Humor - Murphology.

music: Hello from Big Hangover
by: "Dream Team"

+---------------------------------------+
| MURPHY Laws (American unofficial) - |
| The principle is that if ka- |
| some kind of trouble might happen- |
| Yes, it happens.                     |
+---------------------------------------+
------------------------------------------


           M E P F O L O G I
          =====================

   Murphy's Law
   -----------
   If any trouble can happen, it happens -
Xia.

   Consequences
   ---------
 1. Everything is not as easy as it seems;
      2. Every job takes more time than you think;
      3. Of all the troubles that will happen, the damage from
         which is greater;
      4. If the four reasons for possible troubles are in advance
         eliminated, there will always be a fifth;
      5. Left to their own devices, events tend to change
         move from bad to worse;
      b. As soon as you start doing some work,
         there is another one that needs to be done even earlier;
      7. Every solution creates new problems;

   Callaghan's Commentary on Murphy's Law
   -----------------------------------
      Murphy was an optimist!

   Ilyasov's clarification
   to the 2nd corollary of Murphy's law
   ---------------------------------
      Every job requires1.41 times more time than you
      think (subject to the most favorable circumstances)
      bodies, otherwise - in 3.14).

   Chisholm's first law
   ---------------------
   Everything that can go bad, goes bad.

   Consequences
   ---------
      Everything that cannot go bad will go bad too.

   Chisholm's Second Law
   ----------------------
   When things are going well, something is about to happen.
in the very near future.

   Consequences
   ---------
      1. When things go from bad to worse, in the very near future.
         they will go even worse.
      2. If it seems to you that the situation is improving, then you
         didn't notice something.

   Chisholm's Third Law
 ---------------------
   People understand any proposals differently than the one who makes them.

   Consequences
   ----------
      1. Even if your explanation is so clear that it excludes
         any false interpretation, there will still be a person
         who will misunderstand you.
      2. If you are sure that your action will meet with everyone
         approval, someone will definitely not like it.

   Scott's first law
   -------------------
   It doesn't matter that something goes wrong. Maybe that's good
looks...

   Finagle's First Law
   ---------------------
   If the experiment is a success, something is wrong here...

   Finagle's Third Law---------------------
 In any set of source data, the most reliable value is not
requiring no verification is erroneous.

   Finagle's Fourth Law
   ------------------------
   If the work fails, then any attempt to save it will make it worse.
it's a big deal.

   Erman's commentary on Ginsberg's theorem
   --------------------------------------
      1. The situation gets worse before it gets better.
      2. Who said that it will improve?..

   Everitt's second law of thermodynamics
   -----------------------------------
   Confusion in society is constantly increasing. Only very
With hard work you can reduce it somewhat. However, this very
torture will lead to increased total confusion.

   Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
   -------------------------
   Things get worse under pressure.

   Padder's Law
   -------------
   Everything that starts well ends badly. Everything that starts
If it doesn't go badly, it ends even worse.

   Stackmeier's theorem
   ------------------
   If the job seems easy to do, it certainly will be.
difficult.  If it looks difficult, it means doing it absolutely
impossible.

   The first law of creating dynamics
   Zimerga systems
   ------------------------------
   If you've already opened a can of worms, then the only way
resealing them means using a larger jar.
ra.Additional notes:
   --------------------------
   Error? This is not a bug, it's a system function!

   The computer "makes fools of us all."

   If debugging is the process of removing errors, then programming
there should be a process of making them. -- E. Dijkstra

   You've already reached a point where you don't have time to
solve those problems that take up all your time? --
Mark Davison


           APPLICATION
           M E P F O L O G I
==========================================================

   Booker's Law
   ------------
   Even a little practice is worth a big theory.

   Klipstein's laws
   in application to mechanical engineering
   -----------------------------
 1. Your patent application will certainly be late by a week against
similar application submitted by others.
   2. The stability of supplies is always inversely proportional to the demand
turbulence of the calendar schedule.
   3. Any wire cut into pieces will be too tight
mouthy.

   Klipstein's laws
   in addition to the creation
   prototypes and production
   -------------------------------
   1. Permissible deviations will accumulate unidirectionally,
to cause maximum difficulties during assembly.
   2. If the scheme requires AND parts, then there will be AND in the warehouse
- 1.
   3. The engine will spin in the wrong direction.
   4. Support systemreliability will disable others
systems.
   5. Device protected by a fast-acting fuse
lem, will be able to protect this fuse by blowing first.
   b. The error will only be detected after the final test is completed.
device verification.
 7. After the last
1b bolts, it turns out that the wrong casing was removed.
   8. After the casing has been secured with 1b retaining bolts,
It turns out that they forgot to put a gasket inside.
   9. After assembling the installation, excess parts are found on the workbench.
hoist.


   Universal laws for young engineers, developed by
committee on practical recommendations of the international association
engineers-philosophers
 -----------------------------------------

   1. Any error that may creep into any calculation,
will creep into him.
   2. Any error in any calculation will be intended to cause
the greatest harm.
   3. In any formula, constants (especially those taken from
technical reference books) should be considered as variables.
   4. The most important dimension in any diagram or drawing is
greatest chance of being missed.
   5. If the pilot plant works flawlessly, everything after-
blowing will be faulty.
   b.  Parts that simply can't be put together incorrectly, though
will not be assembled correctly.
   7. All deadlinessupply obligations must be multiplied by the coefficient
factor 2.0.
   8. All expectations of buyers of a new car must be multiplied by
coefficient 0.25.
   9. Any device that requires adjustment and adjustment is usually
does not lend itself to either one or the other.
   10. If more than one person is responsible for a calculation error,
no one to blame.
   11. Identical devices tested in the same way will
behave completely differently in operation.

   Atwood's investigation
   ----------------
   Only those books that you especially value are “read out”.

   Johnson's Third Law
   ---------------------
   The issue of the magazine you lost contains exactly the article
a story or part of a novel that you urgently want to read.

   Consequence
   ---------
      All your friends either didn’t have this number or
      lost or thrown away.

   Richard's Rule of Interdependence
   ---------------------------------
   What you keep long enough can be thrown away. How
As soon as you throw something away, you will need it.

   Law of the Airplane
   --------------
   When your plane is late, the plane you wanted to board
transfer, flies on time.

   The first law of cycling
   -------------------------------
   No matter where you go - it's uphill and against the wind -
ra!

   The Law of Cat Despair
----------------------------
   As soon as the cat stretches out and begins to fall asleep in your lap,
nyah, you urgently need to get up and go, well, let’s say, to the bathroom
room.

   Johnson and Laird Law
   ----------------------
   Toothache usually begins on Saturday night.

   Buba's Law
   ----------
   You always find what you lost in the last pocket.


            I S K U S S T B O
       P P O E K T I P O B A H I Y
==========================================================

   First Law of Adjustment
   --------------------------
   Information leading to a mandatory change in the project is received
contact the author of this project if and only if the drawings
already completed.

   Consequence
   ---------
      In simple cases, when one clearly visible
      correct option and one clearly incorrect option, often
      it is wiser to choose the wrong one in order to quickly start
      inevitable corrections.

   Second Law of Adjustment
   --------------------------
   The more harmless the change appears, the greater its impact will be.
in the future and the more drawings will have to be changed.

   Law of Applied Confusion
   ----------------------------
   The part that the factory forgot to supply provides 75% of the volume
ma supplies.  Once you figure it out, you will easily find that the plant is not
I just forgot to put it in, but 50% of the time it’s not produced at all.
dil.Consequences
 ---------
      1. Delivery by truck, usually requiring one day,
         It will take 5 days if you are waiting for this particular truck.
      2. By adding 2 weeks to the scheduled time for non-
         anticipated delays, add another 2 weeks for unforeseen
         visibility of unforeseen delays themselves.

   Wyszkowski's theorem
   -------------------
   Regardless of the units of measurement used by the supplier or
buyer, the manufacturer will use his own
arbitrary units of measurement converted to supplier units
or the buyer using strange and unnatural coefficients
recount.

   Sneifu's equations
   ----------------
   1. In a problem of AND equations there will always be an I+1 unknown.
   2. The most necessary item or the most necessary information
will be the least accessible.
   3. Once you have tried all possible solutions and
If you don’t find a suitable one, there will be a solution right away, simple and obvious
visible to all other people.

   Miksch's Law
   -----------
   If a rope has one end, then it must also have
another.

   Laws of Machine Programming
   ---------------------------------
   1. Any current program is outdated.
   2. Any program is more expensive and requires more expenses.
time than expected.
   3. If the program is completelydebugged, it needs to be corrected
vat.
   4. Any program tends to occupy all available memory.
   5. The value of a program is directly proportional to the weight of its output.
   b.  The complexity of the program increases until it exceeds
programmer abilities.

   Trutman's postulates on programming
   --------------------------------------
   1. The most serious error will be detected only when the program
will remain in production for at least six months.
   2. Control punch cards that absolutely cannot stand
in the wrong order will be mixed up.
   3. If a special person is appointed to control the number
given the initial information, then there will be an inventive idiot,
who will come up with a way for the wrong information to pass through
through this control.

   Gilb's Laws of Unreliability
   -------------------------
   1. Computers are unreliable, but people are even more unreliable.
   2. Any system that depends on human reliability is not reliable.
reliable
   3. The number of errors that cannot be detected is infinite in pro-
weighs against the number of errors that can be detected - it is of course
definition.
   4. Funds will be invested in the search for improved reliability.
until they exceed the amount of losses from inevitable
errors or until someone demands that at least one be done
some useful work.

   Brooke's law
-----------
   Increasing the number of participants in the preparation of a late program
frames only slows down the process.

   Laws of the computer world according to Golub
   -------------------------
   1. An inaccurately planned program costs three times as much.
time than expected; carefully planned - only in
twice.
   2. The group working on the program has an aversion to hedgehogs.
weekly reporting on results achieved, since it
too clearly indicates the absence of such.

   Shaw principle
   -----------
   Create a system that even a fool can use
and only a fool would want to use it.


      THE ART OF MACHINERY
     ================================

IBM principle
   -----------
   A machine must work, a person must think.

   Law of nature's waywardness
   ------------------------
   It is impossible to correctly determine in advance which side of the sandwich
smear with oil.

   Law of selective gravity
   ------------------------------
   The item will fall in such a way as to cause the most damage.

   Jenning's Corollary
   -------------------
      The probability that the sandwich will fall butter side down is straight
      proportional to the cost of the carpet.

   Klipstein's corollary
   --------------------
      They will drop the most fragile part.

 Anthony's Shop Law
   -----------------
   Anythe instrument, if dropped, rolls into the most
accessible corner of the workshop.

   Consequence
   ---------
      As he rolls into the corner, he will hit your toes first.

   Spare parts principle
   -----------------------
   While searching for small spare parts that fell from a worker
places, the probability of their detection is directly proportional to the size
parts and is inversely proportional to their value to complete the work
bots.

   Field Law
   ----------
   You can't fall off the floor.

   Watson's Law
   -------------
 Equipment reliability is inversely proportional to the number and position
to the persons watching him.

   Vyshkovsky's second law
   ------------------------
   Everything can be adjusted if you twirl it in your hands long enough.

   Lowery's Law
   ------------
   A part is stuck - press on it. If it breaks - nothing:
it still needed to be replaced.

   Schmidt's law
   ------------
   If you mess with a car long enough, it will break down.

   Fudd's First Law of Counteraction
   ----------------------------------
   Push something heavy and it will topple.

   Kahn's axiom
   ------------
 If nothing else helps, finally read the instructions.


      THE ART OF SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
     ================================

   Murphy's Law of Scientific Research
   --------------------------------
   In defense of yourtheory, it is always possible to carry out a sufficient number of
quality of research.

   Myers's Law
   -------------
   If the facts do not support the theory, you need to get rid of them.

   Consequences
   ---------
      1. The more verbose the theory, the better it is.
      2. An experiment can be considered a success if it is necessary to discard
         use no more than 50% of the measurements taken to achieve
         consistency with theory.

 Edington theory
   ----------------
   The number of hypotheses explaining this phenomenon is inversely proportional
nal to the amount of knowledge about it.

   Fourth Law of Verification
   ------------------------
   No matter how painstakingly and carefully you prepare the sample, you
they can always say that it is incorrect and inapplicable to this
problem.

   Precision Rule
   ----------------
   When working on a problem, it is always useful to know the answer.

   Young's Law
   ----------
   All great discoveries are made by mistake.

   Hoare's Law of Big Problems
   -------------------------
   Inside every big problem sits a small one trying to
beats outwards.

   Fett's Law
   -----------------------
   Never try to repeat a successful experiment.

   Cooper's Law
   ------------
   If you don't understand a word in a technical text, don't
pay attention to him. The text retains its full meaning and
without him.

   Sixth LawParkinson's
   -----------------------
   The progress of science is inversely proportional to the number of journals published
fishing

   The principle of completeness of the picture
   -----------------------
   Scientists are so lost in their own way that they don’t see
not a single phenomenon in general, including their own research.

 Meskimen's Law
   ---------------
   There's never enough time to do the job right,
but there is time to remake it.

   Spark's Ten Rules
   for project manager
   ------------------------
   1. Try to look as significant as possible.
   2. Strive to be seen in significant society
new people.
   3. Speak confidently and rely only on obvious facts.
   4. Don't get into an argument. And if you find yourself in a difficult situation,
then ask a completely irrelevant question, and while your
your opponent is trying to figure out what’s going on, quickly change the
mu conversation.
   5. Listen carefully when others discuss a problem. This
will give you the opportunity to find fault with some banal u-
determination and destroy your opponent.
   b. If a subordinate asks you a substantive question, stare
at him like he was crazy. When he looks away, ask
him his own question.
 7. Receive generous allocations for health, but do not betray
those of their publicity.
   8. Coming outoffice, always walk as if you are in a hurry
sew. This will save you from questions from your subordinates and superiors.
   9. Keep the office door closed. This will make it difficult to penetrate
visitors will come to you and give them the impression that you have
Important meetings are always taking place.
   10. Give all orders verbally. Do not leave notes and
documents that could turn against you.

   Jay's First Law of Leadership
   -----------------------------
   Being able to change the state of affairs is the main quality of a leader.
la.  And changing it before others is a sure sign of a creative personality.
ness.

   Match's aphorism
   -------------
   A fool in high office is like a man at the top
mountains: everything seems small to him, but to everyone else it seems small
he himself is lazy.

 H.L. Mencken's Law
   -----------------
   Those who can do it do it. Those who cannot, teach.

   Addition of students from Moscow State Pedagogical Institute named after Lenin
   -----------------------------------
   Those who cannot teach teach how to teach.

   Martin's addition
   ------------------
   Those who cannot teach control.

   Army axiom
   -----------------
   Any order that may be misunderstood is understood -
It's wrong.

   Jones Law
   -------------
   A person who can smile during failures will certainly
thinks about who he can blame for another failure.
chu.

   Heller's Law
   -------------
   The first myth of management science is that it exists
et.

   Johnson Corollary
   ------------------
      Nobody knows what is really happening within the limits
      lah of this organization.

   Peter Principle
   --------------
   In any hierarchical system, each employee strives to achieve
Teach your level of incompetence.

   Consequences
   ---------
      1. Over time, each position will be filled by an employee
         worker who is incompetent in performing his duties
         news
      2. The work is performed by those employees who have not yet completed
 crucibles of their level of incompetence.

   Peter's Hidden Postulate According to Godin
   ---------------------------------------
   Each employee starts at a different level of competency.

   Peter's transformation
   ---------------------
   Internal consistency is valued over efficient performance.

   Peter's observation
   -----------------
   Overcompetence is more undesirable than incompetence.

   Peter's Law of Evolution
   ---------------------
   Competence always contains a grain of incompetence.

   Peter's Law of Substitutability
   -------------------------
   Take care of the flies, and the elephants will take care of themselves.

 Placebo [harmless substance, prescribed
   disguised asmedications to calm
   patient's name] St. Petersburg
   --------------------
   An ounce of reputation is worth a pound of work.

   Weyl's axiom
   -------------
   In any organization, work gravitates to the lowest level
hierarchy.

   Imhoff's Law
   -------------
   Every bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the most
large pieces always tend to rise to the top...

   Parkinson's Third Law
   -----------------------
   Expansion means complication, and complication means decomposition.

   Parkinson's Fourth Law
   --------------------------
The number of people in a work group tends to increase independently
depending on the amount of work that needs to be done.

   Parkinson's Fifth Law
   ----------------------
   If there is a way to postpone making an important decision, the real
the official will always use it.

   Parkinson's axioms
   ------------------
   1. Every boss strives to increase the number of subordinates,
and not rivals.
   2. Bosses create work for each other.

   Cornwell's Law
   ---------------
   Management tends to give jobs to those who are least able to
Ben execute it.

   Zimerga's Law of Voluntary Labor
   ---------------------------------
   People agree to do work when the need for it is already
disappeared.

   Law of connections
   ------------
   An inevitable result of expanding connections betweenvarious
levels of hierarchy is an increasing area of misunderstanding.

.............


             P A Z B I T A Y
           M E P F O L O G I
==========================================================

   Generalization of consequences,
   made by Schnatterly
   --------------------
   Even if trouble cannot happen, it does.

   Silverman's paradox
   --------------------
   If Murphy's Law can fail, it doesn't.

   Extended Murphy's Law
   -----------------------
   If a few bad things can happen, they do.
in the most unfavorable sequence.

   Farnsdieck's corollary from Corollary 5
   -------------------------------------
      After events turn from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.
      Xia.

   An extension of Murphy's law
   made by Gattuso
   ------------------------
   There's no situation so bad that it can't get worse.
same.

   Lynch law
   -----------
   When things take a turn for the worse, everyone gets washed away.

   Evans and Bjorn's Law
 ---------------------
   No matter what trouble happens, there will always be someone who
knew that this would be the case.

   Benedict's Principle
   (formerly Murphy's 9th Corollary)
   ---------------------------
   There is always a secret vice hidden in nature.

   Law of Disclosure
   ------------------
   Everything secret becomes clear.Helrang Law
   --------------
   Wait - and the bad will disappear by itself.

   Extension proposed by Shavelson
   -----------------------------------
   ... causing due damage.

   Grelba Addition
 -----------------
   If the situation was unfavorable, it will repeat itself.

   Incorrect citation
   H.L. Menkin's law by Grossman
   -----------------------------
   Complex problems always have simple ones that are easy to understand
wrong decisions.

   Flagg's Law
   ------------
   When the need comes to knock on wood, you discover that the world
consists of aluminum and plastic.

   The Law of Unreasonable Preservation of Dirt
   ----------------------------------
   To clean one, you need to dirty the other.

   Freeman expansion
   ------------------
   ... but you can get everything dirty without cleaning anything.

Booba's Law
   ----------
   You will find what you are looking for only by searching everything.

   Search Law
   ------------
   You need to start your search from the most inappropriate place.

   Marianne's Law
   --------------
   You always find what you weren't looking for.

   Rune Rules
   ------------
   If you don't care where you are, then you're not lost.
foxed

   Coit-Murphy thesis regarding power
   negative thinking
   -----------------------------------
   You won't surprise an optimist with good news

 Fergusson's rule------------------
   The situation becomes irreversible when it is no longer possible to say:
"Let's forget everything!"

   Law of non-retroactivity
   -----------------------------------
   You can't make it rain by starting to wash your car.

   Direct action:
   ----------------
   As soon as you wash your car, it starts to rain.

   Murphy's Saving Grace
   ----------------------------
   The worst is the enemy of the bad.

   The main paradox
   ----------------
   An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. Pessimist bo-
It seems that this is the case.

 Neusdra Law
   -------------
   You can make a foolproof defense, but only against a non-inventor.
nogo.


          S I T U A T I B H A Y
           M E P F O L O G I
==========================================================

   Law of Restoration
   proposed by Drazen
   ---------------------------------------
   The time it takes for a situation to improve is inversely proportional to the time it takes for it to improve
deterioration.

   Examples
   -------
   1. It takes longer to glue a vase than to
break it.
   2. It takes longer to lose weight than to gain weight.
the same amount.

   Cafeteria Law
   ---------------
   What you noticed in the window will be bought by the person who came in front of you.

   Ettore's Observation [from Murphy's Law I]
   ---------------------------------------
   The next line is always movingfaster.

   Ettore's observation option,
   proposed by O'Brien
   --------------------------
   As soon as you move to another line, your ex-beginning-
Let's move faster.

   Kenton's Corollary
   -----------------
      Your throwing back and forth inflates both queues.

   Queue principle
   ---------------
   The longer the wait, the more likely it is that you are not worth it.
in that queue.

   Whitten's Law
   -------------
   Whenever you cut your nails, after an hour you will need them -
Xia.

   Hutchison's Law
   ---------------
   The need for concentrated attention always accompanies
an irresistible desire to be distracted.

   Fuller's Laws of Journalism
   ---------------------------
   The farther away from you the disaster or accident occurred,
the more dead and wounded are required to make a newspaper
nal report.

   Laws of truthfulness in reporting
   ------------------------------
   1. The closer you are to the facts described in the press, the more obvious
errors in the presentation of this material.
 2. The further you are from these facts, the more inclined you are to believe the
communication.

   Law of writing
   ------------
   As soon as you seal the letter, fresh thoughts come to mind.

   Jones' Zoos and Museums Act
   --------------------------------
   The most interesting exhibit does not have a nameplate.
I eat.

   LawJones publications
   ------------------------
   When printing a book, a few errors always creep in.
sides that no one will notice.

   Bloch's Corollary
   ---------------
      Having opened the signal copy on the pro-
      free page, the author is right there
      will stumble upon the most serious mistake.

   Wood's drawing rules
   ----------------------
   1. Never draw something that can be copied.
   2. Never copy something that can be traced.
   3. Never trace something that can be cut and pasted.

   Laws of photography
   -----------------
   1. The best shot opportunity comes when
last frame used.
   2. Good pictures are usually taken with the lens closed.

   3. Good shots are wasted when someone is ignorant during development.
carefully opens the door and the film is exposed.

   Sir Walter's Law
   ------------------
   Possibility of getting smoke from a cigarette or a fire in your face
directly proportional to your sensitivity to smoke.

   Kauffman's First Law of Airports
 --------------------------------
   The distance to the plane's boarding gate is in the reverse direction.
depending on the time in which it is still possible to catch the flight.

   Rogers' Law
   --------------
   As soon as the flight attendant delivers coffee to the passengers, the plane begins to...
starts to vibrate.

   Explanation of the lawRogers,
   proposed by Davis
   ---------------------------------------
   Serving coffee on an airplane causes vibration.

   Basic principle of luggage
   -----------------------
   No matter which conveyor you stand at, your luggage will appear on
friend.
 



music: Hello from Big Hangover
by: "Dream Team"


        I E P A P X O L O G I
     I H A N G A S E D A T
==========================================================

   Parkins' postulate
   -----------------
   The lower you sit, the harder they hit you.

   Harrisson's postulate
   -------------------
   For every action there is an equal counteracting criticism.
ka.

   Rogers rule
   ----------------
   The project will be accepted only when none of the commission members are allowed
will be blamed in case of failure, but in case of success everyone can
qualify for promotion.

   Bachmann's inevitability theorem
   ----------------------------
   The higher the cost of implementing the plan, the less likely it is to fail.
appear from him - even if he turns out to be insolvent.

   Consequence
   ---------
      The higher the prestige of the people behind the plan, the less chance
      owls of its cancellation.

   Conway's Law
   ------------
   In any organization there is always a person who knows what to do
is actually happening. He should be fired.

   Lawreverse Stewart action
   --------------------------------
   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

   Loftus's personnel selection theorem
   --------------------------------
 1. Specialists invited from afar always seem better
frosted. (There is no prophet in his own country.)
   2. Hiring is a victory of hope over experience.

   Loftus's Fifth Law of Management
   ------------------------------
   Guide the book, even if you don’t know the author’s name or
titles.

   The first rule of inferiority of superiors
   -----------------------------------------
   Don't let your boss know that you are smarter.

   Whistler's Law
   --------------
   They never know who is right, but they always know who is responsible.

   Spencer's laws of initial data
   -------------------------------
   1. Everyone can make a decision with sufficient information
formation.
   2. A good leader makes decisions even when there is a shortage.
 3. Ideal - acts in absolute ignorance.

   Gottlieb's rule
   ---------------
   If a boss is trying to impress his subordinates
knowledge of details, he loses sight of the ultimate goal.

   The first rule of negative foresight
   --------------------------------------
   You will save yourself a lot of unnecessary trouble if you burn
bridges as soon as you approach them.The original principle of socio-economics
   --------------------------------
   In a hierarchical system, wages are directly proportional
attractiveness and ease of work performed.

   Drew's Law of Professional Practice
   -----------------------------------
   Those who pay the least complain the most.

   Cohn's Law
 ----------
   For bureaucrats, the more time they have, the greater the flow of papers.
is spent reporting on an ever-decreasing amount of work. Sustainable sucking
Satisfaction is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on
doing nothing.

   Macdonald's Second Law
   ------------------------
   Consultants are mysterious people, they ask the company
develop some indicator and then present it in a report.

   Dingle's Law
   ------------
   If someone drops something, they will kick it, but they won’t pick it up.

   Kushner's Law
   -------------
   The chances of getting a job done are inversely proportional to the number of people
obliged by duty to do this.

   Pfeiffer principle
   ----------------
 Never make decisions yourself if you can force them to
sew someone else.

   Consequence
   ---------
      No one will write down what you could have done but didn't do,
      however, everyone has a list of your mistakes.

   Joe's Law
   ---------
   A person with whom you have found it difficult to become friends will
first to be firedduring reorganization.

   Loposhaisky's "hurry-and-wait" principle
   ----------------------------------
   Came early in the morning - it was already cancelled. You break into pieces, what-
to arrive on time - you wait. I was late - I was hopelessly late.

   Gourde's axiom
   -------------
   At meetings, they save minutes and lose hours.

Matilda's Law
   on the formation of subcommittees
   ---------------------------
   As soon as you leave the room, you will be immediately chosen.

   Wellington Management Law
   ----------------------------
   The cream collects at the top. And foam too.


             ABILITY TO WORK
         AND OFFICE MERPHOLOGY
==========================================================

   Hardin's Law
   -------------
   You can never do just one thing.

   Hecht's Fourth Law
   ---------------------
   There is no better time than the present than to put off what is not
I want to do it.

   Grossman's Lemma
   ---------------
   Any work worth doing was worth doing yesterday.

   Derivative of Murphy's law,
   proposed by Nagg
   ----------------------------
   The more complex and grandiose the plan, the greater the chance that it will
will fail.

   Dehai's axiom
   -------------
   They put off simple work, believing that there will always be time.
do it later.

   Four principles of production
   ---------------------------------
   1. There are not enough tools in the toolboxexactly that wrench
cha or drills that are needed.
   2. Three hands are needed to perform most operations.
   3. The remaining nuts never fit the remaining bolts.
 4. The more carefully the project is drawn up, the greater the confusion,
if something went wrong.

   Ray's Accuracy Rule
   --------------------
   Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Chop it off with an axe.

   First Law of Repair
   --------------------
   You can't fix what isn't broken.

   The first rule of smart renovation
   -----------------------------
   Don't throw anything away.

   Smith's law of computer repair
   -----------------------
   Screwdriver holes are always half a millimeter smaller than
necessary.

   Consequence
   ---------
 Holes of suitable size will be inaccessible
      those

   Jaruc's Second Law
   ------------------
   If a new machine is cheaper, the company will insist on rebuilding
monte old.

   Consequence
   ---------
      If it is cheaper to repair an old machine, the company will
      insist on buying the latest model.

   Laws of engineering design,
   proposed by Gore
   ----------------------------------
   1. The main function of a developer is to create things that
difficult to produce and impossible to maintain.
   2. The circuit component that has the shortest lifespan is
fits in the leastaccessible place.
   3. Any scheme must contain at least one device
an old part, two in short supply and three at the stage
development.

   Consequences
   ---------
      1. The installation engineer will lead the project in accordance with the requirements
         the current level of technology.
      2. These changes will not be made to the operating instructions
         mentioned.

   Six Laws of Office Murphology
   -----------------------------------
   1. If there is not a single mistake in business letters, then
the mail will mess up something.

   Consequence
   ---------
      The boss will find errors in the second copies when he starts
      read them.

   2. Office equipment that worked flawlessly during the day will break down when
you will come to the office in the evening to use it for personal purposes.
Lyakh.
 3. The broken machine will work fine when it arrives
mechanic for its repair.
   4. Envelopes and stamps that you licked with your tongue, unsuccessfully
glued to the envelope, they themselves will stick to all sorts of
foreign objects.
   5. Vital papers lead their important lives without leaving a trace.
disappearing from his place.
   b.  The last person to quit or be laid off is
will be held responsible for all sins - until he appears
the next one is the same.

   Devry's dilemma
   -------------
   If you press two at the same timetypewriter keys, then
The one you accidentally pressed will be printed.

   Sampling theory
   ---------------------------
   It was at that one and only moment in the entire day when you
slumped in a chair and relaxed, he will walk through the office with a detour
boss.


    ABILITY TO CONDUCT SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
   ====================================

   The first law of work in the laboratory
   ---------------------------------
   A hot flask looks exactly the same as a cold one.

   Rule for laboratory technicians
   ----------------------
   When you don't know what you're doing, do it carefully.

   Fingale's eighth rule
   ------------------------
   Teamwork is very important. It allows you to place the blame on
another.

   Fingale's Creed
   --------------
   Truth in science. Don't let the facts fool you
tion.

 Brief guide to modern sciences
   -------------------------------------
   1. If it's green or twitching, it's biology.
   2. If it smells bad, it’s chemicals.
   3. If it doesn't work - physics.

   Muencha Law
   ------------
   Nothing contributes to the successful implementation of innovations like
lack of checks.

   May's Law of Stratigraphy
   ----------------------
   The quality of the correlation dependence is inversely proportional
point density.

   Vesilinda's laws of experimentation------------------------------------
   1. If it is difficult to reproduce the experiment, conduct it
knives.
   2. If you need a direct line, get it only by
two points.

   Lerman's Law of Technology
   ------------------------
   Any technical problem can be overcome with enough
time and money.

   Lerman's corollary
   -----------------
      You will always be short of either time or money.

   Prevention Lemma
   Rocky's innovations
   ----------------------
   Funding organizations will refuse your proposal,
unless its results are known in advance.

   Second Thumb Postulate
   -------------------------------
   A simple and acceptable lie is more useful than a complex and incomprehensible truth.
us.

   Jones's first law
 -------------------
   A scientist who has made significant contributions to any field of research
vaniya and continues to work in it long enough, becomes
here the stumbling block of progress is directly proportional to the sign
the value of your initial contribution.

   Mann's Law
   -----------
   If a scientist has discovered a fact suitable for publication, then
nium becomes a central element of his theory.

   Consequence
   ---------
      This theory, in turn, becomes central to
      the entire scientific field.

   Ruler rule
   ---------------There are no straight lines.

   Grelb's Law of Errors
   --------------------
 With any sequence of calculations, errors will begin to appear.
lie at the end that is opposite the beginning of the check.

   Roberts' axiom
   ----------------
   There are only mistakes.

   Berman's corollary to Roberts' axiom
   -------------------------------------
      What is an error for one is the original data for another.

   Fifth Law of Unreliability
   ------------------------
   To err is human, but to completely confuse everything
Only a computer can.

   Grid's Third Law
   ------------------
   The machine program does what you tell it to do,
not what you would like her to do.

   Leo Beiser's first computer axiom
 ---------------------------------------
   When putting something into a computer, remember where you put it.

   System Guide
   Steinbach programming
   --------------------------
   Never find errors in a program unless you know what it is
what to do with them further.


  THE ART OF MANAGING STATE AFFAIRS
            AND ECOHO-MERPHOLOGY
==========================================================

   Lieberman's Law
   ---------------
   Everyone lies, but it doesn't matter because no one serves
is playing around.

   Sausage principle
   -----------------
   For those who love sausage and respect the law,you shouldn't see how
both are done.

   Todd's first two political principles
   --------------------------------------
   1. It doesn’t matter what they tell you, they are not telling you the whole truth.
   2. It doesn’t matter what they talk about - it’s always about money.

   Watergate principle
   ------------------------
   Government corruption is always reported in the past
time.

   Alinsky's Principle for Radicals
   -------------------------------
   The most highly moral are usually those who are farthest from the real world.
solving problems.

   Miles' Law
   ------------
   The viewing angle depends on the space occupied.

   Evans's Law
 ------------
   If you keep your head on your shoulders when everyone around you is losing
yours, it means you just don’t understand the situation.

   Rule of Misrepresentation
   ------------------------
   Moving through the authorities from the bottom up, information is distorted.

   Rusk's Law of Delegation
   -------------------------
   If attention is paid to the delegation of authority, the responsible
The dirt will accumulate below, like sediment.

   Hongren's observation
   -------------------
   Among economists, the real world is often considered private
by chance.

   Price's Laws
   -------------
   1. Until everyone wants it, no one will get it.
   2. A person from the masses must be served by mass means.
 3. Everything is contagious.O'Brien's Law
   ---------------
   For reasonable reasons, nothing is done.

   Glime's formula for success
   ---------------------
   The secret of success is sincerity. As soon as you can depict it,
strike, consider that the trick is in the bag.


           I S K U S S T B O
       BE E X S P E P T O M
==========================================================

   Mars Rule
   -------------
   An expert is any person not from our city.

   Weber's definition
   ------------------
 An expert is a person who knows more and more about everything
less and less until he knows absolutely everything absolutely
about nothing.

   Warren's rule
   ---------------
   The expert should be someone who believes that the work will take
very time-consuming and very expensive.

   Schroeder's Law
   -------------
   Indecision is the basis of flexibility.

   Berke's rule
   -------------
   Never pose a problem whose solution you do not know.

   Consequence
   ---------
      Set tasks for which only you have a solution.

   Matz's aphorism
 -------------
   The conclusion is the place in the text where you are tired of thinking.

   Fagin's past forecast rule
   --------------------------------
   Imprudence is an exact science.

   First rule of history
   ----------------------
   History does not repeat itself - it is historians who repeat each other.Dunlap's laws of physics
   ---------------------
   1. A fact is a hardened opinion.
   2. Under the influence of high temperatures and pressure, the facts
soften.
   3. Truth is elastic.

   Maxim Merkin
   ---------------
   If you doubt the forecast, say that this trend
will also occur in the next period.

   Halgren's solution
   ----------------
   If you are in trouble, let in the fog.

   Hawkins' theory of progress
   ------------------------
   Progress does not consist in replacing a wrong theory with a correct one.
but in replacing an incorrect theory with an incorrect, but refined one
venerable.

   Meyer's law
   ------------
   To complicate is simple, to simplify is difficult.

   Hlade's Law
   ------------
  Entrust the solution to a complex problem to a lazy employee - he will find
there is an easier way.

   Hunt's Law
   -----------
 Every great idea has a flaw equal to or greater than
the greatness of this idea.

   Hellon's razor
   --------------
   Do not see malicious intent in what is quite understandably stupid.
I'm fasting.


         S I S T E M A H T I K A
        =========================

   Main theorem
   ----------------
   New systems create new problems.

   Consequence
   ---------
      New systems should not be created unnecessarily.

   Generalized uncertainty principle
   ----------------------------------- Systems tend to grow and as mutual
squabble.

   Other wording
   -------------------
   1. Complex systems lead to unexpected consequences.
   2. The overall behavior of large systems cannot be predicted.

   Consequence. Non-additivity theorem
   system behavior
   -----------------------------------
      A large system formed by an increase in the size of smaller ones
      Shey, behaves completely differently from her predecessor.

   Unreliability of information
   on performance of official duties
   ------------------------------------
   People within the system do not behave at all as prescribed.

   Unreliability of information
   about the work being performed
   --------------------------
 The system itself does not behave as prescribed.

   15th law of systematics
   -----------------------
   A functioning complex system is invariably formed from a functioning
a simple system.

   1b law of systematics
   -----------------------
   A complex system, designed hastily, never works -
No, and there is no way to fix it to make it work.

   Basic postulates
   developed systems theory
   ----------------------
   1. Everything is a system.
   2. Everything is part of an even larger system.
   3. The Universe is infinitely systematized from bottom to top
(all larger systems), and from top to bottom(smaller systems
we).
   4. All systems are infinitely complex. (The illusion of simplicity arises
due to focusing on one or more variables
nyh.)

   Chatelier's principle
   -----------------
   Complex systems tend to contrast themselves with their
same functions.


          M E D I C I N S K A Y
           M E P F O L O G I
==========================================================

   Six principles for patients
   -----------------------------
   1. If the doctor knows the name of your illness, it is
doesn't mean he knows what it is.
   2. The duller and older the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you
you'll have to wait.
   3. Medicine bottles should not say “Keep away from
children" and "Keep away from adults."
   4. On the last day of taking medication, no pills or no pills at all,
or there is too much left.
 5. Medicine that must be taken simultaneously with food,
will taste the worst.

   Consequence
   ---------
      Even water is unpleasant to drink if prescribed by a doctor.

   b. If your health is improving, it may be because
that the doctor is worsening.

   Matz's Rule for Medicines
   -----------------------------------
   A drug is a substance that, when injected into a rat,
produces a scientific result or article.

   Cochrane's aphorism
   ----------------
   Receivingdirection for analysis, think about what you will do,
if the result turns out to be: a) positive, b) negative. EU-
If the answers coincide, there will be no need for analysis.

   Lord Cohen's comment
 -----------------------
      The availability of an operation is not yet an indicator that it is necessary
      do.

   Telesco Nursing Laws
   --------------------------------
   1. All televisions are located at the other end of the room.
   2. A doctor’s talent is inversely proportional to the opportunity to get to
to see him.
   3. There are two types of adhesive plaster: the one that cannot be applied
pour, and one that can’t be removed.
   4. Everyone requires an injection at the same time.
   5. Whoever did not allow it to be installed at the appointed time, demand information
injections where sleeping pills are given out.

   Barach's Rule
   --------------
   An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his doctor.


             THE SCIENCE OF CONSUMPTION
           AND THE ART OF SELLING
 ======================================================

   Heblock's Law
   -------------
   If the product is good, they stop producing it.

   Gold's Law
   -----------
   If the shoes fit your feet, they look disgusting.

   Hadley's Clothes Shopping Laws
   ---------------------------
   1. If you like the suit, then your size is not available.
   2. If you like the suit and have the right size, then it’s all
somehow it doesn’t suit you.
   3. AndI like it and it fits, but I can’t afford it.
   4. I like it, it fits, and I can afford it, but at the first
The fitting is bursting at the seams.

   The basic principle of Finman's deal
   -------------------------------
   What you like is always out of stock.

   Heshaise Rules
   ---------------
   1. A product labeled “New” or “Improved Model” is:
you are not.
   2. Both of these labels mean the price has gone up.
   3. Brand New or Amazing New Labels
means that the price is creeping up.

   The first law of consumption Syntheto
   --------------------------------
   A 60 day guarantee means that the product will fall apart on 6 days
day.

   Law of "goods by mail" Savignano
   --------------------------------
   If you don't complain, you'll never get what you ordered.
called. If you do complain, you will receive your order before
your angry letter will reach the right place.

   Lewis's Law
   ------------
 They always want to buy what is left in one copy.


           M E P F O L O G I
  HOME
==========================================================

   O'Reilly's Kitchen Law
   -------------------
   Cleanliness is something of the impossible.

   Seven Laws of Kitchen Mess
   ---------------------------------
   1. Not a single universal kitchen appliancecombine
will not work normally.

   Consequence
   ---------
      The more expensive the combine, the less often it is used.

   2. The simpler the instructions (for example, “Click here”), the
It’s harder to find where to click.
 3. In a family recipe, just discovered in an old
brewed book, the unit of measurement of the main component will be
written illegibly.
   4. If the dish is already spoiled, whatever you add for
saving him will only make matters worse.
   5. People are always delighted with the dish they require.
the least amount of effort in cooking. Example: if you have prepared
If you eat duck with apples, you will receive compliments for the baked potato
fel.
   b.  If you had to go to the store specifically for something
product, then your guest will be allergic to it.
Gia.
   7. The more time and work you put into preparing both
yes, the more likely it is that guests will talk all the time
others that preceded this dinner.

   Alice Hammond's Kitchen Laws
   --------------------------
   1. The soufflé rises and the cream is whipped only when cooked
planning a family dinner or dinner for guests you really care about
in fact, they didn’t want to invite.
   2. If among the eggs there is only one that is spoiled, then
but you will break it into the cake dough.
   3. Worth putting in the dishwashersome kind of kitchen machine
dishes as soon as they are needed; if you used a measuring tape
mug for liquid, you will immediately need it in order to
measure something dry.
   4. Time to consume food is inversely proportional to time
for its preparation.
   5. Whatever dish you prepare, it turns out that your guest
I ate it at breakfast.

   Housewife laws
   ------------------
   1. If you are unsure whether the meat has been removed from the freezer,
for it to defrost, it means you forgot to do it.
   2. If you don't remember if you turned off the coffee maker, then you
didn't turn it off.
   3. If you decide to stop along the way for bread and eggs, thinking
that they are not at home, then they will be at home.
   4. If you doubt whether you have enough money for lunch with your family in
restaurant, which means there won’t be enough of them.

   Rules for washing glassware
Hamilton
   -------------------------------
   The spot you're trying to scrub off is always on the other side.
sides.

   Consequence
   ---------
      If the stain is inside, then it is impossible to reach it.

   Yeager's Law
   -------------
   Washing machines break down only during the washing process.

   Consequence
   ---------
      All breakdowns happen on the day when the technician goes out.
      Noah.

   Law of Housekeeping
   Walker
   ---------------------------------
   There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry.
   Walker's Law Refuted
   put forward by Cleve
   ----------------------------
      If it is clean, it is not laundry.

   Skoff's Law
   ------------
   The child will not spill or scatter anything on a dirty floor.
fall.

   Van Roy's Law
   -------------
   An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
gie.

   Laws of offspring behavior
   proposed by Witzling
   ---------------------------
   1. A child chatting at home without a break, at a party, category-
will honestly refuse to utter a word.
   2. Any shy child will choose a crowded place to
loudly demonstrate newly acquired vocabulary
(“damn it”, etc.).

   Laws of animal behavior
   proposed by Fish
   --------------------------
   1. The probability that the cat will eat the food offered is not
has nothing to do with the price of the latter.
   2. The likelihood that the family pet (cat or dog)
will make noise when running in and out of the room, directly proportional
the number and importance of guests invited to dinner.

   A consequence of Parkinson's law for the subject
   sprouts, suggested by Fiske
   ---------------------------------------
   The stomach stretches to accept all the useless, from the point
vision of adults, food (lemonade, Pepsi-Cola, candy, etc.).

   Banana principle
   -----------------
   Ifyou bought unripe bananas, then by the time they ripen
there won't be any left.
If you bought them ripe, the bananas will spoil before they are
will have time to eat.

   Ballance's Law of Relativity
   ------------------------------
   The length of a minute depends on which side
the door to the bathroom you are in.

   Green thumb rule
   Britt-derived
   ---------------------------------
   Probable lifespan of a houseplant back
is proportional to its price and directly proportional to its unattractiveness
body type.

   Law of Retransmissions
   -----------------------
   If you have already watched some part of the series on TV and
suddenly watch it again, you'll end up on a repeat of the same episode.

   Jones's Laws of Television Programs
   ------------------------------------
 1. Two interesting programs are always on at the same time.
   2. The only interesting program will be cancelled.
   3. The show you've been waiting for all week will be shown
earlier than indicated in the program.

   Universal principles of Bess
   -----------------------
   1. The phone will ring when you are in front of the entrance to the apartment.
dash and try unsuccessfully to open it.
   2. You will grab the receiver just when it starts to sound
clear signals.

   The Riddle of Kovak
   --------------
   Ifdial the number incorrectly, there will never be a dial tone "for-
"No."

   Application of Parkinson's Law,
   bred by Ryan
   -----------------------------
   Purchases tend to fill all available storage space
earlyness


             SOCIO-MERPHOLOGY
        (THE ART OF BEING HUMAN)
==========================================================

   Shirley's Law
   -----------
   Most people deserve each other.

   Arthur's Laws of Love
   ----------------------------------
   1. The people you are attracted to invariably think that you are the same for them.
You remind me of something.
   2. If you finally dare to send a love letter,
then it will take so long to arrive by mail that you will have time to
those expose themselves to ridicule.
   3. Romantic gestures from others seem unusual and exciting.
mi. And your own are stupid and clumsy.

   Tom's Law of Wedding Costs
   ---------------------------
 The duration of marriage is inversely proportional to the costs of
wedding.

   Roommate rule
   ----------------------------
   The one who snores falls asleep first.

   Colvard's logical sentences
   --------------------------------
   All probabilities are 50%. Either it will happen or it won't.

   Unconscious comment
   ------------------------
      This is especially true when dealing with a woman.

   Comment by Grelbato Colvard's provisions
   ------------------------------------------
      The reliability of this statement is 90% not in your favor.

   The principle of intersecting acquaintances
   -------------------------------
   The likelihood of meeting friends increases if you go with
a person whose acquaintance you would not like to advertise.

   Chates' Complaint
   -------------
   If you helped a friend in need, he will probably remember you,
when he finds himself in trouble again.

   Denniston's Law
   ----------------
   Virtue is its own punishment.

   Consequence
   ---------
      If you did something right once, someone
      will definitely ask you to do it again.

   Bloch's comment
   -----------------
      The corollary is absolutely consistent with the following statement:
      virtue does not go unpunished. Denniston's law
      has a wider scope.

 Ron's Surveillance for Teens
   ------------------------------
   1. Pimples appear on the face about an hour before a date.
   2. A scratch on a record always goes through your favorite one.
song.

   Fundamental principle of socio-genetics
   ---------------------------------------
   The superiority complex is inherited.

   Professor Blok's slogan
   -----------------------
   Forgive and remember.

   Pardo's first postulate(from "Murphy's Law I")
   ---------------------
   Everything good in life is either illegal or immoral.
but, either leads to obesity.

   Jacob's law
   -----------
 It is human nature to make mistakes, but blame mistakes on others
- even more typical.

   Edelstein Council
   -----------------
   Don't worry about what other people think of you. They
too concerned about what you think about them.

   Meader's Law
   ------------
   Whatever happens to you, it has already happened to someone else.
your friends, but it was even worse.

   Bucklage's Law
   --------------
   Whoever laughs last probably didn't get the joke.


          M E T A - LAWS
         =======================

   Digiovanni's Law
 -----------------
   The number of laws tends to fill everything available to the public -
tion space.

   Blessing Leo Rogers
   for the second book of "Murphy's Law"
   ------------------------------
   If there is something to try for, then it’s not a sin to overdo it.

   Rogers' observation
   regarding laws
   --------------------
   The higher the authority, the less they value Murphy’s law, principles
Peter's cip, etc.

   Jaffa saying
   -----------------
   There are things we can't know, but it's impossible to know
what are these things?

   Muir's Law
   -----------
 When we trypull out one thing, it turns out that
it is connected to everything else.

   Ducharma's axiom
   ---------------
   If you look at the problem carefully enough, you will see
See yourself as part of the problem.

   Last law
   ---------------
   If several troubles could happen at the same time, but
this didn't happen, in the long run it would be better if they did
happened.