Jokes

Jokes.

Announcement at the station:
- Attention! train 'Moscow-Chukotka' otnpab-
It starts at 12 o'clock from the third platform.
 - We repeat for the Chukchi: train 'From Here-To-
my' leaves the fifth and sixth rails when
 both sticks on the clock will point up!

                   * * *

Grandmothers are sitting near the entrance. He approaches them
a foreigner asks:
- Have you seen my sister sitting here?
“No,” the grandmothers answer, “but we saw here.”
fuck your mother!

                   * * *

A Chukchi comes home from hunting and asks
from the wife:
- Was the tea boiling?
“It was boiling, boiling...,” the wife answers.
The Chukchi pours himself into a mug, and the tea is cold -
ny. Chukchi grabs a kettle and hits his wife with it no
head. Wife:
- It’s good that it didn’t boil!..

                   * * *

Two flies are sitting on shit. One says:
- Masha, can I fart?
- Yes, what are we eating!

                   * * *

A man walks through the cemetery at night. And suddenly he hears
shouts: “Yes, fucked up!” He goes on and
again the cry “Yes, fucked up!” The man grabbed
grave cross and hid behind a tree.
Suddenly a shadow emerges from the darkness. The man stands tall
nods from behind the tree and somehow gives her no
cross the hump! Shadow:
- Yes, fucked up!..

                   * * *

A man is walking home from work. Looks at the corner
Grandma sits and holds a mug in her hand. Man
raked out the last change from his pocket and bro-
give grandma a mug. Grandma:
- Bastard! What did you throw in my sour cream?!

                   * * *

womangoes to the doctor.
- Hello !
- Hello. Come in.
- Should I undress?
- Mm. Please...
- Naked?
- Certainly !
The woman undressed and asked:
- What's next?
- I don’t know, I’m a painter, I came here to paint the walls -
power!

                   * * *

Lecture on sexology at the institute.Presented-
tel:
- So, comrades students, what is it called?
that person who wants to, but cannot?
Audience in chorus:
- Im-no-te-nt!
- That's right, who can, but doesn't want to?
Deathly silence. And suddenly, from the last rya-
Yes, a thin female voice is heard:
- He’s a bastard, comrades! Holy crap!

                   * * *

The prisoners mock the Georgian, and he screams.
The warder looks into the cell window and
asks:
- Who is screaming?
- The Georgian is screaming.
- Why is he screaming?
- He wants bananas.
- So fuck him in the ass!
- So we do - he still screams!

                   * * *

The man is trying in vain to get on the bus.
“Let me through, I’m with the eggs!” he shouts.
“Everything here has eggs,” they answer him.
- No, I’m with chickens...
- Ahh. Let the disabled person through!

                   * * *

A man is being tried for the murder of a gypsy woman. Judge:
- Why did you kill her?
“You see, comrade judge,” says the man.
I work as a rhynecologist - all day long there are only women -
tires. I come home, and my youngest daughter says:
“Dad, insert the coil - I want to fuck!”
The eldest says: “Dad, get the spiral
I want children!”, a wife with her own problems...
So I go out into the street, and a gypsy comes to mecomes up and says: "Man, give me a ruble - I'll give you
n..I’ll show you here..." !

                   * * *

Chapaev tells the recruits:
- I go out onto the battlefield. I look to the left -
no x..me! I look to the right - no x.. I'm thinking!
New recruits:
- Oh and memory!

                   * * *

Chapaev takes the exam at the Military Academy.
Examiner:
- What do deputies receive after the elections?
To the left of the examiner sits Kotovsky and
prompts:
- Mandates! Mandates!
Chapaev:
- Shut up, you bastard! Cut off your ears -
In general, you will look like for..yny!

                   * * *

- Girls! Shall I give you a lift?
- We are no longer girls - we have just been sub-
drove!

                   * * *

A drunk stumbles into a photo studio.
- Sn-nn-take m-me with the r-group, -turns-
he goes to the photographer.
“Please, please,” the photographer answers him,
-just s-s-become a n-n-semicircle...

                   * * *

Two tipsy people meet at night
street.
- Tell me, please, is it day or night?
- I can’t say, I’m not from here.

                   * * *

A man is swimming across the river. Suddenly from the water no-
is a hand, grabs a guy by the balls and ro-
says:
- Hey, man, plus two eggs or minus two
eggs?
The man thought and thought and said:
- Plus two eggs!
He climbs out onto the shore, looks, and he has so much...
three eggs! Hy, thinks: “If I’m stupid again -
woo and say 'Minus two eggs', then that'll be it,
as before!” And so he did. Again the hand
grabbed him by the balls and said:
- No, man! Plusfour eggs or minus
four eggs?

                   - - -

Student desk.

* Ohm's Law: Let's drink here, eat at home!

* I am changing my wife of 50 years for two no 25 years.

* I want a blue-blue girl,
  so that your boobs hang down to your toes.
  To have a horse's face
  and a wide, wrinkled butt...

* Knowledge of a subject is the highest achievement
  human mind!

* We are onanists - a muscular people,
  You can’t lure us with fleshy tits!
  And you won’t deceive us with your virgin left-
  We jerk off with the right, we jerk off with the left!

                   - - -

                   THE END
05/17/97