Nicron #70 08 января 1998

Юмор

Humor - anecdotes.

            Jokes, with ...

(R) DeL

              ° ° ° ° °

Led by two Chukchi in the woods. One drags a column, and the 
other telephone booth. One another and asks:

 - What do you booth talking about?
 - However, if the wolves will attack, I'll hide it. And why do 
you  column?

 - However, if the wolves will attack, I'll throw it and it 
would be easier  run!


              ° ° ° ° °

Stirlitz tried to escape from pursuing his SS men, put his hand 
in pocket. "This is the end" - thought the valiant scout ...

Voiceover: "This really was the end - Stirlitz wore
pistol in the other pocket! .. "

              ° ° ° ° °

Lieutenant Rzhevskii rides on the train. On the bottom shelf 
hear the conversation:  - You know, dear, never put your eggs 
in silver - it's from  This dims.

"Live - and learn" - muttered Rzhevskii, shifting
silver cigarette case from his pocket in his jacket ...

              ° ° ° ° °

    Form:
        Do you have a criminal record? - No
        Were there any relatives abroad? - No
        Have you had any mental illness? - No
        Nationality? - Yes ...

              ° ° ° ° °

    Telephone call:
        - Can I Rabinovich?
        - What you - older or younger?
        - Elder.
        - They both died ...

              ° ° ° ° °

Congress of janitors from around the city. Noise, discuss social
questions. On the podium goes Uncle Vasya. All were silent: 
Uncle Vasya quiet, uncle Vasya.

    Uncle Bob:
    - Well, if # n # # b # # # # p - the hell with him for x # 
d!     - That's right, Uncle Vasya: without gloves will not 
work! 

              ° ° ° ° °

Teacher - the teacher:
- Well, the class I fell stupid! Explained by the theory - do 
not understand. Explain the second time. They do not 
understand! The third time, explain. Himself already 
understood. And they do not understand ... 

              ° ° ° ° °

Attending a lecture about the dangers of alcohol.
- We know a lot of cases - said the lecturer, - when his wife 
leaves from her husband who drinks ...

A voice from the audience:
- And how to do this drink?

              ° ° ° ° °

At the bus stop - a pensioner and a boy. Retired:
    - Aptchee!
    - Stay healthy!
    - Thank you.
    - Please.
    - Not worth it.
    - What do you mean ...
    - Do not get smart!
    - Fuck you! ..

              ° ° ° ° °

Ensign paced front of the ranks of recruits:
- Remember, above all in the army - is the discipline, work, 
study! Voice of the standing assents:

- Right! Learn, learn and learn!
Ensign:
- Who said that?
- Classic!
- Classic, out of standing up! Two outfits out of turn for the 
chatter. 

              ° ° ° ° °

    - What is the exam?
    - This is a conversation between two smart people.
    - And if one of them stupid?
    - Then the other is deprived of scholarships ...

              ° ° ° ° °

Runs along the corridor happy student. One of the doors of peace
talking three teachers. Student hurt one of them and not
seeing this, runs on.
Professor:
 - Fellow students!
He stops and looks guiltily at the floor.
 - Be, please be careful. We are here discussing a
 problem whose solution would be to turn all our lives!
 And you knocked me to thinking.
 - Sorry, Comrade Professor ... I ... honestly ... not
 like ... ... I accidentally, inadvertently ... I will not ...
 - Okay, go. And next time do not run.
Rotated.
 - The chem I stopped there? And, then, I threw ee feet
on his shoulders ...

              ° ° ° ° °

Student comes into the dining room fits the queue, extends
money.
 - Two sausages.
Queue:
 - Zhiruet!
 - And eighteen forks, please.