Fanta - Memo to a foreign tourist (From the series “The Plaintiff of Everything”).

Netus News #11
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(C) Evgeny Lukin, 1998
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               Evgeniy Lukin
          REMINDER FOR INTOURIST
         (From the series "Plaintiff to Everything")


     First of all, you should firmly secure
remember that Henry Littlecock never was
Russian spy. This is a frank newspaper-
naya duck leaning on common
there is a rumor abroad that Russia is allegedly
became the only country not plunged
into chaos after this brilliant
the maniac pressed the red button on his remote control
her diabolical attitude. Inveterate mi-
zanthrope, he sincerely hated the whole world, and
our country in this sense was not for
with him as an exception.
     If you're luckyget to
Russian border, I assure you, you will
pleasantly disappointed to see this side
well, the cordon is the same confusion as
everywhere.  You may be wary of the ironic
such grins from citizens, and upon entering the first
settlement - numerous statues
and portraits of Henry Littlecock himself. "And mo-
Maybe he's a spy after all? - scared-
you think - and you will be mistaken.
     Littlecock had no kind feelings towards
Russia, as well as all other state-
twam, but Russians honor and love Littlecock.
     The fact is that when he plunged the plan-
that into the abyss of chaos by pressing the fatal button
his Chicago laboratory, we have order
there has been a noticeable increase in the country. Actually,
what is universal chaos compared to
our eternal mess!
     Therefore, finding yourself in Russian
territory, try to refrain from
critical remarks and sour mines in non-
close proximity to the images on-
native pet.  Usually locals
are quite friendly towards rare foreigners
fugitive guests, but in this case they may
beat.

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          Evgeniy Lukin
          SONG ABOUT THE THING OLEG
          (From the series "Plaintiff to everything")

     On a gloomy autumn day in summer 6420 fromcreation of the world on the hills near Kyiv
the fault of a teacher who was not yet born at that time
like Nestor, the historical co-
being.
     - In thirty-three chapters of the chronicler
mother!  - Prophetic Oleg cursed in his hearts,
lifting his leg and looking at the boot. -
I didn’t even bite through! Ooh, viper!..
     The snake fearfully bent its chiseled tre-
naked head and, crawling with awkwardness,
bones, crawled back into the horse's skull.
     - She won’t be able to defeat the prince’s boot...
- coughing, stood up for the mistaken ha-
yes boyar. - Leather, tea, do it conscientiously -
they beat... If only an Indian cobra would come here!
She, they say, stands on her hind legs - higher than her head -
lazy  I could even peck you on the knee...
Foot, knee - all one leg...
     - Eva!  - the prince marveled angrily. -
Where can you find a cobra near Kyiv? - On-
The Prophet sat down and thought. - Maybe a hand on
lay the skull?
     - It’s written that the leg... - groaning, on-
another boyar remembered.
     - Or put on an old boot, with holes -
what?.. - completely upset,
Oleg threw.
     The boyars raised their guards in doubt,
they shook their gorlat hats approvingly.
     - Inappropriate, prince...
     It was sticking out of the horse's eye socket
the snake also became depressed and sluggishly retracted
but... He'll soon fall into hibernation: it's not summer,
tea - autumn.
     Prophetic Oleg looked around. The hills are crowded
The pretty chilled Kievans drank. There already
everything was ready for burial andgreat
I'm crying.
     - They write - they don’t know what... -
he grumbled.  - OK! I'll step barefoot.
Let them do what they want, then they’ll use it -
yut...
     He sat down on the obligingly provided belt -
a chair and, having removed the boot from his right foot,
In annoyance he began to unwind the footcloth.


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