Info Guide #01

Юмор

Humor - Anecdotes.

               Jokes
  Alone Coder


   Argued once with Bush, Gorbachev, who has the best pilots. 
Then came the day flight - the Americans are ready, our - there 
is no pilot. Caught on the street Vasya drunk and say: . 
Vasya flies, making the dead loops, etc., but when he began 
skuchno.Day thinks, press the red button. Pressed - ejected. 
Once latched on the outside of the chassis and visit.Vnizu 
Americans ask: 

   - What is he doing?

   - Yes, wheel repairs, preparing for landing ..

   - And that shouting and hand waving?

   - Key asks.

   - And why eye square??

   - The size of the nut shows!


   Argued once with Bush, Gorbachev, in what country is better 
thieves - they or us? Gorbachev arrives in U.S., sits on a bus 
in a suit and tie and a hat comes out - it jeans, shirt and 
cap. Bush is on the Red Square: 


   Argued once with Bush, Gorbachev, where
best rooms of horror. Gorbachev entered the room, the American 
horror idet.Vdrug behind - tigr.Gorbachev pobezhal.Tigr not 
otstaet.Gorbachev even faster - a tiger not far behind. When 
Gorbachev was quite exhausted, in front of him there is a door 
with the inscription: <U.S. joke. Exit - on a>. Went out, 
locked the door, <Yes ...> - says.


   Bush came into our room horror goes.
Suddenly out of nowhere - the tiger. Bush ran and thinks: <This 
is our idea!> Tiger does not behind. Bush ran even faster - 
tiger behind. Finally sees - the door. Pulls, and

it does not open. Looks, and on it the inscription: "Russian 
joke. No Exit>. 


   There were two alcoholics. One says:
<What a beauty in the sky two moons ...> Another objection: 
<not two but three!> The first argues: <No, two!> Compatible 
policeman: <What?> - <Why, I bet .. . Tell me - how much moons 
in the sky?> -  


   Flying one of our head in the plane
together with its closest kollegami.Vnezapno the aircraft fails 
the bottom and the plane starts to fall. People crabs and They 
somehow managed to hold on to the seat. He says: <Well, 
tovarischi.Nado someone to jump! That no one else wanted? Okay, 
I'll jump ...> Loud applause.



   Drunk himself to a lamppost: <Masha, open the door! I came> 
came a policeman and says: <What are you hooligans, citizen? ">

- <Yes, behold, there came, but his wife does not open ...> -



   Brezhnev was in break-up on an ice floe. His
takes over. He stands and does not know what
do. From coast cry: <Leonid Brezhnev, in
right pocket!> He gets and reads:
<Help>.


   Brezhnev, speaking at the congress:  


   Drunk walks around bochki.Ego asked: <What are you doing? "> 
He says:" Here is how to only the fence is over, I was 
immediately on the right ..> 


   Pioneer sneezes:

   - Ah-ah-Aptchee!

   - Be Healthy!

   - Always healthy!


   A guy comes home drunk (too late). Came
one house:  All povysovyvalis
from the windows. It: <How many times??> Him: <3:00
night!> - 


   A man comes home late again in
drunk. Screams:  People leaned out of windows. Drunk: 
<Turn around! I'll write ...> 


   A boy with a tin can is coming to
policeman: <Uncle, help me to open>
He takes to the bank, knocking: <Open up, police! ">


   Met two old druga.Odin says: <Look, we're with you car 
together bought, but my already shattered, and yours - as

novenkaya.Mne still new to buy, so
You tell me - how did you get this get??>
Second: <You know you need so: see the three
road - ehay on average, you see three bridges
- Ehay on average, sees three wives - Kiss
average>.

   A year has passed.
■ And again asking vstrechayutsya.Vtoroy ■ B em first: <Well, I 
bought a car?> ■ B -  -  
- <Yes broke ..> - <How? I ■ D told you! "> - <Well, I did so:

■ E see three roads - the food on the average,
■ M see three bridges - the food at the average,
■ W see three pillars - food in the middle ..>


   The husband yells to his wife in the window: <Mash, and 
Mash! Kin sixty-two penny!> - <How am I their kin

- They are scattered> - 


   A guy is selling at the bazaar petuha.Podhodit
buyer and asks: <your cock chickens trampled?> - <What do you 
mean, a good cock ...> Buyer gone, came another: <your cock 
chickens trampled?> - <Yes cho you all ask?> The buyer said he 
obyasnyaet.Muzhik  - <What are 
you such a good cock sell?> - <Yes, something he I became a 
strange glance ...> ■ VI ..... 

                                  ■ J. .....

   Vovochku forced to paint the window ■ K. .....
on the third etazhe.On takes paint and ■ L. .....
goes up. After some time ■ M. .....
heard from the top:  ■ O. .....

                                  ■ P. .....

   Boy comes into the shop and asks:
 - <No.> -  Chimes man: <Go 
away, boy, and do not bother with stupid questions to 
prodavtsu.Devushka, please show me Globe Ukraine>.



   Shop .

   - Hello, I need a drawing paper.

   - Whatman business trip.

   - You do not so I ponyali.Mne that Whatman,
which for Kuhlmann.

   - Kuhlman in the hospital with a heart attack.

   - Once again you are not ponyali.Vidite whether I designer 
... 

   - I myself can see that it is not Smith.


   At the doctor's. <Our daughter somehow all the time
smiles and his eyes bulge ..> -