ZX-News #24 12 марта 1997

Юмор

Humor - "Shtirlets - Russian SysOp" (Chapter 4).

                  HUMOR



          SELECT FIDOSHNY HUMOR


         Stirlitz - Russian SysOp.



              CHAPTER A 4


  In Hitler's bunker was the third hour lasted
meeting. Before a large monitor sat senior officers of the 
Reich. A portrait Grand Fuhrer himself sat the great Fuhrer

sad and thoughtful. To him no
paying attention. Discussed two issues:
Why be burned at the Kursk Exchange, and how
have volunteered to Stirlitz birthday.

 - Few brokers - Snuffles Himmler.

"A lot of the headquarters of idiots" - I think knowing Mueller.

 - Small Computer ...


  General von Shvartskopfman rose, coughed, blew his nose into 
a green handkerchief, and croaked:  - Lord! Kursk stock we 
burned not due to the fact that there were few brokers and

computers, which we have, thank God!
lacking, but because of the arrogance Russian sisopov.
Commander of the German stock exchange brokers in the Kursk 
General Field Marshal von Kluge they were planted, I apologize 
for sitting "Microsha "!... 


  All lit up.

 - Yes, Sir! Russian "Microsha! Well
and therefore the commander fell from
chair and was injured. And without the wise leadership of the 
German brokers - General wiped away a tear, - did not know what 
to sell. 


  Borman grinned nastily. This is according to his
Von Kluge's orders were planted Microsha. The joke failed.

 - So, - said Hitler.


  There was silence.


  "Why am I not a programmer?" - Thought bitterly Fuhrer. A few 
seconds later a clever Gebelsu accidentally got the idea.


 - We must destroy the sysops, and we captured Russia.
 - Is not it easier to destroy all "Microsha? - Suggested that 
Himmler.  - So, - said Hitler.



  All were silent again.


  "Well, why am I not a programmer?" -
suffered great Fuehrer.

 - We must take all "Microsha from Russia, thoughtfully Goering 
said.  - And then, Russia had violated the technical

balance - caught Himmler - and sysops will go crazy.
 - Brilliant! - Admired toady Schellenberg.
 - And then we'll show another Russian
Kursk Exchange and another Scotts Valley.
 - Brilliant! - Oral Schellenberg.
 - So.


  Hitler got up, walked around the table, stood up for
Bormann back and patted his sweaty
bald.


  "Lord, Why am I not a programmer?
Why did not he, not Goebbels, namely, me? "


  And the Fuehrer went to Norton. All wires
his sympathetic views. The door
Hitler was closed. Conversation resumed.

 - Offer code word operation
"Dubels" - suggested Goebbels.
 - I - for, - said Mueller, who was
anyway.
 - Schellenberg - asked Himmler - reach for.


  Schellenberg took from his pocket a bottle
Armenian toner and pour into glasses. Enough for all, and what 
was left, Schellenberg poured into his mouth. 

 - I propose a toast to the operation "Dubels!


  The door creaked opened and the room
burst Stirlitz. All at once settled. Stirlitz heard only the 
last few words.



  "Hide" - he thought, and decided to make
pretend that he just stopped. Stirlitz went to the safe, took 
out the master key in the coffin silence opened it. He dug for 
about five minutes, but nothing new has been found.



  "Bums" - thought Stirlitz and noisily slammed the door.
 - Comrade Stirlitz - there was a cautious voice of Goering, 
who recently lost the first cluster of the report to the Fuhrer 
and the second was infected with SVC-4644 - when take of files 
from the safe, come back and do not infect, please.  - I need 
your files - Stirlitz offended - I have your missing. 


  He came to the table, taken from Joseph Goebbels
glass cartridge and proclaimed:

 - For my beloved Fuhrer!


  With all the unhappy faces drunk. Dispossessed Goebbels 
offended posopel, took bottle of cleaning fluid and sipped 
straight from the bottle. 

 - Heil! - And Stirlitz left.


  Of schnapps Goebbels wince and he thought: "Yaka garni 
vodichka! 

 - Where were we? - He asked,
wiping his mouth with sleeve of his uniform.
 - The operation Dubels "- said Schellenberg.


  The door suddenly opened slightly again, and
She was pushed face Shtirlitsa pleased.

 - Yes, Sir, when I Setup, forgot to register.
 - Hello, hello - said Mueller polite. Stirlitz once again 
closed the door and gone. Eavesdrop at the door, he thought

beneath his dignity.


  Himmler stood up, walked around the table and looked for
door. Making sure that Stirlitz left, he
looked at his comrades and squinting
asked:


  - By the way, gentlemen, on Stirlitz: how to get to him for 
his birthday? 

 - I suggest to go for free - said Goebbels - the same time and 
gift buying is not necessary. 


  Himmler took out a large crystal vase
red floppy disk, with a crunching bite half, and chewing, said:

 - I have in stock, a stray little
decommissioned SX man ten or twelve.
Let's go for it, but later gave Stirlitz.
Still throw.


  All were pulled over floppies.

 - How back? - Goering argued.
 - We drive you back.


  They are still a little gossip. Borman
boasted of the new lab, the conversation turned to women, has 
spread to the French pornography, and then everyone found

their affairs.


          To be continued ...

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