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║ JOKES OF OUR TOWN ║▒
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Please do not take what is published below seriously.
And now you can read another work, on-
aspiring writer Igor Milekhin, who writes directly in the notebook
for the sake of (JOKE). In future issues other sources will be published.
rii.
By the way, some readers misunderstood the title
neck of the section - entitled "Thoughts at the Cauldron" it should be implied -
It’s not the thoughts of the pot, but the THOUGHTS NEAR THE CAULDER!!!
In general, welcome Igor’s article with applause.
──────────────────────────────── ────────────────────────────────
How I talked to an Alien.
written by Milyohin Igor
edited by Fisher Illya
One day I went to see my buddy. Well, we chatted with him
a little, and suddenly he says to me: “Have you ever talked
with Aliens?". Of course, I showed everything that I think about him
with one circular gesture.
-No, really, just tell me. If you want, I have it here
one acquaintance - Ivanovich.
He said all this with the most serious face, soI started
suspect a well-concealed trick.
-Well, well. You can also tell me that he has turned green and his
horns
-Okay, okay. Know that he has a completely sublime,
a cosmic soul, and the mind is not human, but alien. Yes
he doesn't show himself in any way, but when he drinks the catalyst, you
You’ll immediately recognize him as an Alien!
After thinking a little, I agreed to look at this sensation
centuries and the creation of an alien civilization.
After an hour of meandering through different streets and alleys, we finally
We reached the embassy of distant worlds.
It was an ordinary three-story building of a dirty color. On la-
An old lady “God’s dandelion” was sitting in the chair near the entrance and
looked at the world with her eyes. I approached her and decided to find out the situation.
new in place:
- Hello, grandma. Is there an alien living here?
“How, how, here, he’s such a hero,” and the grandmother sadly
She shook her head, “he borrowed three rubles from me yesterday, he was starving.”
children of Aldebaran!
I've already completely lost my head. Little doubts still remain
were trying, but I was already at a loss and I just wanted to see
child of this unique person.
We entered the entrance. The entrance was either clean or dirty
or whether it was a spaceship ladder, we could not see.
In such pitch darkness you couldn’t even see the tip of your nose. We us-
got stuck on one mop, three buckets and a cat before the sidekickremember-
Neil that he has a flashlight. Then everything went like clockwork. We
found the right door and pressed the bell button. It sounded perfectly
but an incomprehensible and indescribable sound, similar to the whistling of a nightingale,
a dog barking and an empty bucket falling at the same time. Soon
the door opened inward with a terrible creak. In the doorway then-
growled a middle-aged man, short, wearing a T-shirt, trousers and slippers
on bare feet. I won’t say that it was green, but it had a blue tint
he was. Scratching his bald spot and bags under his eyes, he quite briskly
invited us in. Koresh took on the role of truce:
-Listen, Ivanovich, show your unearthly nature. Here he is -
it doesn't exist.
The two of them stared at me. I felt somehow awkward.
Here Ivanovich grinned patronizingly:
-Okay, I'll show you. True, there is little catalyst left, but
nothing.
He approached some kind of structure that vaguely resembled
closet, opened the door and stroked some device with a spiral
bottom tube:
-Here it is, my favorite positron accelerator.
Then he pulled out a bottle with a suspicious cloudy liquid and
pulled out the paper plug. The smell of fusel wafted through the room. Willow-
Nych took a few sips and quickly blinked his eyes. Sniffing
for some reason, his sleeve, he quickly walked around the room, pulled it over his
I caught a motorcycle helmet, sat down at the table and stared at us squarely
with new eyes:
-Youwelcomes the authorized representative of the union Tuma-
"Ivanovich said in a strangely hoarse voice. I felt
not at ease. The situation was saved by the sidekick:
-We are representatives of the earthly press and would like to talk with
by you!
Ivanovich listened to him importantly and said:
-I'm ready to answer your questions.
Here I decided to seize the initiative:
-How did you arrive here? - I ask in a petty voice.
-Of course, on a flying saucer, how else? She's always hanging
It’s under my window, but I can’t see it.
-What mission did you come with?
-We came here as researchers and, so as not to provoke
people of suspicion, without a catalyst we are like ordinary earthlings.
Here his speech was interrupted by a furious knock on the door. Ivanovich
turned terribly pale and in a slurred voice told us the joyful
news:
-These are evil Centurians. They came to kill me. But
nothing. I will escape on a flying saucer.
He rushed to the window under which his ta-
reel. We didn't have time to intercept him. The knock was repeated. Ivanovich, co-
completely mad with horror, he opened the window and jumped. Or he
I made the wrong window or for some reason there wasn’t a plate under it. With exhaustion,
with a loud scream, Ivanovich fell from the second floor into a pile of rubbish and
quiet Apparently, the catalyst has completed its action, because the
snoring could be heard. The knocker turned out to be some alcoholic who
I was looking for Afonya. We told himexplained that this is the residence of an alien
ambassador. He looked at us with wild eyes and left. Ivanovich, we
they didn’t take it. All the same, without a catalyst, he is not an ambassador and not an in-
planetary Now we go to him every Friday, and after
glasses of catalyst, he tells us wonderful stories about his
adventures in other galaxies.
──────────────────────────────── ────────────────────────────────
And this is a prayer, you will see for yourself. Thanks Dime from Smela
for her text. True, it applies mainly to PC users,
but I think that anyone would be interested in reading THIS...
M O L I T V A H A K E R A .
Our Father like You is in my PC,
Hallowed be thy name and extension,
May your interruption come
And let your will be done
Give us our daily BASIC
And please forgive us
Our viruses and antiviruses,
How we forgive our copyrights,
And don't get us into Exception Error,
But save us from hanging,
Because yours is the address space,
Ports and registers,
In the name of CTRLa, ALTa and holy DELa,
Almighty RESETa,
Forever and ever RETURN...
* * *
AndFinally, we offer you Humor from FIDOnet, not downloaded
known when and unknown by whom. Only the person who brought it is known.
these jokes are Yura from the center. As far as I know these Diaries are still
were not published in any electronic publication on SPECCY...
ONE BOY'S DIARY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
November 10
Today my mother sent me to
shop to buy bread and eggs.Ku-
I drank Coca-Cola with all my money,
because it tastes much better
and healthier than bread and eggs together
taken. Got a belt. Belt
tasteless, although healthy.
December 9
Jumped with the guys from the garage. On
On the third run, Rusty jumped off
and broke my leg, then
I jumped and broke his arm.
I don’t know how he’ll be in a cast tomorrow
will jump.
December 12
Mathematics is growing wilder by the day.
Today I said that I'm completely
I don’t know math and put
I need some number in my diary.
December 13
I dreamed of a naked geographical woman with
saber and globe. Explained
everything is bad. I didn't remember anything.
December 17
Played on my father's computer
in "DUM". Then a little more
played "Infobukhgalter", too
cool, got to the third one
level. I got stabbed on taxes
Basil.
December 22
Today was supposed to be
Rodskaya test on singing.
There were only seven calls, which
the school is mined. Five I
I know, who else is there?
January 14
Today in labor class we learned
make hand-rolled cigarettes
January 15
They smoked in the toilet. I am constantly
Habits coughed andmissed it
literature and botany lesson.
January 20
We went to fight in a parallel
class. WE MADE THEM! They us
beat up.
January 21
Today they called to the director
for yesterday. I even roller skates
I didn’t have time to take it off. director me
just drove around the office
hair.
January 25
Mother helps me study
in chemistry, and the father - in behavior.
February 5
The teachers' strike has begun!
We wrote a letter as a class
to the government, what first
we need to pay the miners and
pensioners.
February 15
Yesterday I finally received a "five"
grater" in physics. After class
sat down and carefully calculated the average
assessment - still for a quarter
it turns out to be 1.88. I need something
do. Arguments like "physicist-
freak" the father is no longer convinced.
February 20
I thought about the army. Go there
hota. They will also kill. Maybe start
two children? No, parents
will kill. And who will come to this army?
small? I would kill him!
March 4
Hurray! I have acne! It will be possible
smear with "Clerasil" along with
men from the class.
March 7
He looked under Ksyusha’s skirt. Which one
she's a fool there.
March 15
The mother shouted at the father that he
began to run after the women. Yes... Here
and the folder grew up, but I didn’t
noticed...
March 20
I wonder who the Jews are and
Why doesn't my father like them?
We need to ask Ilya Shekel-
mana His father, I wonder
doesn't like you either?
March 24
We need to grow spiritually, more
read. I read my fathers before going to bed -
Sky pager. I thought a lot...
ONE GIRL'S DIARY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
December 1st. There was nothing all day
than. Never really
hung out.
December 3. I went to the skating rink.
Broke my ski. Boys, stupid
ki, pushed.
December 6. Met today at
"Na-nu" street. Don't even look
yla at her, although, of course, for-
screamed. I imagine how
"Na-na" was surprised.
December 8th. I felt sick this morning
at the mere thought of school.
Maybe I'm pregnant?! On that
week Kolka is like that on me
looked!..
December 11. The boys from the para-
classy class stood under
ladder, looking up. I
I thought it was on my legs, all the way to my mouth
revealed. I rose higher, and there
someone spilled a can of wine, it
It flows and drips between the stairs.
Here are the drunkards!
December 13th. Think about it, dear
Diary! Today I hid
under the sofa, and he walked past and
didn't notice. I'm covered in dust all night
I cried under the sofa. Hurry
would be a climax!
December 17. Yesterday I wanted to
I hurt my leg and tore my tights.
What will happen?.. I cried for two
hours.
December 20. Told funny
anecdote about how Chapaev
drowned. I laughed for three hours. Then
I still cried.
December 23. Today the whole lesson
I looked out the window and didn’t hear,
how I was called to the board and
gave it a "five".
December 26. The headmistress said
that will kick me out of school, and
I said that he wouldn’t kick me out.
We argued and ran. She
chased me for two hours, but
never kicked me out.
December 28. Yesterday my father was called
to school, but I bought him a bubble,
and he didn't go.December 31st. Happy New Year to you,
Diary! Let this year y
you'll be fine!
January 12. In physics I tell everyone
asked to come in identical shorts,
and Angelka the fool came to
different. What a waste! (Or whatever
Now they say to us young people
- rolling away, or what?..)
January 16. Yesterday one boy
the guy was shoved into our section
Valky, he’s so funny
- fell and broke his nose!
January 20. Huhku on "Ethics"
and psychology" is always only
"fives". Certainly! She has
mother works at Bagheera...
February 1st. Petka ball
he covered my face with a pen.
Dear Petenka, if you want me
if you love me, say so!.. Tomorrow
I'll give him a wet ball.
February 10. The historian called
father to school.
February 11. Father came home
drunk and covered in lipstick,
shouted at his mother that he was a serf
the right was abolished in 1861.
February 23. Defenders Day
Fatherland. Smoking my dad's pipe.
His tobacco is good.
March 8. That's the end of the children-
stvo: today in the anatomy textbook
mi I saw Him...
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