Think #18 09 августа 1998

Юмор

Jokes - Humor.

                  *


  The State Commission adopts new
house. Check the sound insulation. Two members of the
Commission went into a neighboring apartment, and one
cries the other:
- Nick! Can you hear me?
- Fool, I'll even see it.


                  *

 The collective farm had been instructed to arrange for foreign 
guests striptease. At the party office is discussion of 
candidates. Manya did not fit - her low milk yield of cows, 
Dunka also not good - it does not increase their political

level. Endorsed the candidacy of Auntie Pasha -
she copes with the work, and a member of the party
since 1924.


                  *

- Doctor, what if you want to work?
- Soak, will take place.


                  *

- Does the USSR poor?
- Yes. These are the ones who do not have anything of his own.
Apartment - state, giving - the state machine, and that state.


                  *


  In kindergarten - PE: after visiting the two
soldiers, who repaired the wiring,
children were using foul language. Head went to complain to the 
military unit, where it comes from soldiers. The lieutenant 
called delinquent:

- No, Comrade Lieutenant, nothing currently not allowed. 
Sidorov payal wire, and I was holding the ladder, and then tin 
was dripping on my head ... - Well, are you?

- I said: "Private Sidorov, do not you
you see that your friend on his forehead fall
drops of molten tin? "


                  *

- Is there a professional thieves in the USSR?
- No, the people themselves are stealing!


                  *

  And anyway ... The most daring - bald: they
hair will never stand on end.


                  *


  Drunk at the station embraces the pole. A woman's voice on a 
loudspeaker announces: - A train to Murmansk sent within 17 
hours and 15 minutes ... - Well, fool, once again ...

- Repeat ...

                  *


  The wife came home from work, sat on the couch
legs crossed, and looking like a man washing the floors,
said:
- You know, darling, the director once said,
that for me he is ready to leave her family. But
Of course, he was joking.
- Or maybe not? - With hope in his voice asked the husband.

                  *

- They say you taught your wife to play
poker.
- And do not regret it. Two days ago, for example,
I won her half of his salary.


                  *

- Will the money under communism?
- The Yugoslav revisionists argue that
budut.Kitayskie dogmatists say no.
We approach the question dialectically: the
Who will and who have not.


                  *

- Our constitution guarantees freedom of
words - says the lecturer.
- And to those who say this word?



                  *
- What are the similarities and differences between the mat and
dialectical materialism?
- Mat all know, but pretend not to
know. Dialectical materialism, no one knows but pretends that 
they know. But that, and another is a powerful weapon in the 
hands of the proletariat. 


                  *


  Abnormal house stands agitator and
touts the Soviet reality,
applaud all but one item in
side.
- And why do not you slap? - Interest
agitator.
- I'm not crazy, I nurse.


                  *

- How can you breathe this air?
- And we should not drag! ..

                  *
 Match Athletics USSR-USA. Run
two. The American won. Soviet newspapers
said: "In the final race at 100 meters
Soviet athletes have come a pervyh.Amerikansky runner was the 
penultimate. " 


                  *

- What is this place? - Asked inost
  knapsack.
- Oil yield ...
- Oh! We only sell!
- What is this place?
- Boots thrown.
- Here are these? We are also thrown out ..


                  *

- What is neutrality? Ahmed pulls the blanket over himself, 
Abdul - for myself, and I in the middle, and me warmly. 

                  *


  On election day, voters received a ballot, but instead
not looking drop it into the ballot box, began to read the name 
of one candidate. - What are you doing? - Sternly asked by the 
observer in mufti. - I want to know for whom I vote.

- Yes, you did not know that secret elections?


                  *


  Odessky Bazaar, 20-years, the NEP ...
- How should you do this a dead chicken?
- This big fat hen is worth twenty
five rubles.
- Eighteen? Why not fourteen?
Well, I give you six - and do not stand
do not freeze ...


                  *

  Bury the two young men.

  An eyewitness said:
- They have argued, those who continue on the tram from the

  lean out the window.
- And who is it?
- Those who in the first coffin, won.


                  *


  A conversation between two men:
- We live in a scary time. I only
I hear at home: "Money ... Money ... Money."
- It's that. But I hear: "No money ...
No money ...".

                  *

- Why are you so put on weight?
- From the chestnuts.
- How many of them you eat per day?
- I do not eat them. I deal in them.


                  *

- Where are you, neighbor, in a hurry?
- Lunch husband bear.
- So it you have a rotation in the dining room work
  melt!
- Do you want it to himself reflected
  fork?

                  *


  Got a frog under the asphalt.
She got up, shook himself and said:
- Here is a man! Here is pressed! Not that
that we have a swamp.


                  *


  Barber sentenced to death.
- Do you have a last request?
- Yes, Mr. Judge. I wish you the PSP
  We say ...


                  *

- Wife me terribly annoying. Now
six months, she kept repeating one and the
same - all ears buzz!
- What she wants from you?
- That I brought out of the apartment a Christmas tree!


                  *


  Young aspiring prostitute in bed
with a millionaire. Crying.
- Does it hurt? You're still a virgin? Asks the millionaire.
- No. But I cry from what will soon be fulfilled my dream and 
I'll be rich. 

  Millionaire is also beginning to roar.
- What is it? - Frightened girl.
- And do not you know that the rich are too
Cry?


                  *


  Site visitors in the restaurant for a long time studying the 
menu. Then he beckons to the waiter and said: - I have one 
serving Akhvlediani. - But this is impossible.

- Why?
- Akhvlediani - it's our directors are.


                  *


  Dzhantelmen one asks another:
- What is the difference between politeness and tact?

  He answers:
- Give an example. I arranged a date with a lady in 20.00. Come 
in 19.55. Gone, the door ajar. The bathroom leaves the lady in 
the costume of Eve. I said: 'Excuse me sir! " and left. So. 
"Sorry" is a courtesy, and "sir" - tact. 


                  *



  In the coupe passenger car, the windows, each
against the other girl and young people.
- You've been looking at me really uncomfortable - embarrassed 
the girl says. - For me to ask - the worst ... - With an 
emphasis replied the young man. 


                  *


  Swear Sarah and Rose:
- Shobe you have no children!
- Shobe you have a horn grew up!
- Schaub your Yasha did not bring money home!
- Shobe you died!
- Shobe you have all your teeth fall out except one!

  Finished. A neighbor asked:
- Sarah, why the Rose one tooth?
- How Why? And for a toothache.


                  *
 Wife: "Shame on you, go home, so
late, and in a drunken state. Educated
man does not do. "
 Husband: "A educated woman does not enter
the conversation of the night with a drunken man. "


                  *

- My dad used to say: "Do not go on zlachnym places - are you 
there so you can see!" - And did you go?

- I went.
- Well, what do you see?
- Pope.


                  *


  The stairs are wino. Girl to him:
- Uncle, here the slippery steps.
- I do not care ... vat ... vat .. vat ...


                  *

  Comes the husband and wife on their site to dig potatoes. And 
there already are strangers digging. Boss asks:

- A good harvest?
- Last year was better.


                  *


  Talk to two middle-aged men.
- You know, back when I was young,
I had enough to think about a woman -
- And then excited. And now - I think
I think - and nothing! Probably something with the head of it 
... 

                  *


  The wife ends up ironing and recounts things.
- Why do they think? - Asks the husband.
- I want to navigate as far as I'm tired.

                  *



  An Englishman complains about the other:
- That's what most incredible: we pay
high taxes in order to contain
officials who would monitor, so that we pay taxes!


                  *


How does a person after marriage - sigh Ivanov.
- When I dyl bachelor, I liked just about anything female.
- And now?
- And now one less.



                  *



   The text of the song. Daduda. "Dadu vnedrezh"


 Well, now I will say without notes
 I have all I can say literate speech

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo
 And then intensified her case, she needed vnedrezh
 Case - vnedrezh, case - vnedrezh
 She needs vnedrezh,

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, vnedrezh

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, vnedrezh
 Shirshov is not correct
 Shirshov is not correct,
 Shiree - correctly
 Shiree - correctly
 I understand your reaction
 I understand your reaction
 I understand your reaction
 And it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, and it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo, and it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, and it is important

  Da-doo vnedrezh
 Akulturivatsya be
 You agree with me
 Akulturivatsya be
 And Raisa vkurse
 We will not allow anyone nepopodyu
 Raisa Gorbachev,
 We have our own head
 That's where the dog rummaged

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  That's where the dog is in da-doo, da-doo-da

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo
 That's where the dog rummaged in
 You are on a procedural issue? -Wait
 You are on a procedural issue? -Wait
 You are on a procedural issue?
 And then lie down and fall - Wait
 Well, all rules

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo
 Well, all rules da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da
 Well, all rules

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo
 Akulturivatsya be

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, da-doo, da-doo
 Shirshov is not correct
 Shirshov is not correct,
 Shiree - correctly
 Shiree - correctly
 I understand your reaction
 I understand your reaction
 I understand your reaction
 And it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, and it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo, and it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, and it is important

  Da-doo vnedrezh
 We will not allow anyone nepopodyu
 We have our own head
 We will not allow anyone nepopodyu
 And it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, and it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo, and it is important

  Da-doo, da-doo-da, and it is important

  Da-doo vnedrezh
 Well, all rules
 That's where the dog rummaged


КОНЕЦ.END.КОНЕЦ.END.КОНЕЦ.END.КОНЕЦ.END.



                  *