Chastushki. Part 2

CHASTUSHKAS

Part 2

x x x

From beyond the forest, from beyond the mountains
Grandpa Yegor rides out,
Himself horned, his cock humpbacked,
And on his ass a fly agaric.

x x x

From beyond the forest, from beyond the mountains
A man showed an axe.
And not just showed it:
He tied the axe to his cock.

x x x

From beyond the forest appeared
Mounted police.
Off with your skirts, girls —
There'll be a rehearsal.

x x x

From beyond the forest appeared
A trio of fighter planes.
Let's go, sweetheart, and fuck,
We'll commemorate our parents.

x x x

Water pours from the well,
Seeps along the gutter.
Though we live badly,
We still want to fuck.

x x x

From the prison window
A cock hung its head.
Bring me bread, you fucker,
I'm dying of hunger.

x x x

Both mowing is good,
And reaping is good.
But digging potatoes —
Well, just fuck your mother!

x x x

Like next week
We caught a sparrow.
We ate meat for three weeks,
And there's still a fuckload left.

x x x

At the Kiev station
A cunt got pinned by a train.
The cunt groans and squeals,
A cock runs after the train.

x x x

At the Kiev station
They were selling doughnuts.
Not fucking doughnuts,
But the tips of cocks.

x x x

At the Kiev station
A catastrophe happened:
The husband got hit by a dump truck,
And the wife — under the driver.

x x x

At the Kiev station
They tied up thirty-three cunts.
Put them on the scales —
Whiskers in all directions.

x x x

At the Kiev station
They caught a hairless cock.
While they were looking for hair,
The cock crawled onto the balls.

x x x

At the Kiev station
Fuckers were being hired.
800 rubles in salary
And government grub.

x x x

On Buyan Island
Men fought with their cocks.
They lashed each other so much —
Only balls remained.

x x x

On the other bank
Horses graze,
It's interesting to watch
How they fuck.

x x x

On Donskaya Street
I got hit with a board.
What the fuck is this,
You can't walk down the street.

x x x

On Donskaya Street
I got hit with a board.
I walk and groan:
They hit me on the cock.

x x x

Under the fir tree,
Under the aspen,
My darling treated me
To sausage.

x x x

Under our bridge
A pike lashed its tail.
The girls didn't wait for Easter,
We fucked them during Lent.

x x x

When I go to the monastery,
I'll pray to God:
Won't the Lord send me
A cock as big as a calf's leg.

x x x

Along the Volga, along the river,
On the steamship "Ermak"
A beautiful maiden sailed,
Holding a cock in her hand!

x x x

Along the river, along the river
A cunt floats on a stick,
Girded with a belt...
Tonight we'll fuck.

x x x

As the snow fell
On the green field.
Come to me, friend,
Let's fuck, or something.

x x x

Along the Fontanka River
A cock floats on a splinter,
And along the steep bank
A cunt walks in slippers.

x x x

I'll dig my darling
Out of the grave,
Dig her up — wash her,
Fuck her — and bury her again.

x x x

With my beloved Klava
I swim along the river.
I can't land —
Her husband stands on the bank.

x x x

How the father-in-law dragged
The mother-in-law into the grove.
The grove cracks —
The mother-in-law squeals.

x x x

Once I lay down on the bed,
Started fucking my wife.
What an absent-minded man
From Basseynaya Street!

x x x

Once I let my darling
Lick my little cunt,
He climbed in headfirst, the beast,
And shouts: "Hand me a lantern!"

x x x

Pencils, pencils
Sharply sharpened.
Come on, lie down and don't breathe —
The money's been paid!..

x x x

At Vanya's, at Vanyukha's
Two flies sit on his cock.
A fly sticks to a fly,
And Vanyukha's cock rises.

x x x

At the top of the fir tree
A nightingale fucks a cuckoo.
From above comes:
Whack-cunt, chirp-cuckoo.

x x x

In our village of Moshok
They fuck girls through to the guts.
Run away from Moshok —
Whoever has a thin gut!

x x x

At our well
Two cunts met to wrestle.
One cunt gave the other a cunt-punch —
The cunt stretched out her legs.

x x x

At our Miron's
A crow sits on his cock.
When the crow starts to sing,
Miron's cock rises.

x x x

At our priest's,
At Father Proshka's,
The girls tore off his cock —
They wear it as a brooch.

x x x

Our young woman's
Widened by a palm.
But we didn't believe it,
We took and measured it.

x x x

At our Aunt Dasha's
Ants started in her cunt.
We should hire a guard —
To drive the ants out of her cunt.

x x x

At our gates
A cunt opened its mouth,
A cunt opened its mouth
And rushed at the people!

x x x

At our gates
Sharik fucks Bobik,
And then the other way around —
Bobik fucks Sharik.

x x x

In the mother-in-law's garden
Grandpa Mazay strolls.
He dropped his drawers, took out his knob,
And knocks down apples.

x x x

When I fucked my sweetheart —
I almost drowned in her cunt.
I grabbed the edges:
"Farewell, my homeland!"

x x x

Carburetor, accumulator
And a gearbox.
Let's fuck, sweetheart,
For the development of bones.

x x x

Potatoes are blooming,
Cucumbers are ripe.
They're fucking my sweetheart
On my bed.

x x x

A sprat swims in tomato sauce,
She's fine in tomato sauce.
Only I, fucked mother,
Haven't found happiness in life.

x x x

When I was young,
When I was frisky,
I sat down in the garden to shit,
A turnip went up my ass.

x x x

When I was young,
When I was frisky,
Across the hut on a rope
I climbed onto a cock myself.

x x x

When the drizzle drizzled,
My darling asked me,
When the drizzle stopped,
I gave, he didn't want.

x x x

Rye is in ear in the field,
Lentils with vetch.
Hold my macintosh,
I'm going to pee.

x x x

The conductor, fuck his mother,
Made us walk.
And the driver got angry,
Took out his cock and shot himself.

x x x

Chastushki. Part 2

My darling lies in a coffin,
I got myself positioned — I'm fucking her.
Like it or not,
Sleep, my beauty.

x x x

Curls curl, curls curl,
Curls curl on whores.
Why don't they curl
On decent people?

x x x

Because whores
Have money for hair curlers.
And decent people
Spend their money on whores.

x x x

My darling lies in a coffin,
I got myself positioned — I'm fucking her.
And she, my dear one,
Thrust back, like a living woman.

x x x

My darling lies in a coffin,
I got myself positioned — I'm fucking her.
Glory to her in heaven,
She was an honest girl.

x x x

The sawmill stands in a pit,
Surrounded by cocks.
From the sawmill runs my girl,
Sawdust sticking out of her cunt.

x x x

There's no place better than Gagra,
Seagulls moan by the pier.
Girls give blowjobs
On a voluntary basis.

x x x

People rip off pood weights,
If only we could steal half a pood.
People are breaking virgins,
If only we could get a ready one!

x x x

Manka calls Vanka to the woods,
Vanka resists:
There's no meat in the shop —
His cock won't rise.

x x x

My sweetheart cheated on me
And went off, bent over.
A hot cock in his mouth,
So he'd choke on it.

x x x

My sweetheart gave me
A little gold watch.
And for that I had to
Jump on the mattress.

x x x

Grandma taught me
How to ask girls:
"Little dove, give me just once,
I'll carry you in my arms!"

x x x

They drafted me into the army,
I came to the enlistment office.
Chest broad, arms white,
Only my cock's a bit too short.

x x x

The girls invited me over,
But I didn't go.
My little jacket's torn
And my little cock's not big.

x x x

My mama gave birth to me
On the road, on the bridge,
The chickens shat on me,
That's why I don't grow.

x x x

My mama gave birth to me,
Gave birth and spat.
Looked and looked
And shoved me back in!

x x x

My mother married me off
To an old idol.
I'll pluck out all that idol's
Balls.

x x x

My mama gave birth to me
Such a shorty.
I don't blame my mother,
But my father's cock.

x x x

My mama gave birth to me
So bow-legged.
Well, fuck her mother,
I'm not going into the army anyway!

x x x

My mother scolds me,
And father scolds me,
And what for the scolding? —
Another belly's growing!

x x x

My sweetheart, the first time,
On the porch, on the steps.
And I stood up, shook myself off
And started singing songs!

x x x

My sweetheart, my dear,
Keeps fucking and fucking,
His is so big
My little cunt goes "ah!"

x x x

My sweetheart fucked me
Sitting on the bench,
I sat and pissed
On his white felt boots.

x x x

My sweetheart walked me
To the river, to the pier,
And as a keepsake gave me
A shit-stained pair of breeches.

x x x

My sweetheart walked me home,
All oaks, oaks, oaks.
He threw me down into the ditch
And got it in there after all.

x x x

My sweetheart walked me home,
Threw me down on a harrow.
My pantaloons went rip,
And the fly — to one side.

x x x

My sweetheart stopped loving me
And left me, poor thing,
And as a keepsake gave me
The pale spirochete.

x x x

My good parents
Were marrying me off to a virgin.
But into that virgin fit
A church and priests — robbers.

x x x

"Dear mother-in-law, what did you cook?"
"Dear son-in-law, only mushrooms."
"Dear mother-in-law, from that food
My cock won't rear up!"

x x x

Past the island floats
A snow-white steamship.
And on the island lives
A heron, fucked in the mouth.

x x x

Past my mother-in-law's house
I never walk without a joke.
Now I'll stick my cock through her window,
Now I'll show her my ass.

x x x

Mortarman, give me a mine,
I'll shove it in my cunt.
And when the war starts,
The enemy will blow up on that mine.

x x x

My sweetheart strains vodka,
Guzzles beer for nothing.
But my sweetheart values me
For my big ass.

x x x

My sweetheart in bed
Lost five kopecks.
Because of that one coin
He poked all around my cunt.

x x x

My sweetheart's a drunkard,
He drank away his cock and balls.
I stand and think:
"What if he drinks away my cunt too?"

x x x

My sweetheart's a tractor driver,
And I'm a milkmaid.
He's in fuel oil, I'm in shit,
What a pair we are!

x x x

My sweetheart is Tsedenbal,
Only very small in height,
He was walking me home,
I let a fart — he fell down!

x x x

My sweetheart's a fool,
He fooled me:
He stretched out his little legs,
And spread mine apart.

x x x

My girl was wounded
On the edge of Germany.
Instead of a bullet they stuck a cock in,
Sent her to the infirmary.

x x x

They were marrying my darling in church,
I sighed on the porch.
They married her, whisked her far away,
I just waved my cock!

x x x

My darling in the pond
Drowned in the morning.
Her cunt is full,
Stuffed with crucian carp.

x x x

My darling is stupid,
But her cunt's huge — up to the navel!
You'll dig around in it all night,
Like bathing in the sea!

x x x

My darling on the roof
Grabbed hold of the chimney.
I perched a little higher
And I'm fucking her.

x x x

My dear girl
Led me into the bathhouse.
How she managed it, I don't know —
She fucked me in the ass with her tit.

x x x

My dear girl,
I advise you:
Don't give it to anyone,
Patch it over with newspaper.

x x x

My girl's a fool and a half.
She took up physical culture.
Believe it or cry:
She gave birth to a football.

x x x

My girl got sick
With the black sickness.
I'll climb up on her stove,
I'll give it a try anyway.

x x x

My girl was roofing the roof
And fell off it.
While she flew through the air
She shat herself forty times.

x x x

My girl's not tall,
Sedge grows on her cunt.
In the evening I mowed a haystack,
Someone fucked her and set it on fire.

x x x

My girl won't give it up,
My cock rises in vain.
And the one who does give it to me —
On her it won't rise.

x x x

My girl went out of her mind —
She put a wig on her cunt.
The colds don't scare her.
But where do you even fuck that?

Chastushki. Part 2

My girl swam across
The Yenisei river.
Her cunt filled right up
With perch and carp.

     x x x

My darling, out of melancholy,
Swallowed three planks.
Thirty-three weeks later
Crates came flying out of her cunt.

     x x x

We've fucked everything on earth
Except an awl and a nail.
The awl is sharp and crooked,
And a nail can't be fucked.

     x x x

We fucked girls in the bathhouse
Till the doorjambs creaked.
Surely, damn it, they won't jail us
For such trifles?

     x x x

We fucked — we didn't perish.
And we fuck — we won't perish.
If only there's money in the pocket,
Even in prison we'll find someone to fuck.

     x x x

We fucked — we didn't perish.
And we fuck — we won't perish.
The militia know us well,
And everybody else we fuck.

     x x x

We'll slaughter a rooster
And render us some lard.
We'll feed up the groom
So his little knob will stand.

     x x x

We're Moscow tourists.
We're walking through the village.
Hide your girls, you women —
Whoever we meet, we'll fuck.

     x x x

We don't sow, we don't plough,
We just play the fool —
We wave our cock from the bell tower,
We scatter the clouds.

     x x x

We rode around Petersburg
On a mare without a bridle.
We ran into such a whore —
Eight tits, three cunts.

     x x x

We're walking down the street,
Gasping and sighing.
If we don't find any girls,
We'll give an old woman a thrashing.

     x x x

We're walking down the street,
Dear little aunties.
We're fucking your daughters —
Sleep without a care!

     x x x

We're walking down the street,
The street sags under us.
Bring us lard, girls —
The cock won't rise.

     x x x

Matanya and I were picking
Currants on the hill.
Lift your leg, Matanya,
Let me look at the motherland.

     x x x

My sweetheart and I till morning
Kissed by the metro.
We'd go on kissing,
But the vagina hurts.

     x x x

My sweetheart and I went walking
Over the damp clover.
Both of us were without trousers —
We were getting used to the north.

     x x x

My sweetheart and I went riding
On a military cutter.
The cutter turned over on its side,
And off we went to fucking hell!

     x x x

My pal and I, the two of us,
Did in an ant.
We ate meat for two weeks,
And there's still a fuckload left!

     x x x

My pal and I, the two of us,
Worked on a diesel.
He's a shithead and I'm a shithead,
And our tools got nicked.

     x x x

I was out in the East,
Stencilling barrels.
Somebody stuck it in from behind —
I didn't even notice.

     x x x

On the tall aspen
The little leaves were falling.
Kolka the lad, Olga the lass
Fucked and fucked — kept bumping into each other!

     x x x

On the tall rowan tree
The sparrows are chirping.
They're fucking my darling —
Her teeth just click.

     x x x

Up the tall rowan tree
Climbed my daddy.
The curly one broke off —
My dear dad came crashing down.

     x x x

On the hill they're slaughtering a ram,
And I want mutton.
If they don't marry me off by autumn,
I'll turn the stove over with my cock.

     x x x

On the hill — a guelder-rose,
Under the hill — a guelder-rose.
Don't stretch me —
I'm not a mandolin!

     x x x

On the hill — a curly oak.
Under the hill — a linden.
Vanka laid Manka down —
They're making Filipp.

     x x x

On the hill a dog is barking,
Under the hill a red dog growls.
The girls buried the lad,
His cock sticks out of the grave — with a hernia.

     x x x

On the hill stands a birch,
Under the hill — two geese.
Today I'll just get by somehow,
Tomorrow I'll fuck myself silly!

     x x x

On the hill stands a birch,
Thin and bent.
I can see it in your eyes
That you're fucking crazy!

     x x x

On the hill stands a hospital,
I won't go there to be cured:
There lies a patient —
Balls of copper, cock of steel.

     x x x

On the hill stands a hospital,
On the hospital two crosses.
A girl came out of the hospital —
Her cunt is bandaged up.

     x x x

On the hill stands a buffet,
And there's nothing it doesn't have:
Sugar, salt, tomato juice
And a big piece of cunt.

     x x x

On the hill stands an oak,
It's spread out its roots.
They fucked my girl
For a glass of jam.

     x x x

On the hill stands a hut,
Tulle curtains in the window.
And in the hut all the girls
Are fucking cocksure little sluts.

     x x x

On the hill stands a donkey
And wiggles its ears.
Seven men are fucking it,
And it's dancing the chechotka.

     x x x

On the hill stands a covered wagon,
A gypsy boy came out to shit.
He dumped such a heap
That you can't see the wagon.

     x x x

On the hill stands a billy goat,
Golden little horns.
A lad is fucking a girl
For a sack of potatoes.

     x x x

On the hill stands a car,
But the car has no wheels.
The young folk hauled off all the rubber
To make condoms.

     x x x

On the hill stands a bear,
He's fucking a hunchbacked woman.
I came closer to look —
He doesn't fuck the way we do.

     x x x

On the hill stands a seamstress,
Under the hill stands a tailor.
The seamstress has one — like this!
The tailor has one — like this!

     x x x

On the hill stands a cart,
Under the cart — six girls.
Two are laughing, two are fucking,
Two are lying there already fucked.

     x x x

On the hill stands a grindstone,
Under the hill a harrow.
The foreman is fucking a mare,
Our business is on the side!

     x x x

On the hill stands a grindstone,
Under the hill — a pub.
A little monkey jerked a cock
In her furry little fist.

     x x x

On the hill stands a grindstone,
Under the grindstone — a samovar.
The cunt mixed up the paints,
The cock painted pictures.

     x x x

In the yard there's fog,
A diaper's drying.
All your love is a lie,
Except the baby.

     x x x

You've put on a blue dress,
So don't stand there gaping.
Look around yourself —
Is anybody fucking you.

     x x x

On the Kalyazin hillock
The mosquitoes are grazing.
A mosquito fucks a fly in the ear —
His balls are shaking!

     x x x

At the resort the men
Pawed me all over.
A couple of days later
Snot was dripping from their cocks.

     x x x

In Uncle Kolya's pubes
Four moths took up residence,
And Gleb has forty-six!
His fur is thicker.

     x x x

We don't need a "Zhiguli",
We don't need a "Volga" —
We'd like a little cock
That stands for a long, long time.

     x x x

Chastushki. Part 2

On the bridge stands a cripple,
Killed a man with his cock.
Under the bridge stands another,
Bending his cock into an arc.

x x x

On the bridge stands a passer-by,
Looking like "fuck your mother",
Suddenly — out of nowhere —
Up pops "fuck-in-the-mouth".

x x x

On the bridge stands a crowd,
Under the bridge they're fucking a priest,
Somebody help us,
Or they'll fuck daddy too!

x x x

On the window two little flowers —
One blue, one scarlet.
Never for anything will I trade
A big cock for a small one.

x x x

A saucer smashed on the floor,
The samovar is rocking.
When they fuck on the table,
It gets noisy.

x x x

At the fishing spot, by the river,
Somebody swiped my boots.
I didn't swipe, I didn't steal,
I was standing lookout.

x x x

On the table stands a glass,
And in the glass — cotton wool.
If I'd known, I wouldn't have given it up,
I wouldn't be knocked up!

x x x

On a branch sits a crow
And croaks: "Kara-kara!"
Hitch your skirts up, girls —
It's long past time you got fucked.

x x x

I rode on a cart with onions,
Banged my cock against the wheels,
Bang-bang on the wheels.
Buy onions, girls!

x x x

On the corner stand the cows,
Mooing very loudly.
And two women on the road
Are thrashing a muzhik.

x x x

Our Tanya cries out loud,
Tanya has lost her honor,
Honor, fuck-your-mother, isn't a ball,
A ball can be bought!

x x x

Don't go peeking out the window,
Or I'll roll in with my cock.
I won't spare my head,
I'll pay for the window.

x x x

The car won't start,
The motor doesn't run,
There's nothing that a shit-fucked driver
Can do about it.

x x x

My sweetheart won't fuck me,
Says: "Later, later."
I look — and he's on the stove
Training with the cat.

x x x

Don't love the sea, girls,
Love the sailors.
Sailors fuck standing up
By the rocky shores.

x x x

I just can't hold myself back
From twirling my ass.
Such a satan —
It just twirls on its own.

x x x

Don't go courting me for nothing —
Under the cart I won't give.
Every hair is on the books
And my cunt is counted by workdays.

x x x

Don't scold me, mama,
For lying down under the driver.
You yourself told me
To earn a little on the side for firewood.

x x x

I won't say in which village
A woman gave birth to a tractor,
Four and a half years
She was in the family way.

x x x

Can it really be,
Can it really be I'm marrying?
Can it really be that at last
I'll fuck myself full?

x x x

Don't go bragging, friend Rosa,
That you went with your sweetheart to the woods.
He kept climbing the birches —
He never climbed on you!

x x x

Don't walk, goat, on the bridge,
Don't clatter your hooves.
Don't grab the cock, girls,
With unwashed hands.

x x x

Don't go, girls, to the bathhouse,
A Jew is washing in the bathhouse.
That Jew has a battery
Right up to the very doors!

x x x

Don't go, girls, to the bathhouse,
They're bathing Vanya there right now,
Dunking him in vitriol
So Vanya's cock will grow.

x x x

Don't go, girls, and get married,
Don't praise a woman's life:
You get ready for a party,
And the husband commands: "Lie down!"

x x x

I don't want to, girls, get married,
I don't want anything.
My own fair, curly one
I'll nail shut with a board!

x x x

Don't go, girls, into the forest —
The mosquitoes bite,
Every tiny little mosquito
Throws itself at a cunt!

x x x

I don't want to, girls, get married,
There's nothing good in it:
You get up in the morning — tits off to the side
And your cunt all tousled.

x x x

Well now, sweetie, off with the shirt,
I'll take a look at your ass,
I won't do a thing,
I'll just sit here next to you.

x x x

Blanket, blanket,
Blanket, the red one,
How under that blanket
My cherry went and burst.

x x x

Oh, you dear women,
My heart's not in place.
Yesterday I gave it to the baker —
My whole cunt is in dough.

x x x

Oh, you, my shoes,
My patent-leather shoes.
Whether girls or married women —
They're all the same!

x x x

Oh yes, she's mine,
From Kukuy.
Oh yes, she won't eat bread,
She keeps asking for cock.

x x x

Oh yes, she's mine,
From Tambov,
Oh yes, she'll fuck
Any one of them!

x x x

Oh yes, I come home —
I knock on the window frame.
Oh yes, and my daddy
Is fucking mama!

x x x

Oh, Marinka, you Marinka,
Don't go climbing on the shed.
A speck will get into your cunt —
Mind you don't take sick.

x x x

Oh, sweetie, blow up the fire,
I've got my foot in a cunt.
Move quicker —
Both legs came off.

x x x

Oh, coat, my coat!...
Nobody lets me fuck.
I'll go out into the field and shout:
"Help, I want to fuck!"

x x x

Oh, dear friend,
Tag your sweetheart for me.
I tagged my own —
There's a little string on his cock.

x x x

Oh, friend, just know this:
Give to everyone who asks —
It's not a porcelain cup,
The rim won't break off!

x x x

Oh, dear friend,
I'll tell you a secret:
However much meat I've eaten —
There's nothing better than cock!

x x x

Oh, my own dear mother,
Let me give it to the soldier.
He's a serving man,
He's never seen a cunt in all his life.

x x x

Oh, Semyonovna,
Skirt in checks.
I went into the woods with you —
Made a little baby.

x x x

Oh, Semyonovna,
Skirt in a cup pattern.
Didn't hit the cunt —
Hit the thigh.

x x x

Oh, snow, snow,
Snowy blizzard.
I've picked up so many crabs
My jacket's fairly moving.

x x x

Oh, straw, you straw,
You, straw, the white one,
Don't go telling, straw,
What I did with my sweetheart!

x x x

Oh, thanks to the accordionist,
We've got all sweaty.
And to be honest about it —
We wanted to pee.

x x x

Oh, comrade militiaman,
I've been robbed.
Somebody picked
The little key to my little machine.

x x x

Oh, my comrade Alyosha,
Take a look at the ceiling:
Isn't that your black balls
The kitten's dragged up there?

x x x

Oh, you, my darling,
Have you ever been to Moscow?
Have you seen the little houses,
Nine-eti-storey ones?

x x x

Oh, you, my dear,
What are you so displeased about?
In front — shurum-burum,
Behind — a butter churn.

x x x

Chastushki. Part 2

Fragment 5/6

Oh, you matchmaker, you match-fucker,
you don’t know a fucking thing.
You need a good stuffing —
then you’ll walk around more cheerfully.

x x x

Oh, this man,
oh, what beauty —
an eagle nose, a bull’s cock,
and a mustache like a cat’s.

x x x

Oh, I wanted to live with him.
Where did he put his cock, tell me?

x x x

She comes at me with a stake, a stake,
and I come at her with my bare cock!
She comes at me with whatever,
and I come at her with whatever I can fuck with!

x x x

My darling
pulled the cock out of there,
pulled it out, stroked it,
and aimed it back in there!

x x x

She didn’t burst,
she didn’t crack,
she just spread wider —
she used to be tight.

x x x

I’ll take my sweetheart
to the green oak.
Let a bear fuck her —
I won’t anymore.

x x x

From Sukhumi to Batumi
is the blue sea.
Come to me, friend,
let’s fuck out of grief!

x x x

Why did galoshes disappear
in our northern parts?
Because all the rubber
wore away on cocks.

x x x

Oh, cunt, my cunt,
you’ve worn out completely,
why did you crawl under a cock
without asking me?

x x x

Oh, knock, knock, knock,
my iron got hot.
She comes at me with an iron,
and I come at her with a curse!

x x x

Dad’s asleep and Mom’s asleep,
the nanny wants to sleep,
only I alone can’t sleep
from my cunt’s rage.

x x x

The guy talked the girl around,
broke the girl’s cherry.
This operation
is called defloration.

x x x

A steamboat sails the Volga,
the sky turns blue.
Girls ride without a ticket —
they’re counting on their cunts.

x x x

A steamboat sails the Kama,
and a motorboat the Ob.
A girl latched on:
“Fuck me, fuck me!”

x x x

A steamboat sails the river,
and behind it they haul fuel oil.
Girls, guard your cherries —
they’re carrying a cock on deck.

x x x

The steamboat rammed the bank,
the captain shouts: “Forward!”
How is such a fuck-up
trusted with a steamboat?

x x x

In front of boys
I walk on tiptoe,
in front of grown-up people
I walk with my white tits out.

x x x

I put on a new dress
and drank kefir.
I farted the whole way,
and then I shit myself.

x x x

Through the village rides a sleigh
upholstered in gold.
Into that sleigh they laid
two shaved cunts.

x x x

We walk through the village,
carrying a bag of sunflower seeds.
Some whore glances out the window —
wanted to take the seeds away.

x x x

We walk through the village,
oohing and aahing.
And whoever starts bothering us,
we’ll fuck up his whole face.

x x x

We walk through the village,
sprawling and staggering.
Whoever we meet
we’ll fuck up and hide.

x x x

Through the village raced
an ambulance carriage.
The village council chairman
choked on a cock.

x x x

In the village they’re cutting log frames,
and the boys love me.
One pulls, another pulls,
only my little skirt rips.

x x x

Ducks walk through the village,
little gray ones quack.
They’re fucking my sweetheart,
only her earrings jingle!

x x x

A ball rolled through the village,
golden, gold.
A cock came flying out the window —
I was left an orphan!

x x x

A huge woman walked through the village
singing.
She caught her cunt on the corner,
and started bawling, poor thing.

x x x

A round-faced girl walked through the village
singing.
She caught her cunt on the corner —
the militia took her away.

x x x

Two cocks walked through the village,
talking this way and that.
One cock to the other cock
cock against cock — whack.

x x x

My girlfriend,
let’s go to the commission.
You hold my macintosh,
and I’ll go pee.

x x x

My girlfriend,
you don’t know a fucking thing.
Your sweetheart, quietly,
is fucking me!

x x x

My girlfriend,
I’ve got an idea:
if mine comes over to you,
fuck the villain senseless!

x x x

The train goes from Tambov,
thick, thick smoke pours out.
Don’t marry me off, mama,
I’ve had my fill fucking as a bachelor.

x x x

The train goes, rails bend.
The brakes failed.
A spring burst in her cunt —
it knocked out Vanka’s eyes.

x x x

Where can I find poets,
green little grass.
Can it be my sweetheart will marry
without having been fucked?

x x x

I’ll live a while and have some fun,
I’ll move to live in an ass.
I’ll put in a frame and glass,
it’ll be dry and warm.

x x x

I forgot in which village
a girl gave it to me…
A yoke across the back of my head —
my head split with a crack.

x x x

I’ll go dance —
I’ll shake my tits.
And you, dear, darling,
shake your balls!

x x x

Gleb climbed onto the canopy
with copper keys.
He caught his balls
with two bricks.

x x x

Where can I find some hemp seed
to peck at?
My cock stands like a quarter-bottle
on me, drunk as I am.

x x x

My mouth is full, and full of worries.
Someone is fucking me in the mouth.
For the past week
they haven’t even looked at my cunt.

x x x

Striped shirt,
striped pants,
and in the pants there’s such a thing —
you could use it to mash potatoes!

x x x

A floor polisher in just a vest
was eating vermicelli in the kitchen,
and then he polished the neighbor woman’s
floor and her cunt slit.

x x x

I fell in love with a lieutenant,
but I want a major.
They say the major’s cock
drags along the ground.

x x x

I fell in love with a lieutenant,
we got married the other day.
And when we started undressing,
I got tangled in the belts.

x x x

I fell in love with a musician
for his Tchaikovsky talents.
It turned out, well I’ll be,
he’s a masturbator and a pederast.

x x x

I fell in love with a guy,
he turned out to be without a cock.
What the fuck do I need one without a cock for,
when there are cocks up to here?

x x x

I fell in love with a tractor driver,
once I gave it to him.
For a whole month I washed my tits
and pissed diesel fuel.

x x x

I fell in love with a tractor driver,
turned out he was a sailor.
He dragged me into a swamp
and stuffed snags into my cunt.

x x x

Tomatoes, tomatoes,
tomatoes are vegetables.
The cunt rides in a taxi,
and the cock in an ambulance.

x x x

Remember, friend,
I fucked you once on the bench?
I’d fuck you a second time,
but the bench is damn narrow.

x x x

Chastushki. Part 2

I asked Nikolai:
"Go on, shave your beard off."
He shaved my cunt instead —
neither to the village nor to the town.

x x x

A barge goes sailing down the river,
a cock hangs on the anchor.
Along the stern a cunt comes wandering
and jingles her keys.

x x x

An axe goes floating down the river
out of the village of Chuguyevo.
Well, let the fucker float —
that iron fucking lump.

x x x

Take a look, dear mother,
at what the hoodlums are up to:
across the cottage, on a rope,
they're hauling a boar by the dick.

x x x

I lost my watch inside a cunt —
it's ticking, the damn thing.
I'll catch it in the morning
at half past four.

x x x

They tied the girl to an oak tree,
everyone's fucking her — and I won't.

x x x

Come to me, my darling,
for a date on Wednesday.
Don't bring a thing —
just the little cone up front!

x x x

Come to me at the beach
and lie down next to me.
You and I will build a house —
you'll be the ground floor.

x x x

Come on over, Marusya, with a goose.
We'll have a fuck and a bite.

x x x

Come on, girls, into the forest,
there's an earthquake there:
Kolya fucks the girls
every blessed Sunday.

x x x

A hen came into the pharmacy
and clucks at the pharmacist:
"Why does the rooster tread me
without a rubber on?"

x x x

I wake up at seven o'clock —
the elastic's gone from my underpants.
Here it is, here it is —
wound around my cock.

x x x

So we're walking through the village,
somewhere somebody's moaning.
Two old women on the stove
are mauling the old man.

x x x

Once, twice — onto the mattress,
onto the white featherbed.
Don't you wriggle, you fucked mother,
or I'll make a freak out of you!

x x x

Hey, lads, you lads,
who is it you're fucking?
Take a better look —
it's only just a child!

x x x

Red-haired, tiny, sickly —
not a groom but a groomlet,
but his cock's a regular crowbar.
Once he shoves it in — right to the guts.

x x x

Samovar, samovar,
golden cups.
Come and fuck me
in a silk shirt.

x x x

You girls know yourselves
what you're hinting at,
you promise and you don't give —
why do you deceive?!

x x x

Airplane with green wings,
fly, fly, fly...
My darling fell off the roof —
well, mother-fuck him!

x x x

The airplane flies,
the propeller spins.
Lift your hem,
whoever can't wait!

x x x

The traffic light is showing red,
there's no way through for traffic.
My girl has gone and lost
the mechanisms of her cunt.

x x x

I'll drag you by the legs
off the roadside into the bushes.
You can't go fucking on the road
the queen of beauty.

x x x

Haymaking, haymaking,
haymaking time.
The whole cunt's grown over so thick
a scythe won't take it.

x x x

A woman sits on the doorstep,
putting on her shoes.
Between her legs
the black moss
billows out!

x x x

A cat sits on the fence,
embroidering its own tail.
The girls didn't wait for Easter —
they got fucked full during Lent.

x x x

My darling sits on the porch
with an expression on his face.
That face expresses
what you sit down on the porch with.

x x x

A chemist sits on a bench,
pounding three kopecks with his cock.
He wants to make three rubles —
and nothing fucking comes of it.

x x x

I sit with my girl on the fence
and I yank her by the tit.
Now she howls like a beast,
now she cries like a baby.

x x x

I fucked him in the cinema,
the bastard doesn't care —
ass, legs or tits —
so long as he comes somehow.

x x x

Black dog, don't you bark,
I'm climbing to my girl's shed.
For the dog — a hunk of bread,
for my girl — the cock out of my pants.

x x x

Gather up, girls, in a heap,
I'll cock you up some chucha.
And if you don't want chucha,
I'll cock you up some chacha.

══════════════════════════════════════════
To be continued.....