Nicron #120 31 декабря 2000

Юмор

Humor - Christmas jokes.

        New Year's anecdote


   Family ring round a few companies and orders a Santa Claus.
Doorbell. Includes Santa Claus. Suddenly a shot - Santa Claus
falls. Behind him is a hired killer and asks: Grandfather
Frost ordered?


   New Year in Ethiopia. Starving children gathered under a bush
waiting for Santa Claus. Santa Claus appears, congratulates the 
children on a holiday and going to leave. - Grandfather Frost, 
and gifts? - A gift only those who eat well.



   Two of the homeless after the New Year holiday exchange
impressions: - New Year well met! Get out of the basement
I look at the landing bottle of vodka - 100 grams
unfinished, peered into the tank - a sandwich with caviar, just 
once nadkusheno. Drank, ate, walked down the street. And how 
are you? - Bad, all holiday homes sat: some bastard put the ice 
rink at the door. 


   Telephone conversation with the New Year: - Hello, this 
insurance company? Tell us, we can insure a house call? - No,

this is impossible. Now we will send a representative, and he
enter into an agreement with you. - Well, send. Only
hurry up, but then we already burning out tree and starts to 
smoke carpet!



   In Paris, a famous restaurant Maxim, is a New Year
show. In the smoke drunk NEW RUSSIAN beckons to the waiter and
asks: - Bro, you have frog legs? - Of course,
Monsieur! - Well, then quickly sprygay to the bar for a beer! ..


   In the airplane passenger looks out the window and in fear 
pozyvaet to his stewardess: - Have we strayed off course? - No, 
what you it took? - But under our snow, taiga, and must be 
Hawaii ... - Yes, no, everything is fine, just a new Russian 
New Year celebrate ...



   Comes as a man on the street, he sees: a woman sits in a 
puddle. - Why are you sitting in a puddle? - Maybe I'm Snow 
Maiden, and maybe I melted!



   The family had two children - one a pessimist and the other 
an optimist. Approaching New Year. Decided their parents' level 
the "well to no such extremes have been, and prepared presents: 
pessimist horse, but the optimist bunch of horse manure. In the 
morning the children wake up ... Pessimist: - Hyyy, loshadkaaa 
... Small, and I wanted more ... brown, and I wanted a gray 
dapple ... Derevyannaaayayayaya, and I wanted zhivyyyyuyuyuyu 
... Optimist: - A y me LIVE! Just run away!



   Guests sat on the New Year, the owner really does not know 
what do. Phone call. It fits here and an idea ...

Comes back and yells: - Fire, Fire! All: - Who has the fire? - 
I do not hear ... someone of you.