╔════════════════──────── ─────────────────── ───════════════════╗ │ PRINTED WITH CONTINUATION. │ ╚════════════════─────────────── ───────────────════════════════╝ (C) Fedin Pavel Hello everyone! So I broke down once... My ruble was missing Ricky in the last issue... But everything is fine. Then I'll just be stupid believed Uncle Bill, who claimed that IBM could work in multitasking mode, and began to simultaneously format this text in the Lexicon and modem with THE BIRDom. The outcome is obvious - the text was not formatted, as well as the file was not downloaded vat. And the newspaper should have already been published. That was a bummer... But no more such bummers are expected, because I will no longer believe anyone, and maybe I’ll change my publishing system altogether to a more powerful one in the form of Final Writer or Wordwoth. ---------------------------------------------------------------- (R) Fedin Pavel V. Shinkarev Papuan from Honduras. [nonsense in two parts] (c) 1987, Leningrad. PART ONE. Frenchman X (with bitterness, like: I tell you I'll show Kuzka's mother!): I'll teach you to love life! (fromsome movie) “There are days when there is only stupidity in my head.” R. Musil I don’t mind the extra epigraph: "Great people did not write treatises in vain about big noses." L. Stern CHAPTER ONE. Islander. . . . . . . . . . . Sharpener Valera Marus, coming home from production, didn’t even Having had time to eat and rest, he often turns on the device... no, not a device or an apparatus... turns on the machine, pre- which is a voluminous box with a screen. Purpose of the box - reproduce heavy and uninteresting nonsense on the screen. This one for everyone a familiar machine is called a TV, it can be seen in the very poor house. During the described period of time, Valera comes every day with He’s a little nerdy at work and is watching a TV series. Sometimes he misses a whole series, sometimes he only catches the end, sometimes dazed, looks up at the TV only when there are sounds shots and loud screams. It probably happens that what happens is They are conjecturing everything half asleep. It happens that he mistakenly looks writes another program. Here Valera turns on the TV and plops down heavily on the folding darling. On the screen there is a crowd of people in vests and quilted jackets, with posters "STOP THE NEUTRON BOMB" (Mitki will always be in shit, English). Announcer's voice-over: "A powerful wave of demonstrations against demonshumanity..." Valera, swearing, gets up from the cot and switches the TV to another program. Yuri Senkevich: “And at the end of our program, an interesting video story from France. I want to preface this with some interesting data: mi public opinion polls, which leads to influential the bourgeois weekly Le Monde. In the middle of eight mid-teens when asked if they wanted someone resemble, 70 percent of conscious respondents answered negatively of the French male population, 30 percent would like to resemble a wide range of popular film actors and rock musicians, with David receiving the most votes Bowie and Sylvester Stallone. Now the picture has changed dramatically las. Only 9 percent of French people are satisfied with their appearance masculinity, and Sylvester Stallone and others like him as an ideal of masculinity What beauty is considered only by one percent. 90 percent the population of France dream of being like Dmitry Shagi- on. Wanting to regain his lost popularity, Louis Bar- Ro and Jean-Paul Belmondo grew a beard with a shovel and lie motionless for a long time, often eating fatty foods and beer. Our correspondent recently asked for comment to describe this phenomenon of a famous publicist, philosopher, writer writer and playwright Jean-Paul Sartre. Correspondent: (speaking into the microphone, standing with his back to Jean-Paul Sart- ru, sitting on a cot in the corner of the luxuriously furnished halls Jean-PaulSartre listens on a cassette recorder “Sailor’s silence”, stamping with felt boots and waving fist): New fashion has rapidly taken over Paris. Beam- The greatest aristocratic clubs open their doors to their members only if they are wearing vests and cotton wool Nicky, and now you can go to any first class restaurant They are unlikely to let you in without cotton pants. (Turns to Sartre) Monsieur Sartre, allow me to ask you a few questions- Rosov o... Sartre: (growls affectionately) And you are well prepared for the interview - curled up? Corr.: Oh yes! I carefully read your work “From existentialism” Ma is in shit" and I would like... Sartre: (with some anxiety) So I’m asking you, are you in- Are you well prepared for the interviewer? Corr.: (bewilderedly silent) Sartre: (with great anxiety) What, you weren’t prepared at all? Corr.: (suddenly realizing everything, he takes out a bottle of Moldovan wine and politely gives it to Jean-Paul Sartre) Sartre: (with a cry “From a real brother!” pulls out the pro- bku, marks some line on the bottle with his fingernail and, throws his head back and drinks) Corr.: Monsieur Sartre, allow me to ask... Sartre: (affectionately placing his hand on the correspondent) Why are you so-and-so? You will then say that Sartrushka adored you. ral... Corr.: (takes the bottle and takes a sip) Sartre: (with a cry of “Stop, you bastard!” takes away the bottle) Corr.: Monsieur Sartre, allow me... Sartre: (bitterly) Came todrunk ass, gobbled it all up... (holding out bottle back to the correspondent) Here! I consumed half a bottle - So drink it all to the bottom, if that’s the case! Yuri Senkevich: With this, let me say goodbye, dear comrades! Etc. etc. Of course I'm joking. It didn't really show anything like that. ut. In fact, on the screen there is a well-fed man in the background groups of workers. A well-fed man explains to the correspondent: - ...will be fulfilled. Workers' voices: Right! Let's do it! Well-fed man: But the main thing for us in production is to remember that everyone a dead person is a superfluity. Workers (hanging their heads): That's right, it's superfluous... It is quite obvious that the workers, like probably the well-fed man, derive the word “personality” from the word “extra.” Valera switches the TV to the third program. Don't give up hope, maestro, Don't remove your palms from your forehead! Having finished, Okudzhava sits silently, smiling. - I have a question! - a voice sounds in the hall; Okudzhava, squinting, looking around the hall for the speaker. - Yes, here, here! - a female voice says irritably, - sector five! Okudzhava can’t even find sector five and the public begins to... Let’s giggle at his lack of understanding. Finally finds it. “Bulat Shalvovich,” says an assault-looking girl about five years old. eleven, dressed about three thousand, like almost everyone in the hall - I want I ask you: why don’t you sing poignant songs? Okudzhava sincerelyhaving fun: - What kind of spicy ones are these? - Well, such as, for example... Boyarsky. - I didn’t know that Boyarsky writes... poignant songs. - Thank you. Bulat Shalvovich, why don’t you write about love? - You know, I’m already old... but I only write about love! The presenter laughs, inviting all the youth to laugh. - I have a question, sector eighteen! Again the rigmarole of searching for the questioner. It turns out to be a young man all in chains, in bracelets with spikes, a wig made of horsehair pe- caught by a collar: - Bulat, tell me, how do you feel about “metal” bands? - Well, I had to see a couple of videos about English- some "metal" bands, but... - This is not the same at all! - the metalhead shouts joyfully, hurrying introduce yourself, - I'm talking about the Soviet "metallis" movement tov", we wear chains because there is a lot of metal in our country, because we are workers, we started playing metal rock earlier everyone in the world! - No, I haven’t heard the domestic “metallic” whom" rock. The young man sits down arrogantly. The presenter, smiling widely, thanks Bulat Shalvovich Okudzha- Woo for his performance and he leaves to liquid applause. Presenter wipes the smile off his face and says seriously: - Dear friends! I see you all love music, go to dis- koteku. You want to dress modernly, right? From the audience, discordantly: “So!” - Butlook how sad it sometimes ends. The hall is under- giggles smartly. The interrogation is shown on the big screen to the audience, or rather, a conversation with a girl of fifteen years old, studying at a vocational school, home- prostrate. - Masha, tell me, why did you need so much money? After all in the last week alone you robbed twelve apartments. Masha sits hunched over, hiding her face. - I needed money... I wanted to dress well. - But why did you rob so many apartments? Why didn't you go to work? didn't earn money honestly? - You can’t earn that much... If I went to work, I everyone would laugh at the disco... - But is it really possible to rob apartments and get money like that? honestly? - You can’t... I even wanted to work, but I haven’t been married yet - ... And if you dress poorly, no one will talk to you will be (Masha cries). The screen goes dark, the presenter addresses the audience: - Our guest is Oleg, Masha’s acquaintance from the disco. Stand up Oleg! An attack aircraft about fifteen years old takes off. - Tell me, Oleg, did you know Masha? - Yes, we met at a disco. - Did she dress well? - Yes, I dressed modernly. - Do you dress well? - Well, I try to dress modernly. (Valera doesn’t think that Oleg is well dressed, it seems to him that these inflated quilted jackets, scary trousers and boots should be cheap, but the last cry fashion Valera considers jeans.) - Oleg, and youwhere do you get money to dress well? You you're not working yet. - Well, where do they get it... I try to save... -Are you justifying Masha? - No. For what? You can’t rob apartments... of course, you need to dress regularly... but apartments cannot be robbed. - Did you like Masha? - No. Even though she began to dress modernly, I don’t like her. las. My intellectual level is higher. Presenter, delighted: - Here! - suddenly brings the microphone to a young girl sitting next to him seventeen, - what do you think is more important: intellectual level or ability to dress well? Girl taken by surprise: - Well... of course, you need to dress modernly... (Valere does- he couldn't bear to look at all these sexy girls, he couldn't... switches to a youth program and that’s where it all begins.) Announcer: Dear comrades! Today we are starting to show a new serial film "Papuans from Honduras", created by cinema tographists of the city on the Neva. Having said this, the announcer is silent for a long time, smiling triumphantly, as if she created this film herself. Then for a long time they show inexpressible telny title "multi-part television film". Valera gets up and looks around the room for a corkscrew. Suddenly from TV such rogue music is cut that Valera rushes headlong into barks and eagerly looks at the screen. Caption: "By order of the State Committee on Television andradio broadcasting of the USSR". Valery is not interested in the credits, he continues to look for the corkscrew. Having found it, he does his job and, wiping his lips, sits down on the folding bed. ku. To be continued.
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