Nicron #01 30 сентября 1996

Юмор

Humor - anecdotes.

 2. - Jokes -


(C) MDF HACKER.


0. Grandpa! "It is you that a tank was hit in the war?
-I!
-So he is a Russian!
-I-I!

1. Petya had come to Vasili Ivanovich and asks:
Vasily Ivanovich, guess the riddle: One hundred and x * s - a 
rope? I do not know Petya.

Barge Haulers on the Volga. And a hundred pitches - one x * k?
I do not know.
Parachutist.
Petka, guess the riddle: One hundred and x * s - a hundred 
pitches. 8-O

Boatmen on parachutes!

2. A company of soldiers standing in front of dug pit.
The lieutenant in command:
Ivanov! Push the hands apart.
Two steps forward.
Petrov! Hands raised, forward march!
Sidorov! ...
Ensign resorts:
Plate. Lieutenant, you are all here to play Tetris,
while you at the headquarters of Comrade. Major waiting. "

3. Lecture at the Institute.
Lecturer in lectures and writes the formula on the blackboard.
A board like this - you can scroll around
(Ie, written down a bit, writing more ,...).
Dissatisfied student lecturer:
I have not finished yet, but you have already lowered.
Lecturer, raising the board back: "Well, now I have you 
satisfied? 

4. At Sea beregy rest two myzhika.
See - goes devyshka waterskiing,
vdryg and it falls to the skies and drowning.
Myzhiki rushed into the water, dragged her
steel pump - it is useless. One says:
- Give at least tr.hnem it until warm.
Two: - Okay, you're the first [tr.haet]
- And you?
- I do not bydy. Would you even looked at first,
someone fuck - she was on skis, and this - in the skate.

5. Came to the young parents visit.
And the child they do not interfere, he was put in
adjacent chamber anywhere, put on headphones,
and put a plate of fairy tales. Through
Some time they go into the room to the baby and see:
betsya child's head against the wall and shouts:
- I want, I want to .... BOOM .... want, I want ..... BOOM
(It hit the wall head )....
Parents take off your headphones and listen, and then:
- Pal, do you want me to tell you a story? ..
Whack (needle moves down on the plate) ..
My friend, I want to tell you a story?
.. Whack .. Pal, do you want me to tell you a story?

6. Doctor, I have after surgery can play the violin?
Able.
Doctor, tell me, just can?
Similarly, for sure.
It is strange to opertsii could not, and after I will.

7. Rides in the evening a man in a car, suddenly he pulls the 
wheel. So he goes out and gets the mount, trying to loosen, 
smeared all over. Passes by another guy:

- Hey, what are you doing here?
- Yes here, the wheel of shooting ...
- "And I think I'll magnitolku!" Says the second man, breaking
 windshield cobblestones.

8. From the life of the theater. Sick once a akterishka.
And in the evening premiere. Yes, it does not matter, the role 
he had maaalenkaya. So I decided to replace its director of 
student interns. Well of course boitsya student, first time 
only. Well kurnul grass before.

Farewell producer before the show:
- Your mission, listen here, get to the stage
and say "I am a messenger of Pisa, you give the package and 
leave. The play, pushing the student to the stage.

- I am pi $ dec from Ghana! ....
No, I'm driven by pi $ dec! ....
Oh, no's, I'm pi $ daty messenger! ....
Hmm. I am a messenger from the pi $ hole? ....
All pi $ dec, I gonyuyuyuyuyuyu!!

 9. Held a regular meeting of the President to the people.

    Here it makes its way to the poor:

    Boris Nikolayevich, give Hrista sake! : ~ |

    Well, how can I tell you, you know, will file?

    I have, you know, no balls, no

    racket, you know.

10. There comes a lady to the doctor

    Doctor, I have a terrible migraine,

    No drugs are not pomoagayut!

    Have you tried the UPSA?

    What you and I and my husband some disdain!

11. Stops, then a traffic light in front of our simple

    Soviet KRAZ.A here he cut one back

    at full speed and 600-th Mears. Well, the whole course, a 
soft-boiled. 

    KRAZ drove out, walked all looked:

  - Well guys, well, I just yesterday, the new pail hung up!

12. Riding in a car businessman, engineer and programmer.
Then with the machine that something happens and it stops.
Engineer: now the engine's look, renovate,

             40 minutes go further.
Businessman: Oh, now I have friends on cell phones

             call - they give us a new car here prigonyat.
Programmer: But can we all come out of the car,

             Then again sit in it and it will go farther?

13. After birth, the woman lies in a hospital room and asks

    bring the child to see.

    After some time the doctor comes

    and bears a child for touching his feet in passing

    head of the bed and tries to kill them flying

    the ward fly.

    Woman - What do you mean ??????!!!!

    Physician - A Th, because the dead was born!

14. Two boys on holiday gave toys.
 One whole mountain of any toys, while others are just a ball.
And here's one who enjoys the ball, jumping with him and his 
other asks:

- What are you doing, say, jump, now look how many
I have toys, but you have only one ball,
to which he answers the second:
- But I'm not sick with cancer!

15. Is on the parade ground cadet.
Muzzle unshaven, dirty boots, buttons No, actually sloven.
And as luck would meet the Major.
-Whoa, I ask you% $ %^$!!! What a view?
Cadet:
And YOU DO NOT E% $ T. Tovarisch Major!
(Silent)
$$%$^!^%@#$^ Well dokladay in shape, why not been cleaned his 
boots? Exactly, tovarisch Major

Sergeant brush is not issuing tovarisch Major.
And I do not E% $ T!
I told tovarisch Major!

16. HP enters the bourgeois jewelry store.
- I would cross, that way for 700 grams, well, like the old 
chap ... 

  Whish!

  The entire staff was knocked down, scouring the stores and 
neighboring 

  magazinam.Nakonets found ...

  HP is holding a cross in the palm of your hand:
- "Well, kind boys, cool cross, only now is it possible to

  without a gymnast? "

17. Guy woos the girl, and she had asked:
- Do you have for sale?
- No! : -0
- You have a 2-storey mansion is?
- No! :-()
- A member of ~ 30cm?
- No! M: - []
- Well, when it is, then woo me.

  The guy was upset, his father comes and says:
- You Shoot, do nothing

  I have no truck nor the 2-storey house

  no, and she turned me down!
FATHER:
- Well: Lincoln on sale I still can you change it,

  and two floors of the mansion demolished, but the beauty of 
this hack ... 

18. Played like a drunken priest and a drunken billiards player.
 Metitsya player in a bowl, beat ... ... "Bl.t missed" says
igrok.A pop in the answer:
"Do not cuss! God will punish you! Newly metitsya ... "Bl.t
missed again ", cries igrok.Pop again in response:
-Not matter, God will punish you!
The third time is the same.
Suddenly pop falls and dies ...
Voice in a e w a s n e r a:
-Bl.t again missed !!!!!!

                                                 (C) MDF HACKER

                                             Tel. (095) 499-9054

                                                   Alex.