Anigdot No. 36 - Hello guys and one... (ha-ha, oh, I'm dying of laughter right now)!!!

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  ▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
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▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░ About ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░░ ░▓▓ ▓▓ ░░ M FOR ▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░ E YOU.      ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░15.08.96░░░░ ░░ R ▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
  Hello guys and one... (ha-ha, oh, I'm dying of laughter right now)!!!
We haven't been on air for a long time -> 4+ weeks we
were absent(it's nice to relax) and now we are in a hurry to please
male and female society with their anecdotes. Yes, have you seen
a questionnaire from Maria (damn, I just want to say Maria Lopez or
just LOPEZ, I used to be so keen on this film that in the language
that's how Lopez turns -> or maybe Maria should take the nickname LOPEZ
it sounds proud - LOPEZ :) I got distracted, the guys there are like that
questions as if she would marry US (probably one)
wants :-) !!!
By the way, STS returned with its BBS - life goes on
Regarding UFOs, MAGIC SOFT has a new 2.4 version of UFO 2.
Go to MITINO and buy UFO 2, and it’s waiting for you on the disc
big SURPRISE, and SOFTSTAR has two discs and is more expensive. CONCLUSION.
   I brought all this information to you on a silver platter :-) -> Mr.ZERO

            UNTIL THE NEXT ISSUE AND READ BELOW.
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A six-deck motor ship is sailing along the Atlantic.
People stroll idly along the deck, languidly looking at the line
horizon. There is calm overboard. In a friend someone notices at 100
meters from the side a drowning girl (D) of extraordinary beauty. On
the ship, of course, there is turmoil, people are running out of the cabins. Here with
2nd deck, having thrown off his suit, a Pole jumps into the water. Gorgeous
the crawl swims almost the entire distance, 10 meters remain,
suddenly he suddenly says fuck and goes to the bottom. People on
board is perplexed. A cool German jumps from the 3rd deck to help
athlete, swims 5 meters short of (D) and goes to the bottom. C captain's
A Frenchman jumps into the water from the bridge. Figure of Apollo, world champion
swimming, a famous lifeguard and all that. Without a single splash
enters the water, swims the entire distance, all that remains isextend your hand, but then he says fuck and goes to the bottom. People
they are perplexed: What kind of bermudas are these? (D) is already floating on the water from
last strength. Then from the engine room he rises to the deck
Russian. With a big hangover, face nponutoe, kipzachi on the legs
some kind of crap, a greasy padded jacket, a hat with earflaps made from a cat.
Looked (R) overboard and said: “B##d, save again...”
fell over the fence like a bag of shit and immediately DROWNED.

Speaking of Easter.
Question to Armenian radio:
- Is it possible to paint eggs with a brush?
- Yes. If you are not afraid of tickling.

- How can you color eggs?
- 1: Door (evenly blue)
- 2: Boiling water (evenly red)
- 3: ........

2000, medicine is on the verge of science fiction, doctors have learned to do
transplantation and replacement of any human organs.
A man (M1) with a machine at the factory ends up in the hospital
otezal.
Professor (P) calls the warehouse and asks:
(P) - Do you have men’s hands?
- No, only women's.
(P) - Okay, let's go for women.
In general, he sewed his hands.
The 2nd man (M2) ends up in the hospital without legs, his legs were crushed by the train.
(P) calls the warehouse and asks:
(P) - Do you have male legs?
- No, there are only women's ones.
(P) - Okay, let's go for women.
The third man (M3) ends up in the hospital, his penis was bitten off by a dog.
(P) calls the warehouse and asks:
(P) - Do you have a member in stock?
- No.
(P) - And at least what can be replaced?
- Well, maybe the trunk of a young elephant.
.............Several months have passed.
(P) is walking along the corridor, and M1 is running towards him.
(M1) - Oh (P) you saved me from death, you remember my hands
sewn, the hands are lovely, I carry bags home from the shops, sew
I learned it, my wife is happy, my mother-in-law is happy, just one small one
disadvantage:
when I go to the toilet they grab my dick and don’t let go.
(P) goes further, and M2 runs towards him.
(M2) - (P) you saved me from death, remember you sewed my legs
, legs are lovely, after work they take you straight to the shops and home,
the wife is happy, the mother-in-law is happy, only one small drawback:
When I lie on my back, they rise and move apart.
(P) goes further, and M3 runs towards him.
(M3) - (P) you saved me from death, remember you sewed my dick on
, the penis is lovely, the wife is happy, the mother-in-law is happy, the neighbors are happy,
 co-workers are happy, mistresses are happy, only one small
disadvantage: when I sit down at the table, he creeps out of his pants and
pushes food into the anus.

At the ball, Lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natasha Rosotova.
- Lieutenant, have you ever been in love?
- Fucking!
- No, lieutenant, I mean pure love!
- After the bathhouse?
- No, lieutenant, I mean sublime love....
- Sorry, malam, crustaceans?
- You are vulgar, lieutenant!
- No, madam, the vulgar dragoons - they fuck horses.

The peasant's old bull became worthless. He went to the market
and bought a new one. When he brought him to the barn,looks old
beats with his hoof. He asks him:
K: Whether you hit me or not, it’s still no good. can't you?
B: I have to show this that I’m not a cow.

We came to the city from the village of Manka and Vanka - to show ourselves and
others to see. We walked around the city all day, and in the evening we went to
restaurant. We ordered ourselves a plate of borscht (very hot) and
bottle of cognac - try it. We drank one bottle, then another.
Got drunk.
Manka: - Van, this is happening... The vodka is in my eyes
doubles, the red makes me laugh, the moonshine makes my arms and legs
trembling, but I drank cognac - I felt sad, tearful
It’s welling up, melancholy, and there’s just such a burning sensation in my chest...
Vanka (raising his tipsy head): - And you... this is... Manka...
take your tit out of the borscht...

In a rural hospital, the doctor makes a round and approaches the patient:
- What hurts you?
- Ass
- What procedures?
- They smear
- What?
- With a brush
- Any suggestions?
- No
Suitable for the following patient:
- What hurts you?
- Throat
- What procedures?
- They smear
- What?
- With a brush
- Any suggestions?
- Yes. Can I go first?!!

Two drug addicts are sitting, looking around, they see a dachshund coming:
- Look how long the dog is, its legs are short, and it goes all the way to the ground
reaches out.

One-eyed (OG) and one-toothed (OZ) are riding on a tram. It rocked here
tram, and OG knocks out OZ’s tooth with his elbow.
OG: - oh, sorry...
OZ (poking a finger in OG’s eye): - Excuse me, excuse me...
easy burden...

- What can you do?say in your defense???
- You see...
- Enough, shoot, next...

- Holmes, but you never talked about the fact that your hair is soft.
- Suck, suck, Watson.

Once the Serpent Gorynych (ZG) caught Drunk, Chernushnik and Pyhukn.
Well, it turns out he says:
ZG: I won’t eat the one whose high I like.
Well, Alkash and I got drunk, sang songs, bawled - it was fun. In the morning
I woke up, my head hurts, my wings don’t obey...
Ate Drunk.
They moved on with Chernushnik, sat around, got high, went into the astral planes...
In the morning my wings ache and I want to throw myself at the walls...
Ate Chernushnik.
Well, with Pykhun we have a chat, a second time - good.
ZG: Well, he says I like your buzz - it’s good. Go with God.
Pyhun started walking, then suddenly there was a light touch on his back...knock
ZG: You know and your buzz is good, no offense, nothing personal
...
I got the hang of it.

Before the jumps there is a platoon of paratroopers in equipment,
the ensign instructor comes out, turns into the wind,
eases the bladder, releases gases with noise, turns around
to the line and says:
- Well, guys, aren’t the belts too tight?!
- Yes, we are girls...

The wife did not spend the night at home, in the morning the husband asks - Where have you been?
- We sat at Mashka’s, making patterns, chatting this and that, it’s late,
transport is not running, bridges have been opened...
A man calls Masha - Marya, did you spend the night with you?
Masha - no, she didn’t spend the night, and in general she’s not with you...
And you made a big mistake by marrying her and not me.

Husband doesn'tI spent the night at home, in the morning my wife asks where have you been?
- We sat at Vaska’s, beer, pref, transport, bridges...
My wife calls Vaska - Vasily, did you have mine?
Vasily - What do you mean it was, I still have it!

The chicken comes to the mother hen and asks:
- Ma, they say that our dad is a rooster, is it really true?
- Yes
- What a shame!!

The guard locks the door, and the grandfather climbs under the bunk and takes out
napkin, tucks it into his collar. He takes out a fork, a salt shaker...
Zek saw it all and was delighted:
- Oh, we'll eat!
Grandfather (mimicking):
- “We’ll eat, we’ll eat”... Why are you happy? - (sprinkles
salt the prisoner's head) - We will eat YOU. - (smirking carnivorously)
- I'm in jail for cannibalism!

- Is it you, my love? - the husband asks on the phone.
“No, it’s me,” the wife answers...

A man stretches in front of the mirror in the morning...
Looks... he has a nut on his %#th
Well, there’s nothing to do... I unscrewed it and his ass fell off.

Ivan Tsarevich was born, and instead of a navel there was a nut. Time passed and
the time has come to marry Ivan. How to get married if instead of a navel -
nut. Then the king issued a decree: “Half the kingdom to the one who
will free the prince from the nut."
An old witch came to the palace and advised:
- Go beyond the black mountains, find a black grove in the middle of it
there is a black lake, in the middle of the lake there is a black island, on the island
a black pine tree grows, a black box hangs on a pine tree, sits in a box
black duck, there is a black egg in the duck. Break the egg and take it out
blackspanner. Take it and unscrew the nut.
That's what the servants did. They brought the key, unscrewed the nut, and
The prince's ass fell off. So let's drink to not
look for adventure on your ass!

A man appears to have climbed a tree, but he couldn’t get down. Well on it
a crowd of men gathered screaming and deciding how best to film it. Here
Grandfather comes up and says:
that they say it’s easy. He threw a rope to the man on the tree, he
tied it around her, and the grandfather told the peasants:
- Well, they pulled together!
The man fell from the tree and was badly injured.
People for grandfather:
- Are you crazy with such advice?!
And the grandfather himself stands there, dumbfounded:
- It’s strange, yesterday I pulled my neighbor out of the well in the same way
and everything seemed OK...

Yugoslavia. Civil war. (S)oldat approaches the house, knocks,
(St)apyxa opens the door for him.
S - Fucking mother?
St - Yes.
S - Take courage, mother, the Fucker was killed!

So the hare comes into the grocery store.
(H) I mmm-mm-mm-mm
Seller (P) of milk?
(Z) n-n-no, I m-m-m-m-m-m-m
(P) butter?
(Z) n-n-no, I m-m-m-m-m-m-m
(P) mayonnaise?
(H) yes n-no m-m-m-m-m-m-m$k kefir!

The girl confesses to her friend: “Jodie, I’ve never been like this
happy! I have two boyfriends and one of them is so wonderful
flaxen - beautiful, sensitive, caring, attentive!..”
"Then why do you need a second one?" "Oh, but the second one is NOT a GOMIC."

Zhiglov and Sharapov gave bread cards to the victim of thieves
woman and sit three days later in their roomsad
(and hungry)
Suddenly Zhiglov asks:
- What, Sharapov, would you like some soup now, with giblets?
- And who are we going to disembowel? We still need Fox...

On an airplane, passenger to pilot:
- Just be careful, because this is my first time on a plane.
- Don't worry, me too.

Two doctors talking:
- You know, I had such a case that the patient for all diagnoses
should have died ten years ago, but he is still alive.
- You see, if a person truly wants to live, then medicine
powerless.

Aladdin found a lamp, rubbed it, a genie came out and said:
"I will fulfill your three wishes"
Aladdin scratched his turnip and replied: “Well, let’s have a joint!”
Smoked...
The next day the genie comes out again: “Give me a second wish.”
Aladdin scratched his turnip and said: “Well, a joint!”
Smoked...
On the third day the same story."What is your third
wish, Aladdin?" - asks.
“Well, a joint!” he answers.
On the fourth day, Aladdin sits so sad, suddenly from the lamp
the genie comes out and says:
"Well, to hell with you, give me the fourth wish"

A Parisian lawyer walked into a nightclub with his wife on
Mohmaptpe. One of the girls sitting near the bar smiled at him,
like a good friend.
- Do you know her? - the wife frowned.
“Yes,” the lawyer answers, “for professional matters.”
- For whose professional affairs, yours or hers? - clarifies
wife.

The defendant is accused of the death of his wife.
- Gentlemen of the jury, -advocate speaks - my client
Spilled lettuce with hydrocyanic acid. But he did it by mistake,
You yourself know what you can expect from a man when he
forced to do the kitchen...
The defendant was acquitted.

How to feed a cat mustard?
The American grabs the cat and stuffs mustard into its mouth.
The cat screams, but eats. The Russian protests:
- This is violence!
The Frenchman takes the sausage and hides mustard in it. The cat eats it.
The Russian is indignant:
- This is a deception!
He takes mustard and smears it under the cat’s tail. The cat licks howling
- And please note - voluntarily and with a song!

After surgery:
- Doctor, were you the one who sewed my head back on after the plane crash?
- Me. Any complaints about the quality of the seam?
- No, doctor, the stitch is good, but it’s not my head...

At an appointment with a sex therapist:
- Doctor, is it possible to have a woman fifteen times a night?
- You can do more... if you recruit willing people.

Two men talking:
- I love women's legs!
- And for me, veal is much better.
- What are you, a gourmet?..
- No, I'm a bestiality.

From the photographer:
- Comrade photographer, this is not my photograph.
- Why, it’s not yours, but in my opinion, it looks like it worked out.
- But look, the nose is not mine.
- Yes, as if not yours.
- And this wart! I don't have any wart.
- Hm, really not.
- And then, this one lies in a coffin, and I’m still alive.

Vova came home from school, his parents asked:
- Well, what did you get today?
- "Four"! - Vovochka said cheerfully.
- Why not?"five"?
- And we only had four lessons.

The teacher asks the student:
- Sergeev! Do you know the difference between a thermometer and a barometer?
- I know very well.
- Wonderful! So tell me, what is it?
- In complete trifles: one usually hangs inside
room, and the other outside!

Two friends discussing family problems:
- Immediately after the wedding, I gave my wife the book “A Thousand Ways
savings in the family."
- And what? Any results?
- Yes. Since then I quit smoking.

A (H)aplo runs through the forest and sees a (P)alka.
The (Z) pegs were pulled out, but the (p) is not collapsing.
It was set on fire (Z) (p), but the room doesn’t burn.
He opens (Z) (p), and there he sits!

- Sister, sister, where are you taking me?
- To the morgue.
- Yes, I’m alive!
- So we haven’t gotten there yet.

- Have you already been operated on? - asked the doctor.
- Yes.
- So how?
- Three thousand dollars.
- I mean, what did you have?
- Only one thousand.
- You didn’t understand again. I ask, what are you complaining about?
- The fee is too high.

The patient tells the psychiatrist:
- Doctor, I love my horse.
- and what is it. A lot of people love animals.
- You don't understand, doctor. I am physically attracted to
your horse.
“Ah..,” said the psychiatrist. “What kind of horse is this: a stallion or
mare?
“Of course, mare,” the patient answers angrily. “Are you for me?”
do you accept homosexuals?

There is a new Russian standing next to a chic new 4-story
mansion. He rubs tears down his cheeks and into his neck with his fists.
scarfVersace blows your nose. A new Russian arrives:
- What are you saying, are they putting pressure on you with taxes again?
- Nope... I built an orphanage, tomorrow there’s a presentation...
- Well, as an orphan, charity strengthens prestige,
Why kill yourself?...
- It’s like that, but how can I live alone in such a house?
orphan-and-inushka...

- Man, what's wrong with you?
- Back from the resort! Tanned.
- Some kind of strange tan.
- Yes, all season chewing gum was flying across the sky...

Son (C) comes to mother (M)
(C) Mom, I’m leaving for America, I’m tired of everything here.
(M) Yes, you would be better off getting married. Masha is such a beauty!
(C) I don't want her.
(M) But Svetlana’s house and car are not crooked.
(C) I don’t want her either!
(M) Who do you want?
(C) I want Vasya.
(M) Are you a fool, he’s a Jew!

France. Eve of the first wedding night. Young husband undressing
flexes his muscles in front of the mirror. About twenty minutes later he
asks his young wife, patiently waiting for him in bed:
- Jacqueline, would you like to be a man?
- And you?..

A young art teacher came to school. On my first
lesson I drew an apple on the board.
- Children, what is this?
- W#$ah!!??
Well, she went to the director in tears, saying that I have my first lesson, and already
are being bullied.
The director comes into the classroom and says:
- Guys, why are you doing this? The teacher is young, worried, and you
You're making fun of her, you drew that ass on the board.

Two tipsy ones (1,2) meet. One (1) is already fucking drunk
lying under the fence, and(2) is not yet completely balancing on it:
(2) - Muu - zhik, do you respect me?!
(1) - Dy-Ik, I am so proud of you!

Construction . Everyone is working, but one guy (M) sits and smokes.
The foreman approaches (P).
P - Why aren’t you working?
M - Today is my sexy day!
P - How is this???
M - Yes, #I appreciated your work!

Stomach.
Food.
She's in it.
One glass of vodka arrives.
And says:
"Food, could you please move."
Another glass of vodka arrives.
And says:
"Food, could you please move."
The third glass of vodka arrives.
And says:
"Food, could you please move."
I didn't like the food.
And says:
"I'll go and figure it out."

Before class, the teacher says to the girls:
- As soon as Vovochka starts swearing, run out of the classroom
corridor
Vovochka comes in:
- They are building a brothel near our school!
The girls ran out of the classroom.
Vovochka:
- Where are you going, whores, they’re just laying the foundation there!

A young man on a bus talks loudly about political
jokes. A middle-aged gentleman approaches him and tenderly
asks in a whisper:
- Do you know how you differ from this bus? No? So,
The bus will now roll on, and you will follow me.
And the gentleman thrusts the notorious little red book under the narrator’s nose.
The young man smiles completely idiotically in response.
“Do you know,” he asks, choking with laughter, “how you differ-
do you want me?
No?
So, nothing!
And he also sticks it under the master’s nose,the red book!

In a mental hospital, a lecturer passionately talks about the advantage
socialism before capitalism. Everyone applauds diligently. Except
one. The lecturer asks:
- Why don’t you clap?
- And I’m not sick, I’m a nurse.

The teacher (U) asks in a history lesson:
-Who took Ishmael?
The whole class is silent, Vovochka speaks for everyone:
- We didn't take it.
Upset (U) tells everything to Zauchu (Z)
Z: - Well, what can we do, the children will play and give it back.
(U) is in a hurry to share with the director (D) of the school.
D: - What class is this?
y: - Fifth "B".
D: - Uh...uh no, these won’t give it up!

My husband comes home from work
the wife is sleeping, there is a note on the kitchen table:
The floors were washed, the dust was wiped, the soup was cooked.
If you're going to fuck me, don't wake me up...

A man has hemorrhoids
I went to the pharmacy and bought a pack of pills.
the next - 3 packs, then 10.15, etc.
The saleswoman couldn’t stand it and said:
- Listen, why are you eating them there??????
-NO! I'm shoving it!

(E)vrey is standing in the subway, and in front of him is a (m)zhik.
(E): Excuse me, are you leaving?
(m): Yes.
(E): Do they come out in front of you?
(m): Yes.
(E): Did you ask him?
(m) : Yes f#$@х#$п%@# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(E): Well, what did he answer you?
(m) : ???!!!

One day Lenin (L) and Dzerzhinsky (D) are talking.
(L): Comrade Dzezhinsky, do you read the newspaper “Ischia”?
(D): No, Comrade Lenin.
(L): Zya, my friend, Zya is Cheit’s soft piece of paper...

The Armenian bought himself a Zaporozhets. In the morning the car is not in the garage
Found... I bought another one. Stolen again...
Bought a third"constipation", installed reinforced locks on the garage doors.
In the morning he goes into the garage. There is no constipation, there is a Volga, and on
note on the hood:
- Bastard, don’t disgrace the nation!!!

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Editor-in-Chief: Mr.ZERO, Ilya, t. 499-3117
graphic editor: M&G Corp., Igor, t. 496-6159

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