Nicron #93 11 июня 1998

Tips - How to educate parents.

How to educate parents


(R) TB Makarova
Illustration: (C) Alexey Antipov (Goblin)


                "If your parents are still alive -
                 give them Labre Just ".
                        (From the TV ads).


          ak educate parents

    (A brief guide for children from 5 to 105 years)

The author, a young psychologist, let alone educate their
parents, shares with the reader tips on their upbringing. Book
useful not only children but their parents, if they already 
know how to read such things.


        *

                    My mom Irishenke,
                    Sasha and my dad
                    my grandmother Polinochke
                    dedicated.

            From the author


  We often hear: "I have such bad parents! They
completely trained, they do not know how to behave, they talk 
back, considered neither of whose opinions, make outlandish and 
causing actions, do all to spite and continually provoke me to 
anger by their behavior. "ideal parents are not - I say - and 
how many time you take the education of the parents? Have you 
tried to understand them? Have you tried to find out how to 
live your roditelenok what his problems and dreams of what he 
wants to achieve in life? ". If not - so what do you want? 
Educating parents - is long and painstaking work, parents 
should not bring one day. Education of parents can not deal 
with fits and starts - on the weekends or in the morning before 
going to school. This important matter should be devote much 
time to be invested his heart and soul in the education of 
their parents, and only then you get feedback and you will not 
regret the time spent. How to do it in practice? That's what I

tell in his book.

        Again Psychology roditelenka


  Roditelenok - impressionable and vulnerable creature. 
Practice shows that roditelyata poorly adapted to life, they 
often do not understand its laws, they are naive and shy. 
Roditelenku help cope with their fears - your main task. For 
example, you want to leave roditelenka for a couple of days to 
go a hike with friends. Often roditelyata thus begin to act up, 
shouting, stomping feet, even crying. Do not be afraid - it is 
very common reaction. Rare roditelenok is independent so that 
for a long time to be alone without you. Very bad if education 
roditelenka you decided to start at this moment - a frightened 
and stubborn roditelenok completely deaf to reason. Excitement, 
mixed with a desire to infuse at its close up his mind from the 
world of a blank wall. What to do in this situation? 

  First, you should never cry in response to roditelenka,
stomp your feet, or even what was missing, crying. Be mature 
and respectable! Behave with dignity, your speech should be 
calm, confident, legible, clear and simple roditelenku. You 
should not use complicated terms which values ​​your 
roditelenok may not yet know: "nishtyachnaya party", "retard 
golimo", "breaks off high" and so on. Talk to roditelenkom on 
his tongue, then it will be easier for you to understand. 

  Secondly, in any case not to be rude roditelenku not call it 
bad words - is nepedagogichno and does not give the desired 
educational effect. In addition, he may remember these words 
and start using them in a conversation with you to the place 
and not to the site - such cases are not uncommon. Be very 
careful and friendly to stubbornly roditelenku. However, 
remember that excessive syusyukanya should be avoided. If 
roditelenok begins to boast his age and a hint to your less - 
explain to him that he was wrong. Tell us what Gaidar 14 years 
have commanded the regiment, and the age he did not interfere, 
while roditelenok in his later years still does not command the 
regiment. (If roditelenok - Colonel, come up with another 
argument). Remember that roditelyata roditelyatami always 
remain, and even if you are more than forty years, they still 
behave like roditelyata, of course, if you have them properly 
educated. 

  Thirdly, we should well understand that at the moment is going
a fellow roditelenka which they are driven by motives - and 
proceed precisely from this. For example, if the departure of a 
couple of days often roditelyata are afraid that with you 
something happens and they will remain all alone. Roditelenok 
can also stubborn just to insist on his and assert themselves. 
Possible in this case and other reasons - perhaps roditelenku 
your presence is required at home during those days, maybe he 
hoping for your help, that you walked with him to the shops, 
Will play in weeding potatoes in the country and so on. 
Therefore, your actions must be different.


  In the first case, you have to calm roditelenka, explain to 
him that you did not happen and you'll soon be back.


  In the second case it is necessary to explain roditelenku as 
bad to be selfish. And you can go the other way - give way to 
chemto give roditelenku opportunity to prove myself and a few 
pokapriznichat, but only so that it does not affect your 
departure. 

  In the third case, perhaps you should really stay home - 
after all, if so roditelenok needs you this day, it would be 
wrong of you to throw him one (or other roditelenkom) in 
difficult for him minute. Take a walk with him, play in weeding 
potatoes. But not It should also be kept haughtily, explaining 
that the game in a silly potato - still grow by only three, as 
in the past summer, and you played it just to entertain 
roditelenka. If you can not really play with roditelenkom - 
useless from your tutor. The next chapter will discuss

education of parents.



            *

             oditelskie fears


  Parental fears - the subject of much discussion. They are so 
vast and many-sided, that in this chapter, we touch only the 
most typical of them. 


  Fear pozdnoty - perhaps the most common of fears
roditelenka. Roots, he goes to the days when primitive
people lived in caves, out of which at night was a very 
dangerous thing. Therefore, all the ancestors of our parents 
were afraid for our with your ancestors, when they went hunting 
and the night did not come back - not whether the nibbled them 
there mammoths? At a time when mammoths disappeared, fears 
parents stayed. Therefore, the majority of parents with the 
arrival of darkness and night telecasts begin to restless and 
often make foolish actions - for example, call your friends or 
police. Why do they do it, roditelyata, as a rule, clearly can 
not explain: "Well, it's ... Eleven in the evening ... And you 
do not ... What to do? "- A typical response roditelenka. 

  Stupidity with calls can be prevented. If your phone 
policeman roditelyata remember from an early age, phone Your 
friends can get in their naughty little hands just because your 
carelessness. Do not throw your notebook in a prominent place 
when you leave the house and leave the parents alone 
unattended. If your roditelenok has a strong fear pozdnoty, 
stick every time to your friends, and you have then be ashamed 
of it - to record phone in a special way For example, change 
the places of two numbers. Waking up a couple of times 
strangers saying: "Hello, I'm Masha's mother, and heard in the 
response to the corresponding expressions on the same topic, 
your roditelenok quickly unlearn this bad habit.


  However, this extreme measure. For the same education should 
teach parents to be patient and calm. To do this safely say 
that you leave and return later, to a certain time. Name the 
exact time of return, and immediately roditelenok be quiet. If 
you are late - always call and tell me about it roditelenku, 
calling the new date of return. Remember that roditelyata very 
curious, so tell them in advance, where you go. Even if you're 
going to just walk - name the streets, which will go, and the 
purpose of walks - for example, "See the illuminations." 
Destinations and routes can not follow the complete accuracy, 
but do not have an explicit lie. Roditelenok can also learn how 
to lie, and it will bring you much trouble. Though sometimes it 
is compulsory. For example, if your roditelenok restless - do 
not let the phone the place where you go, say that they 
themselves did not know it, or create any fairy tale - say that 
there is charge the phone or live there roditelyata who go to 
bed early, or, conversely, themselves waiting for an important 
call. To appease roditelenka, give him my word that call them 
yourself, and really call and talk to him a little. In this 
conversation should not be a long, short conversation should be 
explained as follows: "I can not say any more, then someone 
else's phone." Agree, the argument rather strange, but his 
parents, he works perfectly. 


  Fear is bad. In contrast to the fear pozdnoty, in this case 
roditelenok knows the reason of fear. He may be afraid that you 
sick, get into bad company, become a drug addict, roditelenkom 
dropping out of school, college, graduate school. Fears may be 
very different, your task - to understand roditelenka and 
reassure him. Explain to him that without his hat to you and so 
warm that your friends - wonderful people, tell the good 
details about They and their parents (roditelyata love to hear 
about their peers) Show neprokolotye vein (this will convince 
the parents that your companies do not smoke marijuana), 
explain that once you are still not dropped out of school, 
college, graduate school, it means not to quit and further. 
There can be no accurate advice - try to find its approach to 
roditelenku. 


  Fear of unknown. Roditelyata - very impressionable beings. 
However, they still know little about the world and are afraid 
of everything that they do not known. Roditelyata always pay 
much attention to everything with you, Observing and thinking 
about different things. At the same time they can scare your 
hair, jeans, music, jewelry, posters on the wall or your words 
or thoughts. This is normal. Your task - to effectively and 
patiently explain roditelenku that: 1) Everyone has the right 
to their own tastes, while it would be strange, If your tastes 
are completely identical; 2) In your tastes, there is nothing 
unnatural, it is now fashionable and everybody does it. To many 
parents, for some reason acts argument "all". Show roditelenku 
beautiful, good article from his favorite newspaper, which 
tells about your music or your ring in his nose; 3) Your tastes 
are not worse taste roditelenka. Prove it difficult, but 
possible. Difficult because many roditelyata naive following 
principle: "What is not mine - something wrong." If it talking 
about music, typical argument roditelenka: "How can you listen 
to such filth." Remember, "crap" - is an epithet. And to answer 
the epithet "No, that's cool" - is unreasonable. Be smarter, 
let roditelenok thinks along with you and will understand the 
absurdity of their views. Ask him to explain what he calls 
"Filth", ask for clarification before until roditelenok not 
point you to the specific details, such as "stupid words" or 
"moronic sort of" singer. Ask what style of music he loves 
roditelenok to find among the music song with even more stupid 
words or a singer with a strange kind - usually do it quite 
easily. 

            omplex usefulness


  Often suffer from complex roditelenok usefulness. This is 
manifested in an effort to show that it is more important, and 
do everything differently. Remember: do not spoil roditelenka, 
but not necessary keep it in excessive rigor. Immediately 
decide which moods Your roditelenka you agree to perform, and 
what does not. Try as much as possible to give roditelenku in 
the details, and important issues for you to get their way. 
Make a list of questions that you need to pamper roditelenka, 
and a list of issues that need to educate the roditelenka 
respect to another man, announce the list of roditelenku - and 
in the future, always Follow these lists. In roditelenka must 
develop the reflex to those questions, in which he must not be 
capricious. 

  Selecting the right questions (to begin training no more than 
odnogodvuh) and make sure he is right, you can start to 
parenting. Know once and for all to have his own by any means, 
until leaving the house. In no case do not let roditelyatam 
beat you with her little hands and generally try to apply to 
you Silenko. Do not beat parents! Calmly explain to them why 
they behave properly, and threatened what it means for them end 
in the near future (for example, your departure from home to 
some time). Do not let the impossible promises, promises 
exactly keep. Never do anything "out of spite," maliciously. 
Always calm and friendly roditelyatam explain why the 
circumstances (or rather, they themselves) force you to do so. 
Roditelenok must see you are not the enemy, and his other. Make 
friends with roditelyatami. It would really work. Perhaps not 
the first time, but who said that education roditelenka done in 
one day? At the same time underline that in some other 
questions you unquestioningly indulge whims roditelenka. This 
method of carrots and sticks can find common ground with 
roditelyatami, educating them and at the same time indulging 
their complex usefulness.


            aklyuchenie


  Here you will read the book. It is time to give the latest 
tips. Do not neglect the education of roditelenka! Remember 
roditelenok - your mirror, it copies all over you. See this is 
easy: if you behave rudely with him, he will tell you the same. 
AND Conversely, kind and sincere attitude towards roditelenku 
you achieve what your roditelyata will just silk. Success you 
are in the education of parents! 

                End.