Think #22 29 августа 1998

Юмор

Jokes - Humor.

                JOKES



  By advakatu girl came with a complaint
seduction. Counsel did not find enough
grounds and advised collect more
substantial evidence. The next week she resorted satisfied:
- I now have everything that you asked:
This morning, this type of sneaky me again
deceived!

                  *

 Wife - husband to remark that under
bed dust was: "Where is she
be? "


                  *



  Once Mark Twain was asked, does not know
Is it any money out of love with
at first sight.
- I know - said a writer - should look closely at the second 
time. 


                  *

- Honey, do not you help me wash
dishes?
- Today I was insanely busy day, and I'm terribly tired.
- I only wanted to test you, dear,
ware has long been washed!
- Honey, I'm joking. I gladly would have helped
you.



                  *

- Yesterday I saw on the street your wife. Was to
some major.
- It's impossible! She totally understands the ranks.


                  *

- Petrovic, your wife is in France or something
was?
- No ... This is her here some fool taught!

                  *

- Imagine, Grisha, what trouble has occurred to me recently: he 
went on hunting and forgot to bring a gun.

- Really unpleasant. And when you're on
this thought?
- Alas, only when I presented my wife hare ...


                  *



  Ivanov announced his candidacy in the election in his native 
town. As a result, a vote he received only three votes. 
Learning of this, his wife screamed: - Three votes? Be aware, 
you started a girlfriend! 


                  *



  Middle of the night his wife wakes peacefully sleeping 
husband: - What happened? - Frightened cries

he said.
- Nothing osobennogo.Prosto can not understand
how can you sleep at night, receiving a small salary!


                  *


  The man calls on the switch.
- Mademoiselle, connect me with my wife.
- What number?
- No? What I am - the Maharajah? I'm his wife
name not by number and by name.


                  *

- Honey, this soup should be cooked
liters of thirty.
- He did you like?
- No, just so he would not be such a
salty.


                  *


  Ride in a compartment three. Acquainted.
- Ivan, a Muscovite.
- Hritsko, Cossack.
- Mamed, GAZ-24.


                  *
- What is the difference nuts from her husband?
- Nuts bite when there is money, and her husband -
when they are not.

                  *


  There are two Georgian.
- Hello, Gregory!
- Hi, Gogia!
- Hey, guess a riddle: A small, brown and flies.
- Dog.
- Wai, you know!

                  *


  Spouses dinner. My wife tells her husband:
- You Ponemah as nine months you take
a two-week vacation to catch trout?
- Yes, I remember.
- Today is one of the trout called and
said you became a father ...

                  *


  Retiree recounts a pension every second slobbery fingers. 
Seeing a doctor says: - You are doing the very unhygienic. You 
do not afraid of germs?

- No. On my pension microbes do not survive.



                  *



  Among friends:
- What's it filed a flight attendant?
- In the airplane can meet so many men!
- And unless they can not be found in other
places?
- You can, but there they are not wearing seat belts ...


                  *



  New names for the paintings in the Tretyakov
Gallery:
 "Boyarinya Morozova," driven to the polls. "
 Bears at logging.
 "The Cossacks signed the loan."
 "Ivan the Terrible's son has a first-aid."



                  *


- Doctor, look at his grandson. Very bad
was. Milk does not drink, do not eat meat, turning away from 
sweets, the fruit is not looking. - Why? - Does not hide the 
surprise doctor. - Expensive, doctor! - The old man throws up 
his hands. 


                  *

  In the doctor's office, an ophthalmologist, to the recruiting
Commission:
- Close your left eye - and the doctor pointer
shows the letters.
 Inductee is silent.
- Close your right eye.
 Inductee is silent.
- Are you absolutely do not see anything?
- No, I can see perfectly. But forgot how
These letters are called.

                  *


  In Anichkov Bridge man celebrating small
need. Suitable policeman.
- Are you here arranged? Well, now gone to
department.
- Again, the working class of offense. And they are so
You can!
- What are you talking about? Who can?
- Vaughn says - cast Baron von Klodt. -
Hence, the Baron can.

                  *


  There are two friends, one after another
asks:
- How do you live?
- Yes, not very good.
- What's the matter?
- Her husband is impotent.
- This is nonsense. I have here three times impotent nothing.
- It's like so - three times impotent?
- Previously was just impotent, and last
week fell from a ladder, so all fingers
broken and the tongue bite.


                  *


  Wife tells her husband:
- The whole evening at the banquet you are carrying solid
stupidity. But I hope no one noticed
that you were completely sober ...


                  *


  Teacher:
- Your son is very weak in geography!
- It does not matter. With our income is not
leave.


                  *


  Pop drink cognac with the deacon and says:
- The divine drink!
- That's the way it is so, so now the price for it godless.