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│ CONTINUOUS JOKS │
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(C) SPEED INFO
(R) RINDEX
Do you want new jokes??? You will receive them. Read and joke -
please. See you.
She brings misfortune to all the guys. One was taken into the army,
another got married, I ended up in a colony...
He chased her lover for two blocks. He's lucky he got it
under the car...
We stayed alone with him in the apartment: so he gave me two hours of Yesenin
read.
He has a large, red mustache, and moves it all the time. It's creepy
as if I’m not living with a man, but with a cockroach.
I will not go to prostitutes for anything. Two hundred dollars! Yes, at least
would be a hundred. I personally value my orgasm cheaper...
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(C) MASTER SOFT
Learn to shoot!
──────────────────
The operation is underway. The tragic voice of the patient is heard:
- Doctor, I don’t think I fell asleep.
- Yes, this cannot be!
The doctor enthusiastically continues to operate.
- Doctor, I honestly can’t sleep.
- Come on!
The doctor makes an incision.
- A-ah-ah! Hurt!
- Look, you really didn’t fall asleep.
- I told you so.
- Well, shut up and shut up... With chloroform.
By the way, give him more.
- It's a blast!... Doctor, is there anything else we can do?
- Can.
-Bliss! And also?...
- You can. Hit him in the forehead with a mallet...
BOOM!!!
- Wild thrill!... Can I also use a mallet?
- Enough from you, otherwise you will quickly get used to it.
- Doctor, how is it going? Is it dangerous?
- Patient, you are bothering me.
- I can leave.
- No, stay. There is nothing dangerous. The bullet passed
right through, without touching vital centers. By the way, what the
Did the cretin shoot at you?
- Why a cretin?
- Is that really how they shoot?! You need to take it a little higher and
to the left...
- It's very simple, doctor. I'm lying late at night with
a woman in bed, I don’t touch anyone except the woman,
I don’t touch it and suddenly:
BOOM!!! BANG!!!
My husband came.
- A! So your husband shot?
- Which one is it! Listen further. So I'm flying with
balcony, I’m not touching anyone, and suddenly:
BOOM!!! BANG!!!
I fall on the local policeman’s favorite dog.
- Yeah, so the local policeman shot?
“He fired, of course, but he never hit.” So
I’m running naked down the street, I’m running, I’m not touching anyone. And suddenly:
BOOM!!! BANG!!!
- I hear someone catching up from behind. It turned out that there was a maniac killer on
sexual reasons.
- Did he really shoot?
- No, this one was just strangling me affectionately. Okay, close
rockers were riding motorcycles. This maniac and I are three
they ran away from them for blocks.
- So, did these rockers shoot?
- What are you talking about! These are children, naughty people.True, poor maniac
still crushed to death.
- Well, when will they finally shoot you?
- Listen. So, out of sin, I’m running into
commercial store, trying to pull the first ones I came across
pants and suddenly:
BOOM!!! BANG!!!
The watchman jumps out...
- Did you shoot?
- No, he shot back. Because immediately follow me to the store
the racketeers burst in.
- So the racketeers fired?
- Why should they shoot, they put us on our stomachs and
used a soldering iron. The watchman managed well before his death
I must admit that I have nothing to do with this. They let me go.
I went out and was greeted by a beautiful girl from the METROPOL hotel.
comes out. And, as luck would have it, I didn’t have time to get dressed. She takes out
handbags gun and...
BOOM!!! BANG!!!
- Got it?
- She got hit, more than once, only she had a gas pistol, nervously -
paralytic...
- So who the hell made a hole in you then?!
- So, I come home to my wife in the morning, naked, with a blue
face from the beatings and even under the gas. Don't touch anyone
I'm sorry here too...
The father-in-law jumps out with a double-barreled shotgun.
- Got it?!
- Yes...
- Well, finally!
- Wife with a wad in the ass.
-Listen, sick man, if I were you, after this I would go and...
BOOM!!! BANG!!!
- STACKED!
- What do you think, why am I lying here with you?----------------------------------------------------------------
(C)RAVER
Hello! RAVER is with you. This time I don’t even know what
Which section will the article go to, because this is not my text at all,
and a funny little story from the magazine "VKM" (All Computer
World). And now - read.
IF THE GAME IS INTERFERING WITH BUSINESS...
/Confession of a DOOM fan/
▒░ ▒░ I have a serious problem. I'm stuck on sixth
▒░ ▒░ level. How long have I been playing Doom II? A week? Two? But about
▒▒▒░ than, time no longer matters to me. I made my way to
▒░ level six, but twelve more await me. I'm done
▒▒░ "princes of hell", ghosts and fat pink monsters - these cats -
branded bulls on tiptoe. I replenished my arsenal with guns, rockets
prone and plasma guns that destroy zombies faster,
before you have time to say: “Hasta la vista, baby.” But to get out of the six-
I still can’t do that level.
...Finally, I realized how dubious the joys of Doom are.Forward-
I tested my strength in this game two years ago, shortly after
how she began her triumphal march across the Internet.
At first I felt sick - no, not at all from the sight of blood. I'm just
motion sickness from running along the endless corridors, which are the trunk of my
I cut through the pistol like a boat - sea waves. My friend
Audrey, a passionate and experienced gambler, immediately made a diagnosis:
"VYDUBOD" - Summoned by "Doom"Movement Sickness." "At first it's
there are many,” he reassured me.
With an effort of will, overcoming the nausea that had set in, I again deepened-
going into the “Dumovo” labyrinths, wanting to understand why this game, I have
with about 10 million fans, has become the most popular entertainment
howl in the world. But, having barely recovered from the “VYDUBOD”, I earned “SI-
DUFAH" - "the syndrome of "Dum" fanaticism." Limited in general
conversations with family and friends in short, choppy phrases, for
weeks I was late for two business meetings and canceled three lunches. Worse
that: rounding the corner of the table on the way to the coffee maker, I caught myself
that I’m trying to feel the trigger with my fingers. Everywhere to me
Demons began to appear. But I'll deal with this problem later -
I just wish I could get out of the sixth level.
...One of the few meetings in recent days to which I
arrived on time, there was a meeting with John Romero - the founder of the
company with headquarters in Mesquite (Texas) which created Doom.
As we agreed, I arrived at exactly two, but didn’t find him. I
I immediately understood what was going on. Romero later explained to me that, deepening
When playing Doom, he prefers not to make any appointments.
The only thing that consoles me is that we are not alone...
ki. There are so many “dumophiles” in the world that many companies thought it was best
get rid of the game on your network as soon as possible. And there is because
why worry: for example, employees of the famoustelephone
AT&T companies not only mastered all levels of Doom during working hours,
but they also began to invent their own tasks. If the guy is from
AT&T requires you to pass level 12, Mahatma Gandhi style,
this means that you must overcome it empty-handed, not
doing not the slightest harm to any of the monsters who encroach on you
pov.
And then, finally, at my place, in the Time editorial office, I met a man -
century, which I need. "Why watch Rambo when you yourself
can you become Rambo?" - asks my colleague Steve Balbuin - softly -
cue and polite man in glasses touchingly keeping under glass
There is a drawing of my daughter on the desktop. Steve is a leading specialist in
creation of wads - this is what new levels are called in Doom jargon -
neither. He recently created a new wad, which is an exact
I'm on the 37th floor of the Time and Life editorial offices. I will describe in a nutshell -
I tell him the place where he was stuck on the sixth level - some semblance
the garage into which two deadly skeletons drove me. Master
nods thoughtfully and, in the strictest secrecy, says
I want a five-letter password that will help me take possession of any
weapons and a secret key. I will become a "Doom" god! I'm going down-
I'm heading back to the office and feeling my fingers itching sweetly...
Joshua QUITTHERP (The Time)
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