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(c) Andrey Padenko
IN THE WORLD OF ANIMALS OR... NOT A WORD ABOUT SEX
The bear was an ugly, club-footed and dirty animal. However
There was no one kinder than him in the whole forest. But the animals noticed
only his appearance, to which the Bear was terribly offended, caught them and
brutally kicked. That's why the animals didn't like him. Although he
was very kind. And cheerful. He loved funny jokes. For these
jokes, the animals soon hated him terribly and beat him. Yes, it's difficult
to be kind and cheerful in the world. The wolf was also ugly and
dirty. And he was also very angry and cruel. But the animals don't
They hated him and did not beat him. Because the Wolf is still dead
in early childhood. Because the Bear was born before the Wolf. Yes,
It's good when Good defeats Evil.
The hare was also angry and cruel. And dirty. And he was also
cowardly. The Hare never did nasty things to anyone. Because
was afraid. But he was still beaten badly. Because Evil is always
must be punished. And the Woodpecker was also angry and cruel. He doesn't
he beat animals because he had no hands. Therefore, he took it out
your anger in the trees. It's notbeat. Because they couldn't
reach out One day he was crushed to death by a falling tree.
It was rumored that it had taken revenge. After this, the animals spent a whole month
they were afraid to urinate on the trees. They urinated on the Hare. Hare
caught a cold and died. It was clear to everyone that everything was his fault
Woodpecker But they didn’t touch him. Because they couldn't dig it out from under
fallen tree. Yes, Evil sometimes goes unpunished.
The mole was small and blind. He wasn't evil. He's just fine
did his job. It was he who ate the tree, which fell on the woodpecker.
No one found out about this, and therefore he was not beaten. Him in general
rarely hit. Mostly they were scared. But it was very difficult to scare him,
because he was blind and did not see that they were scaring him. When not
managed to scare the Mole, the animals were very upset. And they beat
Bear. Because they were very upset. One day the Bear too
wanted to scare the Mole. But Mole was not afraid. Because
The bear killed him. Accidentally. The Bear was just very clumsy.
And the animals beat him very badly. Even though
The bear said he was joking. It's bad when no one appreciates your jokes
understands. The fox was very cunning. She could easily outwit
anyone. When she succeeded, she was not beaten. But sometimes
she was unlucky. And they beat her. They beat us all over the forest. And she couldn't anymore
to outwit someone. Because it's very difficult for anyone
outwitwhen you get hit. One day she was beaten to death. Yes,
the truth will always come out.
The boar was big, strong and scary. Everyone was very afraid of him. And
that's why they beat him only with the whole forest. Or they just threw it at him
stones. The boar didn't like this very much. And one night he hid
all the stones in the forest. For this he was beaten very badly. More Boar
never hid stones. Truly they say - it's time to gather stones
and it’s time to never touch them. The goat was neither evil nor good.
He was just a Goat. He was often an asshole. And they were afraid to beat him. And he
I got everyone with my assholery. And then he was beaten to death.
Because otherwise he would have died of old age. Some day. When
The Goat died, the Bear cried a lot. Because he secretly loved
Goat. Yes, love is evil, you will love the Goat too.
The hedgehog was small and prickly. He was injecting himself. He wasn't evil, he
injected by nature. Because of this, they only hit him in the stomach.
The hedgehog did not like this and began to shave his head. And then they began to
hit like everyone else. Yes, it is very difficult to be different from everyone else. There was a skunk
almost like the Hare. But only very smelly ones. He smelled bad.
They beat him only in a plastic bag. Then the smell was not
so strong. One day it was Skunk's birthday. He invited
all the animals, because he was greedy and loved gifts. And the animals
gave him a new plastic bag. And they beat me hard
loss of consciousness. And Skunksuffocated in the bag. That's it
buried. In the package. In the Very Far Forest. Because he's dead
The skunk stank even more. Then the inhabitants of Very Far came
Lesa and everyone were severely beaten. They didn't like the smell of the dead
Skunk. Yes, you need to live in peace with your neighbors.
The hamster was also very greedy. And rich. If he shared his
wealth, he would not have been beaten so much. But he was very greedy.
For this he was beaten severely. And he still had to share. And
he cried bitterly. Yes, the rich cry too. The lion was the king of beasts.
He ruled the forest. Kings are not supposed to be beaten. This is the law. But the animals
They have long given up on the law. The animals also beat the lion. No way. Because
That's how it is here.
Recently a Kangaroo arrived in our forest. A war began in the forest.
She heard that refugees were being accepted in this forest and came.
At first the animals did not understand the meaning of her bag and beat her. They beat clearly:
legs and only on the head. But then, having caught the chip, beat
stopped. They began to put garbage in the bag, and by evening it should
was to eat it. Sometimes, however, when the garbage was especially
tasteless, she shook it out into Belka’s hollow.
In the evening they put a Raccoon in the bag, which had eaten its fill a long time ago
radioactive waste and therefore glowed at night. This is for the animals
I didn’t like it because its glow made it difficult to sleep. Therefore
in the evening they beat him, and then put him in Kangaroo's bag,
so that hedidn't glow. In the morning they pulled out, beat and released until
evenings. The squirrel hated the Kangaroo, but loved the Woodpecker: he made her
hollow - home, sweet home. When the animals found Belka's garbage,
they beat him. Animals did not like dirty ones. Excuses that this
Kangaroo threw the trash, the animals didn’t listen, but just in case
Kangaroos were also beaten.
Later the animals exchanged with another forest: Tiger for Grizzly Bear.
He was black. And the animals did not like colored people. Therefore, Owl
organized a party against blacks. Every day after the meeting
party, the animals caught the Grizzly Bear and beat him, saying:
"Take it, black-ass!" Then the party began to beat the hare, with
with the words: “Get cross-eyed!” Yes, it's bad when there's racism. Animals
They didn't like Porcupine very much, because when they beat him, then
first you have to pick out needles from your heels for a long time, and
then everyone limps for a long time. But don’t change the usual order
things - and then Lev appointed the Monkeys to be on duty for beatings
Porcupine so that they take turns throwing stones at him and
cones. The rocks knock the quills out of the Porcupine, which is a valuable resource.
- they then torture various other animals like Turtles,
inserting needles through holes in the body. Monkey conveyor
turned out to be so effective that within a week Porcupine
became bald and began to hide from the officers on duty in the pond. That's where it came
Behemoth is in his face, andPorcupine's face became flat and flat,
so from then on the former porcupine is called Platypus. From here
rule: knowledge = power There was also a Crocodile in the pond, he was like a tank
- big, green and flat. For this reason, animals are very
they loved to trample him, and Elk was especially zealous. But one day he
confused which end of the Crocodile was which, and began to trample him on
muzzle. The crocodile yawned and the number of moose legs decreased
doubled. After this, the Elk began to walk on its hind legs, and then
they knocked off his horns and began to call him Man. Hence the rule:
Measure seven times, cut once.
The problem with the Crocodile was still as sharp as teeth
the last one. Then Muskrat volunteered to beat the Crocodile
- a small slimy and smelly animal, overgrown with gray fur.
The Muskrat comes to the rear of the Crocodile, runs up, jumps into the water and
dives under it. Nobody knows he's underwater
does something, but the Crocodile starts screaming squeaky
contralto and runs away from the pond in disgrace. Hence the rule: everything
genital - simple. In the fall, animals begin to experience an exacerbation
political activity, and then the Boar and the Bear walk with
slogans like “Koala is the product of coca and feces”, “Foreign
The hippopotamus breathed Russian oxygen" and "Death to the Goats of Labor
people." Small animals hide in the swamp because they know that
otherwise they'll be quickhegemonize. Of course, there are them in the swamp
will dominate, but maybe not right away. Hence the rule: morning
evenings are wiser.
Brown Bear became too old and could no longer cut with one
with a paw blow to the skull of the red-bottomed Monkey. Then the Monkeys decided
to see him off to his well-deserved rest and began to beat him. A Woodpecker
hollowed out a large grave cross with the inscription from a rotten stump
"well-deserved rest", and he was placed at the entrance to the forest so that strangers
the animals knew what the order was in our forest. The monkeys divided between
the skin of a bear that has not yet been killed (well, not all of it, of course, but who
as much as he could chew off), and promised not to beat him again - for this
he wrote on the largest piece of skin the last royal decree:
on the appointment of the Polar Bear as the new king. Hence the rule:
We have only one road for old people.
Polar Bear received a decree on his appointment even before
The bear bile on the decree no longer stinks. Despite this,
he immediately devoured the decree, since he had been starving for the last two years and
thinned to the point of translucency. He declared himself Supreme
Chief Bearer, and lined up all the animals at the edge of the forest. After
commands "pay off on the 1st 2nd" every 2nd beat every 1st and
back, as a result of which only every 3rd survived.
Hence the rule: mathematics is the queen of all sciences. The animals reminded
Polar about the swamp, and then they greatly regretted it. There was a swamp
the mostshitty place in the forest and it smelled terrible when you went there
threw someone (the animals threw each other constantly and
any soil, but in addition to living animals, they threw into the swamp and not
very lively, which brought a new spirit to what was already there
aroma). The swamp stank even more if someone was pulled out of it,
especially if Hippopotamus. And there was someone to pull, since in the swamp
some animals were always hiding: those who were beaten too often, and
Villains. The villains were those who cheated one of the cool ones.
Those who said that they should beat in general were called malicious Villains.
no one is needed. The Supreme Bearer-in-Chief led the animals to
the outskirts of the swamp and they began to beat the swamp. Naturally swampy
they were beaten because they were playing on their own field. In the end (this
when the fighters tore off each other's ends), by the smell it was already
it was impossible to understand who was one of our own and who was a swamp. And then the animals
returned to the forest led by the White Bear
finally turned into Brown. The villains were granted amnesty, and
It was decided to mix the malicious Villains with shit next time.
Hence the rule: we will all be there.
There also lived a monkey in the forest, she was weak-minded and red-assed,
That's why they beat her often, because they didn't like people of different colors. This is for her
I really didn’t like it, but she didn’t think about it for a long time. One
once when she was still little, the fox outwitted her and imprisoned her
onhot coals, the monkey burned his butt badly and couldn’t walk
That’s why I went to school, that’s why I became stupid and red-assed. Yes, it's difficult
to be a punk in the forest... There was another owl in the forest, he was very wise,
the animals respected him and went to consult with him, but usually beat him
after that, since the eagle owl was deaf and the animals did not like it
he always asked again. Yes, it was difficult for him to live on one
tree with a woodpecker and he became deaf from the knocking. That's what he told the mole
dig up a tree. Since he was deaf, he did not hear the same
the tree fell on him. Don't dig a hole for someone else...
There lived a frog in the forest, it was a nasty green one, they didn’t like it,
that's why they beat me. But since she was very nasty and
slippery, and was also covered in warts and eczema, no one
decided to hit her first. That's why they beat him with the corpse of a skunk,
wrapping it in a double plastic bag. Even in our forest
the Recycling system operates - reuse
materials that do not decompose in the soil.
The frog had only one friend - his niece, the toad. Toad
It was very thick and smelly. She was very friendly and
wanted to be friends with everyone, but those whom she touched immediately
they got eczema and rotted alive all their lives. That's right
The frog became so green and disgusting. All the animals avoided
a toad, and she was the only one who was not beaten in the forest. Not only
spat on, orurinated in the pond where she lived. This is how it is always
forest, animals look only at appearance, but the soul is not interesting to them,
that's why they are animals... He especially showed himself in the spitting of a toad
camel. He was very big and no one liked him. In his forest
there was a war, and he immigrated to our forest, he was different and
that's why I didn't like it. Even the bear made very cruel jokes on
him. The bear put on a helmet and wrapped himself in a green towel,
ran out onto the camel shouting “for Allah, holy war!” and
beat him almost to death. When a camel is still in winter
cured, he swore revenge on everything green: he trampled
frog (parts of it can still be found on its back
hooves), and spat on the toad. Since all the animals of these green ones are not
loved, everyone in the forest liked the camel very much, he even received
registration But when the leaves began to bloom in the spring, the camel
He began to cut down trees, for which a sparrow pecked him.
Only the sparrow loved and took revenge on the trees, he told the woodpecker
be under the right tree. The sparrow was kind, but for the trees he
did everything, he died later exposing his body to the teeth
woodcutter's chainsaws. The animals were very sad and ate the woodcutter,
since the sparrow was a patriot...
Hacker Pupkin also lived in the forest. From an early age he lived among animals,
that's why they didn't beat him. He was fed leaves and berries, and
Pupkin didn't like it and hebeat animals at night when they were sleeping.
After all, if he struck during the day, the animals would understand that he was not Mowgli. But
one day, he beat a toad and rotted. The animals finally realized that he was not
Mowgli, because Mowgli is immortal. That's why they beat for a very long time
Hacker's corpse. This is how young talents are ruined.
There was also an ant living there. He was very angry at everyone and very small,
therefore, he often bit animals, and they, not seeing who was biting them,
They thought it was Pupkin's ghost. Then they sacrificed
Leo, since he was a king and had to pay for the grief of the animals. But
One day they caught an ant. Not knowing how to beat such a small one,
the animals married him to a toad. They live happily. There wouldn't be
happiness, but misfortune helped! Moral: And the dawns here are quiet...
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