Odyssey paper #03 03 января 1999

Юмор

Mentura - limericks.

Mentura # 2
__________



                                    # 2



(C) PHANTOM FAMILY CORP. 1995


All material published with the kind
agreement of the authors.



         Surprisingly there is no limit.

         This file is seeing you,

         Prikosneshsya to compose

         Awesome beauty!


         After reading it will know

         That's what always knew.

         Well enough, I hope

         You, I'm intrigued.


         I want to tell you a bit

         Silent no more forces.

         About a brave hero,

         To inform you he was.


         In our dolbnutoe time

         Of the heroes of these ... yat *

         Can be a long fence

         Tirelessly make.


         All they know for sure.

         I'm not going to remember

         Wasting your time

         Precious to lose.


         Getting straight to business

         I want to assure you.

         Matershiny would not be here

         Not cursed me.


         So you without fear

         Consult quickly

         With this miracle of writing

         Women, youths and children.


         All of them will be here science

         All I'll teach.

         'll Valuable advice to you

         Giving away.


         Well, if zarugayus,

         Miss a couple of lines.

         Do not judge very severely

         I'm not a prophet.


         I will note them specifically.

         Will not make you work

         Circumvent them by.

         However this is nonsense.


         Foreword has been a long

         And it's time to really begin.

         But allow me a little

         About me tell you.


         I will not be intrusive

         But you should know about me.

         After all, a decent man

         Unlikely to find another like him on earth.


         Smart, young, handsome.

         Modest, very groovy.

         Ironically it lads

         My own portrait.


         One can go without a doubt

         Discuss my features.

         I hope there is such a-g

         Beauty queen.


         But perhaps my destiny

         We'll see next time.

         And now tolerated reader

         I continue my story.


         I want to tell you today

         On the native police.

         But rather on the Lieutenant,

         This image of the road.


         Difficult feat of human

         Reveals the image of our own.

         Pauses

         Begin an amazing story.


         And perhaps start from childhood.

         And look at all the works,

         That parents have invested

         In education, "Balde".


         Because a person's character

         Not a half-liter "nonsense."

         Often so terrible

         Education benefits.


         Ivan grew nasty boy

         He did not like his father and mother,

         And for this evil dad

         Became his belt to whip.


         As a child, had clumsy Vanka

         Often falling to the pot,

         Header

         He lay himself lightly.


         And the family did not had finished,

         And Vanya angry at his mother.

         Began quietly bastard
         Polegonku steal.


         Ugly picture

         Opens disgusted.

         And going to jail would Vanka

         But our love fool.


         Drew his dog

         Not a girl and not ... yat

         In the Young Communist League joined Vanya

         Immediately dropped to steal.


         Immediately he threw swearing

         Drinking, smoking, father vstryamlyat.

         Began at once to obey

         And at home to help.


         He began to struggle with evil.

         Attended the tenth grade.

         Teachers said:

         "This boy is just ace."


         After shkoloobuchenya

         Without problems, without the hassle

         He went to school elements:

         So calling is calling.


         Nothing here is not bad

         This is very good.

         Vanya lived very true

         And worked as modern.


         Weeks went by, the days went by,

         Year after year went.

         Approaching those events

         On whom it comes.


         I forgot to tell you is true,

         But it did not matter.

         He has a rustic lad

         The policeman, yes.


         It was a beautiful day:

         Saturday, output kabys.

         The peasants in the village of

         As always fought.


         Subdue them with a club

         Vanka rested.

         And to him a messenger on horseback

         Something ridden.


         Reported nerve messenger:

         "Chairwoman wa ...

         I told you to call,

         To her, yadrena mother. "


         "Distracts from the work

         If there is no other worries

         Driving around the countryside

         Yes konyagu to drive. "


         Enlighten Ivan messenger

         Witless Fellow.

         "The President is power,

         You do not dare criticize it. "


         Well, that was understandable

         Gave in the face with his fist.

         Cursed, matyugnulsya

         And he added with his boot.


         Nothing to do but

         We must go quickly.

         Chairman of the very strict

         And does not like to wait long.


         In the courtyard stands the East. "

         Vanya on a machine gallop.

         Only dust and zaklubilas

         At the fork in the road.


         Upon arrival to the place, looking around,

         He visited the village council.

         Chair of course

         As always in place there.


         Secretary, thank God,

         Told what's what.

         It looked nasty,

         It will be difficult one.


         Ago disappeared people

         Expedition to Moscow

         And a bunch of village council

         They were backpacks.


         Backpacks were yesterday,

         And today they were stolen.

         It is not known who stole it,

         Damn them quick bondage.


         "But ... at on backpacks,

         We are not expensive.

         Day as the missing people.

         Dear Vanya help. "


         From the area have a query

         What they do not seem nose.

         Why not send

         They geologozapros.


         Had lunch in the cafeteria,

         And after thinking a bit,

         Vanya search begins

         As always from afar.


         On an empty stomach, it is true

         All work very badly!

         Here is a vivid example for you:

         Vanya policeman.


         Going boldly from the dining room

         And Tama mustered forces

         Ivan quickly, quietly,

         Paul asked the village.


         Sense there was very little

         Let's just say: no shit.

         True, he was not taken aback,

         There was a thread.


         At the edge of the village, in a house

         Old grandmother lived.

         Vanya knew she sorceress,

         Power Boards betrayed.


         True grandmother knew a lot,

         Helped him at once.

         And so the old woman

         Privechal it many times.


         And no one dared to offend

         An evil old woman that:

         His fist Vania

         Disfigure the ... dy.


         Without wasting time, Bole,

         Ivan quickly hurried

         On a visit to the old obormotke,

         To hell starve her.


         Scared away by road

         Rural males.

         He came very quickly

         Until we know the door.


         Remembering the long line

         He tapped into a steel door,

         Grandma is not very fond of

         Khmyrov suspicious.


         Loudly barking dogs,

         In the yard of noisy ax

         Over the fence disgusting smell,

         If it were a barnyard.


         Soon the gate creaked,

         Show black nose.

         Following his nose seemed

         Angry and tower watchdog.


         Having prepared to attack

         He opened his big mouth.

         The whole enthusiasm Vanyushkin immediately

         Evaporated at a time.


         Here however, remembered Vanka

         That for many it is an example.

         Sin before a dog trot,

         He's a policeman!


         Oborzev from these thoughts

         He was emboldened by the fear,

         And watchdog strongly

         "Demokraterom" ogrel.


         Poor dog howled,

         And backed ago

         Quickly disappeared under a fence,

         Carrying bruised backside.


         And I want to ask you a question

         Do not fool our Ivan.

         Beat Starushkin dog

         "Demokraterom" idiot.


         Very wild behavior

         He messed up your entire plan.

         Do not forgive him for the old woman,

         Out of luck to you Ivan.


         In the meantime, we reasoned

         On the plot of forgetting

         Said Ivan with a cargo,

         His pride had broken.


         And she said the old woman

         Hiding the ugly eye:

         "Well my dear thy sorrow

         I'm always glad to help.


         And to all your questions

         Ready to give me an answer.

         Unknown issue

         For Me as you know not.


         So why do you pinned

         The output church day

         What are you shlyaeshsya as a heathen,

         Stupid ... Ben.


         Maybe you captivated

         Someone women beauty,

         Or are you on Sunday

         Brew booze. "


         What do you like Grandma can also,

         Vodka at all, I do not drink,

         With regard to babenok

         They, too, I do not like.


         And is not that old thing,

         That for women, I do not iron oxides hydroxides.

         If the demand for service

         Persuading Cavo he likes.


         The fact that the first place

         I bet his homeland.

         And the police home

         Most women love.


         So that all its hints

         Better than he likes to throw out.

         And me, you're caught with chaff

         Do not be fooled.


         And now listen to Grandma,

         Your help we need,

         From Moscow, lost people,

         And we must help you.


         Quickly have realized the old

         As Ivan damage,

         How trusting soul

         Brutally ruin.


         And while a tightening of thought,

         Case said Ivan,

         Sneaky mind bad old

         Developed a terrible plan.


         And Grandma said grimly.

         "I know where to look for people

         It will be very difficult

         But you do not be shy brother.


         Late at night, then, yesterday,

         When I lay down to sleep,

         Creepy crows screaming

         At the cemetery hill.


         So do not waste time,

         And skorenko Haste.

         Maybe they are alive,

         Just do not drop a clanger. "


         Barely an hour time

         How gullible Ivan

         Was already in front of the cemetery,

         Sunuvshi hands in his pocket.


         Rollicking songs

         From the village after rushed.

         A crow in a tree

         Because of the corpse of a fight.


         Do not like it here Vanka.

         Merzkopakostny fence

         Did not inspire confidence in him,

         And why he came here.


         Do nothing but.

         Not used it to retreat.

         And at their own

         You simply do not care.


         Looking back at the village

         And harknuv over his shoulder,

         He kicked his foot gate

         We quickly slipped into it.


         Less than a half-second

         He felt sorry about it.

         Bad was that the dining room

         Very tight, he ate.


         Suddenly there was a terrible grinding,

         Looking back okosel.

         Meters in three brick fence

         Okoset he commanded.


         On the fence evil inscription:

         - "Here, you will die a dog!"

         Willy-nilly obaldeesh

         From this ... Ety.


         Searched by hand, "Makarov"

         And could not find the trigger.

         Lowered his eyes lower

         And the horror is wet.


         He was holding a healthy,

         Fingers clenched very strongly

         Tail ragged dog,

         Long-long, like a boa constrictor.


         Oblevav jacket and trousers

         Soon he came to himself.

         The tail is tucked in his trouser pockets,

         To the east soon gone.


         Long-only weapon, a short tale,

         Shows the old house.

         And Vanyukha in this house

         Paul directly.


         Quietly creaking old door

         Quickly, he went inside.

         The fact that the house he saw

         We describe well.


         The walls, ceiling, benches,

         Midst of a healthy table.

         On the table, a candle and a book

         Intelligent opinion found it.


         At the table in an old chair

         And in a wicker coat,

         He saw a man

         With the hood on the head.


         Making out it better

         Understood: "Something is wrong here."

         On the floor, two pools of blood

         And everywhere mess.


         "Who, where, why, how."

         Approached him Ivan.

         "Come to me ... yes.

         I now give the ends. "


         So the guard said Vanya.

         It was certainly he.

         And Vanya surprised

         Very quickly approached.


         Croaked the old man, Ivan

         "Cross silver find.

         And with the magic cross

         Death of an old woman win.


         Then geologists went

         And trying to help me.

         Just where are they polegchenym

         Overcome the devil.


         Do not be afraid of devilry,

         Vile creatures perish,

         And for this purpose from the chair

         Vaughn prayer hell.


         Maybe it will help you.

         Well, maybe not.

         I do not remember all the details,

         Me after a hundred plus years. "


         Then jerked it strongly

         Something hoarsely croaked,

         Slumped in a chair in an instant,

         And the moment of blue.


         Upset Ivan strongly

         Many people do not understand it.

         Stood over the corpse of the blue

         And the thought went away.


         Came out, stood back,

         That can be picked up from the table,

         Obscenities to himself swore

         And he said: "Gee!".


         Again he went out.

         Decided not to waste time,

         Very soon will be an evening,

         Van must hurry ....