─── Fanta ───
Frederick PAUL
GRANDPA IS A NASTY
Mahlon gave birth to Timothy, and Timothy gave birth to
Nathan, and Nathan gave birth to Roger, they lived on
The earth has a long time. But then Roger gave birth to Orville-
la, and he literally went crazy. He gave birth
Augustus, Wayne, Walter, Benjamin, and
also my father Carl. Apparently this is
was too much when Gideon Upshur thought
necessary to intervene.
The bell at the door jingled,
talking about someone's arrival. We were just kissing
were in the living room, and Lucille was very un-
I'm glad we were interrupted. On the threshold
a large-built old man appeared with
darkly tanned face and blue eyes -
mi. He stamped his feet, shaking off the snow, and
looked at me questioningly.
- Orvi?
“My name is George,” I answered.
- Wipe the lipstick off your face, George.
- he said, entering the room.
Lucille quickly backed away from me,
straightening her disheveled hair. He looked around
her gaze, slowly took off his coat and,
hanging it on the back of a chair by the fireplace,
sat down and spoke.
- My name is Upshur, Gideon Upshur. Where
Orville Dexter?
These words made me give up
thrown out his original intention
kick the uninvited guest out. It's been a year now
we stopped being pestered with questions about Or-
Villa Dexter, and we just sighed
there were zerosrelieved.
- This is my grandfather, Mr. Upshur. What
what did he do this time?
Shaking his head, the old man looked at
me:
-Are you _in_n_u_k_ him? And you still ask -
Are you telling me that he is n_a_t_v_o_r_i_l_? Where
he?
- We haven't seen Grandpa Orville for five
years,” I admitted honestly.
- And you don’t know where he is?
- No, Mr. Upshur. He never
mu doesn’t say where he’s going and when he’s coming back
grows, he rarely talks about where
was.
The old man, pursing his lips, reached across
Lucille to the table, poured himself a whiskey and turned
approached the girl.
“Believe me,” he said again.
a high, senile, shrill voice. -
You need to stay away from these Dexters.
she. Go home.
Lucille looked at him gloomily and
I opened my mouth to answer, but then
I intervened:
- This is my bride.
- Oh, yes, of course. Well, I don't-
there's nothing left to do but talk to
Orvi. Is the bed ready in the guest room?
room?
“Mr. Upshur,” I protested. -
It's not that we weren't happy about grandpa's
friends, but only the Lord God knows about
about when he will return. This could happen-
tomorrow or in six months, or maybe even
in a few years.
“I’ll wait,” he said over his shoulder.
going up.
It was difficult with him only the first two
Delhi Then I resigned myself. Calling Uncle Way-
well, I told him about Mr. Apshu's visit-
ra. ThisThe message greatly excited my uncle.
- A tall, dense, dark-skinned old man?
- he asked excitedly.
- Yes, and it seemed to me that he was here
not for the first time.
- Well, why shouldn’t he come?
here before? - Uncle Wayne was silent for a while -
th. - I'll tell you what, George. You co-
take your brothers and...
- But I can't do that, uncle.
Wayne,” I interrupted him. - Harold is in the army,
I have no idea where William went
I have.
Uncle thought about it.
- Okay, don't worry. I'll call you
as soon as I get back.
-Are you going somewhere, Uncle Wayne? -
I was curious.
“Yes, George,” he answered briefly and
hung up.
So I continued to enjoy the
Mr. Upshur's company. The youngest
It's always the worst that gets the worst.
Lucille no longer appeared with us. I
visited her a couple of times, but since anywhere
driving a Jaguar turned out to be too good
okay, William left in the sedan, and the jeep,
in Lucille's opinion, was an unsuitable car
for walks, that's all we had left
to do is sit in her living room. At the same time
her mother was nearby with knitting and
from time to time she made short substitutions
worries about Grandpa Orvi and that girl
ki from Eatontown.
In general, I was incredibly happy when
One day the kitchen door opened and a child came in.
darling Orvi.
- Grandfather! - I exclaimed, - How great -
I'm glad you came! You know,us in the state
yah...
- Shhh, George, where is he now?
- Upstairs, in the guest room. I
I always serve him lunch right there after
Why does he usually take a nap?
-Are you serving him lunch? Where did you go?
servants?
I coughed embarrassedly.
- But grandfather, after that incident in
Eatontown, they...
- Okay, all this is nonsense, - hastily
he interrupted me, “keep studying.”
your business.
I threw the scraps into the trash can and
put the plates in the sink. All this time
Darling sat without taking off his coat, and silently
was watching me.
“George,” he said at last, “
you know, I'm an old, very old man.
- Yes, grandfather.
- My grandfather is older than me, and his grandfather -
even older.
“Well, of course,” he said judiciously.
I wore it out. - I've never seen them, have I?
- Yes, George. At least I don't
I remember one of them coming here
at least once in the last few years. De-
darling Timothy was here in his eighties
sixth, but it seems you weren’t yet
everything in the world... That's right, and your father too...
same.
- Dad is sixty, and I am twenty.
“one,” I said.
- Yes, yes, of course, George. And your father
often thinks about you. A couple of months ago
ass he once said that you have already reached
the age when you should
tell us about us, the Dexters...
- What should I tell you, grandfather Orvi?
- Damn it, George, don't interrupt.me! Can't you see that I'm just
am I trying to do this? It's not easy for me anyway
find words...
- Maybe I can help? - came from two -
Ray is the voice of Gideon Upshur.
Grandfather Orvi stood up straight and cold
said:
- I would be very grateful to you, Guy-
Deon Upshur, if you hadn’t interfered in the family
conversation.
- This is also my family, young cha-
catcher And that’s exactly why I came here.
hal. I warned cousin Mahlon, but he
didn't listen to me. I warned Timothy
but he fled to America, and look what
it happened!
- Every person has the right to continue
live your family, - grandfather said proudly
Orvi.
- Once, yes! I never said
that a man should not have a son, although,
as you know, I have never had a child
tey. What will happen to the world if each of us
will have three or even four children,
how do you Dexters do it? Four -
now, sixteen - when your children are under-
grow up, sixty-four - when their children
will become adults! Not even three hundred will pass
years from now there will be trillions of us, Orvi! Copo-
the teetering mass of immortals will cover the earthly
the ball has several layers, and I...
- Stop it! - Grandfather Orvi barked. -
Not in front of the child!
- It’s high time he knew this! - for-
Gideon Upshur yelled back. - I warned-
gave you, Orville Dexter: either you take-
you're losing your mind, or I'll take drastic measures
ry. Talk timeit's over and I'm ready
to start taking action.
- You stinking... - grandfather began
Orvi, but then stopped short, remembering my
presence, and turned to me: -
George, come out now. Rise in
your room and sit there until I give permission
you need to come down.
Having said this, grandfather again turned to
to Mr. Upshur:
- And you, old idiot, know that I’m...
prepared to meet you, and if
it will come to...
Without listening to the end, I left. to me
I really didn’t want to leave grandpa Orvi in
such an alarming moment, but, as my father taught,
orders are not discussed. From the kitchen some more
For some time terrible screams were heard, but
soon everything became quiet.
Two hours passed. From below there is no more
There was not a sound. Worried, I
quietly went down and looked through the ajar
that kitchen door.
Grandfather Orvi was sitting at the table, tired
curling into one point. Mr. Upshur was defeated
there was no licking.
- Come in, George. I've just recovered
took in his breath, - looking at me, he calmed down -
grandfather said.
-Where did Mr. Upshur go? - asked
I'm with him.
- I defended myself. And, in the end,
it was of no use anyway
- came the quick answer.
I looked closely at my grandfather.
-Did anything happen to him?
- You know, George, sometimes it seems to me
that old people's blood flows too slowly
but... I want to restA little. Don't bother me
bye to me.
I already said that I always obey
seniors When I heard a noise in the garbage disposal, I
approached the receiving hole.
- Strange, I think I turned off the water, -
I noticed as I was about to turn on the tap.
- Don't attach any importance to it, George.
- Grandfather said nervously. - Better answer
to me, they didn’t redo the sewer here
my absence?
- No. The same old dried out skin
boat and tank for disinfection.
“It’s bad,” grandpa grumbled. - Well
oh well. I don't think it's that important
but...
I didn't listen to his words. Mine
The newly washed floor caught my attention.
“Grandfather,” I said reproachfully.
- You shouldn't do the cleaning. I myself
I can cope even without servants.
- Shut up with your servants, -
Grandfather snapped. - You see, George,
you have a lot to explain, although I som-
I’m not sure that I’m doing the right thing, then
starting this conversation right now. Perhaps
your father would have coped with this task
much better, because, unlike me, he
knows you well, and to be honest, yes-
I don’t know where to start. You didn't notice
that we Dexters are not like everyone else?
- Well... We are decently well off.
- That's not what I'm talking about. Well at least here you are
Do you remember being hit by a truck as a child?
Didn't it seem to you then that you were too...
recovered too quickly?
“Perhaps not,” I answered, remembering
that onehappening. - My father told me that
Dexter always heals quickly. -
I leaned over and looked under the table. - Here
some old clothes! Yes it seems
Mr. Upshur's costume?!
“He left it for you,” he shrugged tiredly.
shoulders of grandfather Orvi. - Listen, I need
leave, so don't ask me anymore
no problem, I'm already late. If he comes back
your uncle Wayne, thank him for mine
name for warning me about
arrival of Mr. Upshur. If it happens to me
meet your father, I'll give him the gift
vet from you.
All this happened in winter. Since then
One circumstance haunts me, and
I would like grandpa to come back soon
jumped in and helped resolve it.
I was never able to come to terms with the irritation
life of Lucille and somewhere in the middle
February married Alice. It's a pity of course that
none of my relatives were there at that time
moment in the city, but it wasn’t like that
absolutely necessary, because I have already achieved perfection
noletiya.
I was damn lucky to get married.
Moreover, now I finally understand that
We, the Dexters, are what we are, and what
Darling and Mr. Upshur at one time never
they were able to explain it to me clearly.
Alice is very pretty and in addition
wonderful hostess, that's why we are no longer
worried about the lack of servants. Moreover, worries
housework does not give her the opportunity to
go away from home.
True, with the arrivaleverything will be in spring
it's harder to keep Alice safe
distance from the third terrace, where
the notorious well and tank are located. What if
If she goes there, she will hear strange sounds
ki.
I don’t know what can be done in the future
similar situation. Maybe we should after all
roll the stone from the tank lid and let it
butt imprisoned there.
But I'm afraid that he's completely asleep...
till.
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