Maximum #20 13 октября 1996

Юмор

solid jokes - watch commander. Collection of statements by Soviet officers (continued). Anecdote about the Chukchi and geologist.
Advertising - Advertisements and announcements ...

            SOLID FUN


 (R) Pavel Fedin


            WATCH COMMAND
      zuboneprokusaemym with strap and Johansen


   Hours are 8 arrows. Four of them show the time remaining - 
spare, to confuse potential enemy. The arrows are covered with 
a special composition, whereby they glow in the dark, and serve 
to dazzle the enemy. The radiation dose is sufficient for 
radiation damage in a radius of 200 meters. For simplicity, the 
angle between the hour and minute hands is always direct. 


   All gears are made hours of the most advanced transistors 
and circuits. In the manufacture of hours to use the best 
Western technology: explosion welding, riveting gas assembly 
sober. Gold-plated watch case galvanized tungsten. 


   Hours of commanding the factory with a half-turn, in the 
northern parts of the country to them is attached a special pen 
for the plant in the cold. If ingestion of sand hours they will 
begin work as sand. 


   In a combat situation automatically clockwork ticking, and 
the clock starts ticking. At the critical moment the commander 
can throw them in the direction of the enemy. When This 
built-in speaker beeps commanding voice: "Follow me! In attack! 
"In the dark hours in a whisper said:" Do not worry, I'm with 
you! ". 


   Buy watch commander! This will be the most pleasant hours in
your life!


              Our advertising

 FIRM Carl Clara G.m.b.H. " (FRG) is elementary supply at
 Soviet market all you want 220 AC / DC compatible
 computers
               "Gauleiter"
 Computer "Gauleiter" - is limitless range of possibilities:

    - Reading and rayting texts;

    - Three-speed remembering digits;

    - Duing technological calculations;

    - Heving powerful peripherals (tyaptery, lyaptery, maker,
 Worker, Putter, teykery, andestendery and dizandestendery);

    - Hellouing user's native language;

    - Biing always Redi.
 FIRM Cook G.m.b.H. " provides service free of their clients:

    - Tiching staff based on mutual
 Feeling;

    - Dancing under the "Modern Talking".
 Market prices of government, but the state of market
 (45 thousand rubles).. To wholesalers discount (three clients
 to 15 thousand rubles. or two clients to 22,5 thousand rubles).
        "Gauleiter" - THIS IS YOUR Tomorrow TUDEY!

      Private Studio Adam and Chaya "adapts
     Computer "Gauleiter" for your needs:
      - Output from right to left
      - Cutting wire
      - Monitor face to the wall.
           KOSHER GUARANTEED!



     Attention of heads of monasteries, parishes and Temple!


   Assistance in the writings of your grave on the automation 
of origin 

   Religious Needs you will have a computer "lord":


   ■ Catholic ■ build direct access to Christ's bosom

   ■ ■ turbokirillitsa in the post - powered by batteries

   ■ preserve the secrecy of confession with the conclusion of 
a wide printer 

   ■ Life of Christ, version 3.30

   ■ Operational porch, expandable to 8 KiloNischih

             Basic configuration:


      ■ censer and sokadilo, 12 Megahertz

      ■ altar superVGA

      ■ two-slit type circle "on the restoration of the temple"

      ■ non-removable hard cross

      ■ round printer for Easter eggs

    PRICES LOWER THAN IN THE WORLD! Our faith - your money!

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (R) IRONMAN


         COLLECTION OF STATEMENTS OF SOVIET OFFICERS

         Textbook for junior and middle
            academic staff.

                 "The citizen does not need fools.
                           So here I am. "
                      Unknown ensign.


330. N fly airplanes, not enough N - K, and two 
rocket-propelled ... 

331. Military secrecy is not that you learn, and that this

     learn is you.

332. You are students or where? You are in service or who?

333. At the command of "Run-march hand sginayutsya knees!

334. C such boys, the future warrior, our girls can

     sleep!

335. Take care of home, your mother!

336. Bush - a collection of twigs and leaves sticking out of one

     place.

337. Tak light that just could not breathe.

338. Tozhe me defender of the motherland! In the trenches is 
not sitting, and to engage in      tions speak.


339. Landmark: a landmark first pine with a birch top.

340. C you nice to talk to when you say something.

341. Call me urgently to the authorities. Well I have a tail 
pipe and a 

     General.

342. To the next lesson, all young men were shaved from the top

     bottom!

343. Ivanov went through the anus and left.

344. Platoon, today Saturday. Explains the problem: to collect 
all kir      Peachey and burn.


345. What are you? While I was where?

346. Tishe, and then the tea cools.

347. Bullet - a fool, and you - fool. Sorry for the harshness, 
but it is      Sha duty.


348. You run with military training, like rats from a sinking 
Korab      la!


349. If you do not zavvtra podstrizhetes, I will punish you 
today! 

-------------------------------------------------- -------------
 (C) RINDEX


   And finally, an anecdote.


   Sits near the Chukchi plague and crying. Passes by a 
geologist and ask the Chukchi: 

 - Hey, Chukchi. What are you crying?
 - Why, father savsem ball, but suffers. Kill him, I zap
   Lacu.
 - Ten skins and father kranty.


   Chukchi gave geological ten skins. Geologist rolled up his 
sleeves, went the tent and after a minute out, adjusting his 
sleeve, and said: 

 - Well that's all. If something else is necessary - and say it.


   A day later comes the brother Chukchi. And his brother - 
rack 3 to 4. See Chukchi sits near the plague and crying.


 - What do you cry brother?
 - Why, father, pity, however. Geologist killed him, though.
 - Well if you take a geologist Mimi would call him a tent. I 
agree with him 'll deal.



   Again, the geologist is Mimi plague. And again Chukchi 
crying. 

 - What are you doing again noesh?
 - Why, brother, ball, however. Groans.
 - Come trodtsat skins, I told him ease the suffering.


   Chukchi gave thirty skins. Geologist enters the tent. Thirty 
minutes tent came running ... And then comes a tired geologist, 
adjusts the sleeves, and said: 

 - Yes. And your brother to live and live for it ...



                ADVERTISING.


 (C) CDS SOFT


   Call ...


Sale ZX-SPECTRUM 48k + controller + TR-DOS 5.03 + embedded
      Power Supply (+5 V and +12 V). Price is negotiable.
    Tel. 946-2398 Eugene, call between 21.00 and 23.00.



      Sale 13th drive in working condition. Cheap!

  Tel. 554-1582 Alex, calling from 14.00 to 22.00 daily.



     Interested in all information on the printer ROBOTRON 6312.

  Tel. 344-7762 Michael calls from 20.O0 to 22.00, daily.



      Seeking for an exchange program for a computer ATM-Turbo 
2 +. 

  Tel. 344-7762 Michael, calling from 20.00 to 22.00 daily.


           I have two 13-s drive for three rubles
 Tel. 409-9029 Alexander, calling from 13.00 to 21.00 daily.


     For sale-6312 printer (radium), drive-13 and

      Head of TEAC'a. All working. Tel.499-3117 Ilya.


 Sale prefix "Kanga" 8-bit + full set of wires +

     4 cartridges with a bunch of games: DIZZY: Fantastic 
adventure, 

    BIGNOISE FREAKS OUT, PRINCE OF PERSIA and many others.
          Price 200 TR Bargain.

  Tel. 168-5705 Dimitri calls from 19.00 to 23.00 daily.


           Buy AY-MOUSE to the wiring.
 Tel. 395-8162 Alexander, calling from 12.00 to 22.00 daily



   I sell and collect custom phones AONom! RUSS-22C + "

  At preobretenny my phone given 2 YEAR WARRANTY!

  The cost of the phone AONom - 225 TR The term of the assembly 
3-7 days 

              And also carry out:

    - Repair any type AONov
    - Replacement of the software versions on the latest
    - Memory expansion up to 256 rooms
    - Installation of voice boards for 1 min. and 4 min.
    - Installation SPEAKERPHONa

           QUALITY GUARANTEED!


    Phone: 496-61-59 Igor from 12.00 to 23.00.


 Change COMMADORE-64 + drive on any 128k + spektrum drive.
       Tel. 554-1582, from 14.00 to 22.00 daily.


Sale SCORPION-256K + monitor 32 WTC 202 + MS5350 + drive wheels.
          Price 900 TR (Bargain).
    Tel. 256-3370 Andrew from 19.00 to 22.00, from Monday to 
Friday 


               SELL!


        --- PENTAGON - 128K (see below)
        --- B / C MONITIR B / P Rodney (see below)
        --- Two drives "TEAC" 1.2M
        --- CDOS-MODEM
        --- AY-MOUSE
        --- AY-8910
        --- Kempston Joystick (see below)
        --- Two speakers (stereo)
        --- PRINTER ML-6312 (see below)
        --- LOT DRIVES
        --- LITERATURE
        --- TWO SPECTRUMA - 48K (see below)
        --- Two supervisors DRIVE (see below)
        --- "Mother" 286 (see below)

                + * +

            * FOR PENTAGON - 128K *

               For him to set:

    1. Additional memory 565RU5 - 16sht.
    2. Replacement stickers on the keys (iron, pile)
    3. For the case insert the keyboard - 2 pcs.
    4. Spare KR1818VG93 - 1pc.
    5. Different schemes


             * MONITOR NOT WORKING *

               For him to set:

    1. Reserve Corps
    2. Pipe dead
    3. Board dead


             Kempston * NAVIGATION *


  Made of the joystick from DENDY (though it is a bit 
incomplete) 


              * PRINTER MS 6312 *

        In working condition, but without the loop
             (From the board to 'head')

               For him to set:

    1. Controller board dead
    2. Stack of papers


             Also available:

    SPECTRUM'y 48K in an unknown state
    Disk controllers in an unknown state
    "Mother" 286 for free if needed

                 + * +

            Price: negotiable

    Call: 387-07-63 Dmitri, in the evening


        C R O W N O buy a printer MS6313 (6312).
 Tel. 554-1582 (Alex), calling from 14.00 to 22.00 daily.


Marketplace ROM 27128, with Firmware "Sinclair 1982". At a 
reasonable price 

   Tel. 315-3315 (Mike), calling from 16.00 to 20.00, with 
Mon-Sat 


         Industrial and commercial center
           "Computers for the public"
     invites you to visit the Polytechnic Museum!


  Dear owners of ZX-Spectrum! If you need the most but
  curves are not very new and just needed programs, and

  only on Saturdays and Sundays, and midweek -

  come to us. Here you will find a variety of thematic
  Kie, games and music collection at a price of 6000 rubles, and

  system - to 8,500 rubles. The latest entry programs

  from around the world average of 8500 to 10000 rubles. Also

  Here you will find the most diverse literature on the ZX
  Spectrum. And, of course, themselves computers, modems, etc.

  Possible replacement of the Kvant-BC (48K) at the Grand GRM 2 
+ (128K) 

  with an additional charge. Come to us! Our address: Moscow, 
New Plo   schad, the building of the Polytechnic Museum. Floppy 
disks, literature, 

  modems are sold at a kiosk in the lobby of the museum (next 
to the cascade   soi); time from 11 to 16 hours, a break from 
14.00 to 14.45 

  Computers and the rest is sold on 3-4 floors in the Division
  le Computer Science; there are classroom
           and a free game room.


    We are open daily, except Mondays and the last
       Thursday of each month, from 11 to 16 hours.
        Our phone: 928-2138, from 11 to 16 hours.


           P A S P O R A R A! ! !

         Sold the radio station "Megajet 2701.
     40 channels. Europe + Russia. 4 watts. AM + FM.


  Price: $ 65, or 350 rubles. Apply only to business

  proposals. The exchange offer is not considered!

  Call from 18.00 to 21.30 daily Tel: 903-0347 Sergey



      Assisted in the acquisition of any radio stations.


  On any Range: 1 MHz to 144 MHz, a well as the matching
  ing devices, power supplies and cables of 50 ohms. Carry

  installation of antennas, boards of individual dial tone,

  Beeper tone 1 and 8, zauzhaem bandwidth, we introduce

  Russian grid. Install the radio in the car. Re
  MONT.


  Call from 20.00 to 00.00, tel: 287-0171 Valentin (Dora
  ment of) or from 18.00 to 21.30, tel: 903-0347 Sergey (for
  outliers)

       Permission to install antennas desirable!
     Resolution and the category at 144 MHz is required!


    Sold phone AONom. Version of the "Russ - 20c".
      Housing red bun. Price: 190 rubles.
 Call from 18.00 to 21.30 daily Tel.: 903-0347 Sergey


    For sale computer "Pentagon 128". Included:

     Monitor Electronics 1932 WTC 202 "with a protective shield.

  CDOS - modem. AY - mouse + pad + diskette with the programs.

    Drive "Electronics 5313". 100 floppy disks with the 
programs.  A whole bunch of literature. Joystick: Sinclair 1-2. 
Kempston No! Active speakers separately. Price: $ 35 (without 
the company is not sold)          Price: $ 200 (bargaining is 
not appropriate!) 

  Call from 18.00 to 21.30 daily Tel: 903-0347 Sergey


      For sale Monitor Electronics 1932 WTC 202.

        Perfect condition. The picture does not spread.
        Price: 400 rubles (To be discussed!)

  Call from 18.00 to 21.30 daily Tel: 903-0347 Sergey


               SELL!


             PROFI + (512K)

    Drive + 5.25 '(in housing)
    + PD pulse
    + Video-scanner (connected + software)
    + Modem (C-DOS)
    + Mouse (AY-MOUSE)
    + Akt.kolonki (stereo) mini speaker
    + Joystick (3 ports: kempston + sinclair1 + sinclair2)
    + 120 floppy disks with the best and most essential software
    + Much of the literature on SPECCY

         All together: $ 140 or 750t.r.
            CALL-TO AGREE!
          (095) 524-01-43 (Dmitry) (17.00)

    AND ALSO SELL:
    body + Keyboard PROFI +
                Call us - agree!



GENTLEMEN ADVERTISERS, TIMELY WAIVES the advertising, COH YES 
you are in it no longer requires. 


   ADVERTISEMENTS PUBLEKUYUTSYA for FIVE ISSUES!



                 EPILOGUE


 (C) RINDEX


   That's it. The next issue will be released on Monday, when 
again not there will be some difficulties. Bye, see you.




Editor in Chief - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627
Deputy Editor in Chief
              - Alexander Eliseev / CDS SOFT / ... 395-8162
Partition Editor "Advertising", "List of BBS" and "Wanted"
              - Alexander Eliseev / CDS SOFT / ... 395-8162
Editor, "News from DITRONIK 3 BBS"
               - Little Russians Ilya / CYBORG / ... 409-4297
Editor-in "party!"
            - Dmitry Sosenushkin / RAVER / ... 168-5705
Editor of the "Printed with the continuation"
            - Pavel Fedin / API SOFTWARE / ... 329-4385
Editors section Razbiralka "
               - Malyshev, Alexander / WARRIOR / ... 902-0113
               - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627
Editors of the section "Continuous Fun"
             - Skobtsov Alex / MASTER SOFT / ... 218-1448
             - Alexander Titov / IRONMAN / ... 455-9089
               - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627
Editor of the remaining sections
               - Basargin Denis / RINDEX / ... 422-8627

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          The newspaper is published from 9/6/1996.