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▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ Mr.ZERO
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▄ and
▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▀▄ M&G Corp.
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▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▓▒▒░▒░ ▒▒░ ▒▒▒▒▒▒░ ▀▀▀▀▄ REPRESENT!
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░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░ About ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒▒▒▒░ ▒▒░
░░░░ ░▓▓ ░░ M FOR ▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░░░░░░░░░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ░░ E YOU. ▀▀▀▀▄ ▒▒░
░░23.02.96░░░░ ░░ R ▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
We're back! HA-HA-HA. HELLO PEOPLE.
Did you notice the date at the top (top 4 lines), huh. This is 23 sopago-
exit And just like usthe only ones that came out on February 23rd are us
Congratulations to all of you (Tobish male) on DEFENDER OF THE FATHERLAND DAY
and we all wish you to MOW OUT from this DEFENDER. And God forbid you
get into the army like WASQUEZ.
And so little news. Hurray 3 times (hurray, hurray, hurray) came out (not from
prison (not to be confused)) the first demo called "AON DEMO" on
wide viewing and ordering. As you understand, M&G (Igor) collects
Caller IDs to order (he is the editor of ANIGDOTs). And he asked
everyone you know, STS, write a demo about Caller ID and he did it
this. For this, a big THANK YOU to him and once again THANK YOU STS.
Well, now enjoy the below.
H A O! ! !
----------------------------------------------------------------
---ADVERTISING---
I am assembling a custom phone with Caller ID! Some characteristics:
- phone case type TECHNICA P-2308 (PANASONIC family)
- extended keyboard (22 buttons)
- giant flat red indicator (90X20 mm)
- ELLIS type caller ID circuitry
- software version RUS 20E+
- instruction manual
My pre-shaved phone comes with a 2 YEAR WARRANTY!!!
Cost - 210-225 t.r.
(at the Mitinsky radio market it’s more expensive - 250-300 rubles)
Payment by advance payment. 50% advance payment. Assembly time 3-7 days.
I also carry out repairs of caller IDs of any type and replacement of programs -
new versions to the latest.
QUALITY GUARANTEED!!!Call: (095) 496-61-59 (IGOR)
√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√ √√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√
Two grandmothers are standing at a stop (waiting for a bus/trolleybus), with
market. Fits. They sit down, one at the first door, the other at
the second one comes in. And the one who entered first bought eggs at the market.
And so that they would not be beaten, she placed them with the driver. And the second one is there
I'm tired of standing alone, so she's the first to shout, let's go here
here it’s more free, and the first one answered her:
“I can’t, I’m holding the driver’s balls.”
"New Russian" (a former poor student) tells his schoolmate
friend (a former excellent student, but now barely making ends meet)
ends) how he does business:
Well, let's take cigarettes. We buy there for 1 dollar and sell there
for 3 dollars. This is how we live on 2 percent.
- You have no idea how wonderfully I spent my day!
- When?
- Tonight.
Two friends are talking on the phone:
- Listen, Svetka is already in the maternity hospital!
- Yes?! What happened to her?
(I)ctpyktop in parachuting asks his (U)student:
(I) - If the parachute does not open on the first try, what are you talking about?
First of all, what do you think?
(U) - That I have seven seconds to learn to fly.
- Doctor, my head hurts... No, it doesn’t hurt, but
it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts...
- What else are you complaining about?
- My hand hurts... No, it doesn’t hurt, but it hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts.
- Hey, maybe something else??
- And my leg hurts...No, it doesn't hurt, but
it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts...
- Well, then you will now go out and walk along the corridor... No, not
go, go, go, go, go...
A man from Siberia came to Moscow, he doesn’t know the city.
Approaches the policeman:
- Hey, cop, how to get to Pushkinskaya?
- I’m not a “cop”, but a comrade policeman. Pay a fine of 3 rubles!
The man gives him a chervonets:
- I don’t have any smaller ones!
- I don’t have change!
- Well then, cop, cop, and also a goat for a ruble!
The young pioneers came to visit Grandfather Hans so that he could tell
them about the Great Patriotic War. They went to grandpa's door
Hans and knocked.
“Knock, knock, knock,” the pioneers knocked.
“Well, well, well,” Grandfather Hans’s machine gun clearly answered from inside.
The partisans are walking through the forest. The cuckoo is calling.
- Cuckoo, cuckoo, how long do we have to live?
- Kuku eins, kuku zwei, kuku drei - feuer!
Girl's note:
- Young man, do you have a gun in your pocket, or do I just tell you
do you like me?
Medicine is studied at school. Students were told to bring it to school
something medical. Who brought gauze, who brought tweezers, and Vovochka
- oxygen cushion.
Teacher: - Where did you get it?!
Vovochka: - At Grandfather's.
U.: - What did he say to that?
V.: - “A..p, a..p, a..p...”
Lover (L) fucks someone else's wife (F).
Suddenly! The door opens and an angry husband (M) bursts in, and they
The main thing is that they at least falter. Then M grabs a stool from the kitchen
iii.. how he will give L right in the ass...
L calmly stopped, grabbed M in one hand, andstool in
I brought the other one into the kitchen.
There he drew a circle on the floor, put it in the circle
stool, and on the stool - M, took him by the collar and maliciously -
said this:
L: If you leave the circle at least once, I’ll put those pricks in your face
...
Then he went on to finish his work. Finished, calmly dressed
and left.
The wife put on a holatic, enters the kitchen... and sees:
In the middle of the room there is a circle drawn, in the circle is a stool, and on it is M.
M. (gloatingly and sarcastically): And while you were there, I FUCKED twice from
out of the circle!!
- Vinny, a Vinny, tell me a scary story?
- Come on, Pritarchuk, bother me with your asses again
you will become...
- No, I won’t...
- Okay, listen: A man was walking through a field at night and suddenly he saw...
- A terrible, terrible ASS?
- No, it’s a dark, dark forest. He entered this forest and saw...
- A terrible, terrible ASS?
- No - a big, big hut. He entered this hut and
- A SCARY-SCARY ASS?
- YES!!!!
- UUUUUUIIIIII!!!
Narrated in the voice of a bear cub:
Winnipooh-V
Piglet-P
Q: I’m walking, which means I’m walking through a dark, dark forest, SUDDENLY I SEE IT!
P: Ass? Yes? Ass?
B: Noooo. PalYana.
Q: And in the middle of the fire...
P: Ass? Yes? Ass?
B: Yes heeeeaa... Oak!
Q: I’m crawling, that means I’m crawling along an oak tree... and SUDDENLY!
P: Ass? Yes? Ass?
B: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Q: I climbed into the hollow... AND THERE!
P: Ass? Yes? Ass?
B: (relieved) Yes...
P: (scared) Oh mommies... mommies...
Aibolit:
- Ava? Ava? Where is my dog Ava?
- BetweenBy the way, I have already been privatized. And I'm not yours now
the dog is Ava, and the automobile concern of the same name. Get out
horseless!
During an exam at a medical school, a professor says to a student:
- Here are two skeletons. What can you say about them?
The student is silent.
- Well, who can they belong to?
- I don’t know...
- Well, what have you been constantly told about all these years?
- Is it really Marx and Engels? - the student rejoices.
During the intermission of a gala concert in the Kremlin, people approach the conductor
two “art critics in civilian clothes” and ask:
- Tell me, why at such an important concert your drummer only
knocked twice?
- He has such a party.
- Give it up! We have only one party, we need to knock more often!
Reagan, Giscard d'Estaing and Brezhnev gathered. We drank. Reagan
takes out a cigarette and treats him to cigarettes. There is an inscription on the cigar
"To dear Roni from colleagues in Hollywood." We drank more. Now
Giscard d'Estaing takes out a golden cigarette. There is an inscription on it
"To my beloved Valerie from Jeannette." We drank more. It's your turn
Brezhnev. He takes out a cigarette. Gold with diamonds. On
The lid is engraved "To Pushkin from Prince Vyazemsky."
Once we got together to chat (A) American, (F) French and
(H)he knows himself and they started talking about who and how
enchants women.
(A) Everything is simple with us: I put the girl in the car, speed
150 mph - she's in ecstasy, I accelerate to 200 - she's mine
(F) I act more subtly: I give the lady a bouquet of flowers - she is in ecstasy,
I give her a fur coat - it’s mine
(X) And I toI come to a woman - 10,000 karbovanets on the table - she’s mine,
I’m leaving, I’m taking the carbovans - she’s in ecstasy.
wife comes home from work, sees husband packing things:
-Van, are you leaving?
-No, you're leaving!
-Why?
-Everyone can use a calculator, but you can’t...
- Van, three days - I’ll learn!
...
learned
...
The husband throws things into the suitcase again:
-Van, are you leaving?
-you're leaving!
-Why?
-I want my wife to be able to speak French...
- I've got a week to go - I'll learn!
...
learned
...
The husband comes home, the wife packs her things:
-Mash, are you leaving?
-you're leaving!
-Why?
-I read in a French magazine,
that a man’s penis is on average 15 centimeters, and yours is 12,
so I calculated on a calculator that in a year you
you're missing 10 meters
either get fucked or get fucked!
Grandma bought galoshes for grandfather and put them in a box she found.
And on the box it was written: 1000 condoms.
The grandmother is walking home, and a guy passes by and asks in surprise:
-Grandma! And how long will this last for you?
-My grandfather used to shuffle every day, but now I don’t know how long it will last
Two people are sitting on a park bench. One swallows one pill at a time
another. The neighbor asks with sympathy:
-Are you feeling bad?
- No, it’s just that today the shelf life of these tablets ends.
“In life,” he says, “there are often types who
keep stones in their bosoms.
- Do you think it’s not like that?
- I’m even worse, I keep stones not in my sinus, but in my gall bladder.
- You reallyare you expecting a baby? - the father asks his daughter.
- Yes, the doctor told me about this.
- oh from whom?
- ABOUT! Dad's doctor didn't tell me this.
Two friends are talking.
- You know, dear, when I sneeze, it’s amazing!
- I'm having an orgasm...
- Poor thing! You need to take some pills.
- Why pills? Powders are better.
Dentist to patient:
- As soon as I start drilling the tooth, please scream at the top of your lungs.
strength!
- For what?
- You see, before the football broadcast. There are 30 minutes left in the match, and
There are about 10 more people in the corridor.
A woman (F) is standing at the bazaar and selling bags.
A man approaches (M).
M. - Woman, how much money do these bags cost?
J. - Small 200 bucks, large 50 bucks.
M. - Is someone’s small one worth more than the big one?
J. - So small one is made from the skin of a crocodile’s penis. With soft
when stroked, it turns into a suitcase.
Report to I.V. Stalin:
- here they found a man who looks exactly like you! Face, mustache, pipe
...
- Eliminate
- Or maybe just shave it?
- It’s possible...
At an international exhibition there is a presentation of a machine that
reads minds.
Well, three people were hired for the experiment: an artist,
programmer and military
A girl sits next to her, they first joined this artist
device and tell him something like: hit the girl, and then he immediately has thoughts
him, like: well, how can it be, you can’t offend girls, etc.
They imprisoned the programmer, well, they also told him to hit the girl...
They washed his device: no, they say noI can, I can’t beat them.
They finally imprisoned a military man... Well, they tell him (like the previous ones)
hit the girl. And everyone looks at the device... Absolutely on the device
there are no thoughts, and the military man punches the girl in the nose.
Well, everyone went nuts, well, they say the device broke down, they replaced it, again for him
They say, hit her, but the device again shows the absence
thoughts and the military man beats the girl again. everyone is shocked, the girl too,
pumped her out and decided to carry out the final stage: well, we sat her down,
again a military man, they tell him:
hit her... And everyone looks at the device: she slipped there
The only thought: “can I fuck her with my foot....?”
The action takes place in the capital during stagnation-early perestroika
A Georgian met a girl from a cultured and wealthy family,
goes to her for the first date. He sees a luxury Mercedes passing by
by. (D) throws himself onto the hood. An angry driver runs out.
(D) Suck, friend, win, you need to let the girl drink in your eyes,
Come on, you take me 50 meters forward to the monument, you’ll open it
my door, I'll give the girl flowers, you ask "Givi Ivanovich,
Do you still need me?”, I will say “Free” and you will leave. For this I give you
I pay 200 rubles, a hundred now and a hundred later.
(B) He agrees, receives a deposit, they drive up, everything goes according to plan.
(B): Givi Ivanovich, do you still need me?
(G): Free!
(B): ... Eeeee.... Mmmmm...... (The second half of the money)
(G): Hey slushy, don’t disturb me, I said: “Free!!!”
The distressed driver moves ten meters away, thenit dawns on him,
he's coming back.
(B): Givi Ivanovich!
(G): Oeto still?
(B): Excuse me, of course, but here my wife and I got together in color
To buy a TV, would you lend me 1000 rubles before payday?
(G): ... Uh... Mmmm... Why don't I borrow it, I'll borrow it....
He flips through and says:
The poor bastard deceived....
Two vampires left the zone, went home, got hungry...
One says to the other, I want to eat, let’s catch someone,
Let's drink blood. - Another thing, they'll catch you and put you back in jail -
Let's get some subj from the trash heap and make some compote...
There is a competition going on: which nation is more inventive.
Americans: Our inventor Edison invented the light bulb...
Crowd(T) O-O-O
The British: Our inventor Thompson invented radio communication...
(T) O-O-O-O
French: Our simple people invented blowjob in the 18th century...
(T) U-U-U-U
Russian: About the light bulb, God bless it, radio was invented by Popov, about
blowjob back in the 17th century, Tsar Ivan the Terrible shouted to the boyars: “I will
fucked my mouth, I can see right through you whores" - this is for the Germans, so that they
with their X-ray they kept their heads down.
Let's go Winnie(V) and Piglet(P) for honey.
Well (B) took the ball and flew to the hollow for honey - and
A wasp flies out of the hollow and pierces Winnie's ball with its sting.
He naturally fell (into the bushes, head down, and from the bushes
only the legs stick out). He approaches the bushes and asks:
(P) -Vinnie, are you STICKING????
(B)-I STICK OUT, but somehow it’s not right....
Well, all the animals in the forest gathered to drink, but there were no owls. Well, theysat down
they gave him some vodka, and then they sent the hare to call the owl. The hare went,
The owl is looking, sitting on a tree, head down. Well, the hare is asking -
et: - Owl, what kind of bird are you, night or day?
The owl sits silently, without raising his head. The hare goes and drinks more
clearing and sent back for the owl. The hare comes again and asks
says: “Owl, what kind of bird are you, day or night?”
The owl is silent again.
This continued several more times, the hare still drank and walked to
owl, but she is still silent.
Well, the hare has already given in specifically, as they say, “to the pig’s advantage”
squealing" and trudged towards the owl, came and asked: - Owl, what are you like?
bird, diurnal or nocturnal? Here the owl raises its head, it's all over
throws the sides and says in a drunken voice:
Ick, H-HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
A man is walking through the desert and is thirsty. Hadit well. Came up
I looked and there was no water visible. I found a pebble and threw it - inaudibly!
I found a larger stone, threw it, waited a long time and couldn’t hear the sound.
I've been looking for something to quit for a long time! I found the rail, barely dragged it, threw it, and waited.
Suddenly he sees a goat running with its horns in front towards the well!
I ran up and jumped there! She's gone completely crazy from the heat - she thinks
man! After some time he meets a man, and he
asks: have you seen a goat here? So she jumped into the well!
It’s strange, for some reason she was tied to the rail!
He drives through the desert, drives, drives, and sees a tree standing with bullet holes.
And there was a big hollow in the tree. He drove up, decided to climb into the hollow andsee what is there? He climbs in, suddenly feels that he is
two forks are put to the throat. And a voice:
-Suck it!
Well, there’s nothing to do, I did what they asked, got out, ran away, released a couple
bursts of fire on wood. He approaches carefully, climbs up to the throat, two
forks and the same voice: - Aaaah, I knew you would like it!
The subj rides through the desert. He sees a beautiful naked girl lying
all in desire. She saw a cowboy and said in a languid voice:
-Subzh, help me!
And he answers her:
- Yes, I’m a cowboy, I need to ride.
He drives on, ten minutes later the same story again.
Cowboy says:
- Yes, I’m a cowboy, I need to ride.
After 20 minutes of driving he sees the same girl, she tells him:
-Cowboy, help me!
He tells her for the third time:
- Yes, I’m a cowboy, I need to ride.
Here the horse intervenes in the conversation:
Do you hear, you! You are a cowboy, you can ride!!!
A new Russian is sitting in a restaurant. A waiter passes by.
(NR): - Stop! I saw you somewhere... You and I in 1989 in Kresty
sat!
(O): - What are you saying, I’ve never been to prison...
- Ahh, you and I signed an agreement last week,
and then they attacked the city!
- No, I have never signed an agreement with anyone, besides
I don't drink.
- Didn’t you take part in the showdown yesterday?
- No, I’ve been working in this restaurant for 10 years and haven’t gone anywhere.
I'm getting involved.
- Aaaaah, you gave me the first one!!!
There is a new Russian in a crimson baggy jacket and pointed noses
boots onshore of the lake and catches fish with a Japanese fishing rod.
Suddenly he pulls out a goldfish.
(ZR): - Let me go, I will grant you 3 wishes.
(NR): - Yes, I already have everything, I’ll cook you better!
- No need, I’m bony and tasteless. Give me 3 wishes instead.
- Well, okay... I want all my friends to have 600s
there were Mercedes
- And the second?
- I want to organize a drinking party so that there is a sea of vodka!
...Morning. The new Russian looks at the jar with a hard look
fish.
(ZR): - What is the third wish?
(NR): - Destroy the Solntsevo group, they killed me!
- I can’t, this is my “roof”!
The guy follows the girl, and she drags a heavy bag. And the girl-
then nothing, with posture. Well, the guy catches up with her and politely
asks: “Do you need help?” She turns around and the guy, shuddering,
mutters: “It’s better you do it yourself...”
A drunk man is standing at a bus stop, hugging a lamppost.
pillar Another drunk crawls past:
- Uh, bro, but with such a floor lamp, you won’t fit into any trolleybus
they won't let me in!
A grandmother comes from a remote village to the hospital (in a big city)
Approach the first person you see in a white coat and ask
Grandma: Son, where is your doctor Ushnyuk?
Doctor: Ukhogorlonos in room 7.
Grandma: Son, where is your eye doctor?
Doctor: Oculist in room 10.
Grandma: Who will you be, son?
Doctor: Yes, I’m a grandmother, according to you, it turns out to be a pussy!
Somehow a hippopotamus (B) and a giraffe (F) meet
J: You unfortunate thingcreation (B) you don't have a neck
B: What does the neck have to do with it?
J: Well, how about npuctabb - you’ll have a glass
vodka and it flows down your neck, flows, flows...!
B: Yes, and when do you feel sick?
There are 4 Jews and 4 Georgians traveling in a reserved seat in the neighboring compartments.
Georgians bought 4 tickets for four, Jews bought one. Georgians ento
They figured it out and are looking to see what happens next. Control is underway. Jews
They run in single file to the toilet and lock themselves there. Suitable control to
toilet:
-Your ticket!!!
The toilet door opens and one hand sticks out with a ticket.
The ticket expires, control continues.
We arrived at station N.
Both Georgians and Jews need to change trains.
The Georgians realized what was happening and bought one ticket for four.
And the Jews, seeing this thing, don’t take tickets at all.
The train is under control.
Georgians run single file to the toilet. The Jews run after them in single file.
-Knock-knock, your tickets.....
One Georgian’s hand sticks out and hands him a ticket.
Jews grab the ticket and run to another toilet....
Winnie the Pooh is guarding his plantar.
He looks and Piglet comes up. He stopped and thought:
"Try - don't try, try - don't try..."
Tried:
"Tear - don't tear..."
Then Vinnie sneaks up and hits Piglet on the head with a club.
The hare, clutching his head: “Mow.
A girl (D) comes to the doctor (dentist), takes off her panties and
sit in a chair, but vice versa (sit down).
Stunned Dentist(Z) says:
Z is a girl, I am a DENTAL doctor!
D - That's itpull out THEIR teeth, otherwise they will bite HARD.
Two people are walking on the grass.
One is reading a crossword puzzle, and the other is playing with a blade of grass.
1 - Female genital organ?
2 - horizontally or vertically?
1 - horizontally?!
2 - (joyfully) LIPS!
The man had a rooster. The rooster did not trample the chickens, he was fat and lazy.
They advised him to buy a thin P. He did just that.
Fat P looks at Thin and is amazed: he is trampling all the chickens.
Toda TP KhP says: “let it go, it will be erased.” He sent it.
In the morning he sees: HP is lying in the dust and not breathing. TP came up and said:
TP - well, what did I say - it was erased!
HP - if you scare away those 2 crows for me, then I will replace them
tpaxhy!
----------------------------------------------------------------
HELLO:
ALEX,JAM,STRYKER,OLDMAN,VALERY,STS,VDV Corp.,PCI SOFT,409 SOFT,
BOS FROM L.O.S.W,STEVER,DR.LONGMAN,EVIL-MAN...
----------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS:
IDEA BY Mr.ZERO & M&G Corp.
INTRO BY Mr.ZERO
EDIT BY M&G Corp.
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