x x x
I walked through the forest, wanted to piss,
Suddenly a mosquito sat on my cock.
I wanted to catch it,
But it bit me, motherfucker.
x x x
CHASTUSHKAS
I walked through the woods, in a hurry,
And of course I broke a sweat.
My cock banged against my thighs,
Fire flew out of my pants!
x x xI walked through the woods, through the bushes,
Found a little basket full of cunts.
I put them behind the threshing barn
And fucked them all alone.
x x xI walked through the woods, walked late,
Thirty-three cunts came crawling.
I caught, I caught, I caught,
I pinned one down with my cock.
x x xI was walking down the street one day,
A rooster's sitting on a hen.
Speckled-looking fellow,
Keeps bracing with his foot.
x x xA motorboat went by, tooting,
And I sat there, farting.
A motorboat went by, thumping,
And I sat there, shitting.
x x xHey, Mitka, over here!
Hey, Vitka, over here!
Toward night something of mine
Has started itching — my cunt!
x x xIt's true, it's true,
It's the honest truth:
Though I'm small myself,
My cunt is huge!
x x xThey tell the truth,
That I've gone quite old:
Fucked seven girls in a row,
On the eighth — I got winded!
x x xOh, girls, my darlings,
Don't let me die.
Let me clamber onto your belly,
Rub the Antichrist in!
x x xOh, fuck your mother,
With all your business —
If you don't want to give your daughter,
Then fuck her yourselves!
x x xOh, fuck your mother,
Granny Lukerya.
Not a hair on her cunt —
She stuck in feathers instead.
x x xOh, fuck your mother,
You don't know how to give it:
One leg out on the road,
And the other on the bed.
x x xOh, I'd fuck you
In an unheated bathhouse.
Your ginger cunt
Slapped its lips.
x x xOh, black stallion,
White hooves.
Soon I'll grow up big,
And fuck myself full.
x x xOh, my darling,
I've fallen for you.
A whole night without pants
I dawdled with you.
x x xOh, matchmaker, matchmaker, matchmaker,
Don't grab me by the ass.
Grab me by the front —
It'll get me going quicker!
x x xOh, my mother-in-law,
Give me a hair of the dog —
Your daughter under me
Is moving poorly.
x x xOh, my mother-in-law,
Don't go flying off the handle,
I'll lead you to the shed
And fuck you standing up!
x x xOh, my mother-in-law,
Quilted sheepskin coat.
Am I really not worth
Your fucked-out daughter?
x x xOh, my mother-in-law,
Affectionate mother-in-law:
She grabs me by the balls
As she drags me off the stove.
x x xOh, you, Vasya, dear,
You and I are countrymen:
We washed our asses in the same river
And bellowed like bulls.
x x xOh, you, Vasya, dear,
You and I are buddies.
Last year, you and I
Pushed a tractor with our asses.
x x xI was born on the collective farm,
Gave myself to a cosmonaut.
Oh you, ah you!
We're all cosmonauts.
x x xI used to give it to everybody —
To Bobik and to Tuzik.
And now I lie in the maternity ward,
Patting my little belly.
x x xI used to give it to everybody —
Now to Ivan, now to Pyotr.
But nowadays the men have gone —
I'd sooner scrub with a broom.
x x xI used to give it to everybody —
To each as much as he needed.
To some in the morning on an empty stomach,
To some after supper.
x x xI used to give it to everybody
Four times over.
And now my giving place
Has gotten wider than a washbasin!
x x xI used to give it to everybody,
Sitting on a little bench,
Don't go thinking anything bad —
Sunflower seeds out of my pocket.
x x xI gave it to Vasilyev.
And to Petrov I'm willing —
They say that his
Drags along the ground!
x x xI go to Ostankino,
Not afraid that I'll give birth —
There are such powders
That wash out all your guts!
x x xI go prowling like a dog,
Only without a collar.
Don't lie down, you fools,
Under me, a scoundrel!
x x xI fucked and I thrashed about,
All my tobacco scattered.
I don't mind the tobacco,
But what kind of fucking is it on my side?!
x x xI fucked and wasn't afraid
And walked around like a cutthroat.
When my mother gave birth to me,
I crawled out of her cunt with a revolver!
x x xI fuck better than a goose.
A goose fucks on the water.
I fuck on the bed
So that it squelches in her cunt!
x x xI wanted to get married —
Flew off to the equator.
Girls there on the equator —
To the fucking mother!
x x xI found myself a wife
On the Kola Peninsula.
She's got an ass and she's got tits —
Glory to you, O Lord!
x x xI hurry after my darling,
I'll inseminate her!
x x xI'm walking, and my darling is rinsing
Her apron with a star in the river,
I shout: "Knock off work,
Treat me to your cunt!"
x x xI'm walking, and something
Stares at me from the bushes:
It's a cock with a big basket
Trudging off for mushrooms.
x x xI walk from edge to edge,
Gray dog, don't bark.
To the dog — a hunk of bread,
To the girl — a cock out of my pants!
x x xI go to that end —
The sergeant's fucking sheep.
I come from that end —
A sheep is fucking the sergeant.
x x xI'm walking — she's washing
A black slip.
I threw her down in the trough —
Performed an operation!
x x xI'm walking — she's standing there,
So I start asking her.
Don't go thinking anything bad:
"Let me wear your ring a while!"
x x xI'm walking — she's standing there,
So I start asking her:
"Allow me to stick
A white rose on your breast?"
x x xI this way, I that way,
And in such a manner.
Why not have a fuck
With such a cavalier?
x x xI was digging potatoes —
Where's my digger?
Ten years I haven't fucked,
My cock stands like a stick!
x x xI sold the cow
And bought a goat.
Led it through the village,
Whacked it on the cunt!
x x xI was milking my cow,
And I wound up under a bull.
What kind of cow is this —
Her tit is awful big!
x x xI go to my mother-in-law's,
I've got a sweet tooth.
Once I've eaten my fill of candy,
I put my mother-in-law on all fours!
x x xI bought some sausage
And put it in my pocket,
And it, the slut,
Stirred me all up.
x x xI bought myself a skirt,
A tulle skirt.
And now through the snow I go skidding,
Slogging my cunt along.
x x xI bought a television
And took out a loan.
That loan fucked me so bad —
My cunt won't even look at a cock.
x x xI bought myself a cow,
White as white can be.
And what do I need a bull for?
I'll get her knocked up myself!
x x xI lay with Vasenka —
Held his little red cock.
Kept squeezing and peeking —
Gladdening my little heart.
x x xI lay with Kolenka
Completely naked,
Because for beauty's sake
He pulled my panties off!
x x xI fucked Matanya on the bathhouse,
Cranes were flying by.
She gave it back with her ass —
My felt boots flew off.
x x xI fucked Matanya on the bathhouse
And held on to the chimney pipe.
The whole militia came running —
To see how I fuck!
x x xI was banging my darling,
She brought out a pie.
So I set to fucking her
For ten pies' worth!
x x xI pleased my darling, pleased her
On the spring straw.
I gave it to her ten times,
And barely stayed alive myself.
x x xI told my darling:
"Don't fuck over the wattle fence,
Straw will get into my cunt —
I'll end up on sick leave."
x x xI sit on a little stone,
Cracking sunflower seeds.
My mama gave birth to me
With a tiny little slit.
x x xI was grinding at the mill,
Banged one woman there.
And another from the bush:
"Me too, for Christ's sake!"
x x xI hung my legs off the stove,
Bricks, oh, bricks,
Cut off my cock, threw it to the cat —
Here, you pest, don't yell.
x x xI was down at the river —
Had myself a swim.
Stuffed my ass full
Of crucian carp.
x x xI was rinsing at the river
My little pink panties.
Three little hairs on my cunt,
Like a hare's whiskers.
x x xI was at the market,
Selling off my tits.
They offered me fifty.
No, fuck it, let them hang!
x x xI was up in the North,
Digging gold,
If it weren't for my cunt,
I'd have died of hunger.
x x xI won't fuck you,
Nina Nikolaevna:
There's a dog in your cunt
That barked at me.
x x xI won't fuck you
By the threshing barn.
There's a bear in your cunt
Shooting a carbine.
x x xI won't fuck you,
There's a bear in your cunt.
Forty-eight bear cubs
Lie across your cunt.
x x xI don't know how it is with you,
But with us in America,
If the girls don't get fucked,
They go into hysterics.
x x xI don't know how it is with you,
But on our collective farm
All the milkmaids go without panties —
And their cunts are in the manure.
x x xI don't know how it is with you,
But with us in Orekhovo
A cunt in a hat, a cock in glasses
Arrived by taxi.
x x xI don't know how it is with you,
But with us in Saratov
Three doctors looked into a cunt,
And then they burst out crying.
x x xCHASTUSHKAS
I don't know how it is with you,
But here with us in Japan
Three doctors looked into a cunt —
Couldn't make fucking sense of it!
x x xI won't lie down under a car,
Under the front wheel,
I'll lie down under the driver —
It's warm there and it's good.
x x xI don't remember falling asleep
On the driver's arm.
I wake up — no cherry left,
Three rubles sticking in my hand.
x x xI danced and danced
And pissed on my own bast shoes.
I stand here admiring:
What'll I put on my feet now?
x x xI was under a fur coat,
Warming up under a warm one.
Once they had a feel of me,
I wanted it even more!
x x xI was under a fur coat,
They had a feel of me.
Oh, I'm a fool, I didn't give it —
I'd have been a lady now.
x x xI'll go off — stomping,
Wiggling my backside.
Take a look, mother and father,
What a fine arse it is!
x x xI walked through the grove
And I caught a nightingale,
Put it between my legs —
It died of the damp.
x x xI come in — she's doing laundry.
I pulled it out of my pants.
Don't go thinking anything bad:
"Here, wash my handkerchief for me!"
x x xI woke up in the night —
Something's damp on the stove.
Grab my arse — wet arse,
So he fucked me, the dog!
x x xMy crooked one
I scratch day and night.
I want it in the morning, I want it in the day,
I want it in the evening with a light on!
x x xI wallop my good girl
On the cunt with a galosh,
And what for with a galosh? —
Don't go walking out with Alyosha!
x x xI was rolling down the hill,
My little skirt rolled up.
A crow shouts at me from a bush:
"Ah, you red-haired cunt!"
x x xI was fucking my sweetheart,
There was frost out in the yard.
My cunt got covered over in hoarfrost,
His cock stood there like Father Frost!
x x xI was sitting on the stove,
Dangling my legs off the stove.
A cockroach crawled into my cunt —
Straight away it got merry.
x x xI stand by the restaurant,
Too late to marry, too early to croak.
Maybe I should go on a hiking trip,
Maybe somebody will fuck me!
x x xI stood out on the porch,
Wiping off my little boots,
Caught sight of a healthy cock
And off I went after it.
x x xNeskladushki
A hare sits on the fence
In aluminium trousers,
Dear Comrade Brezhnev,
I'm not afraid of tickling.
x x xA woodpecker sits on a stump,
Holding his cock in one hand,
And who the hell cares? —
He'll hold it in both.
x x xA hare sits on the fence
In aluminium underpants.
A cow came up to him,
She's pecking sunflower seeds too.
x x xThe sun shines into my right eye.
Holy fuck — what heat!
Eat your buckwheat kasha,
Your mug'll be — fuck me.
x x xA tank drove over a birch tree,
Scraped all its knees.
Nothing the hell will happen to it,
It saw everybody in white slippers.
x x xMy dad's a boss,
You've got ice cream in your arse.
Doesn't rhyme?
But it's cool!
x x xTata walks the tightrope,
Shame on the arsonists.
But in the separate shops
There's no separate sausage.
x x xTata walks the tightrope,
Shame on the arsonists.
But in our district bathhouse
A boy swallowed the soap.
x x xContents:
Like it, don't like it ........
They wanted to ban us .........
As at our own gates ..........
Neskladushki ..................
THE END.
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