X-Ray #01 17 августа 1996

Юмор

Entertainment - Socks, or another computer-related classification of the population.

                         ENTERTAINMENT


                          H O S K &


                             or

          Another classification of computer-related

                          population.



    In this section now available from Reprint
Journal Computerra, from the column with the same name.
I hope it will make you though, would smile, I must confess 
that over the some places just laughed to tears. What benefit 
anyone. 


    And for full effect at the end of the text cite explanation
those names that are assigned to different types:

-------------------------------------------------- -------------

                          H O S K &


                      (C) Sergey Minaev



    What makes a man if he needed socks? Well,
must have crawled into kako a cupboard, finds there is a 
package with socks and picks out the most suitable. Without

doubt, with all the ordinary citizen is the case. And it is
another thing if he has any computer
specialization. Bring to your attention neprezentativnuyu
sample reactions of some subjects exposed test
search for socks.



    VINDYUK: Opens a window, climb into it, turns to
wardrobe manager, combs with it all the shelves, not
finds nothing, since nothing packaged sees.


    VINDYUK NETWORK RABOCHEGRUPPOVY: See item 1; then fumbles 
on the the shelves of your neighbors. If you find socks, 
quietly assigns. 


    VINDYUK 95-SIZE: See item 1, and is looking for socks only
95-size. In the end, the search terminates and writes a letter
Bill Gates is asked to send new socks.


    VINDYUK SLOVOLYUBIVY: See Section 3, and wrote this letter 
in 6-m oknoslovnom format included a picture of the sock

section.


    VOLFODAV: Recorded opens cabinet gives its
frightening darkness turn oskakivaet for leaf and waits for no
will answer anyone. Then breaks into the box and check all
Packages for the presence of secrets. In the case of unexpected
sometimes runs into the kitchen, and then again recorded.


    DUMMER: puts his ear to the cabinet and carefully examining
otherworldly sounds, then see p.5; often wears socks
bleeding.


    KVESTALKER: Unlock closet, trying on everything in
different combinations, then thrust the entire contents of the 
cabinet in suitcase - just in case. Further, from time to time

to no avail looking for socks in a suitcase.


    GEYMOVER: Drops on a rack, then starts all
again.


    Usery: Calls the user, and requests to find his socks, then 
stands close and silently watching.



    USER: klichet SISTEMASISTIKA and invites him to solve
interesting problem finding socks, then stands next and from 
time to Time says nonsense.



    SISTEMASISTIK: Long scolds Usery and users of stupidity
and chaos in the closet, spends three days on the guidance in 
the closet malomalski order, after which the free space it did 
not remains necessary and socks are thrown in the trash.



    PASKALYANT: Open both doors closet, looking for socks
finds stockings overrides own style, wearing stockings
lipstick and sits at the LINES.


    OWL: Looking for socks, does not find long scolds Borland, 
then Six months is building in the closet noskostroitelnuyu 
factory. 


    OWL WITH TRAILER: See Clause 13, then long walks all
hung with colored socks and showing off in front of them
girlfriends.


    ASMATIK: The cabinet does not climb, but declines pants
dissolve them in a thread, then knit from the yarn socks
three-piece suit, zanavski on windows, as well as bed linen. H
pillowcase thread is not enough, and he then untwist socks.


    HACKER: Expands the cabinet, knocks him back wall,
climbs inside, cuts all the packages and fabrics, has not yet 
been socks. Proudly wears socks, but in secrecy (ie boots).



    BAYSYAK: Finds the socks, but can not wear them, as
too constrained by fresh diapers.


    BUHGALTERER: If you find socks and then immediately hides 
them so that no one will ever find.


-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 SUMMARY GLOSSARY OF TERMS:

 VINDYUK: An avid fan of Microsoft Windows.
 VINDYUK NETWORK RABOCHEGRUPPOVY: Passionate poklonnok Microsoft

  Windows for Workgroups.
 VINDYUK 95-th size: A passionate fan of Microsoft Windows-95
 VINDYUK SLOVOLYUBIVY: Maniac, a lover of Microsoft Word.
 VOLFODAV: fans of the game Wolfenstein-3D.
 DUMMER: fans of the game DOOM.
 KVESTALKER: Amateur quests, often suffers

  kleptomania.
 GEYMOVER: Either the novice player, or manic-masochist.
 Usery: The person who sees your computer a second or third 
time, 

  scared to death.
 USER: A person who believes that he saw the computer more

  ten times, and almost all knew about him.
 SISTEMASISTIK: A man, well versed in computers,

  very often suffer from delusions of grandeur.
 PASKALYANT: A programmer who writes on Paskal'e.
 OWL: Programmer pishushy in C.
 OWL WITH TRAILER: A programmer writing in C + +.
 ASMATIK: Program writing in ASSEMBLER'e.
 BAYSYAK: Beginner programmer writes in BASIC.
 BUHGALTERER: Accountant with silnorazvitym instinct

  self-preservation.


                                                   (C) 
Dr.Longman