Body #09 10 июля 1997

Юмор

Let's laugh - 30 jokes from the publisher.

                      LET laugh

(C) BAZOFT MDM 270-95-12

I am pleased to continue the series of vulgar jokes to make it
FUN AND ALSO GOING TO CONTEST the funniest / CAN
Send / Jokes, life event, Funny STATEMENTS, ETC
ETC. SO SEND YOUR TEXT OR CALL THE EDITOR.
    The prize, as usual, not long to wait.
     Well, now another 30 JOKES FROM THE EDITOR ...


Advertisement of toothpaste Blend-a-med:
Take two eggs and processed, one of them is toothpaste
Blend-a-med. After this, we omit them in sulfuric acid. Result
clear: becoming impotent, you do not even remember about caries!
                 *
A man was in hell. Chief devil says to him: "Here are three 
doors, choose any. "The man opens the first, looks - a huge 
hall with wooden floor, a cloud of people, and all stand on 
their heads. Somehow He did not like this thing. Opens the 
second - again hall Now with a concrete floor, and the same 
cloud of people standing on their heads. Also do not like a 
fountain. Opens the third door - the hall in general awesome, 
on the floor of dirt, shit, this shit people sitting coffee 
drinkers. "Okay," - says the man - "I agree to this." Only 
there has gone, the door slammed shut, the devil comes out and 
yells: "Coffee break is over, all stand on their heads! "

                 *
BATHING Boris Moiseev and Sergey Penkin BASIN, fondle each
FRIEND.
Suddenly on the surface of the water floats a bubble of semen.
(B): Sergei, are you finished?
(C): No, Bob, I farted ...
                 *
Two friends:
- Something you're not look too bad.
- Yes, yesterday nedoperepil.
- I do not understand ...
- Well, you know, drank more than I could, but less than he 
wanted ...                  *

Cook 2 eggs. One friend says:
- Listen, just 1 minute varimsya and such steep!
                 *
Hanging vampire, and smacked his lips with a satisfied mug with 
his lips. To him flies the other:

- You Th?
- Tampax ... Heavenly delight!
                 *
- Ambulance?!
- Yes ...
- Then a man rode roller ...
- Let's address.
- Red Army 13,15,17,19,21
                 *
- Hello! Do you have names?
- Yes!
- A funny colors?
- Yes!
Half an hour later.
- Hello! Do you have names?
- Yes!
- A funny colors?
- Yes! How much can you say.
Half an hour later.
- Hello! Do you have names?
- THERE IS!
- A cheerful colors?
- Come on you bastard! Best humor!
                 *
citizen of Nepal can be any person
conceived by the Nepalese and Nepalese ...
                 *
Comes a man in a supermarket and asked:
- And if you have any gloves?
- Yes. And what you want: winter or autumn-spring?
- Well, let the winter.
- A-ah, well, you left the hall.
Guy runs into the next room and said:
- I need gloves for the winter!
- And you are: Dark or light?
- Yes FIGS knows ... Well let's Dark ...
- A-ah, so you in the right room.
Comes and says:
- I need dark gloves for the winter!
- And you on the button or not? ..........
A man walked through the halls, well, I do comes in the last 
room has: - I need dark gloves for winter parkas, with buttons, 
with padlock, with a clasp, with ......

Blurted it all, and here he is asked: - And under that you will 
be their wear? - Well, under the cloak! - So you prinisite we 
cloak, and we pick up at him a certain style for your gloves ...

.... Here with a bang the door opens, collapse guy with
toilet bowl in his hands and pieces of tile, tore off with a 
toilet, puts the toilet in the window and says:

- Here's a toilet! Here you have tile on my wall! $ Pub I'll
showed yesterday. Pick me last roll of toilet
Paper !!!...
                 *
Climbed out of the wall hands, do not worry it's bugs, even if 
those hands pulled your pants.

                 *
Man comes into the shop over a painted clock:
- You watch for repair take?
- No. We are here to make the cutoff!
- Why do you watch it hang?
- A Shaw b you at our place there to hang?
                 *
In a study with the inscription "Logoped" timid man sticks his 
head and asks:

- Mona?
- Do not Mona, and Noonan! - Meets the speech therapist.
                 *
After a short dialogue of sexual intercourse in bed:
She: Are you a member, as transibirsky Express.
He is (proudly): What - so big?
She (with compassion): No - worth three minutes!
                 *
Complaining about two men on each other's wives (and their wives
taxi drivers):
- My, said the first of the night wakes up, grabs me by the
one seat and pulling him in different directions said: first
transmission, gears, etc.
- That's nothing, "says the second, my middle of the night my 
inserts yourself in the ass and screams: Forty liters of 76.

                 *
Riddle:
Squirms, pushes, and the $ does not get left out. What is it?
Answer:
Soviet apparatus for: getting into $ pub.
                 *
- The girls!, But you where such thin lines socks bought?
                 *
- Do you like?
- Love
- Jenish?
- No
- Come on down!
                 *
Vasily Ivanovich comes to Petya and sees that his entire
apartment in cockroaches:
- Hey Petya, and Th YOU entire apartment in cockroaches?
- And this is me, Vasily Ivanovich, dissertation writing about 
Tarakanov! - Well, tell me ...

- Take a cockroach, put it on the table and shouted, "Run !!!", 
and he run! Take one more, he tears off his feet and shouted, 
"Run !!!", but he does not run! Concludes: "The Cockroach 
without legs will not hear"!                  *

- What is the financial and sexual crisis?
- This is when you open the wallet, and there - X $ Y.
                 *
Is a man in the desert, and hears the divine voice from above:
- Dig into this site. Here is buried a great treasure.
A man was overjoyed and started digging, but found nothing.
Angry, spat, and walked away.
Suddenly again totzhe voice:
- Dig - is a treasure!
He thought and thought and yet began to dig. And again, nothing
found. Even more angry, swore, spat and walked away.
The exact same story is repeated, only the guy after the next
empty pit.
very much with the mad: the curse of the sky sends shouting and 
sand kicks and moves on.

And here again totzhe sneaky voice:
- Dig - is a treasure!
A guy at first did not pay attention and walked on, but then
still comes back and starts to dig. And the bumps on the chest,
opens it, and there is a huge treasure, and the upper voice:
- No X $ I myself !!!????
                 *
Sit two brakes in the room. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
After 5 minutes, the first says:
- Wash someone rings the doorbell?
After 5 minutes of the second:
- Wash, too, I'll reveal.
After 10 minutes the first:
- Sit down, I'd better go.
After 5 minutes out the door. Opens and there stands
third brake, and said:
- Damn! Do not have time to call, as the door opened!
                 *
....... And the old man came to the blue sea.
And he threw his nets into the blue sea
And it's worth a n d#$#@$#without nets!
                 *
- Want to Tell the anecdote about a deaf and wrong?
- Yes.
- What?
- Yes!
- What, what, I can not hear!?
- :-(
                 *
- Do you know what the first sign of AIDS?
- What?
- Roughness.
- Chtoo ..?
- GLUHAvatost!
- :-(
                 *
The first signs of AIDS - is:
1. Sharp pain in anus.
2. Shortness of breath in the back.
                 *
...- Thank you!
- Please!
- Not worth it! ..
- Oh, you!
- Do not get smart! ..
- Go to X $ J!
                 *
Swam a pioneer in the river Nile,
Behind the crocodile swam noiselessly.
Old man suffered a long time afterwards -
The $ operator stuck pioneering icon.
                 *
On the mountain stands a man -
Nine meters head.
To approach it like -
Bitch in mink escaped ..
                 *
- Strange in these Russian anatomy - says one German.
I recently am going to Moscow, and one to the other and says: 
"Vasya, dress hat on x $ th, and some ears will freeze ... "