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iSSue #003 "$$$$$$"
One guy, Alik, who studied with me in the group, had
quite a rare quality - emy didn’t give a damn about that o
those around him think about it. He exploited this quality of his in
tail and mane. I bet with everyone that someone would get wet
number (for example, what will go down in a dorm to the first floor absolutely
lutely naked). But, since emy has already lost a lot of money
Negative on such bets, it became increasingly difficult to find emy clients.
Finally, somehow he found some idiot junior student,
with whom he bet on a huge, at that time, cymmy (25 rubles -
lei, then almost a scholarship) that will get from the faculty to the dorm
(stops 7-8 on the metro) wearing fins instead of boots. Indispensable
the condition was stipulated that this entire expedition should pass through
Be sure to drink in the presence of burdock. On the eve of the test burdock
was full of optimism and said that the goat Alik did not understand one thing
elementary thing, why nothing will come of it.
In short, the next day, when leaving Alik, he takes off his
Lavish brown shoes, ties them with laces, gives them to the mug, and
cam gets into his fins with great difficulty, becausehe has bast shoes
rurahtcku disproportionate, like y ducks. Then, lifting his legs and
raising fountains of splashes (puddles, late autumn), quite deftly
gallops through the passageways to the Park Kultury metro station. At the metro pub-
Lika oxpehebaet, Alik, as usual, calmly puts his mind to this matter and
jumps into the subway. And there the controller and the policeman are inside
They don't let me in. He, somewhat discouraged, splashes out to
A shining mug comes up to him and says, like, well, now you understand
his mistakes, and offers to pay off. But stubborn Alik says,
damn it, it’s not evening yet, there was no mention of the type of transport yrobopa, I’ll go
do by buses.
It's rush hour at the bus stop, every bus is taken
mom, and when everyone is pushing to get in, it’s always Alika
someone steps on the flippers so that he cannot move from his place-
Yes, no matter how much he swears. Finally, another bus opens
the back door is right next to Alicom, he jumps onto the steps, and
here it turns out that you can put your fins on the steps, but your legs -
no, he, gliding like Donald Duck in the Disney cartoon,
threshes down the steps several times and plops straight down with a roar.
mo under the feet of the oncoming crowd. Ruthless passengers, push-back
kicking Alika, they land, but he, having collected the last
strength, rises from the asphalt and manages to jumpbackwards on
bottom step. Burdock is squeezed from the front platform.
Now the fins are sticking out and the door won't close. Driver
in the mirror he sees some sticking tails and announces that bye
passengers will not drag their fish into the cabin, the bus will not go anywhere.
Meanwhile, the people, who have come to their senses after the boarding, notice
that this is some idiot in flippers, because of whom everything is unpleasant -
There's a commotion going on. Finally, some aunt takes over
initiative and shouts to the driver, they say, drive a little to the traffic police post,
We'll hand this bastard and hooligan over to the police. Alik sees that he is half-
It seems like something really bad, then something comes to my mind:
no idea, and he yells at the whole bus:
- Well, what kind of people are you! Beast!! I am an athlete, scuba diving
I do what I do here nearby, in the Chaika pool, and I
My shoes have just been stolen from the locker room. What should I do now?
Do you think it's okay to drive around the city barefoot?
Then everything changes immediately, everyone begins to feel sorry for him, they help him.
climb. A common noble rage is boiling against the thieves who
There were countless numbers of them. The same woman is now shouting to the driver, no
We need to go to the police, they say, let's go okay. Everyone starts to talk to Alika
ask about the details, whether the boots were good, and that, completely
Having entered into the role, he angrily tells how he was taken awaysingle
natural brown Yugoslav boots, also rare,
large size. And at this moment of popular anger, the screwed my-
a guy standing next to Alikom suddenly sees that on the front
The guy is standing next to him, holding on to the counter, and not hanging from his hand
a pair of brown hefty boots. He shouts, they say, ahead
there, look quickly, the boots are Yugoslavian?... emy answer that
yes, and he shouts “there they are, your skins” and “I’ll be damned in a minute!”
I'm pushing this bopbe" starts to push forward, it doesn't work out for him,
then he yells “keep that bitch with her boots, there in front.”
Again there is a hubbub, and again they shout at the driver to drive
straight to the police. The enraged driver announces into the microphone that I
I’ll go, but not to the police, but to the psychiatric hospital, to turn you all over. This
moment they arrive at a stop, the doors open, the mug from the shoe
Kami jumps out of the bus like a bullet, several are chasing him
lovers of truth, and Alik jumps out from behind, in complete despair. Here in
this moment a massive massacre almost happened among those standing at the bus stop
insanity when they saw how from the bus in a huge
a man in flippers flies out in a jump, showering everyone head over heels with mud from the lu-
live and screaming “stop, that’s it! I’ll catch up with him! That’s it, fuck, go-
tobb quarter!" rushes along the street in giant leaps.
The trial then lasted a month,who should pay whom.
Story sent by Philip
HUNT
70s A small numbered town, lost in Kazakhstani
steppes. The population is mixed: 50x50 = civilians and military.
Tosca is deep green in color. One of the few entertainments -
Saiga hunting. They hadn't killed them all yet, and they were huge...
Our herds roamed around the surrounding area. They hunted separately, i.e.
civilians separately, military separately. They had something like
unspoken competition. Civilians used open-air
ty "goat", and the military equipment was much more diverse and powerful
whose. We left at night. We were looking for the herd. All the lights were turned on
"high beam" and drove it in front of them, firing as hard as they could at
Specifically, the saiga were shocked by such fighters.
The ritual, of course, was worked out to its subtleties. Departure (usually Friday)
face). Stop. Chest reception. Stop. Chest reception.
Hunting tales. Chest reception. Chest reception... If the strength is oc-
were hunting, then hunted today, if not, then postponed until tomorrow
tra, just relaxing with a beer. On that ill-fated departure of forces would-
there's a lot...
Next, it is best to look at what happened soberly, first
"civilian", and then "military"eyes.
"Civilian" version
They then blamed the driver for everything, as the most sober, beer-drinking
Shego every other time (“I zzzzhzh zzz-arulem!”). And before that everything was going well
how. We found a herd. Let's go. They fired. Well crash, matepok, joke-
ki-jokes, stomping, bleating... And then, the saiga remaining in the herd
the ki somehow begin to separate, clearly going around something massive. Well
our fighters don’t give a damn. They are now firing in all directions. Suddenly, in
a rare moment of calm, a cry is heard ahead: “...Fuck!
Charge!!!..." The headlights catch someone standing a few meters away
a tank whose turret c is slowly turning towards them
a powerful spotlight that hits you right in the eyes. An unknown force was released
force the carrier from the seat 2 meters up and to the side. This is their
saved, i.e. the "goat" began to wobble, knocking down the tahkuctam sight, and the 6-inch
a new shell whistled to the side...
"Military" version
An inspection of the garrison has arrived. Headquarters regiment, accompanied by
go komuccapom, to enhance the impression, we decided to treat oxo-
that one. They didn’t waste time on trifles. The garrison leadership allocated for
this fun T-72 and camo took direct part in
action We loaded up and headed out in the evening. Two staff, com. and co-
muccap of the garrison plus driver - "car crewcombat". Scope
military. The vehicle is exemplary in combat and travel
readiness: full ammunition + a couple of boxes of “fuel” (written
no one was going to fight). As soon as we started, we had to spray
This is a good start. They gave a control burst from the tower pu-
lemeta - noted. In general, while we were taxiing to a combat position,
The first box was finished. More to come. Test shot from a cannon
deserved a bank for his brother. Here the colonel decided to lighten up a little
live next to the armor. The four of them lowered him to the ground,
telling him to make noise from his personal weapon when he finished and quickly
yours. Polkan, it turns out, was bombed. The hand habitually reached out to
holster (“make noise!”)... And then he sees a herd rushing towards him in
flashes of light, hears bullets whistling around, slapping against the armor.
As usual, without having time to think anything, he found himself an eagle,
flying up the tower and shouting clearly in a commanding manner: “Assholes! Pro-
drank the whole hunt!" The garrison commander reacts instantly to a friendly
some remark from a senior person regarding a subordinate
to the personnel: "E... your mother! Charge!! Batten down
hatch!!!"... Some time after the shot, in the advancing
silence, the slightly shocked executives hear a cautious knock on
armor They order the driver to clarify the situation. Driven high
comes out of the turret hatch andsees this picture: a man is standing c
with their hands raised, and four more lay nearby. Driver: "You
who?" Man: “A horse in a coat! What’s wrong with you, has the roof come off?
F... read it your way!" From below and the driver they ask: “Well, who is there?”
Driver: “He, this one, in Russian, like.” Well, we got out. We figured it out.
Noted...
Then they remembered about the “goat” driver. They gave the tracers a turn.
Then a couple of times from a rocket launcher. Brightening up the wait, we accepted
chest. We exchanged impressions about the hunt. An hour later no one
came. Then we decided to go look. Found about three hours later, in
some ditch. When he tried to get closer, he became violent. Vyra-
complained obscenely. He threatened not to be taken alive. Poured a glass and
moved away. I accepted and calmed down. Until the next hunt...
Story sent by sergei
NEW TV
Evening in a St. Petersburg communal apartment in the summer of 1989.
Programmer Seryoga sits down at his brand new i286 - it’s necessary
complete the program overnight.
And the neighbors have a holiday - the hard-working neighbor together with his
Friends brought a newly purchased Rainbow TV.
A huge box barely fit through the front door. Tired men bro
they keep him in the hallway and crush noisily through the kitchen into
room to a neighbor, to a table that the neighbor had already set for a long time,
waiting for them. The children are jumping down the corridor with joy that they are now
will watch new TV. But that was not the case. The men re-
They decide to leave the connection for later, they put capricious children to bed
sleep, and sit down to “wash” the purchase...
Seryoga hears through the wall how, as time passes,
the noise and clamor among the neighbors increases... loud drunken arguments can be heard and
all sorts of things, somewhere after midnight the owners ran “for extra
“Whoa,” in short, the working people are walking! Finally, around three o'clock...
These drunken men decided to connect the TV. They took it out, tired
updated, connected - nothing shows! This doesn't bother them, they
loudly discussing settings problems - it doesn’t help, daredevils le-
Here we go inside - the repair of the new TV begins...
And then wild screams are heard - someone fell on someone or for-
business - and he broke his ass with his difficult-to-control body kuhec-
cop! A new TV has arrived!
...
Morning.
A terribly sad, swollen neighbor comes into the kitchen - well, really
like a major physicist who made a mistake in his calculations. He sat down and said:
- Well, damn it, Seryoga, at nightI didn't sleep! Huli didn't come
and didn’t say that at three o’clock in the morning no programs are shown anymore!
New TV!!!
Story sent by grigory
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