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▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
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▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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░░22.03.96░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░ R YOU. ▀▀▄
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√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
YES... HI... COOOOOOL... AAAAAAA... EEEEEE...
Noticed the difference EmPetrovna, this is not half the dose for you.
What's the speed guys? Yes, you probably guessed that
The reader is KSA's. For this he gets a big, big one (to
did you think (that’s just how it sounds in English)?) THANK YOU (first
Tatar language) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KSA and many other Greats (they know who (at Valerie's on Saturday?))
and just good people - THANK YOU FOR READING US!!!
I'm kind of moved, now I'm going to pull myself together - SMACK, BOOM, SMACK, CRRR AND
FUU. Done friends.
So, guys, over the course of two issues we will publish an aneg-
pillboxes about the Chukchi. Read and laugh.
READ AND ENJOY THE NEW READER - THANK YOU KSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD BAY MY BABE GOOD BAY (ha ha ha)
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
---ADVERTISING---
I sell and collect phones with caller ID to order!
Some characteristics:
- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (22 buttons)
- giant flat red indicator (90X20 mm)
- ELLIS type caller ID circuitry
- software version RUS 20E+
Some service capabilities of Caller ID "RUS-20E+" (ELLIS):
- notebook for 100 numbers
- memory for storing information about callers per 100
numbers
- memory of outgoing numbers for 100 numbers
- 10 universal alarm clocks with 20 different melodies
- modenumber identification when dialing on a parallel telephone
- ANTI-Caller ID mode
- remote control mode
- individual configuration for a specific PBX
- digital volume control
- software support for voice cards (digital tape recorder)
My pre-shaved phone comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
Cost - 215-225 tr, no prepayment!!! Assembly time is 3-7 days.
At the request of the customer, memory banks can be expanded to 256
numbers, and a voice card can be installed in the device
I also carry out:
- repair of caller IDs of any type
- replacing software versions with the latest ones
- memory expansion up to 256 numbers
- installation of voice cards for 1 min. and 4 min.
Voice board (digital tape recorder) is an electronic auto-
an answering device designed to record the voice of callers.
QUALITY GUARANTEED!!!
Call: (095) 496-61-59 (IGOR) 16:00-22:00
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
A new Russian walks into a restaurant and sits down at a table. To him
the waiter comes up.
- What do you want?
- Well, have a drink....
- There is martini, vodka, Zhdin, whiskey...
- only 500 bucks...
- Ok. Maybe something else?
- Well, have a snack...
- I can offer you lobster, sturgeon, steak, etc.
- only 500 bucks...
He drank a lot, ate, sits half dead at the table, with his face in the plate
buried himself. Comes in herea decently dressed gentleman sits down at the table,
calls the waiter, makes an order.
- I would like, please, 1944 red wine, baked duck and
dessert at your discretion. But I’ll ask you to drop a drop on the duck’s lips.
grease a little olive oil.
- Where to put it?
- Duck by the tail...
- Where, excuse me?
- Well, a little oil on the duck's ass...
New Russian waking up:
- AND OIL IN MY ASS HA 500 BUCKS
The wife (F) comes home and tells her husband (M), who is reading a newspaper on
chair:
(F) - Dear! What will you give me on March 8th?
(M) - I will rape you.
(F) (flirty) - What if I don’t give in to you?
(M) (without distracting) - Well, go around like a fool without a gift!
Two mechanics are sitting on a pole and arguing about something,
a grandmother and her granddaughter are walking downstairs
- Grandma, give me the wire
- Please, sons
- ...Well, Vasya, I told you zero and you are a phase, a phase.
Meeting means two buddies both work at the cemetery, one
asks another how life is. He tells him:
- "Boring, sad, dreary!"
- “What’s so?”
- Yes, there was a funeral yesterday, so I’ve never seen anything like it before. All by
upper class. They began to put a lid on the coffin, I look, and
the dead man has 100 thousand sticking out of his chest pocket. I'm the most bu-
grab a smear, and the bastard got up and yelled at the whole cemetery
"Tax police!!! Control burial!!!"
A crow (B) flew over the forest. He sees drug addicts sitting under a tree
(H) and the plan is "hollowed". Sat (B) on a tree. (H) they shout to her: “(B),
fly herelet's smoke." The crow went downstairs, smoked with (H) and
flew further. Flies, looks:
others are sitting under another tree (H). She also sat on this tree.
And (H) they shout to her: “(B), fly here, let’s smoke.” With agility (B) following
bodies down and smoked with these (H). Then she flew.
“Smoked into the trash,” (B) sat down on a passing tree, under which
give another one (H). And these (H) shout (B): “Fly here, po-
we smoke." To which (B) answered: "Guys, they broke me. Shoot down
stick."
Vovochka is late for class. The teacher asks him:
- Why are you late for class, little girl?
- Yes, I, Marya Ivanovna, translated my grandmother across the road.
- Oh, well then, well done!
The next day the whole class is late for class...
The teacher asks:
- Why are you children late for class?
- Yes, we took my grandmother across the road.
- ?! Why couldn't anyone do it alone?!
Children respond:
- Yes... I got a healthy old woman. Besides, I don’t want to go across the road.
bodies...
The ship was wrecked.
The passengers were distributed as follows: two octpobam.
On one there are a bunch of women and one man, on the other there are two men, one
aunt.
After some time, rescuers went to take them out.
On the first island: everything is broken, collapsed, only standing in the middle
palm tree, women stand around it in a ring.
One approaches the palm tree:
- Get down, your five minutes are up!
On the second island the men are well-fed and well-fed, the woman is bruised.
When the rescuers asked howthey share it they say:
- On Monday she is mine,
on Tuesday,
Wednesday is mine
on Thursday - him,
Friday is mine
on Saturday - him,
and on Sunday it’s a draw, and we beat her for being a whore.
The grandmother in the barn can’t slaughter the pig. Three people walk past the barn
punks, the old lady asks them:
- Sons, help me score the goal, otherwise I’m old, it’s hard for me.
The punks enter the barn and close the door behind them. Grandma stands on
the street is waiting.
From the barn comes:
- Grab..Uh..FUCK..Come on..Get her wet...Fuck your mother...!!!
Half an hour later the door opens, punks come out, tired, all in
in the blood.
- Well, did you score your milk? - asks the old lady.
- They didn’t score, of course, but they kicked pretty hard.
Phone call:
- Hello, is this a good offices bureau???
- Well, yes, but what the fuck do you want?
Lieutenant Rzhevsky proposed to the daughter of Prince Volkonsky, but
Volkonsky refused him. At the meeting of Tsar Alexander with Volkonsky
and Rzhevsky:
C: Prince Volkonsky, why did you refuse Rzhevsky, this
brave soldier, well done, handsome?!
Q: Yes, the title is somehow a little too dull... If only it were more...
C: Okay! What if I give him a general?
Q: Yes, general, that’s good, but the situation...
C: Okay. Why did you refuse Count General Rzhevsky?
Q: This is great, but I don’t like his surroundings, friends..
Ts: Great, Rzhevsky is my best friend. Why did you refuse
my friend Count General Rzhevsky?!
Rzhevsky: Come on Sash! Why the hell did this daughter surrender to us?! What, we
to myselfWe can’t find the women?!
A (M) snake came to (v) my husband: I want to get pregnant!
(B) - No, I can’t help you, but go to so-and-so
to the doctor.
A week later a man appears:
(M) - Oh, thank you, doctor, your colleague helped me: I already have a headache
dizzy, nauseous, stomach growing!
A surprised doctor calls his colleague: What did you do to him??
- I sewed up my ass!
The head of the future family sits in the maternity hospital and looks forward to
news. Finally, a doctor comes out to him and says that he is having a baby.
son wondered. Dad, overwhelmed with feelings, begins to share with the doctor
than plans for my son’s future:
(Dad) I will make him an athlete, an athlete... he will be...
(Doctor) Excuse me, I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid your son has no legs
...
(P) Well then he will be a hand wrestler, an arm wrestler..
(B) I'm very sorry, but your son has no hands..
(P) In this case, he will become a great thinker, philosopher...
(Q) It’s very difficult for me to tell you this, but he has no head...
(P) What does he have????????????????
(B) takes out of his pocket .... EAR
(P) (carefully taking this ear) son, can you hear me???
(B) (placing his hand on his shoulder (P)) I’m afraid he doesn’t hear you, to-
Unfortunately he is completely deaf...
One day Vovochka (V) comes to school late.
The teacher (U) asks him:
(U) Vovochka, why are you late again?
(B) Excuse me, Mary Ivanna, I took the cow to mating this morning.
(U) What, dad couldn’t?
(B) Dad could, but a bull is better.
The plane is flying, it's obviousThe skydivers are sitting, everyone is normal,
one all bandaged. Signal, everyone jumps, the last to go is
wearing a bandage and shouting “I’ll still learn to jump with a parachute!”
jumps.... Below: state farm, village council, meeting in progress, chairman
l(p):
(p) - Milk yield has fallen!
(p) - We didn’t sow much this year!
(p) - We collected little
....Vzhzhzhzhzhhhhhhhhh....BOOM!
(p) - Yes, and this parachutist is already fucked!
Once (Ch)ukcha and (F)ena came to Moscow. They catch a taxi and get in,
they're going. (T)axi driver looks at the Chukchi wife and he liked her so much
to the extent that he wanted to fuck her immediately........
Brings them into the forest:
T: Chukchi, I need to go into the forest with your little wife to pick up mushrooms.
collect. And you sit here and don’t touch anything!
He took the Chukchi wife into the forest and raped her. Then in the hotel
I took it.
Zh: Well, a taxi driver raped me in the forest, and you didn’t do anything!
Ch: The Chukchi is smart, the Chukchi did it, I slammed the door twice and beeped
nodded......
They accepted one dude into the pioneers, he comes home with an important
with a look of grandma and grandpa he declares:
- Since I was accepted into the pioneers, then I should only speak
the truth, right?
Those in chorus: - Yes, yes of course! As Lenin bequeathed!
- Well, remember we have a jar of strawberry jam in the buffet?
was it?
Old men in chorus: - Yes, yes, of course! As Lenin bequeathed!
- Well, I ate the jam and put it in a jar!
Suddenly the grandfather jumps up and yells at the grandmother:
- I told you, we eat shit, but you got sugary, sugary...A woman (F) comes to see a gynecologist (G).
(F): - Doctor, I have... a frog...
(G): - Well, let's look... (Looks carefully)... yes you have
there's a stone there
(F): (Joyfully) - That’s it, that’s where she’s hiding behind him!!!
A woman in a maternity hospital gave birth to a black baby. And I just came to my senses
, calls the doctor, says:
- Doctor, for God's sake, help! There, below, my husband is waiting for me,
Sidorov, tell him that the child is black, well, you’re a doctor,
tell me something about gene mutation! Here's $100!
The doctor thinks: “Hey, go and explain...”. Calls the nanny:
- Mary Ivanna, Sidorov is sitting down there, a black man was born to him,
tell him it's about gene mutation. Here's $10 for you.
Mary Ivanna thinks: “Hey, explain. She’ll scream...” She sees the santa-
hnik is coming. She to him:
- Petrovich, you’ve been working here for a long time, here’s $1 for you, go see Sidorov
, say that a gene mutation occurred, a black man was born to him.
Petrovich goes to Sidorov:
- Are you Sidorov? The mutation needs to be washed.
A Negro was born to you. They called it Gena.
One day the Chukchi were asked: “Chukchi, do you want to become an Honorary Ak-
Demician of the USSR Academy of Sciences?" The Chukchi thought and said: “However,
good! For even numbers - an academician, for odd numbers - to catch fish!
One day Chukchi brought his novel to the editorial office. The editor read and
says: “You see, it’s rather weak... You should read the classics.”
Have you read Turgenev? And Tolstoy? And Dostoevsky?..” - “However,
no Chukchi is not a reader, Chukchi is a writer."One day a Russian says to the Chukchi: “Let’s play: I’m making a wish-
If you guess right, I’ll give you a ruble, if not, you’ll give me one.” - "Let's."
They are playing. "One is red on the inside, black and shiny on the outside."
- "Seal?" - "No." - "Deer?" - "No." - “Then I don’t know.”
- "One galosh." The Chukchi puts down a ruble. "Two inside are red,
black and shiny on the outside." - "Seal?" - "No." - "Deer?" -
"No." - “Then I don’t know.” - "Two galoshes." Ruble...
...Night, Russian and Chukchi are sitting, playing. "1689 inside the red ones,
black and shiny on the outside." - "Seal?" - "No." - "Deer?" -
"No." - “Then I don’t know.” - “1689 galoshes”...
The Chukchi returned from the army, and his wife has a child. "However, from
yes child: I wasn’t there, right?” - “So you’re a photograph
sent from the army, remember?" - “However, but that’s where I’m at -
yasa"...
A Chinese representative came to the Chukchi: “We will fight with you.
How many of you are there?" - “There will be about five hundred people.
What about you?" - "One billion."
- “Tsk-tsk-tsk, however, where are we going to bury you?”
The Chukchi says to his wife: “You don’t know why they say about us that we
like this /knocks on wood/?” Wife: "They're knocking." Chukchi: "Sit, I
I'll open it myself."
One day Chukchi bought a cabinet with an interior mirror. Opens it
at home: “Wife, look, my brother has come to see me!” The wife comes up: “And with
he's some kind of woman..."
The Chukchi speaks at the congress: “Comrades! Before the Great October Revolution
socialist revolution, we Chukchi experienced two feelings:
feelinghunger and feeling cold. Now we are experiencing three miracles
properties:
feeling of hunger, feeling of cold and feeling of deep satisfaction
nyya!"
Chukchi arrives at Gosplan. "However, 3000 bricks are needed." -
"Why?" - "Economic experiment." Dali. Chukchi arrives
in a year. "However, 3000 bricks are needed." - “Why?” - "Save"
"Cical experiment." Dali. The Chukchi arrives in another year.
"However, 3000 bricks are needed." - “Why?” - "Economic
experiment." They gave it, but decided to check that he was with bricks
does. They come and see:
The Chukchi sits on the shore, throwing bricks into the water. "What are you doing?"
- “However, I think: why are the bricks square, and the footprints on the water
round?"
One day they put Chukchi and a monkey on a desert island. When-
They are driving - the Chukchi have huge ears, and the monkey has a bump on his forehead. Re-
carried out an experiment. They arrive - the same thing again. Repeated again
experiment and decided to follow up. They look: Chukchi protrudes
ear:
"What's that noise?" Monkey - knocks himself on the forehead - "Wow!!!"
The Chuka National Theater staged the play "Caesar and Brutus"
in three departments.
Act one. A big Chukchi comes on stage, beats himself with his fists,
lump in the chest: “I am Caesar!” Curtain.
Act two. The big Chukchi comes on stage, the Chukchi stands
lower. Big: "I am Caesar!" Less: "I am Brutus!" Curtain.
Act three. The big Chukchi and the smaller Chukchi take the stage
and little Chukchi. Big: "I -Caesar!" Smaller: "I am Brutus!"
Little: "I am Brutus!" Big: "And you are Brutus?" Curtain.
The Chukchi arrived in Moscow. Rides in a taxi around the city. Suddenly ahead-
rez - old lady. Driver - right, and old lady right, driver
- to the left and the old lady to the left. We barely missed each other. They move on.
The Chukchi says: “The Russian hunter is a bad hunter. If only
The Chukchi didn’t open the door - the old woman would have left!”
One day the Chukchi was going to Moscow. They tell him: “Bring the deficit
ta." - "Where is it?" - "And when you see the line, it means it's for defi-
Cytom." And now the Chukchi are in Moscow. He caught a taxi and said to the driver:
"Take the deficit." - “In GUM? At TSUM? To Petrovsky Passage?
- “However, the line is much longer.” The driver drove Chukchi to GUM.
The Chukchi came out to Red Square, saw the line to the Mausoleum and
says to the taxi driver:
“However, I’ll stand here, and you come pick me up in the evening.” In the evening
The taxi driver arrived and asked: “How’s it going?” - "However, no luck:
By the time I reached the counter, the seller died."
Once a Chukchi taxi driver in Moscow asked a riddle: “Who is the son of my
mother, but not my brother?” - “However, I don’t know.” - “I myself!” I’ll return -
The Chukchi came home and told a riddle: “Who is the son of my mother,
but not my brother?" - "We don't know." - "Moscow taxi driver, however!"
The Chukchi received a new apartment and will show it to the guests. First room:
"Here I have a tundra." Second room: “Here I have a tundra.”
Kitchen: “I have a tundra here.” Toilet: "Here is my chum." His rightThey ask: “Where do you go to the toilet?” - "To the tundra!"
Chukchi got an apartment and brags to his friends: “The apartment is good,
only the washbasin is strange: I press the handle, it starts pouring
water, I still have time to wash my hands, but I don’t have time to brush my teeth.”
One day a Chukchi came to the store: “However, how much is this accordion
is it worth it?" - “We don’t sell accordions to the Chukchi.” The Chukchi went, re-
dressed like Khokhla. “How much will the accordion cost?” - "We are Chukchi
We don't sell accordions." I went and changed into Georgian clothes. "Paachem
this accordion?" - “We don’t sell accordions to the Chukchi.” - "And how are you
Every time you find out that I am Chukchi? - “But only the Chukchi can
call a steam heating battery an accordion."
One day a Chukchi came into the store: “However, is there any shampoo?” - "Yes
only “Egg” - “However, it’s a pity. I just wanted to wash myself."
One day Chukchi bought a refrigerator. They ask him: “Chukchi, why
Do you need a refrigerator?" - "However, to keep warm in winter: in winter it's -40 outside,
and in the refrigerator -4."
One day a Chukchi came to the store: “However, you have color televisions.”
Are there any fish?" - "Yes." - "Then please give me a green one."
The Chukchi arrives at the camp wearing corduroy jeans. Asking him
ut: "Why do you need corduroy jeans?" - "However, so that each
The louse was running along its path."
The Chukchi is drowning and shouting: “However, I drink water! However, I drink a lot!
However, I’ll stay here for the night!”
Two Chukchi approach the head of the train. First: "This train
will take me toLeningrad?" - "No." Second: "And me?"
One day the station master sees a Chukchi approaching a train carriage.
and hits his head against him, goes up to the next one - and with his head, under-
goes to the third - with his head, etc. The boss asks:
"Chukchi, are you crazy?"
- “However, no, the Chukchi are looking for a soft carriage.”
One day Chukchi was traveling on a train. He arrives - covered in bruises and
abrasions. "Chukchi, what's wrong with you?" - “However, I was riding on the top shelf
, fell down all the time." - "So why didn’t you change with what
who was riding on the bottom shelf?" - "However, I couldn’t change - there
there was no one."
One day Chukchi approaches the ticket office of long-distance trains.
“Tell me, does train 975 go to Berkakit?” - "No." - "And the train
1007 goes to Berkakit?" - "No."
- “Does train 911 go to Berkakit?” - "No." - “Where to?”
- "On...!!!" - “And this is through Berkakit?”
One day Chukchi was traveling in the same compartment with the Maiden. Chukchi clamped in his teeth
metal record and sits playing on it: “Dzzinnn!..Zzz-
Nnn!..Dzzinnn!..” Girl: “Stop it!” The Chukchi put aside his mu-
vocal instrument and began to look out the window. After a while
time The girl went out, changed clothes, returned and sat down very seductively
thoughtfully. The Chukchi began to look at her. Girl: “Do you want to?” -
"I want to." - “Come on, just quickly!” Chukchi grabbed with his teeth
record: "Ding - ding - ding - ding - ding!"
A Chukchi asks at the Aeroflot ticket office: “How long is the plane to Chukotka?”
flying?" - "Wait a minute..." -"Thank you."
The Chukchi calls the Politburo of the CPSU Central Committee. "Hello, I want to become a member
Politburo. What do you need for this?" They answer him: “Are you an idiot?”
- “Is this necessary?”
One day a Chukchi returned from Moscow and said: “However, Moscow
saw. slogan "Everything in the name of man, everything for the good of man"
I saw and saw this man."
A Chukchi runs down the street and shouts: “Freedom for Gorbachev! Freedom
Gorbachev!" He is stopped. "Chukchi, are you crazy?" - "One-
However, I just heard on the radio: “In conclusion, Mikhail Sergeevich
Gorbachev said...!"
Chukchi tells his wife: “Perestroika is like ours in
taiga in a hurricane: there is noise above, darkness below and pine cones are falling."
At the request of his fellow tribesmen, the Chukchi went to Moscow to find out
When will there be communism? Chukchi comes to receive Gorbachev
and asks: “When will there be communism?” - “Look: you see,
there is my "Volga", "Volga" by Lukyanov, "Volga" by Ligachev. Here's the
when your Volga is parked next to you, then, consider it, there will be a
mmunism."
The Chukchi returned to the camp. "Did you find out?" - “I found out. You see, they're standing
my boots, your boots and more boots. That's when they'll stand next to you
Gorbachev's high boots, then, consider it, there will be communism.
Two Chukchi look at the sky.
"However, the plane is flying! The government!"
- “However, it’s unlikely: when the government, then the motorcycle district
kly: "tr-rr-r-r!"
One day a Chukchi is walking along Red Square. Stopped and looked at
clock on the Spasskaya Tower. Fitsman. "Do you like it?"
- “I like it,” - “Do you want it?” - “I want,” - “Give me a thousand rubles and wait
I'm here, I'm running down the stairs." He took the money and ran away. Via
Within a few hours the Chukchi realized that he had been deceived. Came home
told everything. His brother arrived in Moscow. Stands on Red Square
For mercy, he looks at his watch. A man approaches. "Do you like it?" - "I like it"
- “Do you want it?” - “I want,” - “Give me a thousand rubles and wait for me
here, I'm running down the stairs." - “Oh, no! Chukchi is not a fool! You wait
me, I’ll run away myself!”
A Chukchi won the Volga with a lottery ticket. He comes and says:
"Give me the red Volga." And to him: “Do you want black? Green?
blue? yellow? But we don’t have red ones.” “Oh so,” says the Chukchi,
“Then give me back my fifty kopecks.”
One day a Chukchi bought a Volga and went to his camp to show off,
I forgot how to brake. Spun, spun, and crashed into
swing into stone. The car was in pieces, and I ended up in the hospital.
After some time he returned home from the hospital and said:
“The doctors said it’s good that there are no brains, otherwise it would have been a concussion.”
One day a Chukchi bought a Zhiguli. I rode them to my camp.
People poured out and admired it. One Chukchi wiped the headlights. "However, what
big eyes!" Another patted the roof. "However, how strong
skin!" The third pulled the exhaust pipe. “However, it’s a male!”
The Chukchi went on a trip by car. The whole camp saw him off
lo. Comes after a whiletelegram: "Normal has arrived"
but, I’ll be back so-and-so.” The entire camp poured out to greet him.
They are waiting for Chukchi - he is not there. They wait a day, wait two. Arrives in a month
They ask him why there is such a delay? "However, there are three speeds there-
grow, and back - one, and the head gets tired backwards for the road
go watch."
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