Jokes - jokes, aphorisms and any crap ...

                   - And remember - the grandmother teaches her 
granddaughter - y 

                   every woman in his life should be only one

                   much love.

                   - Who was your one true love?

                    - Sailors! ...

At a seminar on American history professor tried to explain to 
students how to change over time the social ideal of beauty. 
"Well, for example, take the Miss America 1921. She had Height 
155 cm, weight 49 kg, dimensions: 76 cm in the chest, 64 - at 
the waist and 81 - at the hips. What do you think would have 
been her chances of success in today's beauty contest? "With a 
few seconds of silence. Then cut a chei's voice: "Not very big."

- Why? - The professor asked.
- Well, first of all, - said the student - it would not be 
approached by age.


In the 30 years of man, fills out the form, came to the 
question: "How do you sleep with your wife?" What to write? 
Write "left" - left prishyut bias. The "right" - right 
deviation "from above" - ​​rising above the masses, "Bottom up" 
- going on about the masses. Wrote: "I sleep alone, wank." He 
was given 10 years - "for communicating with their fists and 
misappropriation of seed stock." 

The kid does not want to fall asleep, and his father begins to 
tell his tale An hour passes, two ... The mother quietly opened 
the door and sprashivet: - He fell asleep?

- Yes, mom ...

Petka and sit and drink vodka Chapaev. Suited to them Furmanov:
- Guys, I'll be the third!
- No, you will be the fourth, three of them we have already 
sent podlshe. 

Talk to two generals, and our American.
- Russian troops have three meals a day, resulting in a 2000 
kcal per day. - U.S. soldier gets 4,000 calories a day.

- Vresch, NATO face, the soldiers can not eat two bags of 
swedes !!!!!!! 

Question:
- How do you stop a nigger from rape?
Answer:
- Throw him a basketball.

What are the different types of orgasm in women?
1. Positive - Oh! Yes! Yes! Da-ah-ah-ah! "
2. Negative - Oh! No! No! Not-ee-o!!
3. Religious - Oh God! Oh my God! Oh-oh-oh Po-oh-well! "
4. False - About Vasya! About Vasya! Oh-oh-oh Wa-ah-asya!!

Sit two homosexuals in the park, and various shots caress. 
Passes by prostitute and says: "Like a big guy, stop garbage

to suffer, let's go fuck better! "
One of the blue answers, typical of a wave of his hand:
"Go away, monster dvuzhopoe!

Argued two men who have a dog meaner, and decided to compare 
them. One leads a hefty rotvellera, and the second dragged 
something small oblong and green. The first command with 
laughter his beast "FAS! Rotveller runs up to the beast, that 
suddenly opened his mouth with a meter and a gulp swallows 
rotvellera. The first man is shocked: "What is that rock??"

"And the hell knows?" - Meets the second - "long tail does not 
cut All crocodiles were called. "


A series of "driveway love."
Winter. Outdoor kolotun, two have retired on the last floor in a
ezde and passionate kiss.
- Darling, please unscrewed the light bulb in his mouth, I'll 
take! - Are you mad? She's hot!


University. Session. Reading room. A lot of people: how to 
prepare Xia. To one student to another suit.

- Listen, and you're holding the book upside down!
- And you che, Freud, or what?
- And here Freud?
- It's - the book! What are her legs? You still say I'm her 
international Pages looked ...!


Psychos fly a plane, suddenly in the cabin lights are off. One 
says: "Oh, we stopped in the tunnel!" 

Two blondes are sitting and discussing the theory of 
relativity, atomic particles of the second order, they fit guy 
... One: - So, nix, discussing the TV series ...


Sarah runs around the apartment and calling: "Abraham!" 
Abraham! "Where are you, Abraham!" Runs onto the balcony, where 
a neighbor sunbathe, Sarah to her: "You are my have not seen? "

- No.
- Damn. So where is this syphilitic.
A neighbor in a swoon, and rushes out of the bedroom Abram:
- You fool! How many times say, not syphilitic and philatelist!