Printed with continuation. - Kashchei the Immortal (Chapter 1-5).

╔════════════════─────────────── ───────────────════════════════╗
│ PRINTED WITH CONTINUATION.                  │
╚════════════════─────────────── ───────────────════════════════╝

 (C) RINDEX

   Interesting section, by the way. There will be funny stories here,
that don’t fit into one room, or something else cool.
In short, read this awesome story (and the story is real...
absolutely awesome) and you will understand everything yourself. And this section will be
lead by Sedin Pavel. I give him the floor.

----------------------------------------------------------------

 (C) SEDIN PAVEL

   Yes, the story is really very good. And I took it from
BOARD NET networks (there is such a network). It's a shame, I don't know who wrote it,
but the man clearly has a sense of humor. Well let's start.



			Kashchei the Immortal.



 			     Chapter 1.

 In one small ancient Russian kingdom, Zanyukhia was ruled by friendly
royal family Lamerov. There were three sons in it, not counting the Tsar and
The queen.

 Ivan Tsarevich was the youngest in the royal family and, accordingly, the
cancer. However, not so much as not to become the only son of his
parents. Ivan's older brother died in a horse accident, and
the middle one once returned home as a woman.

 The Tsar and the Tsarina cherished the heir with all their black souls and
kingdoms of Zanyukhia until they were poisoned by a villain who wished to
remain unknown. On the day of the funeral, the Tsarevich ordered the path to be covered
mourningprocession by a palace servant suspected of regicide
quality Soon the Tsarevich’s sister, who was once the middle brother, was born
gave birth to a child who looked like two drops of vodka to his younger brother, and
for his upbringing she was sent to a monastery. So carried-
private Ivan was left to reign alone. Out of grief he renamed
Zanyukhia in Lamer, and the capital in Ivan-Taver, captured a couple of dozen
principalities and carried out terror. But soon Ivan got tired of it and he re-
wanted to have fun.
     
     			    Chapter 2.

 Kashchei the Immortal lived in approximately the same area. He is of good character
He was meek and did not offend anyone unnecessarily. He's a lifestyle
was nomadic: every 100-200 years he moved with his
belongings to a new place. This time it took him to Rus'.

 Kashchei affectionately called his palace Death, for which he had since
the most warm and friendly relations. Domains around the palace
The immortal covered it with different decorations each time. This used to be
there were different flowers, trees, gardens, lakes and clearings. Then he
he got tired of it and changed them to gloomy and frightening ones. Mostly
healthy Jurassic holm oaks were used (although
of course, and these are not oaks at all, but it looks like them), swamps, snags and many
-a lot of mosquitoes. He somehow liked mosquitoes.

 He also regularly changed the name of his lands in accordance with
decorations. Previously, more and more like the Country of Milk Rivers and Ki-
rural shores, thensomething like the Domain of Darkness. The last name
a painting inspired by Anglo-Saxon motifs - Mordor. But his
Sauron and Tolkien were unceremoniously plagiarized and therefore modern
The lands of Kashchei were called Disney Land.

 Kashchei the Immortal was a cheerful being and capable of small things.
nasty things, for which all the unclean brethren loved him. At the court of Kashchei
There weren’t many people: only good comrades and friends. They are
they came and went as they pleased, as they wished. This time
The Dead Knight, or simply the Skeleton, came to have some fun. According to
Baba Yaga settled nearby in her hut on chicken legs,
breeding the only black cat.

 Throughout his entire conscious life (and it was all conscious) Kashchei
devoted to contemplation. But sometimes, taking advantage of the wretchedness of the aborigines,
new, mocked them. When there was no life on Earth, do
there was nothing at all. But soon amphibians appeared. They, of course,
but they didn’t shine with intelligence, but they tasted excellent.

 Then dinosaurs covered the Earth. Kashchei began to amuse himself by
took his sword Hundred Heads from the Shoulder and finely chopped the dinosaur from
tail They were so slow that they began to react
only when half of the body turned into minced meat. At that
At that time, the Kashcheev lands were teeming with bright flowers and other fragrant
grasses, and dinosaurs got into the habit of trampling them. Then they got tired
Kashchei and he, with the complicity of Santa Claus, killed themcold.

 And finally Homo Sapiens appeared. They were just as stupid
kovy, like dinosaurs, but did much more stupid things than
amused Kashchei. That's when he turned around. They were quite interesting
the following experiments: some techno-
logy, or new knowledge and observed how they turned it
against their brothers. There were even competitions held among the evil spirits,
who will kill the most people with the most harmless idea. Won it
Baba Yaga: she gave love to the aborigines (for which she was called Vene-
swarm), and as a result the entire human race almost disappeared. Before-
Prometheus’s trick turned out to be quite vile. But mostly
smaller and nastier things were practiced.

 The extinction of Homo Sapiens was prevented by the forces of light. Border
between evil spirits and light forces was purely conditional. If anyone
- did one thing, there was someone else who wanted to do the opposite -
opposite. The forces of light lived for the most part separately from the innumerable
ty, although joint settlements were not uncommon and were not prohibited
mixed marriages. There would be no hostility between the forces of light and evil spirits.
lo: everyone had fun as they wanted and didn’t bother anyone.

 Like all representatives of evil spirits, Kashchei was an esthete. He respected
beautiful and adhered to harmony in everything: in the palace it is impossible
was to see not a single unevenly hanged drowned man, nor an unaccustomed
a scaffold or rack carefully smeared with blood.

 AppearanceOn Earth, people were brought about by the appearance of women.
It cannot be said that they were more beautiful than Baba Yaga (Venus by design).
fallen) or some Athens. But lack of common sense
somehow made them especially sweet and attractive to Kashchei.
Therefore, sometimes he took the liberty of dragging him into the palace
another Beauty, shower her with love and affection and see
how she will wither away from them in ten years and die an ugly old
rokhoy, remembering how the ever-young once loved her and stole her
handsome Kashchei. But he liked even more to captivate women in
the face of a bony old man. And for more adventures.

 No one condemned Kashchei’s entertainment, especially since it tasted like something alive.
people were not as good as their souls, although there were lovers
taste fresh meat.

			    Chapter 3.

 Let's return to our Ivan Tsarevich. Not far from Ivan-Tavera
Vasilisa the Wise lived on the border between Lameri and Disney Land. She was
quite nice, even beautiful. But, like all girls, there is no difference -
had a special mind. They called her wise because she had
I was smart enough not to pretend to be one. That's why they loved her for one thing -
villagers and young boys, which did not stop her from remaining a girl
up to nineteen years old.

 Vasilisa's father, Svyatoslav Mordol, had the strictest rules.
He thwarted all the guys' attempts to win his daughter's heart.
in a cruel way. Marriage proposalsperceived too
com literally, as a result, several barrels accumulated in the cellar
with the organs of suitors. Despite this, donors flocked like flies
for honey (or whatever).

 To stop this disgrace, dad built a tall building
Rem (he had nothing else to do), put Vasilisa there and
decided: "Everyone who wants to, must jump to my daughter
on a horse, put a wedding ring on her finger and get married in
the presence of a priest who will sit on the same horse. For each
I try to take a barrel of vodka. For an unsuccessful attempt, I hit him in the head with my butt.
fishing Yes, a lot of people died that day.

 Some craftsmen dragged feathers fastened with wax like
wings At first they fluttered around rather unprepossessingly, amusing the onlookers and
participants, but then, to everyone’s surprise, they soared up and
no one saw them again. While collecting the duty, Svyatoslav became drunk
Like, people kept jumping and jumping. In the evening, relatives came to the tower
loved ones and relatives of the victims, in order to somehow render their last respects
and collect personal belongings.

 Ivan Tsarevich, passing by, saw such a gloomy picture and
horrified:

- What kind of Battle on the Ice is this?
“It seemed like they were giving out beer,” explained some old man, pulling off his
the nearest horseman wears morocco boots.
- Your lie! - the pretty young girl objected, - This is a game -
ry of goodwill! Do you want to have some fun?
“I want to,” grandfather perked up, valiantly tapping his heelhastily
a worn out boot.
“Ugh, vulgar,” answered the young woman and bent the old man into a mutton
horn

 It turned out that the majority of the competition participants really
They didn’t know the essence of what was happening, although they shed a lot of blood. People
began to diverge. Finally woke up Mordol, who dreamed
something sad. Having explained what was the matter, he fell asleep again in the hope of
the best.

 Having examined Vasilisa through mica binoculars, who turned out to be still
and Beautiful, the Tsarevich understood what he wanted. Without hesitation, he
ordered the tower to be cut down, and when the job was done, he pulled it out from under
fragments of the Wise One and went with her to the nearest church. Ivan was
a decisive guy and was not afraid of marriage, especially since in the monastery
There are always not enough nuns in the world.
   
			      Chapter 4.

 Meanwhile, Kashchei went hunting. Of course the hunt is so-so, "on
ants." In a word, our Kashchei the Immortal pretended to be frail
old man and flew off to look for fun.

 Suddenly some strange bird flies towards him, clumsily
flaps its wings and shouts something obscenely. When
Upon closer inspection, the bird was a wretched design.
tion of feathers, tar and wax. The working part were two peasants,
who waved their bird's wings with all their might and cursed,
creating the illusion of flight. The men turned out to be good conversationalists
and told Kashchei that he already knew without them about how
people climb with enthusiasminto a noose for the sake of some Vasilisa. As a sign
gratitude The Immortal melted wax for them and the pilots whistled
fell into the dense forest to be devoured by bears.

 Approaching the church, around which the Christians were running hectic
I am in search of a priest, promptly hidden by the Skeleton, Kashcha
looked at the hastily put together wedding ceremony milling about
gate The Tsarevich shamelessly flirted with Vasilisa, and she languidly
smiled an idiotic smile.

 Then Kashchei began to terrify: making a couple of noisy approaches and
scary faces, he began drumming his feet on the dome and throwing
parishioners like rotten eggs. As a result, the women piercingly assured
shaved, and the men began to hide behind pitchforks and shovels, although in con-
In the end, everyone ran home in unison. In the stupidest way
Ivan Tsarevich found himself lying down, snatching his Kitchen from its scabbard.
ny Knife and tried to stab Kashchei with it. Of course, Immortal
was not afraid of tickling, but he was accustomed to polite and respectful treatment
growth and therefore, getting angry with Ivan, pulled off his pants and
lashed with a nettle bush. He tried to resist, but
Kashchei the Immortal blew smoke and dragged the crazy Vasilisa into
your Castle of Death.

 When the smoke cleared, Ivan realized that he had been rather brazenly beaten.
whether. I was haunted by my swollen butt, which couldn’t fit back into my body.
us and does not match the saddle. Then the Tsarevich, humiliated and insulted,
bleached, under malicious laughterreturned parishioners decided to retaliate
to style a mean old man.
	    	
			    Chapter 5.

 But it was even worse for Kashchei the Immortal. Drag Vasilisa to
the palace was a living hell (against which until now he had no
nothing against): The Wise One twitched, swore obscenely,
she tried to get in touch with the nearest heroes with a loud squeal.
mi, but most of all the burden of her wisdom got in the way.

 Soon Alyosha Popovich and Ilya Muromets got in touch. Ilya was
dead drunk and therefore very dangerous. It was easier with Popovich,
who was sober and, accordingly, busy looking for a hangover:
his eyes wandered aloofly and it was generally not clear how he was here
found himself. Ilya Muromets, seeing the violence against Vasilisa, immediately
rushed into battle. Spurring his horse, he rushed headlong towards Kashchei.
He gave way to the hero and Ilya walked along. But temporary inconveniences
the dachas did not stop the good fellow. Ilya accomplished new and new things
high attacks, frantically swinging the mace and often hitting the skull
horse Having failed with shock therapy and driven his horse,
Ilya began tactical maneuvers. Stealthily sneaking up from behind
Coughing, he whooped, “Y-y-ah-ah!!!” and with all the heroic stupidity ah-
hit Vasilisa's head with a mace, drumming on the immortal bald head -
no. Out of surprise, the girl gasped in surprise and became even more
hammer on Kashchei's bald head.

 Then another opportunity happened: Alyosha Popovich stumbled upon a self-drive in the nearest village and, having refueled thoroughly, began to
call on the local population to fight the immortal enemy: “Kill
then we won’t kill him, but we’ll have some fun!” It all ended with
that Kashchei was kicked, smeared with tar, rolled into fluff and
got drunk on moonshine. No one touched Vasilisa, and she, after waiting,
when the kidnapper was freed, she cuckolded Kashchei and he
barely dragged his victim to the Castle of Death.

 Finding herself in the monastery of immortality, Vasilisa arranged a small
what a pogrom: having pulled out from under the bodice something that had come from nowhere
six-barreled machine gun, the Beautiful one began to water the walls with long
bursts, emitting warlike cries of Chukchi hunters
scalps and watching with childish delight, as if with a cheerful ringing
antique statues and other household utensils are shattered into pieces
Great Hall of the Palace of Death. An endless machine gun belt in
followed Vasilisa’s chiseled legs across the entire Castle, like a king
sky mantle.

“She’s magnificent,” the Skeleton remarked with a touching tear in his eyes.
- Well, just a child! - agreed Baba sitting in a chair by the fireplace -
Yaga, stroking a purring black cat.

 While waiting for Vasilisa to run out of cartridges, Kashchei and Baba
Yaga and the Dead Knight went to dinner.


                       To be continued.