╔════════════════──────── ─────────────────── ───════════════════╗ │ PRINTED WITH CONTINUATION. │ ╚════════════════─────────────── ───────────────════════════════╝ (R) Fedin Pavel HUNDRED STORIES ABOUT THE CHUKCHA ───────────────────── Necessary preface For an adequate perception of the materials in the collection, the compiler asks to remember at all times that the offered anecdotes are not to some extent of a nationalistic nature / which is emphasized once again - epigraph/. The anecdotal image of the Chukchi is not, I hope, an insult to representatives of the nationality of the same name. Chukchi is not a nationality, Chukchi is a diagnosis. 1. /In memory of K..U. Chernenko/Once a Chukchi wanted to become a gene- ral secretary of the CPSU Central Committee. And so he did. 2. One day the Chukchi brought a Geologist to the border station and said: “One- "Well, I caught a spy." They ask him: “Where did you get the idea that is this man a spy?" - So, however, I’m walking, I see: this man is standing - century and knocks on the rock with a hammer. I ask: "Who are you?" And he: "Party Leader" The Chukchi is not a fool, the Chukchi knows who we are Leader of the Party! 3. Once the Chukchi were asked: “Chukchi, do you want to become an Honorary Academician of the USSR Academy of Sciences?" The Chukchi thought and said: "However,Fine! For even numbers - an academician, for odd numbers - to catch fish! 4. One day Chukchi brought his novel to the editorial office. Other editor Tal and said: “You see, it’s rather weak... You should read the classics- thief. Have you read Turgenev? And Tolstoy? And Dostoevsky?.." - “However, no; The Chukchi is not a reader, the Chukchi is a writer." 5. The Chukchi came home from Moscow and said: “The Chukchi was in Moscow, The Chukchi has become smart, he knows everything: It turns out that Karl, Marx, Friedrich, Engels is not four people, but two, and Slava KPSS is not something at all catcher." /option:...-not a Jew."/, /option: "...therefore the sculptural group "Karl, Marx, Friedrich, Engels" was renamed we see in "Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels and Comrades", and the same name We are reducing the herd of deer by half."/ 6. One day a Russian says to the Chukchi: “Let’s play: I’m making a r- disgusting; If you guess right, I’ll give you a ruble, if you don’t, you’ll give me one.” - "Let's." They are playing. "One is red on the inside, black and shiny on the outside." - "Seal?" - "No." - "Deer?" - "No." - “Then I don’t know.” - "One galosh." The Chukchi puts down a ruble. "Two inside are red, outside black and shiny." - "Seal?" - "No." - "Deer?" - "No." - "Then I don't know." - "Two galoshes." Ruble... ...Night, Russian and Chukchi are sitting, playing. "1689 inside the red ones, black and shiny on the outside." - "Seal?" - "No." - "Deer?" - "No." - “Then I don’t know.” - “1689 galoshes”... 7. The Chukchi returned from the army, and his wife has a child. "However, from-where is the child: I wasn’t there?” - “Well, you’re a photograph sent from the army, remember?" - "However, but there I am up to my waist- sa"... 8. Two Chukchi are sitting on the shore of the Arctic Ocean. One says: “Do you want me to tell you a political joke?” - “However, no, Otherwise they’ll send you somewhere else.” 9. A Chinese representative came to the Chukchi: “We will fight with you.” dem. How many of you are?" - "There will be about five hundred people. And you?" - "Alone billion." - “Tsk-tsk-tsk, however, where are we going to bury you?” 10. The Chukchi says to his wife: “You don’t know why they say about us that we are like this /knocks on wood/?" Wife: "They're knocking." Chukchi: "Sit, I I'll open it myself." 11. Once a Chukchi bought a cabinet with an interior mirror. Opens his house: “Wife, look, my brother has come to see me!” The wife comes up: “And there's some kind of woman with him..." 12. Chukchi speaks at the congress: “Comrades! Before the Great October Revolution During the ryan socialist revolution, we Chukchi experienced two feelings: sensations: feeling of hunger and feeling of cold. Now we're experiencing three feelings: feeling hungry, feeling cold and feeling deep satisfaction!" 13. Chukchi arrives at Gosplan. "However, 3000 bricks are needed." - "Why?" - "Economic experiment." Dali. Chukchi arrives in a year. "However, 3000 bricks are needed." - “Why?” - "Save" "Cical experiment." Dali. The Chukchi arrives in another year. "However, 3000 bricks are needed." - “Why?” - "Economic expe-riment." They gave it, but decided to check what he was doing with the bricks. They arrive and see: the Chukchi is sitting on the shore, throwing bricks into the water. "What are you doing?" - “However, I think: why are the bricks square, and Are the footprints on the water round? 14. Once they put the Chukchi and a monkey on a desert island. They arrive - the Chukchi have huge ears, and the monkey has a bump on his forehead. We repeated the experiment. They arrive - the same thing again. Again They started an experiment and decided to follow up. They look: Chukchi protrudes sounds in the ear: “What is that noise?” Monkey - knocks himself on the forehead - "Whoa, whoa!!" 15. The Chukchi National Theater staged the play “Caesar and Brutus" in three sections. Act one. Enters the stage big Chukchi beats himself in the chest with his fist: “I am Caesar!” Curtain. Act two. A big Chukchi and a smaller Chukchi come onto the stage. Big: "I am Caesar!" Less: "I am Brutus!" Curtain. Action third. The big Chukchi, the smaller Chukchi and the ma- lazy Chukchi. Big: "I am Caesar!" Less: "I am Brutus!" Ma- lazy: "I am Brutus!" Big: "And you are Brutus?" Curtain. 16. The Chukchi arrived in Moscow. Rides in a taxi around the city. Suddenly rerez - old lady. The driver - to the right, and the old lady to the right, driving - Tel - to the left and old lady to the left. We barely missed each other. They move on. The Chukchi says: “The Russian hunter is a bad hunter. If Chukchi If I didn’t open the door, the old woman would have left!” 17. The Chukchi were warned thatMoscow taxi drivers are crooks. Prie- Chukchi went to Moscow, took a taxi. The driver tells him: "S There are three of you - twenty-five." Chukchi thinks: “Chukchi is not a fool, Chukchi You can't deceive me." And he begins to count: one - twenty-five, two - twenty five, three - twenty five. 18. One day the Chukchi was going to Moscow. They tell him: “Bring defi- quote." - “Where is it?” - “And when you see the line, it means for defi- Cytom." And here is the Chukchi in Moscow. He caught a taxi and said to the driver: "Take the deficit." - "To GUM? To TSUM? To Petrovsky Passage?" - "However, the line is much longer." The driver drove Chukchi to GUM. The Chukchi came out to Red Square, saw a line at the Mausoleum and says to the taxi driver: “However, I’ll stand here, and you’ll follow me in the evening.” come in." In the evening the taxi driver arrived and asked: “How’s it going?” - “However, no luck: by the time I reached the counter, the seller died.” 19. They ride in a taxi in the front seat, next to the Chukchi driver, and in the back is Georgian. The driver asks Chukchi: “Where are you going?” A The Chukchi only knows how to ask in Russian: “How’s Dilya?” - "Where-ku- yes?" - “How’s Dilya?!” - “I don’t understand,” - “How’s Dilya?!” Driver turns to Gruzin: “What is he saying?” - "Patamuchto!" 20. Once a Chukchi taxi driver in Moscow asked a riddle: “Who is the son my mother, but not my brother? - “However, I don’t know.” - “I myself!” The Chukchi returned home and told a riddle: “Who is the son of my mother? ri, but not my brother? - “We don’t know.”- "Moscow taxi driver, one- ko!" 21. The Chukchi received a new apartment and is showing it to the guests. First room: "Here I have a tundra." Second room: "Here I have tundra." Kitchen: “I have a tundra here.” Toilet: "Here is my chum." They ask him: “Where do you go to the toilet?” - "To the tundra!" 22. Chukchi got an apartment and brags to his friends: “The apartment is good- Dear, only the washbasin is strange: I press the handle, it starts water pouring; I still have time to wash my hands, but I don’t have time to brush my teeth.” 23. One day a Chukchi came to the store: “However, how much is this gar- is the midge standing? - “We don’t sell accordions to the Chukchi.” Chukchi went dressed up as Khokhla. “How much will the accordion cost?” - "We chuk- We don't sell accordions." I went and changed into Georgian clothes. "Pa-a- what is this accordion?" - “We don’t sell accordions to the Chukchi.” - "And how Do you recognize every time that I am a Chukchi?" - “But only the Chukchi can call a steam heating battery an accordion." 24. One day a Chukchi came into the store: “However, is there any shampoo?” - “There is only “Egg”,” “However, it’s a pity. I just wanted to wash myself." 25. Once a Chukchi bought a refrigerator. They ask him: “Chukchi, for- Why do you need a refrigerator?" - "However, to keep warm in winter: in winter outside -40, and in the refrigerator -4."
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